I understand what you are saying, that I seek God regardless of my heart or emotions.
unfortunately, many times I fall into despair, because I think that God will not listen to me if I do not repent or cry out from my heart.
I hope that what you say is true and that God can save me even when I am in this state. your message helped me.
Many times we do things we don't want to do, things that may be difficult, even painful, because we understand (not feel), that we must. I go to the dentist, for example, not because I
like going, not because it makes me feel good to think about having my teeth worked on, but because I know that if I don't have my teeth fixed by the dentist, they will develop very painful cavities and, if neglected too long, may become dangerously infected and perhaps fracture and/or fall out. Going to the dentist is expensive, and time-consuming, and uncomfortable, but I have
reasoned out that, despite all these negative things, it's still better in the long run to visit my dentist. And so, I do. Again, not because I have a deep heart's yearning to do so; not because I feel it's so terribly wonderful to have my dentist stick my gums with needles, and drill out bits of my teeth, and take bunches of my money; but because
I can reason out in my mind that seeing my dentist is preferable to not seeing him.
Seek God because it is the reasonable, the sensible, the wise thing to do, not because you have some warm
emotion that is compelling you toward Him.
"Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving..."
God has promised that when we repent of our sin and confess it to Him, He
will forgive us - not for our sakes, not because we
deserve to be forgiven, or have convinced God we are sincere enough to warrant forgiveness, but because
Jesus has satisfied God's holy justice and has paid the penalty for our sin on the cross, by doing so obtaining God's forgiveness of our sin. Why, then, should you despair of God's forgiveness of you? He doesn't forgive you because of
you, but because of what
Christ has done for you on the cross. And so, in the Bible, God says to you:
1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
and,
Romans 5:20
20 ...but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,
As you do the reasonable, the sensible, thing and submit yourself, in repentance and confession, to God, and remain in a place of humble surrender to His will and way throughout each day, God will go to work on you, changing your desires, your thinking, and your conduct - not in a single instant, but through a process over time. As He does, your emotions will come into line, conforming to what He is doing in transforming you. Never forget: God always intends as we walk with Him that our emotions
follow our mind and will, never that emotions lead our thinking and behavior.
So, be encouraged: God isn't finished with you yet!
Hebrews 4:15-16
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.
16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.