Dating and Not Dating People at Work

[Yah1]

Has anyone here ever dated anyone inside the work area, or been tempted? Inside meaning, same company same office. Also, what if two people are on different floors but same building or same floor different offices..is that considered (inside)...

The reason i'm asking is because about 8 years ago, i dated this girl in the same office for about three months and in the end it crashed and burned. i had to see her at work after the breakup which made it harder to keep my job, it was pretty painful. she ended up quitting the job, and i ended up quitting too. so...

Whenever i'm tempted to do this again, i always think back to that time and my temptation goes away. Which makes me sort of glad that i had that experience because honestly i will never ever do that again, and it's worked out well for me. I can concentrate better on my work, and not deal with other nonsense. I'm actually conquering some of my demons with this one, and it feels good.

 

[handy]

I've always heard that dating people at work is a bad idea but I'm kinda glad I ignored the principle with one guy that I met at work... we worked in the same area, but under different managers, but we saw each other every single day.

Still do, I've been married to him for the past 14 years now.

 

[Yah1]

Ahhh yes, one of the lucky ones haha. j/k j/k. i'm glad you found. maybe it depends on the maturity and age too, i dunno. there's a couple at my work who's in there late 50-60's, and they are married and very happy. same company, different rooms.

For me, bad experiences leave bad scars..lesson learned,
It's safe to say everyone is built differently.

 

[Knotical]

I am living testimony that dating people you work with is a bad idea. I am not saying this will always happen this way, but I once dated a woman I worked with a few times, invited her to attend a friend's wedding and that is when things took a turn for the surreal. She told me as the wedding date was getting closer that she could not go to the wedding and wanted to get together after work to talk about it. Well, it turns out that her friend had met some guy online and had gotten engaged. That engagement did not last very long, but this girl I was dating ended up getting engaged to this same guy at the same time we were dating.

This was God's way of reminding me of a rule I had lived by up to that point, and have since. I am married now with 4+ wonderful kids. No, I have never worked with my wife, thankfully, but we were friends for quite a while before we started dating.

Workplace romances usually end badly. Just steer clear of them.

 

[Yah1]

What if she/he leaves and finds another job on his/her own merit? I never thought about that.

 

[Mike S]

When I was newly out of the navy, I took a job at a small company where I met a young woman I was very attracted to. We were both with other people when we met, so nothing happened between us for about a year, when we were both "single." Our first date was attending a Polo match at Cornell University. We'll celebrate 38 years of a very happy marriage in December.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Met my wife at work. We've been married will be going on 27 years next year. Oftentimes people who work at the same place have similar interests and work, places of interests, church and the like are great places to meet someone who is similar by virtue of the fact that they do similar things and take interest in similar things.

As for work romances not working out, the embarrassment is the same as if it was in church, or even your local favorite bar. That's a poor excuse to avoid someone if there is attraction and similarities there (after all, don't dating services also try to find mates with similar interests and the same places one likes to hang out?) The point is that chances are most people meet their mates in some common social situation where everyone there knows each other. And the so-called issue of breaking up is only what the two people make of it. Probably those who suffer such embarassment and other awkwardness did not gracefully handle the situation properly themselves, but are probably self-inflicted victims of their own immaturity.

So, yes, take it from me. Two thumbs up for meeting someone at work.

 

[Yah1]

As for work romances not working out, the embarrassment is the same as if it was in church, or even your local favorite bar. That's a poor excuse to avoid someone if there is attraction and similarities there (after all, don't dating services also try to find mates with similar interests and the same places one likes to hang out?)

Yeah but when you're at a church or a bar, you're not mixing business with pleasure. you're mixing pleasure with pleasure. When you mix business with pleasure, you're wondering what your partner is thinking in the same room or the other room while trying to do your job; especially if you two got in a fight the night before and went to work the next day..then office gossip starts. It also depends on how difficult the job is, concentration etc..and it depends on how small or big the company is. There's a lot of factors.

 

[faeriecat]

I have a very hard "do not date someone at work" rule. Never seems to end well.

However ...

