[__ Prayer __] i get so tired

[Christ_empowered]

I'm blessed all over. The Lord has changed me, inside and out, over the course of only 4 years. I'm now remarkably: normal, smart enough for my goals, healthy, and not disordered and all that stuff.

I take psych drugs for right now. The diagnosis is "Bipolar I," mostly severe, recurrent depression with some psychotic stuff in the mix during episodes. My treatment includes a drug specifically for depression.

And yet...I get --tired-- . I mean, really, really, really tired. The Lord willed that I be released from (misdemeanor) probation 2 years early. I thank Him for this (!!!). I'm not nearly as on edge, I'm certainly not paranoid, etc. God is good!

But it gets so tiring. I am --blessed-- to be on disability. I'm also --blessed-- that The Lord changed me so that my (loving, kind, hardworking, generous, long suffering) parents could have me in their house and then (re)build a relationship, as a family. Again: God is good!

Thing is, I really cannot work. I had serious physical health problems until Jesus changed all that, plus mental problems, plus heavy shock "treatment" (this just in: electricity is not all that "therapeutic"). That doesn't even take into account the stigma of being a "mental patient."

I can't complain too much. Well...I shouldn't, anyway. I just get tired sometimes. I love my family and they love me. I have what I need and then a good bit, which is more than most people who...were who I was, did what I did, etc...can say. Thing is...

well, sometimes, I feel trapped, both by my own past sins (The Lord has been extraordinarily good to me with all that, btw) and the label of "mental patient," etc. I'm blessed that I don't --have-- to work a very low wage, unstable job with people who would be cruel to me and probably fire me at the first opportunity. That's huge. In my situation, disability is necessary in large part because of social factors.

I'm not being sufficiently grateful. I've been praying for an "attitude of gratitude" a good bit for a while now, and The Lord has changed my heart, but...still...

I think also being the outcast around here wears on me. I try not to let it wear on me, but I'm only human. The other issue is that now I realize that life requires a lot, just to make a go of things, and...wow...I messed up at a young age. I mean, I had problems and such, but...yeah. wow. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure, that's for sure.

I'm rambling, as usual. I just...I don't want to feel so tired and weighed down. Like I wrote above, I take a prescription for depression, so that's covered. I even take high dose supplements to add some "oomph" to the psych drugs (seems to help, btw). Brain chemistry isn't the problem.

OK. So, I ask that you pray for me and also Praise The Lord with me. I do feel tired and all that stuff, but He has brought me --so-- far that...well, I believe His work in my life is a Miracle, all around. I just don't know where to go from here and I'm beginning to wonder what my life is going to look like in the years to come. I'd love to think I could get a decent, stable job and go from there, but...that's hard enough for people who didn't mess up, people who don't have labels, etc. Its 21st century America. Welcome to the USA in a time of dwindling expectations and fading dreams.

ugh. OK. I'm finished now.

 

[Eugene]

.
At least you finished with a smile on your face. Praying for you brother.

 

[abide]

I'm blessed all over. The Lord has changed me, inside and out, over the course of only 4 years. I'm now remarkably: normal, smart enough for my goals, healthy, and not disordered and all that stuff.

I take psych drugs for right now. The diagnosis is "Bipolar I," mostly severe, recurrent depression with some psychotic stuff in the mix during episodes. My treatment includes a drug specifically for depression.

And yet...I get --tired-- . I mean, really, really, really tired. The Lord willed that I be released from (misdemeanor) probation 2 years early. I thank Him for this (!!!). I'm not nearly as on edge, I'm certainly not paranoid, etc. God is good!

But it gets so tiring. I am --blessed-- to be on disability. I'm also --blessed-- that The Lord changed me so that my (loving, kind, hardworking, generous, long suffering) parents could have me in their house and then (re)build a relationship, as a family. Again: God is good!

