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Masturbation

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Hi I'm new here and I know the title is probably off putting but its something I'm really struggling with. I'm a 23 year old woman and I've been with one sexual partner (around when I was 18) but no one since. After my first partner, I have wanted to wait until marriage for sex so I haven't been with anyone else but my problem is, I still really struggle with my sexual desires.

I have started masturbating pretty frequently (2-3 times a week) and after every time, I feel so gross and disgusted with myself but I continue to do it on a frequent basis. It's like, all my reason goes out the window when I start feeling lustful. I don't know what to do and I feel so guilty and dirty and that God is disappointed in me but I can never seem to curb the urges. If anyone has any advice on how to help with this, I would greatly appreciate it.

This is a sensitive topic for me so please, if you could keep judgment or harsh words out of your replies, I would appreciate it :sad
 
Hi friend, and welcome to CFnet!

I understand your predicament for I too have struggled with this. One thing I can share from my own experience is that it can be extremely difficult to nearly impossible to control by one's own will power. Like any alcohol or drug addiction, to really defeat this sin will take much more than just desire or willpower.

Television, movies, and advertising all ooze sexual references from the suggestive to barely stopping short of fully displayed pornography. This feeds directly into our sexuality and intentionally appeals to our sexual desires. Sex sells! And then we have that wonderful and at the same time evil internet which puts pornography at our fingertips with just a click of a button anywhere we happen to be.

Despite all this there is still hope. God is the first place to start for He knows your struggle and He can heal you.

In 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV) it says, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."..

Here too are a couple links to some information that may be helpful for starters.

I pray for you.
 
Hi friend and welcome to CF :wave2

Masturbation is a controversial topic, but the Bible does not directly address whether it is sin or not.

We can try to justify and rationalize many things to bring it to a place where we feel something is alright to do, just like putting our own twist on scripture. Take Genesis 38:9, 10 for instance as it's not about masturbation as some say, but about Onan not fulfilling his duty to provide an heir for his brother. God condemned Onan, not for spilling his seed, but because he was rebellious towards God.

Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31, 32 are about the meaning and purpose of sex. Self gratification doesn't match the purpose, goal and basic nature of sex. Masturbation also for the most part involves indulging in sexual fantasy. Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-30 that fantasy does represent a serious breach of a person's mental and Spiritual purity.

Masturbation often starts out as self-soothing behavior. In some cases to help relief pressures that cause stress and tension that can lead up to high blood pressure and possible heart attack. I would say it is not a sin unless it involves lustful thoughts then it becomes sinful.

There truly are no yes or no answers to this, but if you feel you are being convicted by the Holy Spirit then you need to take it to God in prayer.
 
friend, Hi! I am new here at CFnet as well.

First off let me tell you that you are FAR from alone in your struggle and concern. The current stats say that about 95% of guys in their late teens and 20 do the deed, and about 70% of gals of the same age do the same, with that number going up to about 80% of women in their 30s who do not have a regular sex partner. One poll that I read over at themarriagebed [dot] com which is a christian site for marriage and sex issues, indicates the numbers are only a bit lower for evangelical christians. The list owners from their own interaction with various churches and on their site believe those numbers are under reported.

Which means that when you sit in church with about 200 other young and middle age adults, only about 35 DON'T do it; or maybe fewer. So welcome to the crowd.

Of course this was something I "struggled" with as well. I put that in quotes because the struggle was relatively short. Or really long, depending on how you look at it. Never heard anything against it until I was in college and the pastor of the church there was very hard against it. Got married right out of college so that became moot at that point. But then Dr James Dobson released a video series "Focus on the Family" which eventually became the name of his ministry. The last segment was on "Preparing for Adolescence" which eventually became a best selling book for him. In it he talked very candidly about "M" and how his dad instructed him. He presented it so humbly and scripturally that the pastor and board actually apologized to the congregants for their previous stance.

But that started me thinking and studying and reading and praying; and thinking and ..... So for the last 40+ years (off and on) I have read and studied this "problem."

