As a backstory, I met my husband in 2008. We dated for 7 years before getting married. When I met him, I was backslidden and had just left a fundamental Baptist church I had grown up in since birth. I was very sheltered and also angry when I left the church. There were so many red flags with my then-boyfriend/now husband. The biggest was how he spoke of and treated women (verbally). I felt special when people who had known him for a while before me said that I had "changed him". They saw that he was committed to me and that made me feel good. The red flags came when he was upset/drinking. He used derogatory names for women towards me when he would fight. He had no control over his words. He never apologized, always justified it. I also lied to myself that he was a Christian. I knew he believed in God and Him dying for us, but refused to ever say that he had been born again. That's the backstory mostly.
I shoved those red flags to the side because I always told myself I could handle it. I never even considered what bringing kids into the world would look like with those red flags. We now have two little girls together (ages 4 & 2). There have been several instances that have almost pushed me to the edge, but yesterday did it for me. Our 2 year old fell off the kitchen chair and after several minutes of him trying to comfort her, but she wouldn't stop crying, he called her a *B. He was sitting at the table with her and I immediately told him to leave. He wouldn't and I said he was hungover (he drinks every night) and had no patience to deal with her and again told him to leave. He then turned around and called me a fat B. This was right in front of our 4 year old. I'm at an impasse here with him. I want and long so much for a godly marriage and family. I want to see a miracle of God working to bring him to Christ and for this mess to be restored, but I'm afraid of the cost. I don't want my daughters hearing their father call them those derogatory names or think that its ok for him to call me that. I honestly don't know which was is right by my daughters. Am I teaching them to love their husbands and trust God by staying or am I teaching them that I'm a doormat and that being called a B by any man is ok? I'm so broken over the fact that I married him. I was living life for myself and once I had kids, realized I didnt want to raise my kids without God....and here we are.
I shoved those red flags to the side because I always told myself I could handle it. I never even considered what bringing kids into the world would look like with those red flags. We now have two little girls together (ages 4 & 2). There have been several instances that have almost pushed me to the edge, but yesterday did it for me. Our 2 year old fell off the kitchen chair and after several minutes of him trying to comfort her, but she wouldn't stop crying, he called her a *B. He was sitting at the table with her and I immediately told him to leave. He wouldn't and I said he was hungover (he drinks every night) and had no patience to deal with her and again told him to leave. He then turned around and called me a fat B. This was right in front of our 4 year old. I'm at an impasse here with him. I want and long so much for a godly marriage and family. I want to see a miracle of God working to bring him to Christ and for this mess to be restored, but I'm afraid of the cost. I don't want my daughters hearing their father call them those derogatory names or think that its ok for him to call me that. I honestly don't know which was is right by my daughters. Am I teaching them to love their husbands and trust God by staying or am I teaching them that I'm a doormat and that being called a B by any man is ok? I'm so broken over the fact that I married him. I was living life for myself and once I had kids, realized I didnt want to raise my kids without God....and here we are.
