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Long-Distance Relationships (Full Details About My Fiancée That I Never Shared Before)

HeIsRisen2018

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So, I was just talking to my fiancée Joey on the phone and since neither one of us believe in keeping secrets from each other, I was telling him how I sometimes struggle in keeping the passion that I have for him (even though I still have the love deep inside of me) since we have a long distance relationship. For those of you who don't already know, he is currently behind bars and getting out at the end of next summer. However, up until now nobody has known why he's been behind bars and I finally decided to share it with you.




To make a long story short, he was babysitting this girl and it turns out that she was getting sexually abused. However, she lied and told police that he was the one who was doing it to her. So after police questioned him about it, he asked them if he said that he did it would they go and get her help and they said yes so he lied in order to protect her and he's been in prison for eight years now ever since. :crying The reason why I never said anything before is because I didn't want judgement passed on me and for people on here to think that I was marrying a sex offender,.. that could harm Joey's reputation as well. :sad I sure hope that doesn't happen after this. :sad Tessa, for_his_glory, you guys both know my story more than anybody else currently on here so I figured that I would tag you with this.





As for whether or not he's had regrets,.. definitely! His faith in God waivered when all of the appeals failed because of his confession statement. Luckily for him through prayers and getting together with a church group he's come to realize that his faith is making him stronger. :) It's just a really sad story all around though. :sad
 

Tessa

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I've heard of things like this happpenimg before. Sometimes children have wrongly accused babysitters others their foster parents. Often it is truly a family member others haven't even been abused and the child has later felt guilty and owned up. The innocent is released but how do they get over that I don't know.
I'm glad Joey has The Lord in his life, that will be hi strength.
The down side is that the guilty one is free to repeat the abuse, I hope this hasn't happened.
Is there any possibility that Joey could come out ealier for example good behaviour?
 

for_his_glory

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This was before I met my husband, but he spent time in jail for something he did not intentionally do as his girlfriend at the time kicked him out of the house and told him to take the van, which was his, but put in her name for financial reasons. While he was getting ready to drive off she grabbed ahold of the handle at the same time to stop him from leaving and slipped on the ice and he ran over her foot. She brought charges against him for vehicle theft and aggravated assault. She ended up dropping the charges, but in PA the court picked up the charges and he was charged. He took a plea bargain instead of fighting it as he had no money for a lawyer. Long story short he found Christ while in jail and if not for the fact he went to jail he might not have ever come to Christ as he lived a sinful life.

Only God can be the judge between Joey and this little girl as only by what she said could have been the truth or a lie for whatever reason she had as no one but her and Joey would know the truth. You hang on to the love you have for him as he needs your love and support to help him endure while he is there.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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I've heard of things like this happpenimg before. Sometimes children have wrongly accused babysitters others their foster parents. Often it is truly a family member others haven't even been abused and the child has later felt guilty and owned up. The innocent is released but how do they get over that I don't know.
I'm glad Joey has The Lord in his life, that will be hi strength.
The down side is that the guilty one is free to repeat the abuse, I hope this hasn't happened.
Is there any possibility that Joey could come out ealier for example good behaviour?




No, I wish he could get out that way but that doesn't work in convicted rape cases. He actually took a plea deal though and could have been charged with eighteen years to life so it's really a blessing that he's coming out next year. The thing is the babysitter did wind up going to prison but it was obviously for an entirely different charge. There is one thing that he was guilty of though. He admitted to showing her porn because she had questions about her body. He knows that he was wrong and that he made a mistake, but if it had just only been that he wouldn't have gone to prison for as long as he did. :sad (I just wanted to add that part because this just proves the fact that he's not perfect and he knows it. My tablet was acting up again, so I had to jump on my laptop to type this out.)
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Btw for the record I meant that her other babysitter raped her. :sad
 

Tessa

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He must have regretted that so many times.
Do you get chance to visit Joey often?
 

HeIsRisen2018

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He must have regretted that so many times.
Do you get chance to visit Joey often?



Because of Covid I haven't visited him in months. :sad And yes he regretted it but since he repented of it he's a new creation in Christ. :)
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Btw, the whole open and honest thing came up because he was just telling me about a couple female friends of ours that he kissed on the lips before we got together. I mean, I felt a little bit uncomfortable about it I admit, but it was before we were dating therefore he didn't actually cheat on me. Still, I understand because I don't keep secrets either and it all goes back to the fact that long-distance relationships are difficult.



