Christ_empowered
Member
I had a pleasant outing with mama, doing some grocery shopping. no big deal, right? about that...
these two dudes...one was vocal about "they're gonna put him away" and "he's got -warrants- ," and..???
outcast. I reached for some milk, some lady near me said "he lives off the government."
I dunno. God -is- Good! God -is- Love! No felonies, off probation on a plea deal for over 5 years now. Parents are kind to me, good to me, and I try to be kind to them and good to them, too.
"gold digger" and "he'd do anything for a prescription" and "he spent xyz/grand, they were supposed to get rid of him..." and...yeah. yeah. part of the problem? someone from the mental health clinic worked at this discount place. he's no longer at the clinic, and the 2 jobs overlapped for a while. Given my experiences with people -at all levels- of the mental health industry...
it wouldn't surprise me -at all- if some of my info is...common knowledge, among the workers and others at this place. so, there's that. OK.
I just get...frustrated. Part of it, honestly, is because I'm facing -reality- without pills and labels (I -have- the labels, but I don't apply the labels to myself, if that makes sense). Just...God is Love, my parents are awesome...no one will hire me anyway...
and yet...I have a nice, modest place to live, what I need plus a tad extra and...
maybe that's it? Sometimes, it waxes intense. Last night, I showered and changed to go to my parents' place for dinner. Some lady yelled out (bunch of apt. buildings) "I'm going to -report you- ," and I just kept going to my vehicle because...report me? to whom? for...what? no drugs or drink, I'm not even renting. Its ridiculous at times.
And...the psych junk. I'm labeled as "Schizophrenic," and I also had legal junk involving former shrinks (not a good idea, but...it happened...), and...yeah. I never really, truly knew how much people -hate- "trouble makers" and such, how evil the psych industry (not just psychiatrists, btw) really is, until...
now. or recently. doesn't help that some lady was yelling junk at me at 4 AM. I was semi-awake already, but...???? I think maybe other people don't want me here? because ordinarily that behavior would not be tolerated, right? OK...
trying to -not- whine and focus on Jesus and His mercy and love, on being made "...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus...," that good, True, valid, -Real- stuff, not...all the junk around me...
but it is frustrating. And...no one to really talk to about it. The one long term friendly acquaintance acts like its a psych issue when I say anything. So does my born again counselor. oddly enough, the prescriber seems more apt to listen, but...? over worked, I'm stable, see you in 6 months. its..."the real world," etc. my parents are -wonderful- people, plus...honestly? they dealt with -so- much, not just with me..I kind of think they adapted by becoming kind of...willfully oblivious to some things, maybe?
blah blah blah. taunts aren't fun. jail, hospitals...infinitely worse. I have been blessed with my needs + extra, so...God is Love, God is merciful. My parents come in a -very- close 2nd, btw.
I got ripped to shreds as a teenager. Driven out of the dorms at 17, all downhill from there. -true story- A lot of it is related to the mental health industry, btw. a counselor...in another area...told me: You never had a chance. You need a miracle." and now...
no local friends. thankfully, almost all of my "friends" from pre-conversion were gone already, and are long gone, now. I pray for them sometimes, I wish them well, but...especially as we all get close to (or reach!) 40, its kinda like....those were people I used to know.
ok. I dunno. maybe...a prayer that I bear up under it and do what little (relatively speaking) is expected of me, despite the ongoing nonsense? that this will draw me closer to Jesus? that...well, I don't think safety is that big an issue, but...yeah. there's that, too, I think, sometimes more than others. and freedom.
thanks.
these two dudes...one was vocal about "they're gonna put him away" and "he's got -warrants- ," and..???
outcast. I reached for some milk, some lady near me said "he lives off the government."
I dunno. God -is- Good! God -is- Love! No felonies, off probation on a plea deal for over 5 years now. Parents are kind to me, good to me, and I try to be kind to them and good to them, too.
"gold digger" and "he'd do anything for a prescription" and "he spent xyz/grand, they were supposed to get rid of him..." and...yeah. yeah. part of the problem? someone from the mental health clinic worked at this discount place. he's no longer at the clinic, and the 2 jobs overlapped for a while. Given my experiences with people -at all levels- of the mental health industry...
it wouldn't surprise me -at all- if some of my info is...common knowledge, among the workers and others at this place. so, there's that. OK.
I just get...frustrated. Part of it, honestly, is because I'm facing -reality- without pills and labels (I -have- the labels, but I don't apply the labels to myself, if that makes sense). Just...God is Love, my parents are awesome...no one will hire me anyway...
and yet...I have a nice, modest place to live, what I need plus a tad extra and...
maybe that's it? Sometimes, it waxes intense. Last night, I showered and changed to go to my parents' place for dinner. Some lady yelled out (bunch of apt. buildings) "I'm going to -report you- ," and I just kept going to my vehicle because...report me? to whom? for...what? no drugs or drink, I'm not even renting. Its ridiculous at times.
And...the psych junk. I'm labeled as "Schizophrenic," and I also had legal junk involving former shrinks (not a good idea, but...it happened...), and...yeah. I never really, truly knew how much people -hate- "trouble makers" and such, how evil the psych industry (not just psychiatrists, btw) really is, until...
now. or recently. doesn't help that some lady was yelling junk at me at 4 AM. I was semi-awake already, but...???? I think maybe other people don't want me here? because ordinarily that behavior would not be tolerated, right? OK...
trying to -not- whine and focus on Jesus and His mercy and love, on being made "...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus...," that good, True, valid, -Real- stuff, not...all the junk around me...
but it is frustrating. And...no one to really talk to about it. The one long term friendly acquaintance acts like its a psych issue when I say anything. So does my born again counselor. oddly enough, the prescriber seems more apt to listen, but...? over worked, I'm stable, see you in 6 months. its..."the real world," etc. my parents are -wonderful- people, plus...honestly? they dealt with -so- much, not just with me..I kind of think they adapted by becoming kind of...willfully oblivious to some things, maybe?
blah blah blah. taunts aren't fun. jail, hospitals...infinitely worse. I have been blessed with my needs + extra, so...God is Love, God is merciful. My parents come in a -very- close 2nd, btw.
I got ripped to shreds as a teenager. Driven out of the dorms at 17, all downhill from there. -true story- A lot of it is related to the mental health industry, btw. a counselor...in another area...told me: You never had a chance. You need a miracle." and now...
no local friends. thankfully, almost all of my "friends" from pre-conversion were gone already, and are long gone, now. I pray for them sometimes, I wish them well, but...especially as we all get close to (or reach!) 40, its kinda like....those were people I used to know.
ok. I dunno. maybe...a prayer that I bear up under it and do what little (relatively speaking) is expected of me, despite the ongoing nonsense? that this will draw me closer to Jesus? that...well, I don't think safety is that big an issue, but...yeah. there's that, too, I think, sometimes more than others. and freedom.
thanks.