I will go into what I have gleaned over the years if you or anyone here cares to ask. If not, I will not bore you with it.
 
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friend, Hi! I am new here at CFnet as well.

First off let me tell you that you are FAR from alone in your struggle and concern. The current stats say that about 95% of guys in their late teens and 20 do the deed, and about 70% of gals of the same age do the same, with that number going up to about 80% of women in their 30s who do not have a regular sex partner. One poll that I read over at themarriagebed [dot] com which is a christian site for marriage and sex issues, indicates the numbers are only a bit lower for evangelical christians. The list owners from their own interaction with various churches and on their site believe those numbers are under reported.

Which means that when you sit in church with about 200 other young and middle age adults, only about 35 DON'T do it; or maybe fewer. So welcome to the crowd.

Of course this was something I "struggled" with as well. I put that in quotes because the struggle was relatively short. Or really long, depending on how you look at it. Never heard anything against it until I was in college and the pastor of the church there was very hard against it. Got married right out of college so that became moot at that point. But then Dr James Dobson released a video series "Focus on the Family" which eventually became the name of his ministry. The last segment was on "Preparing for Adolescence" which eventually became a best selling book for him. In it he talked very candidly about "M" and how his dad instructed him. He presented it so humbly and scripturally that the pastor and board actually apologized to the congregants for their previous stance.

But that started me thinking and studying and reading and praying; and thinking and ..... So for the last 40+ years (off and on) I have read and studied this "problem."

I will go into what I have gleaned over the years if you or anyone here cares to ask. If not, I will not bore you with it.
Hi D-D-W and welcome to CF glad to have you with us.

I for one would like to read what you have studied on this issue. All I have to say is to keep your post short enough that we can follow and discuss as we go. When people make long post others have a tendency not to read through them.
 
friend, Hi! I am new here at CFnet as well.

First off let me tell you that you are FAR from alone in your struggle and concern. The current stats say that about 95% of guys in their late teens and 20 do the deed, and about 70% of gals of the same age do the same, with that number going up to about 80% of women in their 30s who do not have a regular sex partner. One poll that I read over at themarriagebed [dot] com which is a christian site for marriage and sex issues, indicates the numbers are only a bit lower for evangelical christians. The list owners from their own interaction with various churches and on their site believe those numbers are under reported.

Which means that when you sit in church with about 200 other young and middle age adults, only about 35 DON'T do it; or maybe fewer. So welcome to the crowd.

Of course this was something I "struggled" with as well. I put that in quotes because the struggle was relatively short. Or really long, depending on how you look at it. Never heard anything against it until I was in college and the pastor of the church there was very hard against it. Got married right out of college so that became moot at that point. But then Dr James Dobson released a video series "Focus on the Family" which eventually became the name of his ministry. The last segment was on "Preparing for Adolescence" which eventually became a best selling book for him. In it he talked very candidly about "M" and how his dad instructed him. He presented it so humbly and scripturally that the pastor and board actually apologized to the congregants for their previous stance.

But that started me thinking and studying and reading and praying; and thinking and ..... So for the last 40+ years (off and on) I have read and studied this "problem."

I will go into what I have gleaned over the years if you or anyone here cares to ask. If not, I will not bore you with it.
I am not interested in any thing that justifies sin.
 
My advice with topics of this nature is to live a day at a time. Today I am not going to do this that or the other. Do not worry about tomorrow. If you do you will get a fixation about it and in all probability it will drive you to do it. If you get through a day without it, then set yourself the goal of two days and so on and so on.

If you get through a day without such activity, thank God. If you do not remember that the Word says that if we sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. That means you start again clean as a whistle.
 
I am not interested in any thing that justifies sin.
@Hopeful Nor am I. But neither am I interested in creating sins.

One of the things I discovered is that in the New Covenant, what ever is not from faith is sin. (Rom 14:23) So if someone is taught that activity X is a sin, that makes it very difficult to do X in faith, making it a sin. And if activity X is actually COMMANDED in scripture, it puts a person in the untenable position of "sinned if you do and sinned if you don't." Not good.