Especially since we've been physically apart (except for visits) for eight years and now he's going to have certain restrictions on where he (or in this case we) can live and he has to register as a sex offender for life even though he's innocent and he made this decision on a whim. :sad Protecting a young girl who lied about him!! :mad
 

Tessa

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It's all very sad April. It will be tough for both of you. God will get you through it.
As for Joey kissing others, that was before he met you. No problem there.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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It's all very sad April. It will be tough for both of you. God will get you through it.
As for Joey kissing others, that was before he met you. No problem there.





Still, even though it's been rather tough for me I've forgiven her for it. Btw, he never actually pleaded guilty, he pleaded no contest for the record. And after everything he's been through it's no wonder he backslid for a bit. I did too actually. God's been keeping us both safe and our faith has really strengthened though. :)
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Oh and when I can see him again, I will probably have to be vaccinated. As soon as a vaccination is available to me I'm probably going to take it. Deb, Tessie, what about you guys? Have you been vaccinated or plan on getting vaccinated yet? Not sure about you Deb, but Tessa you probably qualify for one of the first vaccinations since you're (no offense or anything) elderly. At least that's how it's going in the US, not sure about the rules for the UK. :confused
 

Tessa

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I wasn't going to have the vaccine, but I changed mind, and had it Wednesday. I decided that all the scary rumours going around was only as scary as the virus. Anything could kill me any day so it doesn't make much difference how.
Yes going by age over here too. My brother had his a few weeks ago. Neither of us have had any side effects. He had thr pfizer one I had the Oxford one. If you have any allergies don't have the Pfizer
 

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Long distance relationships are often difficult, that's for sure, and it's hard to keep that going and keep it alive if you can't see them from time to time.

I suppose it's not my business to question the validity of the story nor it's details. It took you a lot of guts to share it. I suppose I don't understand that if he didn't do anything, why would he say that he did? Just to get her help? I mean, if her sexual predator is still around out there on the loose, how much help did that offer her? I suppose if it were me or someone I knew, I wouldn't want them to lie about doing something they didn't do and end up in prison for 8 years. At this point in the legal system, I assume he would need to register as a sex offender and keep that information up to date? That's an awfully heavy thing to carry around with you the rest of your life...and it's posted publicly so others will notice, too. It's not something in our society that simply goes away.

I have a strong concern for young male babysitters that babysit younger girls because of situations of this sort that come up. There are even women babysitters or at home daycares that have been charged with heinous things to pass the "child abuse" charge from something that happened at home on to someone else. Sadly, it isn't unheard of. I would assume they could have set the record straight if Joey claimed his innocence? I'm not sure how complex the situation was. Depending on the age of the child and the trauma inflicted upon her, she could have easily mixed up the two babysitters, I would think.

He admitted to showing her porn because she had questions about her body. He knows that he was wrong and that he made a mistake, but if it had just only been that he wouldn't have gone to prison for as long as he did. :sad (I just wanted to add that part because this just proves the fact that he's not perfect and he knows it. My tablet was acting up again, so I had to jump on my laptop to type this out.)

This could have condemned him further in the eyes of the law because this is a common grooming tactic that sexual predators use on children. It would be easy for a court of law to say that he was grooming her by showing her pornography in order to abuse her and it's also illegal as it is. If I found out a babysitter showed pornography to my child, I would definitely call the police and fire that babysitter immediately. I'm not quite certain why he would have decided to do that in the first place. I know a lot of babysitter training courses now emphasize on that same scenario being common and mention that if you get questions about their anatomy, their religious beliefs, or things of that sort that the correct response is, "You need to ask your parents about this." because it is one of those things that has gotten babysitters into trouble.

Generally, with what I've seen about those who are in the system as sex offenders is that it is rare for them to get married because of their crime. There have been sex offenders who have said they repented of their ways and have made changes to their lives and have married and even had kids. Most times when they have children, it is common for the department for childhood services/child protective services/whatever it is called on them because someone see's them in public with a child and if they know they are a sex offender, they assume they are hurting another child so they call it in. Disgruntled family will sometimes do this as well. It's not easy for these people to become fathers/mothers in life if they have those charges - it affects so many things.

Oh and when I can see him again, I will probably have to be vaccinated. As soon as a vaccination is available to me I'm probably going to take it.