Thing is, I really cannot work. I had serious physical health problems until Jesus changed all that, plus mental problems, plus heavy shock "treatment" (this just in: electricity is not all that "therapeutic"). That doesn't even take into account the stigma of being a "mental patient."

I can't complain too much. Well...I shouldn't, anyway. I just get tired sometimes. I love my family and they love me. I have what I need and then a good bit, which is more than most people who...were who I was, did what I did, etc...can say. Thing is...

well, sometimes, I feel trapped, both by my own past sins (The Lord has been extraordinarily good to me with all that, btw) and the label of "mental patient," etc. I'm blessed that I don't --have-- to work a very low wage, unstable job with people who would be cruel to me and probably fire me at the first opportunity. That's huge. In my situation, disability is necessary in large part because of social factors.

I'm not being sufficiently grateful. I've been praying for an "attitude of gratitude" a good bit for a while now, and The Lord has changed my heart, but...still...

I think also being the outcast around here wears on me. I try not to let it wear on me, but I'm only human. The other issue is that now I realize that life requires a lot, just to make a go of things, and...wow...I messed up at a young age. I mean, I had problems and such, but...yeah. wow. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure, that's for sure.

I'm rambling, as usual. I just...I don't want to feel so tired and weighed down. Like I wrote above, I take a prescription for depression, so that's covered. I even take high dose supplements to add some "oomph" to the psych drugs (seems to help, btw). Brain chemistry isn't the problem.

OK. So, I ask that you pray for me and also Praise The Lord with me. I do feel tired and all that stuff, but He has brought me --so-- far that...well, I believe His work in my life is a Miracle, all around. I just don't know where to go from here and I'm beginning to wonder what my life is going to look like in the years to come. I'd love to think I could get a decent, stable job and go from there, but...that's hard enough for people who didn't mess up, people who don't have labels, etc. Its 21st century America. Welcome to the USA in a time of dwindling expectations and fading dreams.

ugh. OK. I'm finished now.

I'm beginning to wonder what my life is going to look like in the years to come.

Trust God and stop wondering. God holds tomorrow. Live each day at a time.

Christ said

Matthew 6. 34

Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

 

[Pegasus]

I'm blessed all over. The Lord has changed me, inside and out, over the course of only 4 years. I'm now remarkably: normal, smart enough for my goals, healthy, and not disordered and all that stuff.

I take psych drugs for right now. The diagnosis is "Bipolar I," mostly severe, recurrent depression with some psychotic stuff in the mix during episodes. My treatment includes a drug specifically for depression.

And yet...I get --tired-- . I mean, really, really, really tired. The Lord willed that I be released from (misdemeanor) probation 2 years early. I thank Him for this (!!!). I'm not nearly as on edge, I'm certainly not paranoid, etc. God is good!

But it gets so tiring. I am --blessed-- to be on disability. I'm also --blessed-- that The Lord changed me so that my (loving, kind, hardworking, generous, long suffering) parents could have me in their house and then (re)build a relationship, as a family. Again: God is good!

Thing is, I really cannot work. I had serious physical health problems until Jesus changed all that, plus mental problems, plus heavy shock "treatment" (this just in: electricity is not all that "therapeutic"). That doesn't even take into account the stigma of being a "mental patient."

I can't complain too much. Well...I shouldn't, anyway. I just get tired sometimes. I love my family and they love me. I have what I need and then a good bit, which is more than most people who...were who I was, did what I did, etc...can say. Thing is...

well, sometimes, I feel trapped, both by my own past sins (The Lord has been extraordinarily good to me with all that, btw) and the label of "mental patient," etc. I'm blessed that I don't --have-- to work a very low wage, unstable job with people who would be cruel to me and probably fire me at the first opportunity. That's huge. In my situation, disability is necessary in large part because of social factors.

I'm not being sufficiently grateful. I've been praying for an "attitude of gratitude" a good bit for a while now, and The Lord has changed my heart, but...still...

