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[__ Prayer __] j-o-b?

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
the clinic got a grant to implement a program to put outpatients/people into work, now and then volunteer spots. that's how i got my volunteer spot at a non-profit, which was fun, till...covid. :-(

that part of the non-profit has still not reopened, and my counselor mentioned a small, very part time job. i was in a good mood when he called in -- sun shining, taking an early morning drive thru the backroads (he called in earlier than expected) -- so I thought, 'sure!." now?

well...anything, everything...applications, etc...will have to wait till at least early January. so, OK. that alone gives me some breathing room. the other thing...

I'm just...nervous. I would say "symptoms," blah blah blah, but its more like...I am something of an outcast, and its darned if you do, darned if you don't. I'm a "mental patient," now, which would ordinarily be several steps down below run of the mill "loser," but...

my parents see to it that I have what I need plus a bit extra, and that also seems to really, truly, not sit well with some (vocal) people. and...and...

I dunno. its not a huge deal, I guess...get a job, if it works out awesome, if it doesn't...try again or stay home (again). its the context in which this is happening...I'm in my mid-30s, now, have a shady backstory and an even worse reputation, and...and...

I dunno. the other deal is that I don't entirely trust mental health. it isn't just this clinic or these people, its...the whole industry. seriously. i'm -now- labeled as "Schizophrenic" in the community, I think the official label is...schizoaffective, maybe its Bipolar I...I dunno, doesn't matter much...

I kinda think its just another form of control, really, that and a way for society to throw some people scraps by talking about 'severe mental illness,' blah blah blah, so we can all ignore the fact that society -- any society, by the way, not just this one -- can make anybody crazy.

so, id like to work and do something...but i also have fears that things will get worse, not better, because of my stigmatized identity, and because of the mental health stuff. towards the end of my time at the non-profit, i started getting more...flak, static...people saying things, walking by saying things, hard stares...it wasn't my imagination, it wasn't 'symptoms,' it was...

the reality of the situation, seriously. blah. it isn't that id like to just stay home and not engage in anything constructive, its just...im concerned, given the nature of my permanent outsider status, plus the mental health aspect...

and so i need prayer. yet again. :)
 
It would give you chance to meet more people CE. What would you be doing?
Try not to worry about it, but do what you feel is right. Praying the Lord will guide you.
 
Christ_empowered said:
the clinic got a grant to implement a program to put outpatients/people into work, now and then volunteer spots. that's how i got my volunteer spot at a non-profit, which was fun, till...covid. :-(

that part of the non-profit has still not reopened, and my counselor mentioned a small, very part time job. i was in a good mood when he called in -- sun shining, taking an early morning drive thru the backroads (he called in earlier than expected) -- so I thought, 'sure!." now?

well...anything, everything...applications, etc...will have to wait till at least early January. so, OK. that alone gives me some breathing room. the other thing...

I'm just...nervous. I would say "symptoms," blah blah blah, but its more like...I am something of an outcast, and its darned if you do, darned if you don't. I'm a "mental patient," now, which would ordinarily be several steps down below run of the mill "loser," but...

my parents see to it that I have what I need plus a bit extra, and that also seems to really, truly, not sit well with some (vocal) people. and...and...

I dunno. its not a huge deal, I guess...get a job, if it works out awesome, if it doesn't...try again or stay home (again). its the context in which this is happening...I'm in my mid-30s, now, have a shady backstory and an even worse reputation, and...and...

I dunno. the other deal is that I don't entirely trust mental health. it isn't just this clinic or these people, its...the whole industry. seriously. i'm -now- labeled as "Schizophrenic" in the community, I think the official label is...schizoaffective, maybe its Bipolar I...I dunno, doesn't matter much...

I kinda think its just another form of control, really, that and a way for society to throw some people scraps by talking about 'severe mental illness,' blah blah blah, so we can all ignore the fact that society -- any society, by the way, not just this one -- can make anybody crazy.

so, id like to work and do something...but i also have fears that things will get worse, not better, because of my stigmatized identity, and because of the mental health stuff. towards the end of my time at the non-profit, i started getting more...flak, static...people saying things, walking by saying things, hard stares...it wasn't my imagination, it wasn't 'symptoms,' it was...

the reality of the situation, seriously. blah. it isn't that id like to just stay home and not engage in anything constructive, its just...im concerned, given the nature of my permanent outsider status, plus the mental health aspect...

and so i need prayer. yet again. :)
Click to expand...
praying for God's peace and wisdom about what to do
 
Try not to worry about the new job. Hand over everything to Jesus. Also, try to give yourself a new label, regardless of what you think people are calling you. The more positive you think about yourself the more confident you are to start telling us who you believe you are, without repeating what you think people are calling you.

Start referring to yourself with what you believe you are in Christ. Once you can confidently think about yourself in a positive way, you will find yourself ignoring what you think others are calling you because you know you are moving away from that label.
 
thank you all, especially Couppy for the helpful advice.

truth? The Lord's work in my life is...well, its a miracle of sorts for my parents and for me, too. I think I can handle a small, very part time job...

or, I think I would be able to, without the stigma and general nastiness around me. I don't want to sound like some lazy, entitled commie or whatever, but...think about it...would you want to put up with people dredging up junk from the past just to volunteer or just to make however much they pay people at movie theaters, grocery stores, etc. for a little time each week? I mean...-sigh- ... this is all very preliminary, I won't even be looking at applications much less filling them out till early 2021, but...

already, I'm wondering if maybe The Lord has blessed me with the desires of my heart no so much so I can go back and once again try to make a go of things in the 'real world,' but rather...

because He is Good, especially when I am not and most definitely when the surrounding world is not. I kind of wonder, at times, if His blessings, to and for me and my parents, are about assuring me of His love and power and might....

while showing the busy bodies who seem to mind my business and my parents' business that even that "over the hill flamer," etc. etc. etc. can be (and has been) redeemed, and even those "over-educated hippies" might be blessed with a much needed promotion and such, too.

something like, anyway. or maybe I"m just feeling melancholy. LOL. :)
 
You are welcome. If someone dredges up your past, tell them that you are a new creation in Christ Jesus and old things have passed away 2 Corinthians 5:17. It is an opportunity to tell them what God has done in you.
 
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