Wow, that's a harsh requirement to visit someone in prison =/ sorry to hear it's like that where you are. It is a personal choice, so make sure you do this because you want to and not because you "have" to. Some won't because it's never actually been FDA approved and is emergency use, some are having trouble getting it in their area because of high demand/low supplies, there was one brand of vaccines that was recalled from the market, some articles are popping up saying that people are better off getting the virus than the side effects from the vaccine, and there have already been people who have gotten COVID anyway (probably because it's a different strain than what it available in the vaccine - kind of like how the flu vaccine isn't 100% effective because there are many different strains of it). I'm not certain how long that requirement to visit prisoners will be around for, I suppose that will depend on the states, but hopefully it won't be that long standing.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Okay so Rose I'm not sure of your other questions to me but I can answer your first one. He said he did it so the police could get her taken out of the house so the other babysitter (female btw) wouldn't sexually harm her anymore. Also, he probably wasn't thinking too straight because he has Aspergers and he thought that he was doing the right thing. As for being out in public with children that's not going to happen to us very often if and when we do have children because of the fact that we won't have the money to do a lot of things anyways.
 

Luminous_Rose

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Okay so Rose I'm not sure of your other questions to me but I can answer your first one. He said he did it so the police could get her taken out of the house so the other babysitter (female btw) wouldn't sexually harm her anymore. Also, he probably wasn't thinking too straight because he has Aspergers and he thought that he was doing the right thing. As for being out in public with children that's not going to happen to us very often if and when we do have children because of the fact that we won't have the money to do a lot of things anyways.

If he has Asperger's, I don't know how the law system works at that point, but if they had disability paperwork or an evaluation done by a psychologist/psychiatrist to determine what happened and whether or not it is likely or unlikely that they are at fault. I would think that would be looked into more closely.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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If he has Asperger's, I don't know how the law system works at that point, but if they had disability paperwork or an evaluation done by a psychologist/psychiatrist to determine what happened and whether or not it is likely or unlikely that they are at fault. I would think that would be looked into more closely.





He was actually evaluated and it seems like they discovered that he had enough smarts to know the situation and what he admitted to. Also, I just had to add that another reason why I didn't enclose this information before is that I didn't know if you could find out exactly who he was if you knew what he was charged with,.. however,.. first of all he's not even registered yet being behind bars, and second of all Joey isn't an uncommon name and you don't even have his last name so I figured that I was alright. :)
 

Luminous_Rose

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He was actually evaluated and it seems like they discovered that he had enough smarts to know the situation and what he admitted to. Also, I just had to add that another reason why I didn't enclose this information before is that I didn't know if you could find out exactly who he was if you knew what he was charged with,.. however,.. first of all he's not even registered yet being behind bars, and second of all Joey isn't an uncommon name and you don't even have his last name so I figured that I was alright. :)

Well, that evaluation definitely stands in court on whatever they find. It can hurt or help depending on the situation.

Generally people cannot find out exactly who someone is if they knew what they were charged with unless they have a first name, last name, and date of birth to search in a public court records system, they have a name/state to look at news articles, etc. It's not impossible to find out when one has all the pieces.
 

HeIsRisen2018

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Still, when he gets out next year he's planning on suing for wrongful imprisonment or something,.. which I don't see how he can because even though he's innocent, he's the one who said that he did it. :/ I think he should just forget it and try to move on with his life after he gets out and spend time readjusting.
 

Luminous_Rose

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Still, when he gets out next year he's planning on suing for wrongful imprisonment or something,.. which I don't see how he can because even though he's innocent, he's the one who said that he did it. :/ I think he should just forget it and try to move on with his life after he gets out and spend time readjusting.
Even with a guilty charge, people still have the right to appeal or the right to sue for wrongful imprisonment. I'm sure it is a bit harder to do and you must have a reason as to why the imprisonment was wrongful - enough to convince a judge/jury.

It's true that if he said he did it by his own admission, it probably wouldn't work. All they would need to do is pull a confession statement and that would be the end of that. He would probably need to seek legal counsel and a lawyer to tell him if that would even work in a courtroom - many times they can tell you if you're just wasting our time. A lawyer doesn't want a case they can't win.

It's hard and painful, I'm sure, to forget an 8 year prison sentence. A lot of nasty things can happen inside prison to people. Many prisoner's have trauma of some kind or PTSD. This, among other things, can make it hard to adjust back into society. All in good time, he can grow in the Lord and take it a day at a time.
 
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