I think also being the outcast around here wears on me. I try not to let it wear on me, but I'm only human. The other issue is that now I realize that life requires a lot, just to make a go of things, and...wow...I messed up at a young age. I mean, I had problems and such, but...yeah. wow. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure, that's for sure.

I'm rambling, as usual. I just...I don't want to feel so tired and weighed down. Like I wrote above, I take a prescription for depression, so that's covered. I even take high dose supplements to add some "oomph" to the psych drugs (seems to help, btw). Brain chemistry isn't the problem.

OK. So, I ask that you pray for me and also Praise The Lord with me. I do feel tired and all that stuff, but He has brought me --so-- far that...well, I believe His work in my life is a Miracle, all around. I just don't know where to go from here and I'm beginning to wonder what my life is going to look like in the years to come. I'd love to think I could get a decent, stable job and go from there, but...that's hard enough for people who didn't mess up, people who don't have labels, etc. Its 21st century America. Welcome to the USA in a time of dwindling expectations and fading dreams.

ugh. OK. I'm finished now.

Keep rambling. We your brothers and sisters in Christ are here to pray for you, listen and exhort.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks for the replies.

Truth is...as "mental patients" in America go...I'm living like a king. Around here, low status "mental patients" are often on court ordered treatment. They use these injections of antipsychotics that last for 1 month or so. --shudder--

That, and, "mental patients" all over--more women than men--are often subject to involuntary hospitalization when they get "uppity" or whatever. I've been spared that, which is --huge-- . It helps that the state sold off the bulk of the state hospital (it was on prime real e$tate) and transitioned onto the "recovery model," which is all about cutting costs by reducing hospitalizations. Still...if the shrinks from back in the day had their way, I'd be in and out of the local hospital, living in abject poverty, etc. etc. etc. God is good!

But, yeah. Bigger issues than all that...

I realize now my life has more limitations than a lot of peoples' lives. I started out fairly low status and I sinned a whole, whole lot, and...wow. Its amazing that I'm even alive. God has spared me, so here I am, not even on probation, no felony, etc., and that's also --huge-- .

But what to --do-- ? I got saved 4 years ago. I should say; "Jesus saved me 4 years ago," because I believe it was/is a miracle that I got saved. Now, I'm physically healthy, remarkably normal (I even have good social skills), and smart enough to do school work+write, etc. This begs the question...

...where is God going with this? With me? Then again, who's to say that God hasn't simply blessed me and my people so we can live together or very close to each other and be a close knit, happy family? Who's to say that The Lord hasn't blessed me with intelligence and such so I can enjoy life, with or without a j-o-b?

--sigh-- I dunno. I Praise God for His goodness, and I pray that He'll keep changing me, so I can become more and more who I really am in Christ Jesus.

Thanks again for the replies, prayers, and support.

 

[Pegasus]

thanks for the replies.

Truth is...as "mental patients" in America go...I'm living like a king. Around here, low status "mental patients" are often on court ordered treatment. They use these injections of antipsychotics that last for 1 month or so. --shudder--

That, and, "mental patients" all over--more women than men--are often subject to involuntary hospitalization when they get "uppity" or whatever. I've been spared that, which is --huge-- . It helps that the state sold off the bulk of the state hospital (it was on prime real e$tate) and transitioned onto the "recovery model," which is all about cutting costs by reducing hospitalizations. Still...if the shrinks from back in the day had their way, I'd be in and out of the local hospital, living in abject poverty, etc. etc. etc. God is good!

But, yeah. Bigger issues than all that...

I realize now my life has more limitations than a lot of peoples' lives. I started out fairly low status and I sinned a whole, whole lot, and...wow. Its amazing that I'm even alive. God has spared me, so here I am, not even on probation, no felony, etc., and that's also --huge-- .

But what to --do-- ? I got saved 4 years ago. I should say; "Jesus saved me 4 years ago," because I believe it was/is a miracle that I got saved. Now, I'm physically healthy, remarkably normal (I even have good social skills), and smart enough to do school work+write, etc. This begs the question...

