Wrg1405
Member
Is there a distinction between the two?
Let me give you my experience. Was actively involved in the church. I stopped going due to various circumstances. I led a very successful youth group. The team I was given wasn't trustworthy, we did not choose our teams but were given them by the elders. I spent the first 18 months of my marriage preparing the youth group schedule, preparing the Sunday talks. So for those 18 months I can count on one hand how many Sunday services I spent in the church. I was also studying for my accountancy exams.
I started to get worn out, so I asked if they could find someone to take over. It took a further 6 months.
So after being released I went to my lead elder and told him I was emotionally exhausted, spiritually depleted and could he spend time with me, just walking with me, giving me some input. He said no as I was no longer giving out to the church. That devastated me. Something devastated me even more. Within a couple of months the youth group was virtually non existent. I was told it was my fault. I was told this by someone who had complained a few times to the elder about the Sunday morning youth group talks, who would then have a go at me about it. They were not my talks but by the team I was given, that's why I took it upon myself to do Sunday's full time. Also some parents felt I had abandoned the group. I even had someone say to that I had negated my responsibility to teach their kids about Christ. I lost the plot a little and said "it's your responsibility to teach your kids about Christ, not mine, your the parents and I will not be held responsible for what you don't do"
Given the above and other issues I was struggling with, I stopped going to church. I felt so let down, so hurt, so tired and I was battling with my demons as such (like gambling problem that I could not get over and felt condemned over) I was even told that because I was not going to church I could not stand with my wife and dedicate my daughter to God in church. I said to the elder "You really have no idea what's going on, I haven't lost my faith and when my beautiful daughter was born, in the maternity ward I lifted her up to God and prayed thank you for my daughter now I give her back, may I be a father like you, I pray for her salvation so I have no problem standing in front of the church and dedicating her" furthermore I am not going to come to church and act like everything is ok, I see people going forward every week time after time yet I observe that these people act in worship like nothing is wrong, some of them I know and they are as miserable as sin.
During those lost years I never renounced my faith, I never lost my faith. I cried out to God every day "Please help me, I so much need you" I even got to the stage for 6 years I woke up at 3 in the morning full of fear and condemnation and prayed "Ok God take me now, at least I'll know where I'm going, it's either hell or heaven (I'd even contemplated suicide but I couldn't leave my wife and 4 kids with that but if God killed me then at the best that would be better and if he did kill me I knew he would take care of them) Also during those only on two occasions do I recall someone coming to see me.
Sorry for the long post but I am interested to hear your thoughts. Is being backslider in the same state as the lost? What was I? Saved or lost, walking back into unbelief?
Heaven or hell?
Let me give you my experience. Was actively involved in the church. I stopped going due to various circumstances. I led a very successful youth group. The team I was given wasn't trustworthy, we did not choose our teams but were given them by the elders. I spent the first 18 months of my marriage preparing the youth group schedule, preparing the Sunday talks. So for those 18 months I can count on one hand how many Sunday services I spent in the church. I was also studying for my accountancy exams.
I started to get worn out, so I asked if they could find someone to take over. It took a further 6 months.
So after being released I went to my lead elder and told him I was emotionally exhausted, spiritually depleted and could he spend time with me, just walking with me, giving me some input. He said no as I was no longer giving out to the church. That devastated me. Something devastated me even more. Within a couple of months the youth group was virtually non existent. I was told it was my fault. I was told this by someone who had complained a few times to the elder about the Sunday morning youth group talks, who would then have a go at me about it. They were not my talks but by the team I was given, that's why I took it upon myself to do Sunday's full time. Also some parents felt I had abandoned the group. I even had someone say to that I had negated my responsibility to teach their kids about Christ. I lost the plot a little and said "it's your responsibility to teach your kids about Christ, not mine, your the parents and I will not be held responsible for what you don't do"
Given the above and other issues I was struggling with, I stopped going to church. I felt so let down, so hurt, so tired and I was battling with my demons as such (like gambling problem that I could not get over and felt condemned over) I was even told that because I was not going to church I could not stand with my wife and dedicate my daughter to God in church. I said to the elder "You really have no idea what's going on, I haven't lost my faith and when my beautiful daughter was born, in the maternity ward I lifted her up to God and prayed thank you for my daughter now I give her back, may I be a father like you, I pray for her salvation so I have no problem standing in front of the church and dedicating her" furthermore I am not going to come to church and act like everything is ok, I see people going forward every week time after time yet I observe that these people act in worship like nothing is wrong, some of them I know and they are as miserable as sin.
During those lost years I never renounced my faith, I never lost my faith. I cried out to God every day "Please help me, I so much need you" I even got to the stage for 6 years I woke up at 3 in the morning full of fear and condemnation and prayed "Ok God take me now, at least I'll know where I'm going, it's either hell or heaven (I'd even contemplated suicide but I couldn't leave my wife and 4 kids with that but if God killed me then at the best that would be better and if he did kill me I knew he would take care of them) Also during those only on two occasions do I recall someone coming to see me.
Sorry for the long post but I am interested to hear your thoughts. Is being backslider in the same state as the lost? What was I? Saved or lost, walking back into unbelief?
Heaven or hell?