I am Messianic, but raised Wesleyan pentecostal. Wesleyan theology (pre American Holiness) allowed for "silence where the scriptures are silent." Messianic theology is rooted in the Books of Moses, where it says several times to not add to the text, to turn not to the left or the right. (Deut 12.32, Prov 30.6, Deut 5.32, Deut 17.11)
Paul also says to not go beyond what is written. (1 Cor 4.6)
 
Hi D-D-W and welcome to CF glad to have you with us.

I for one would like to read what you have studied on this issue. All I have to say is to keep your post short enough that we can follow and discuss as we go. When people make long post others have a tendency not to read through them.
for_his_glory Thanks for the welcome.

I hear you on long posts. I can get totally lost in them, and end up skimming; and often missing what the poster is trying to say. I will try to keep my posts bite-sized.
 
I never heard anything on this topic from church (or my parents directly) until I was in college. (TOO LATE!!) The only thing ever said was from my mom when i was in first grade or so and taking a bath: "Don't play with yourself." I had no idea what she meant.

In HS I was pentecostal and my best friend was catholic. We talked about sex some, and he was taught the Bible was TOO HOLY to even mention sex. So in our times of bible study together we never even looked for that. So I was not surprised later on when people said the bible never mentions masturbation. But I found out that was actually not correct. Which would make sense since it has been almost universally practiced for as long as records show. But there is no command anywhere either requiring it or directly prohibiting it.

During Israel's time in Egypt, the native religion believed that the world was created by one of their gods Atum masturbating. A common worship practice was for men to go to the Nile river and ejaculate into the water. There are many hieroglyphs depicting that very act; Glyphs that the slaves (including the Hebrews) would have drawn. So it was not like they did not know about it. And since most other pagan worship of practices of both the Egyptians and the Canaanites were strictly prohibited in the Law of Moses, why no mention of THAT???
 
I am not interested in any thing that justifies sin.
No one is trying to justify it, but looking to the scriptures to understand if it is a sin or not. If you can provide us with scripture that mentions anything about masturbation than please do as we can not see it as a yes or no flat out answer. Many struggle with this and want to know what God has said about it. Man calls it a sin, but what does God say about it.
 
I never heard anything on this topic from church (or my parents directly) until I was in college. (TOO LATE!!) The only thing ever said was from my mom when i was in first grade or so and taking a bath: "Don't play with yourself." I had no idea what she meant.

In HS I was pentecostal and my best friend was catholic. We talked about sex some, and he was taught the Bible was TOO HOLY to even mention sex. So in our times of bible study together we never even looked for that. So I was not surprised later on when people said the bible never mentions masturbation. But I found out that was actually not correct. Which would make sense since it has been almost universally practiced for as long as records show. But there is no command anywhere either requiring it or directly prohibiting it.

During Israel's time in Egypt, the native religion believed that the world was created by one of their gods Atum masturbating. A common worship practice was for men to go to the Nile river and ejaculate into the water. There are many hieroglyphs depicting that very act; Glyphs that the slaves (including the Hebrews) would have drawn. So it was not like they did not know about it. And since most other pagan worship of practices of both the Egyptians and the Canaanites were strictly prohibited in the Law of Moses, why no mention of THAT???
Very interesting. Do you have more on this?
 
More on Egypt:

Word of caution: pics of the hieroglyphs and statues showing this act are in the articles. If you don't want to see that, don't reconstitute the link.

[https://] medium.com/lessons-from-history/why-did-the-pharaoh-masturbate-into-the-river-65adb08cd0ff
[https://] historyaddicted.com/egyptian-pharaohs-really-did-masturbate-into-the-nile-river/
 
No one is trying to justify it, but looking to the scriptures to understand if it is a sin or not. If you can provide us with scripture that mentions anything about masturbation than please do as we can not see it as a yes or no flat out answer. Many struggle with this and want to know what God has said about it. Man calls it a sin, but what does God say about it.
The Bible doesn't specifically identify masturbation as sinful, however, there are some things that strongly suggest it is. People can read into the text many things but we must remember to consider the whole of Scripture and not just use specific verses as proof texts.

