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How to become a submissive wife?

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Jan 4, 2015
Hello everyone. I attempted to post about this issue in another Christian forum. Unfortunately, the members were very unwelcoming and told me to ask this question on a different Christian forum instead. They also referred to submission as "being a doormat", which demonstrated a lack of understanding. So here I am! :wink

I am going to share some very difficult aspects of my life in order to give a detailed background. I hope that I do not offend anyone.

I grew up in an affluent yet abusive home. My mother is a battleax who abused me verbally and physically. She loved to scream and swear. My father is a quiet sweetheart just like my husband. He and I are very close I and I grew up watching my dear dad be emasculated by my mother's bullying and domineering nature.

I left home at 21 to escape that environment. I went through a promiscuous phase after being raised in a very strict home. I was also trying to reclaim my sexuality in a misguided and harmful way after being sexually abused. During my promiscuous phase, I was also a raging feminist. I swore that I would never marry, take a man's name or cook for him. I was so angry at men and I was sleeping around to assert my "individuality." I was a wild kid back then.

My husband and I met when I was 25. His tender and patient way of relating to me won me over, along with his chivalrous approach to dating. We married 4 years ago, which was 3 years after we met. Our marriage is mostly happy except for my tendency to behave just like my mother when I am angry with my husband.

I have been in counseling which has helped immensely. I have also started to pray and ask God to remove the anger demon which was left by all the trauma I endured. I want to be more submissive to my husband because I respect and trust my hubby the way I never done with any other man. Though he is mild mannered, my husband sets firm boundaries for my behavior and assumes the leader role. This is very different from the dynamic I saw between my parents. My father was henpecked and my mother was a screeching harpy.

I find that I feel calmer and happier when I submit to my husband. I feel like he made me into an honest and decent woman. My main issue is that I am naturally a headstrong and stubborn woman. Though I enjoy nurturing my husband and listening to his advice, I also feel conflicted since I am so different from who I was before I met him. I wonder if I am giving up my independent identity. I have told my husband that I want to submit to him more and he was pleased.

How can I be a submissive wife? I am open to any any suggestions. Please pray for me as well.
 

LovethroughDove

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I think a majority of women have this issue we try to navigate. (especially in today's world)

What Jesus has revealed to me in my life, is that he can be trusted with our hearts. When you surrender the deepest part of yourself over to him, "we" don't have to feel like the world is on our shoulders. This allows us to appreciate our husbands and go with the flow of their spirit.
 

Malachi

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Nov 6, 2014
How can I be a submissive wife? I am open to any any suggestions. Please pray for me as well.
Mrs. Submission,
The very fact that you are asking this question shows that the Holy Spirit is working mightily in you, so right now just thank the Lord and praise Him for desiring His will in your life. Whatever you do, ask for answers directly from Scripture, since there are a thousand conflicting opinions (even among Christians).

Since I have done an in-depth study of this matter (you can pm me about this), I will give you a fairly brief outline from the Scriptures which you should meditate upon and then implement (preferably reading and discussing with your husband).
1. BELIEVE that God created woman for man, to be a helper, a companion, and a complement (Genesis 2:18-25). Procreation was automatically included, since God wanted humankind to be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth (Gen 1:28).
2. BELIEVE that God wanted the husband to have authority over his wife (1 Corinthians 11:3-16 can be broken down as follows, and we can deal with the question of the woman's head covering separately):
(a) The man (Adam) is not the woman (Eve), but the Woman (the rib) of the Man (Adam);
(b) Neither was the man (Adam) created for the woman (Eve), but the woman for the man (Gen 2:18);
(c) Nevertheless neither is the man (Christian husband) without the woman (Christian wife -- he incomplete without her), neither the woman without the man (she incomplete without him), in the Lord;
(d) For as the woman (Eve) is of the man (Adam), even so is the man (the Christian husband) also by the woman (born of his mother). In other words, all men are born from women after Adam was directly created by God.

