Christ_empowered
Member
....and Him crucified. I need to get there.
My life is so, so, so much better now than it ever was before. The Lord not only spared me when I was deep in darkness, He worked a miracle so I could get genuinely, truly saved. I'm now physically healthy, normal, smart (1st time in over 10 years!), and my (loving, long suffering, kind, generous) parents have warmed up to me. Have they forgiven me? I dunno. I don't know if they ever really will be able to, honestly. More of my memories have returned to me (2 rounds of involuntary shock, age 20 and 23....), and I see that I had "never going to amount to anything" written all over me from a very young age. I had physical health problems from a young age, too. My hair started thinning and turning brittle at age 13. Not really early onset male hair loss, more like...well, something was wrong, very wrong. Sickly, often straight up sick, bright, but not super smart or anything...and that was before the drugs, sodomy, sexual sin, etc. etc. etc.
Yeah. So...now, The Lord has worked wonders for me. Its kinda like those Pentecostals taught me...Christ died for YOU. Not your sins, etc...for YOU. I'm getting to the point where I see that and fully "get it," at long last.
By some miracle, I'm healthy. I have too much hair, lol. I'm a decent height and I have a face I can work with (not: ugly, homely, obviously sick, prematurely aged, too pretty, etc...). I have a different...way of being. I would say "personality," but I'm so sick of all things Mental Health, you know? I look at the world differently, I deal with things differently, I am...a New creation in Christ Jesus, Praise God!
I live with my (loving, kind, long suffering, fairly recently "well-to-do") parents. That's a huge blessing. People around me have a "problem" with me. I dont' get it. The neighbors yell about "warrants," "prison," "jail," blah blah blah...they'll yell out stuff that clearly comes from my psych records (oh, btw: try, try, TRY not to "p!ss your shrinks off," if you can...). Of course, they also yell a lot of things that are straight up lies, totally inaccurate, etc., so...ugh.
I'm starting to feel genuinely safe, at long last. I was charged with a felony...my parents blessed me with a lawyer who got it down to a very serious misdemeanor. I completed probation a bit early (huge blessing) and now I've just been...trying to simmer down. When I lived in a different part of the state, I was bashed on the head with a pipe one night, seeminly at random. Attacked for being a pretty gay dude? I dunno. When I lived in a city kinda near here, people went out of their way to terrorize me. "He's got a FEDERAL WARRANT!," and "This is what POOR PEOPLE go through!" and "If I was him, I'd get a big ole bottle of vodka and some pills and kill myself..." No, really. This happened. I was living in a small apartment over a garage my parents had bought for me, and it was...rough. Rough, rough, rough. I tried talking to my (I hope well-intentioned) counselor, and he wrote it off as some kind of "Bipolar I w/psychosis" or...something. Awesome.
I've been living here, with my parents, for a bit over 4 years now. I'm blessed beyond measure. I have more space--literal and figurative--than I did before. Now that my parents have warmed up to me, we talk now and then, when they're not busy (they both work high pressure jobs, especially mama). My dad takes me for weekend drives around. Little bit of convo, get to see the countryside, etc...good times.
Ugh. As usual, I've rambled a bit. Today, I went to a convenience store and some dudes were saying "yeah, you can tell JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM," which is something I've been getting a lot of around here lately. I'm trying to get over it, I am. I'm trying to think of it from a Biblical perspective. I was very much in and of the world, a weakling on the broad road, very much a product of: sin, satan, self, death, and the world. Jesus saved me (is saving me, I pray will save me...), and now...I'm different, both inside and out.
Its not just people in the neighborhood who are miserable and such, or even this little town; its the whole world, isn't it? Not all that many people on the narrow way, right? Right. Plus, I was...who and what I was...until Jesus decided to change everything--me included--mightily. Balding teenager now has incredibly thick hair...interesting, especially since my follicles were irreparably damaged. Short, button nosed weakling is a decent height and doesn't have a tiny little girl nose. "95 IQ weakling" (this, after heavy shock "treatments...") is now intelligent. "Dead eyed loser" now has bright eyes.
On and on it goes. I'm blessed beyond measure. The Lord's work in my life has made it possible for me to believe, even when I get stuck in moments of doubt and such. I'm hoping+praying that The Lord's work in my life will bring my parents to saving faith in Jesus, too. They lost a lot of $$$ on me, especially before they hit the "well-to-do" category. Was it all my fault? I dunno. Looking back, I think I wasn't wanted in HS honors classes, I wasn't wanted in college, I had physical problems, the shrinks drugged me....as is the case with a lot of wretched people, there was a whole lot going on there.
OK. I think I'm finished, for now. I know I come here for prayer often, its just...wow. I got saved 4 1/2 years ago. I've only recently been changed into...who I am now, more and more who I really am in Christ. For a while there, I was saved, but still obviously pathetic. Now, I need to drop some pounds, work out, etc., but I'm remarkably...whole. Healthy, blessed with a spirit of power+love+a sound mind, flawed, I sin, I have sin patterns that I'm just now becoming aware of...but, yeah: whole.
I ask that you pray for my parents and for me, too. They're good people. I'm apparently supposed to "know my PLACE IN SOCIETY!," or at least that's what some people around here are quick to yell at me. When I was genuinely, truly sick, people just laughed (and far, far worse, too...). Now, The Lord has willed that I be healthy and smart and...perhaps predictably, I've been labeled "Schizophrenic" by the community, and its somehow....my fault, it seems.
Ugh. OK. Thanks for reading, and I appreciate your prayers.
