just friends

[smile1111]

I went out with a guy from my church several times and then it got to a point where we weren't really sure where we were going, and finally talked about it and decided we should be just friends for now even though we definitely have feeling toward each other. And he said something about maybe some day down the road if God leads us to something more, then we would go from there. We text and talk and stuff and he continues to want to hang out with me (and I want to hang out with him too).

I guess I'm not really sure if this is the right thing to do or not because I'm afraid maybe if we hang out alone too much I will end up getting hurt at some point if he starts dating another girl. I pray to God everyday to keep my feelings out of this and to only look at him as a friend and to help us a build a friendship, if it's His will. I just don't really know if it's best to stay at just friends? Is it realistically possible for a friendship to ever become anything more? Or is it better to just break things off completely for now? And is it normal for a guy to really only want to be friends or do you think he's just a player or what? Any input would be appreciated. I've never been in this situation before and I'm 20 and never had a boyfriend and he's 21 and never had a girlfriend.

I know that realistically right now though neither of us are in the position to really have a relationship at the moment. I am have one year left of college before I graduate and am in a really rigorous program and would be so mad at myself if I let anything get in the way of me finishing. He is done with college and working multiple jobs, none of which have anything to do with what he went to college for and none that are really enough to make a permanent living off of and he isn't sure of what God's plans are for him.

 

[JohnEboy1983]

Being only friends can be very hard. I think and hope I am finally over a lot of heartbreak i just went through from a complicating friendship with a girl where i was lead on by a kiss even though she did not want any relationship at all. I mean I really liked this girl for a long time but wasnt sure how she felt about me and knew she didnt want a relationship because of circumstances, but eventually kissed her on her birthday..her idea, although I rushed in, haha. Anyways it was very complicating after that and I went through at least a month of very rough heartbreak from the little kiss that developed into a lot of confusion and emotional ties. I just talked to her tonight and cleared a lot up and want to start a fresh friendship so hopefully all those feelings will be gone with now and we can just be friends. I do think being friends can be ok though, if you know exactly what is involved and do not bring those emotions into it. Either way I would not get too close to him where you make some emotional tie like I did and if you do you better always keep it in your mind that you are just friends and thats that. Its really hard to say what to do, but i would definitely not let your guard down. If you are anything like me you can get attached very easily.

 

[grovenored]

I feel for you both, I really do. It's a tough, tough time when you have to try and put aside feelings, but sometimes it's necessary.
I had this same problem myself. The girl I'm currently dating, with whom I am feeling called to marry and to pursue for the rest of my life, I once told we could only be friends. I felt like there was a lot that would separate us and would make a relationship too hard. We stayed friends for months and months, until a lot of circumstances changed for both of us and suddenly things opened up for us.
Throughout this time I was praying to God "is this the girl I should date right now?" and whilst things were up in the air I kept getting a "no". It continued and I started to get "not yet" from God. Suddenly, the night before everything fell into place I got a "yes" from God. This was over a period of about 6 months, so no slow process. In which time we were hanging out a lot as friends, texting a lot as friends, etc.
So I would say this - sometimes being friends is the perfect way to pursue the right time in your lives to date, you don't want to be in some dating limbo in the between times, I've been there and it sucks. Ask God to take away your feelings for a time, and make it clear to one another you're only friends and that you don't expect anything to happen.
You asked if he was a player, and I would say if the evidence that he's never had a girlfriend before is true then that points towards him not being a player.
If you are worried about spending time alone with him and things blossoming before their time then don't spend time alone with him.
Song of Solomon 8:4 says - "Promise me, O women of Jerusalem,
not to awaken love until the time is right."
So be careful what you do with this dude. If he's a man of God then he'll be thinking the same thing.

I hope this helps a little.