...where is God going with this? With me? Then again, who's to say that God hasn't simply blessed me and my people so we can live together or very close to each other and be a close knit, happy family? Who's to say that The Lord hasn't blessed me with intelligence and such so I can enjoy life, with or without a j-o-b?

--sigh-- I dunno. I Praise God for His goodness, and I pray that He'll keep changing me, so I can become more and more who I really am in Christ Jesus.

Thanks again for the replies, prayers, and support.

You do well counting your blessings. Keep that up and let it flourish, as that is the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Plus, we here your brethren and friends at CF WANT you to keep progressing and growing.

You know where to find us.

 

[Eugene]

.
Brother Christ_empowered, are you yet convinced you belong to God as His own?
Can God use you for His purpose to work at a job you choose, or that He has for you?
Are you resolute in your thinking that God will do all things in your life for your good
as we read in Rom 8:28?

I ask you to think for a moment on Micaiah we read of as a prophet of God in 1 Kings 22.
He was asked to prophesy good or bad concerning Jehoshaphat and his proposed war
with Syria in 1 Ki 22:6-7, and Micaiah was voicing his prophesying against four hundred
chosen prophets of Israel.

In 1 Ki 22:17 Micaiah tells the king he will lose the war, and Micaiah said in 1 Ki 22:27
and said: Thus saith the king, Put this fellow in the prison, and feed him with bread of
affliction and with water of affliction, until I come in peace. Of course Jehoshaphat did not
return in peace and more than likely Micaiah spent the remainder of his life in prison. Did
Micaiah do that which was right? Has God got your back as it were? And that for your good?

 

[Christ_empowered]

me again. thanks for the support, prayers, and replies. It means a lot.

I think a lot of this is just growing up. When I coulda/shoulda/woulda grown up on schedule, I was socially isolated, socially awkward, and drugged up...and then electroshocked. ugh. But, God has made good of all that!

Now, I'm 32. I'm remarkably healthy, smart enough for...life, and ridiculously normal in many respects. I do take the psych drugs, but they get the job done and I stay out of a hospital, out of misery, etc. Good times.

L-i-f-e requires effort. Life requires...a lot of things, actually. Now that I'm remarkably normal and whole, etc., I see that, and sometimes its a little bit...frightening, I suppose. But abide is spot on with that verse. Plus, The Lord didn't bring me this far to destroy me. I'm even off probation 2 years early! Oh, and I got that misdemeanor, not the Felony I was initially charged with. That alone was+is huge.

I'm far, far less tired today. FAITH. Building faith takes time and you have to actually go through things, which is probably the less pleasant part of building and then acting upon faith. My life is far more comfortable, far more serene, than it would be otherwise. Actually...I'm alive --at all--, and that alone is something of a miracle, in my situation.

OK. Thanks again for the verses and prayers, etc. Today has been yet another quiet, peaceful, (thankfully) uneventful day in which I am: free, safe, comfortable, of sound mind, healthy, --not-- dealing with probation or other legal problems, living at peace with my parents, going to school, and...forgiven. In right relationship with God the Father.

 

[Jehovah-Rapha]

I'm blessed all over. The Lord has changed me, inside and out, over the course of only 4 years. I'm now remarkably: normal, smart enough for my goals, healthy, and not disordered and all that stuff.

I take psych drugs for right now. The diagnosis is "Bipolar I," mostly severe, recurrent depression with some psychotic stuff in the mix during episodes. My treatment includes a drug specifically for depression.

And yet...I get --tired-- . I mean, really, really, really tired. The Lord willed that I be released from (misdemeanor) probation 2 years early. I thank Him for this (!!!). I'm not nearly as on edge, I'm certainly not paranoid, etc. God is good!