My life is so, so, so much better now than it ever was before. The Lord not only spared me when I was deep in darkness, He worked a miracle so I could get genuinely, truly saved. I'm now physically healthy, normal, smart (1st time in over 10 years!), and my (loving, long suffering, kind, generous) parents have warmed up to me. Have they forgiven me? I dunno. I don't know if they ever really will be able to, honestly. More of my memories have returned to me (2 rounds of involuntary shock, age 20 and 23....), and I see that I had "never going to amount to anything" written all over me from a very young age. I had physical health problems from a young age, too. My hair started thinning and turning brittle at age 13. Not really early onset male hair loss, more like...well, something was wrong, very wrong. Sickly, often straight up sick, bright, but not super smart or anything...and that was before the drugs, sodomy, sexual sin, etc. etc. etc.
Yeah. So...now, The Lord has worked wonders for me. Its kinda like those Pentecostals taught me...Christ died for YOU. Not your sins, etc...for YOU. I'm getting to the point where I see that and fully "get it," at long last.
By some miracle, I'm healthy. I have too much hair, lol. I'm a decent height and I have a face I can work with (not: ugly, homely, obviously sick, prematurely aged, too pretty, etc...). I have a different...way of being. I would say "personality," but I'm so sick of all things Mental Health, you know? I look at the world differently, I deal with things differently, I am...a New creation in Christ Jesus, Praise God!
I live with my (loving, kind, long suffering, fairly recently "well-to-do") parents. That's a huge blessing. People around me have a "problem" with me. I dont' get it. The neighbors yell about "warrants," "prison," "jail," blah blah blah...they'll yell out stuff that clearly comes from my psych records (oh, btw: try, try, TRY not to "p!ss your shrinks off," if you can...). Of course, they also yell a lot of things that are straight up lies, totally inaccurate, etc., so...ugh.
I'm starting to feel genuinely safe, at long last. I was charged with a felony...my parents blessed me with a lawyer who got it down to a very serious misdemeanor. I completed probation a bit early (huge blessing) and now I've just been...trying to simmer down. When I lived in a different part of the state, I was bashed on the head with a pipe one night, seeminly at random. Attacked for being a pretty gay dude? I dunno. When I lived in a city kinda near here, people went out of their way to terrorize me. "He's got a FEDERAL WARRANT!," and "This is what POOR PEOPLE go through!" and "If I was him, I'd get a big ole bottle of vodka and some pills and kill myself..." No, really. This happened. I was living in a small apartment over a garage my parents had bought for me, and it was...rough. Rough, rough, rough. I tried talking to my (I hope well-intentioned) counselor, and he wrote it off as some kind of "Bipolar I w/psychosis" or...something. Awesome.
I've been living here, with my parents, for a bit over 4 years now. I'm blessed beyond measure. I have more space--literal and figurative--than I did before. Now that my parents have warmed up to me, we talk now and then, when they're not busy (they both work high pressure jobs, especially mama). My dad takes me for weekend drives around. Little bit of convo, get to see the countryside, etc...good times.
Ugh. As usual, I've rambled a bit. Today, I went to a convenience store and some dudes were saying "yeah, you can tell JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM," which is something I've been getting a lot of around here lately. I'm trying to get over it, I am. I'm trying to think of it from a Biblical perspective. I was very much in and of the world, a weakling on the broad road, very much a product of: sin, satan, self, death, and the world. Jesus saved me (is saving me, I pray will save me...), and now...I'm different, both inside and out.
Its not just people in the neighborhood who are miserable and such, or even this little town; its the whole world, isn't it? Not all that many people on the narrow way, right? Right. Plus, I was...who and what I was...until Jesus decided to change everything--me included--mightily. Balding teenager now has incredibly thick hair...interesting, especially since my follicles were irreparably damaged. Short, button nosed weakling is a decent height and doesn't have a tiny little girl nose. "95 IQ weakling" (this, after heavy shock "treatments...") is now intelligent. "Dead eyed loser" now has bright eyes.
On and on it goes. I'm blessed beyond measure. The Lord's work in my life has made it possible for me to believe, even when I get stuck in moments of doubt and such. I'm hoping+praying that The Lord's work in my life will bring my parents to saving faith in Jesus, too. They lost a lot of $$$ on me, especially before they hit the "well-to-do" category. Was it all my fault? I dunno. Looking back, I think I wasn't wanted in HS honors classes, I wasn't wanted in college, I had physical problems, the shrinks drugged me....as is the case with a lot of wretched people, there was a whole lot going on there.
OK. I think I'm finished, for now. I know I come here for prayer often, its just...wow. I got saved 4 1/2 years ago. I've only recently been changed into...who I am now, more and more who I really am in Christ. For a while there, I was saved, but still obviously pathetic. Now, I need to drop some pounds, work out, etc., but I'm remarkably...whole. Healthy, blessed with a spirit of power+love+a sound mind, flawed, I sin, I have sin patterns that I'm just now becoming aware of...but, yeah: whole.
I ask that you pray for my parents and for me, too. They're good people. I'm apparently supposed to "know my PLACE IN SOCIETY!," or at least that's what some people around here are quick to yell at me. When I was genuinely, truly sick, people just laughed (and far, far worse, too...). Now, The Lord has willed that I be healthy and smart and...perhaps predictably, I've been labeled "Schizophrenic" by the community, and its somehow....my fault, it seems.
Ugh. OK. Thanks for reading, and I appreciate your prayers.
