Controlling Parents or Parents that aren't home

[stovebolts]

I want to state right off the bat that this video has the F-bomb in it a few times. Not in a mean or aggressive way, but simply as part of her limited vocabulary. If the F-bomb offends you, then please don't watch this video.

The reason I'm posting this is because it's real... this is actually a girl my son knows very well and has went to school with her since kindergarten. They are actually pretty good friends. She's talking about some of her friends that she knows. One girl's mom is a tramp and is never home while the other tells their kid what to wear and how to look.

For a 14 year old girl, I'm actually surprised and I even find myself agreeing with her. She is trying to be well rounded and yes, she comes from a stable home. It's not perfect, but she's grown up in the same home all her life and she still has both her parents.

So what are your thoughts?

[video=youtube;qAgtO3-p0K8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAgtO3-p0K8[/video]

 

[handy]

I definitely agree with her regarding the absent parents... I think she is on less solid ground regarding what she believes as "controlling"...

She would probably consider me to be very controlling, because I'll say right up front, I would never, not in a million years, allow Viola to wear make up like that, or post a video on-line with that kind of language or wearing those clothes... As the parent of two teenagers, I certainly do claim the right to put boundaries on what they wear and how they present themselves to the world.

That said, a parent of a teenager is certainly showing some wisdom if they to allow for some self-expression...within an ever widening perimeter. For instance, the hair...it's just dye... It will grow out. Recently Viola has become a fan of the music group Black Veil Brides... think along the lines of if KISS were to merge with Up With People.... Frightening to look at, but if any of us parents remember Alice Cooper, we probably know not to get too freaked out. So, she's wearing even more black and drawing their logo on her arms or hands... OK... it's just magic marker, it wears off. I'm not going to freak out if she takes a sharpie and puts BVB on her arm. But no way is she going to be allowed to tattoo the same thing on her arm until she's 18 and out on her own.

Part of growing up... which this young lady seems to think parent are in need of... is realizing that everyone needs to put some limits on self-expression. Most 14 year olds probably don't have a foundation as to know when and how to self impose those limitations and that's where "controlling" parents come in.

As for the job... ummm... lot's of employers absolutely make those demands. If it's a matter of limiting self expression or having to go on unemployment, then yeah, I'll wear the uniform or cut my hair or cover the tattoo or whatever.

 

[stovebolts]

Hi [MENTION=4376]handy[/MENTION],

I think she's spot on with the missing parents and I agree with you about the limitations we impose upon our own kids.

What I try to keep in mind is this is a 13 year old girl who like any young teenager is trying to find their identity while conforming with mom and dad's rules. I'm glad that she has a mom and dad that love her and show her that love, but I also know of a few other things that I won't mention on this site. So when I consider everything as a whole including the lax limitations put on her dress code I still see a lot of potential for this young woman and I know you do too. At least she's not allowed to get a tattoo or run around naked lol!

As far as the job, I'm with you 100% Her boyfriend is my son's bestest friend and they have been for years. If you think she dresses bizarre you should see her boyfriend. Both me and my wife really enjoy him and recently he just got "shark bites" and while we were talking, he started telling me what he wanted to do after college. That gave me the opportunity to tell him that people will judge him on his appearance, regardless of what his skills or moral stature is.

Anyway, I guess what drew me to this video was just the fact that it's a snapshot of where some of our youth are at. It was an opportunity to listen to a teen express themselves in a way they would never express themselves to an adult and from that end, I found it very honest and very real.

Have a great weekend!