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How to Create Zany Prophecies...

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Rockytopva

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How to create prophecies keeping them as zany as possible with a Gary Larson type outline...

1. Skeleton - Come up with some rough prophecy
2. Brain - Keep the thought small so it can appear as zany as possible
3. Health - Make sure your content appears out of context with the rest of the word (noting American prophecies are generally not as healthy as foreign ones).
4. Content - Create your desire for final outcomes such as - "Run fer yer lives!"
5. Adding – If you can appear such as Ellen White or a Charles Taze Russell you really did well! Even if your date predictions fail people will still follow you!
gkih1otd9l081.jpg
 
The scientist, Isaac Newton, had the best reply, I believe, against the zany...

"And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half." - Daniel 12:7

From a folio cataloged as Yahuda MS 7.3g, f. 13v:

"So then the time times & half a time are 42 months or 1260 days or three years & an half, reckoning twelve months to a year & 30 days to a month as was done in the Calendar of the primitive year. And the days of short lived Beasts being put for the years of lived kingdoms, the period of 1260 days, if dated from the complete conquest of the three kings A.C. 800, will end A.C. 2060.

It may end later, but I see no reason for its ending sooner. This I mention not to assert when the time of the end shall be, but to put a stop to the rash conjectures of fancifull men who are frequently predicting the time of the end, & by doing so bring the sacred prophesies into discredit as often as their predictions fail. Christ comes as a thief in the night, & it is not for us to know the times & seasons which God hath put into his own breast." - Isaac Newton
 
Date setters are just that of nothing more then false prophets giving nothing but speculations. .

Mat 24:36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
Mat 24:37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Mat 24:38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
Mat 24:39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

Jesus did give us the signs of His second coming, but no date attached to it.

Mat 24:29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
Mat 24:30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
Mat 24:31 And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.
 
Date setters are just that of nothing more then false prophets giving nothing but speculations. .

Mat 24:36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
Mat 24:37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Mat 24:38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
Mat 24:39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

Jesus did give us the signs of His second coming, but no date attached to it.

Mat 24:29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
Mat 24:30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
Mat 24:31 And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.
I've learned that you can set a date ,but you have to wait 1290 days before you set it. Then the date can be set.

PS
Concerning Noah.He could set a date because God told him before time how many days it would be before the day.

Genesis 7:4
Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.”
 
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I've learned that you can set a date ,but you have to wait 1290 days before you set it. Then the date can be set.

PS
Concerning Noah.He could set a date because God told him before time how many days it would be before the day.

Genesis 7:4
Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.”
God gave Noah a time frame in order for him to finish all that God told him to do. But, nowhere in scripture does it give us a specific time or day of Christ return, but gave us a specific sign to watch for in Matthew 24:29-31.

Luke 21:25 And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring;
Luke 21:26 Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken.
Luke 21:27 And then shall they see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.
Luke 21:28 And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh.

Draws nigh, but yet no date as no one knows the day or the hour of His return, not even the angels, but God only, Matthew 24:36-37
 
God gave Noah a time frame in order for him to finish all that God told him to do. But, nowhere in scripture does it give us a specific time or day of Christ return, but gave us a specific sign to watch for in Matthew 24:29-31.

Luke 21:25 And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring;
Luke 21:26 Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken.
Luke 21:27 And then shall they see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.
Luke 21:28 And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh.

Draws nigh, but yet no date as no one knows the day or the hour of His return, not even the angels, but God only, Matthew 24:36-37
There's is a specific amount of days given before the exact day of the great distress you speak of.
Exactly 1290 beforehand.
Just as God had given noah an exact day the rain would begin and the rain would end beforehand.
 
There's is a specific amount of days given before the exact day of the great distress you speak of.
Exactly 1290 beforehand.
Just as God had given noah an exact day the rain would begin and the rain would end beforehand.
But, who knows when the beginning of the 1290 days will begin? Do we wait for that beginning to make ourselves prepared for the Lord's return, or should we be doing that this very moment. Within this no man knows the day or the hour. Wonder what happened to all those date setters when Christ did not return when they said he would. Opinions, views and speculations are nothing more then one who has no strong understanding of certain things.
 
But, who knows when the beginning of the 1290 days will begin? Do we wait for that beginning to make ourselves prepared for the Lord's return, or should we be doing that this very moment. Within this no man knows the day or the hour. Wonder what happened to all those date setters
You need to prepare yourself?
Why are you not already prepared?

As for when to start counting those days is in the bible.If you had read the bible,you should already know when to start counting those 1290 days till the great distress begins.

As for what happens to the date setters,God is the one who set the date.You just needed to listen to him concerning it.


Daniel 12
10 Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.

11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days
 
You need to prepare yourself?
Why are you not already prepared?

As for when to start counting those days is in the bible.If you had read the bible,you should already know when to start counting those 1290 days till the great distress begins.

As for what happens to the date setters,God is the one who set the date.You just needed to listen to him concerning it.


Daniel 12
10 Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.

11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days
I have been prepared for over 40 years now, but there are many that want to sew their wild oats first and later in life will accept Jesus, but if they die before that then they will never see the kingdom of heaven.

Are you God that you can give the exact month, day and hour when the 3 1/2 years begins and then the month, day, year of Christ return, I don't think so as even the Bible tells us only God knows.

Date setters are deceivable blind quides that causes a stumbling block to others that have very little knowledge.

Sorry, but even Daniel did not know the month, day or hour, but only how long that period of time will last.
 