In view of all this, Paul by Divine inspiration says "But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; AND THE HEAD OF THE WOMAN IS THE MAN; and the Head of Christ is God" (1 Cor 11:3). That word "head" is the Greek word kephale which is a metaphor for authority (Gk exousia). This is the authority that God has given to every Christian husband. Not for domination or illegitimate control but for leadership in the home. At the same time, Christian husbands are COMMANDED to love their wives as Christ loved the Church (but wives are commanded to be in submission). Ask yourself why? Because a husband must love his wife sacrificially so that she will submit herself willingly.

Now notice this passage (Ephesians 5: 22-33) carefully, and then implement it as a commmandment of Christ (and Christ said, If a man love me, he will keep my words, and these words come from the Lord to Paul and then to us):
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
That word "reverence" is the Greek word phobeo (from which we get phobia or fear). It is defined as "reverential fear on the part of a wife for her husband" (Vine's Expository Dictionary). What this means before Christ is that when your husband asks you to do something under Christ's authority, then it is as though the Lord Himself is making that request. Therefore Scripture says that wives are to "obey" (be in subjection to) their husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham (1 Pet 3:1-7).
 

reba

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Mrs. Submission I am 50 years married ... i believe in the Biblical submissive wife.

I do believe , submission , can be different for different couples... It is not who signs the checks or clicks the computer to pay the bills that makes one the head... Is not who chooses the paint color for the hall... nor who does the dishes or cooking.. Submission is of the heart as unto the Lord.

Welcome to CFnet... :wave2
 

Willie T

A man who isn't as smart as others "know" they are
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50 years married ... i believe in the Biblical submissive wife.

I do believe , submission , can be different for different couples... It is not who signs the checks or clicks the computer to pay the bills that makes one the head... Is not who chooses the paint color for the hall... nor who does the dishes or cooking.. Submission is of the heart as unto the Lord.

Welcome to CFnet... :wave2
This is so true. I have always said that if a man has to tell you he wears the pants in the family, you can be pretty sure he doesn't.

I think the same thing applies to a wife submitting in a marriage. If she has to make herself do so... or if she does because she thinks she is supposed to, and is, therefore, somehow doing something spiritual, then she should keep on looking to find the understanding of true submission.
 

Willie T

A man who isn't as smart as others "know" they are
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From
73 in St. Petersburg, FL
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Gary..... I think we need to include a "Gibbs head-slap" from NCIS, to cover situations like that.

dope-slap.gif
 
Last edited:

Deborah13

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From
USA
Christian
Yes
Messages
14,684
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Nov 30, 2012
Hello everyone. I attempted to post about this issue in another Christian forum. Unfortunately, the members were very unwelcoming and told me to ask this question on a different Christian forum instead. They also referred to submission as "being a doormat", which demonstrated a lack of understanding. So here I am! :wink

I am going to share some very difficult aspects of my life in order to give a detailed background. I hope that I do not offend anyone.

I grew up in an affluent yet abusive home. My mother is a battleax who abused me verbally and physically. She loved to scream and swear. My father is a quiet sweetheart just like my husband. He and I are very close I and I grew up watching my dear dad be emasculated by my mother's bullying and domineering nature.

I left home at 21 to escape that environment. I went through a promiscuous phase after being raised in a very strict home. I was also trying to reclaim my sexuality in a misguided and harmful way after being sexually abused. During my promiscuous phase, I was also a raging feminist. I swore that I would never marry, take a man's name or cook for him. I was so angry at men and I was sleeping around to assert my "individuality." I was a wild kid back then.

My husband and I met when I was 25. His tender and patient way of relating to me won me over, along with his chivalrous approach to dating. We married 4 years ago, which was 3 years after we met. Our marriage is mostly happy except for my tendency to behave just like my mother when I am angry with my husband.