But it gets so tiring. I am --blessed-- to be on disability. I'm also --blessed-- that The Lord changed me so that my (loving, kind, hardworking, generous, long suffering) parents could have me in their house and then (re)build a relationship, as a family. Again: God is good!

Thing is, I really cannot work. I had serious physical health problems until Jesus changed all that, plus mental problems, plus heavy shock "treatment" (this just in: electricity is not all that "therapeutic"). That doesn't even take into account the stigma of being a "mental patient."

I can't complain too much. Well...I shouldn't, anyway. I just get tired sometimes. I love my family and they love me. I have what I need and then a good bit, which is more than most people who...were who I was, did what I did, etc...can say. Thing is...

well, sometimes, I feel trapped, both by my own past sins (The Lord has been extraordinarily good to me with all that, btw) and the label of "mental patient," etc. I'm blessed that I don't --have-- to work a very low wage, unstable job with people who would be cruel to me and probably fire me at the first opportunity. That's huge. In my situation, disability is necessary in large part because of social factors.

I'm not being sufficiently grateful. I've been praying for an "attitude of gratitude" a good bit for a while now, and The Lord has changed my heart, but...still...

I think also being the outcast around here wears on me. I try not to let it wear on me, but I'm only human. The other issue is that now I realize that life requires a lot, just to make a go of things, and...wow...I messed up at a young age. I mean, I had problems and such, but...yeah. wow. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure, that's for sure.

I'm rambling, as usual. I just...I don't want to feel so tired and weighed down. Like I wrote above, I take a prescription for depression, so that's covered. I even take high dose supplements to add some "oomph" to the psych drugs (seems to help, btw). Brain chemistry isn't the problem.

OK. So, I ask that you pray for me and also Praise The Lord with me. I do feel tired and all that stuff, but He has brought me --so-- far that...well, I believe His work in my life is a Miracle, all around. I just don't know where to go from here and I'm beginning to wonder what my life is going to look like in the years to come. I'd love to think I could get a decent, stable job and go from there, but...that's hard enough for people who didn't mess up, people who don't have labels, etc. Its 21st century America. Welcome to the USA in a time of dwindling expectations and fading dreams.

ugh. OK. I'm finished now.

Praise The Lord -The Lord is Listening and so are we.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thank God for the good friend, Verna, He has put in my life. I also thank God for my parents (of course...) and the people here at CFnet.

Anyway, Verna's spot on advice of the day: just filter other people out. 4 years ago, I got saved. At that point, I was a broken, unrepentant wretch. I'm now remarkably whole, in right relationship with God, and regenerate. God is good!

So...yeah. Sociology 101 and Pop psychology aside, of course people have their reasons for being so ridiculous. At this point, I'm in the world, but not of it, like any other Christian. The Scriptures indicate that there's tension between believers and the rest of the world, and a growing degree of separation, even as we/they go about our/their business in this world.

Again: I should listen to Verna ("that's how Satan works..."). Satan had me completely, and Christ is so merciful....more so than many other people, I had less than nothing to offer when I got saved. He saved me (is saving me, will save me...) anyway, because Jesus saves people, all over, all the time. "The least of these" ? The world couldn't care less, but Jesus cares. He saves, even.

Yup yup. I got saved, 4 years in I"m healthy, smart enough for life, normal, etc., my family loves me, and...some of the people around me are decidedly less than thrilled. The world is run by the evil one, and the evil one is most definitely no friend of mine. Oh well.

Thanks again for the prayers, replies, support, etc.

 

[iLOVE]

...there remains yet very much land to be possessed. Joshua 13:1 NKJV

God is not through with you yet!!!!!!!

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, iLOVE. That helps a lot.

My parents love me and have warmed up to me. Jesus has changed me, so now I can say that I genuinely love them, care about them, etc. I have Jesus, I have my family, and now I have things that The Lord has blessed me with, in my own life--good health, sufficient intelligence, normalcy, etc.--that I did not have before, or hadn't had in a long, long time. God is good!