I have been prepared for over 40 years now, but there are many that want to sew their wild oats first and later in life will accept Jesus, but if they die before that then they will never see the kingdom of heaven.

Are you God that you can give the exact month, day and hour when the 3 1/2 years begins and then the month, day, year of Christ return, I don't think so as even the Bible tells us only God knows.

Date setters are deceivable blind quides that causes a stumbling block to others that have very little knowledge.

Sorry, but even Daniel did not know the month, day or hour, but only how long that period of time will last.
I've already saidGod has already set the date .You just prefer to ignore him.

Daniel 12
10 Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.

11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days
 
I have been prepared for over 40 years now, but there are many that want to sew their wild oats first and later in life will accept Jesus, but if they die before that then they will never see the kingdom of heaven.

Are you God that you can give the exact month, day and hour when the 3 1/2 years begins and then the month, day, year of Christ return, I don't think so as even the Bible tells us only God knows.

Date setters are deceivable blind quides that causes a stumbling block to others that have very little knowledge.

Sorry, but even Daniel did not know the month, day or hour, but only how long that period of time will last.
From what I understood only the father knows. Even Jesus didnt know.
 
I've already saidGod has already set the date .You just prefer to ignore him.

Daniel 12
10 Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.

11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days
Where did I say any different?

Everything is in God's timing that includes the 1290 days and the 1335 days as we can not know the exact beginning of either one as the year, month, day and hour this time begins. You really need to quit reading into what others post and understand what they are posting whether you agree with them or not.

Mat 24:36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
Mat 24:37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Mat 24:38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
Mat 24:39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
 
Where did I say any different?

Everything is in God's timing that includes the 1290 days and the 1335 days as we can not know the exact beginning of either one as the year, month, day and hour this time begins. You really need to quit reading into what others post and understand what they are posting whether you agree with them or not.

Mat 24:36 But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
Mat 24:37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Mat 24:38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
Mat 24:39 And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
Yes we can know the exact date of the beginning of the 1290 days.Scripture says when they begin.
If your paying attention,you will know when to begin the countdown.
If your not paying attention ,you won't.
 
Yes we can know the exact date of the beginning of the 1290 days.Scripture says when they begin.
If your paying attention,you will know when to begin the countdown.
If your not paying attention ,you won't.
And just what year, day and hour will the 1290 days begin and how will we know the exact second it begins? Please show scripture for this as we know it is coming, but when is the exact date.
 
And just what year, day and hour will the 1290 days begin and how will we know the exact second it begins? Please show scripture for this as we know it is coming, but when is the exact date.
Daniel 12
11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days




Start counting from the day the daily sacrifice is abolished.
 
How to create prophecies keeping them as zany as possible with a Gary Larson type outline...

1. Skeleton - Come up with some rough prophecy
2. Brain - Keep the thought small so it can appear as zany as possible
3. Health - Make sure your content appears out of context with the rest of the word (noting American prophecies are generally not as healthy as foreign ones).
4. Content - Create your desire for final outcomes such as - "Run fer yer lives!"
5. Adding – If you can appear such as Ellen White or a Charles Taze Russell you really did well! Even if your date predictions fail people will still follow you!
gkih1otd9l081.jpg
Prophecy your own imagination, rather than simple words of prophecy in Scripture.

For many, intellectual speculation is far more stimulating than the simplicity of Christ.
 
Prophecy your own imagination, rather than simple words of prophecy in Scripture.

For many, intellectual speculation is far more stimulating than the simplicity of Christ.
It is also nice when such simplicity is accompanied with much, "good works and almsdeeds."

36 Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works and almsdeeds which she did.
37 And it came to pass in those days, that she was sick, and died: whom when they had washed, they laid her in an upper chamber.
38 And forasmuch as Lydda was nigh to Joppa, and the disciples had heard that Peter was there, they sent unto him two men, desiring him that he would not delay to come to them.
39 Then Peter arose and went with them. When he was come, they brought him into the upper chamber: and all the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them.
40 But Peter put them all forth, and kneeled down, and prayed; and turning him to the body said, Tabitha, arise. And she opened her eyes: and when she saw Peter, she sat up.
41 And he gave her his hand, and lifted her up, and when he had called the saints and widows, presented her alive.
42 And it was known throughout all Joppa; and many believed in the Lord.
43 And it came to pass, that he tarried many days in Joppa with one Simon a tanner. - Acts 9
 
It is also nice when such simplicity is accompanied with much, "good works and almsdeeds."

36 Now there was at Joppa a certain disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works and almsdeeds which she did.
37 And it came to pass in those days, that she was sick, and died: whom when they had washed, they laid her in an upper chamber.
38 And forasmuch as Lydda was nigh to Joppa, and the disciples had heard that Peter was there, they sent unto him two men, desiring him that he would not delay to come to them.
39 Then Peter arose and went with them. When he was come, they brought him into the upper chamber: and all the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them.
40 But Peter put them all forth, and kneeled down, and prayed; and turning him to the body said, Tabitha, arise. And she opened her eyes: and when she saw Peter, she sat up.
41 And he gave her his hand, and lifted her up, and when he had called the saints and widows, presented her alive.
42 And it was known throughout all Joppa; and many believed in the Lord.
43 And it came to pass, that he tarried many days in Joppa with one Simon a tanner. - Acts 9
True. There's not much time for teaching stupid stuff when doing good all the time. It also keeps the mind right and feet on solid ground. Words become less and less important.

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
 
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