I have been in counseling which has helped immensely. I have also started to pray and ask God to remove the anger demon which was left by all the trauma I endured. I want to be more submissive to my husband because I respect and trust my hubby the way I never done with any other man. Though he is mild mannered, my husband sets firm boundaries for my behavior and assumes the leader role. This is very different from the dynamic I saw between my parents. My father was henpecked and my mother was a screeching harpy.

I find that I feel calmer and happier when I submit to my husband. I feel like he made me into an honest and decent woman. My main issue is that I am naturally a headstrong and stubborn woman. Though I enjoy nurturing my husband and listening to his advice, I also feel conflicted since I am so different from who I was before I met him. I wonder if I am giving up my independent identity. I have told my husband that I want to submit to him more and he was pleased.

How can I be a submissive wife? I am open to any any suggestions. Please pray for me as well.
I can't tell you that you should be submitting to everything your husband expects because I don't know what he wants you to do that you are not doing. Or maybe it's not something you are not doing or do but that you are just concerned about your attitude. :shrug

Does/would your husband agree with this description of a Godly wife/woman?
Proverbs 31:10-31 http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Pro&c=31&t=KJV#s=659010
If so you have it made it the shade. Any tweeking of duties that is agreeable within the marriage won't hurt his place or your's. :nod Just my opinions.
 
Christian
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Jan 4, 2015
I can't tell you that you should be submitting to everything your husband expects because I don't know what he wants you to do that you are not doing. Or maybe it's not something you are not doing or do but that you are just concerned about your attitude. :shrug

Does/would your husband agree with this description of a Godly wife/woman?
Proverbs 31:10-31 http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Pro&c=31&t=KJV#s=659010
If so you have it made it the shade. Any tweeking of duties that is agreeable within the marriage won't hurt his place or your's. :nod Just my opinions.


My husband would like me to become less argumentative and refrain from shouting when I get angry. I do not like my attitude towards submission. I suppose I have this attitude because I always prided myself on being an outspoken and independent woman. My husband loves to hear my opinion but he also doesn't want me to be pushy. After marriage, one cannot hold on so tightly to independence and there are respectful ways to be outspoken as well.

I feel sad sometimes because I promised myself and my dear old dad that I would never be the kind of wife my mother was. Sometimes I sound just like her...
 
Christian
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Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
This is so true. I have always said that if a man has to tell you he wears the pants in the family, you can be pretty sure he doesn't.

I think the same thing applies to a wife submitting in a marriage. If she has to make herself do so... or if she does because she thinks she is supposed to, and is, therefore, somehow doing something spiritual, then she should keep on looking to find the understanding of true submission.

I once had a boyfriend who loved to scream "I'M OLDER AND I KNOW BETTER! YOU DO WHAT I SAY! I'M THE BOSS!" I never respected him and there was a great deal of resentment, so I completely agree with what you are saying when you speak of men bragging about "wearing the pants."
 
Christian
No
Messages
76
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Mrs. Submission I am 50 years married ... i believe in the Biblical submissive wife.

I do believe , submission , can be different for different couples... It is not who signs the checks or clicks the computer to pay the bills that makes one the head... Is not who chooses the paint color for the hall... nor who does the dishes or cooking.. Submission is of the heart as unto the Lord.

Welcome to CFnet... :wave2

Thank you for your warm welcome! I appreciate it.

I think that my ideas about submission have been poisoned by feminism.
I tend to associate submission with being weak or overly compliant. I know that isn't the truth but it is an irrational thought that I am guilty of having.
 

Kathi

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From
State of Washington
Gender
Female
Messages
13,949
Joined
Jan 15, 2014
Thank you for your warm welcome! I appreciate it.

I think that my ideas about submission have been poisoned by feminism.
I tend to associate submission with being weak or overly compliant. I know that isn't the truth but it is an irrational thought that I am guilty of having.
The Bible did not mean for submission and the wife to be a doormat.
 
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