In Leviticus, chapter 15, it says that when a man has an emission of semen he is unclean unless he washes his whole body. I also understand this to mean "spiritually unclean" and not just physically dirty. What does that tell us?

If any man has an emission of semen, then he shall wash all his body in water, and be unclean until evening. And any garment and any leather on which there is semen, it shall be washed with water, and be unclean until evening.
Leviticus 15:16-17 NKJV


In Matthew, chapter 5, Jesus says to just entertain lustful thoughts is sin. Obviously there might be some that will deny this but I would find it difficult to believe anyone that says they are not entertaining lustful thoughts of others while doing this.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:27-28 NKJV


In 1 Thessalonians, chapter 4, Paul speaks of controlling ourselves honorably by abstaining from sexual immorality.

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NKJV

We are also instructed to "be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:48 NKJV
 
In Leviticus, chapter 15, it says that when a man has an emission of semen he is unclean unless he washes his whole body. I also understand this to mean "spiritually unclean" and not just physically dirty. What does that tell us?

If any man has an emission of semen, then he shall wash all his body in water, and be unclean until evening. And any garment and any leather on which there is semen, it shall be washed with water, and be unclean until evening.
Leviticus 15:16-17 NKJV
And the very next verse says this:

18 If a man lies with a woman so that there is a seminal emission, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening. (NASB95)

That is normal marital relations. And that is COMMANDED in scripture, both testaments. If it is commanded by God, how is it spiritually unclean? That same chapter talks about menstrual cycle making a woman unclean. In all instances the Hebrew word is tamay. It has nothing to do with being spiritually unclean. it is only ceremonially unclean.

In Matthew, chapter 5, Jesus says to just entertain lustful thoughts is sin. Obviously there might be some that will deny this but I would find it difficult to believe anyone that says they are not entertaining lustful thoughts of others while doing this.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
Matthew 5:27-28 NKJV
 
@Hopeful Nor am I. But neither am I interested in creating sins.
I can't agree with your...POV.
You are not the one calling unwed sexual gratification a sin, but should be manifesting the righteous the Christian is to live by.
How does masturbation manifest the life and death of Christ?
It can't.
It only manifest the degenerate life in the flesh, a life left behind by the reborn who now walk in the Spirit instead of in the flesh
One of the things I discovered is that in the New Covenant, what ever is not from faith is sin. (Rom 14:23) So if someone is taught that activity X is a sin, that makes it very difficult to do X in faith, making it a sin. And if activity X is actually COMMANDED in scripture, it puts a person in the untenable position of "sinned if you do and sinned if you don't." Not good.

I am Messianic, but raised Wesleyan pentecostal. Wesleyan theology (pre American Holiness) allowed for "silence where the scriptures are silent." Messianic theology is rooted in the Books of Moses, where it says several times to not add to the text, to turn not to the left or the right. (Deut 12.32, Prov 30.6, Deut 5.32, Deut 17.11)
Paul also says to not go beyond what is written. (1 Cor 4.6)
Your "discoveries" are suspect.
 
No one is trying to justify it, but looking to the scriptures to understand if it is a sin or not. If you can provide us with scripture that mentions anything about masturbation than please do as we can not see it as a yes or no flat out answer. Many struggle with this and want to know what God has said about it. Man calls it a sin, but what does God say about it.
Your kidding me, right?
It is written..."For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad." (2 Cor 5:10)
It is written..."And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Thes 5:23"
It is written..."Abstain from all appearance of evil." (1 Thes 5:22)
It is written..."That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:" (1 Thes 4:4-5)

Does masturbation tend to sanctification and honor?
No, as it is a work of the flesh.
 
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