Hi Colton,
Sounds like you have some heavy burdens. Colton I don't know what your addictions are, but I know you are awfully young to have them. Are you sure your not being too hard on yourself? Make sure you are being your own second best friend (Jesus is your best friend) Make sure you are not beating yourself up too much. I will be praying for you. I just feel like Jesus wants me to tell you how precious you are to Him. You know even Paul struggled with addictive sins.
Romans 7:14-23 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. 16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am!
I am writing a diet Bible study, because I was addicted to food, and when I read the scripture above, I was amazed to find that even Paul struggled with sin, so I wrote,
We tend to think of him as “Saint Paulâ€Â, but he was a sinner saved by grace just like you and me. He goes through his list of sins in frustration with himself, then just as it seems he will be lost to hopelessness of ever recovering he ask in the last part of verse 24, Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Ah, then he remembers, I thank Godâ€â€through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
Give your addictions to God, trust Him to take them, and don't be so hard on yourself.
Love, Kelli