August 2011 a gentleman got plunked into the cube next to mine, we started hanging out at lunch at work (I invited him to join my "lunch gang"), then outside of work, then started dating (November 2011) ... and we are now still dating.

Not sure where it is going as yet but ... I'm hopeful.

Rather awkwardly we do report to the same manager, so at some point one of us will need to adjust our job situation, but luckily our boss (a very awesome boss) knows but pretends to not know as long as we keep it out of work. And we do. We're very strict about keeping our work and personal lives separated as best as we can.

So ... I guess what I'm saying is ... go carefully ...

 

[tim-from-pa]

Yeah but when you're at a church or a bar, you're not mixing business with pleasure. you're mixing pleasure with pleasure. .....

Are you serious? Church is classified as a pleasure activity in your book and not business (of the Lord)? The same category as a bar? I thought it was serious business to worship and learn. More serious than one's job as a matter of fact.

 

[Yah1]

Business and pleasure have different meanings when being compared to church, work and local scenes. The difference between these three things is that you only get your money from one source. You have to understand that not everyone has had a work relationship that turned into marriage. I have tried this, i failed and i also have scars. Maybe God was teaching me something personally in my life, and this was before i even came to faith. Now i see things differently. Like i said, other factors come into play. I now keep my labor growth separate from my spiritual growth, and it's worked out for me. Church is always business, but it's also pleasurable and fun to serve the Lord. If me and my partner broke up and we didn't work together, i wouldn't have to worry about finding another job or waiting for that person to quit so i can pay my rent/bills. If you can work with that person after breaking up with them then more power to you. Me, i wouldn't be able to handle that. Some hearts are just more tender than others i guess. And from what i can see we have mixed feelings here because everyone is built differently and handles situations differently.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Business and pleasure have different meanings when being compared to church, work and local scenes. The difference between these three things is that you only get your money from one source. You have to understand that not everyone has had a work relationship that turned into marriage. I have tried this, i failed and i also have scars. Maybe God was teaching me something personally in my life, and this was before i even came to faith. Now i see things differently. Like i said, other factors come into play. I now keep my labor growth separate from my spiritual growth, and it's worked out for me. Church is always business, but it's also pleasurable and fun to serve the Lord. If me and my partner broke up and we didn't work together, i wouldn't have to worry about finding another job or waiting for that person to quit so i can pay my rent/bills. If you can work with that person after breaking up with them then more power to you. Me, i wouldn't be able to handle that. Some hearts are just more tender than others i guess. And from what i can see we have mixed feelings here because everyone is built differently and handles situations differently.

And just for the record, the point I was making is just see how awkward it is when a relationship from church does not work out. These people are like family and then deep scars are open for all to see --- work people are more detached even if gossipy. Rather lose my job than my church (family) any day.

If you want to be really safe, then choose a mate where there is nothing in common originally, like a Christian dating service. One may go to the other's church, but the commonality is not there. If something happens, it's not as devastating since one was an "outsider". This is the best I can recommend for tender hearts that perhaps take things too seriously and can't handle a break-up properly without blame, hurt feelings and innuendos.

 

[Yah1]

This is the best I can recommend for tender hearts that perhaps take things too seriously and can't handle a break-up properly without blame, hurt feelings and innuendos.

Are you assuming you already know what two people shared together, are you a relationship counsler?

 

[tim-from-pa]

Are you assuming you already know what two people shared together, are you a relationship counsler?

No, not at all. Instead, I rather obey the Bible and what Yahweh tells me --- one of which in the ten commandments and the rule of love is not to make a big scene of a break-up, and it is possible. And if two were truly put together, probably won't happen save one has their own agenda anyway.

And frankly, counsellors, like the medical establishment, have their own worldly philosophy. Usually you can take their advice, turn it 180 degrees, and you'll be fine.

 

[Gordon]

I agree with you Yah1. I dated at work and the whole thing was the worst experience of my life. Going to work after we broke up and seeing her take off days and wondering is she doing something with some other guy? Watching her flirt with someone else. Listening to her jabber away about sex and stuff in the lunch room. It was like needles being shoved into my brain. If you really have feelings for someone then have to watch them move on with their life without you right in front of you every day it can be really painful.