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[__ Prayer __] prison

Christ_empowered

Christ_empowered

Member
I was just outside, having a cigarette, and the neighbors are joyously talking about me "going to prison."

--sigh-- Of course, they always talk about me having a "public defender" and "gettin' a felony," etc. They've been talking about me going to prison for over 4 years now. Wait...more like 5, basically since I came home.

I'm blessed. When I got in trouble, my dad hired a lawyer. I've been on probation for a (serious) misdemeanor for 3 years now, out of the 5 given me.

I'm less afraid now than when they did this in years past. They've clearly been drinking. People talking about "warrants" and such kinda gets old after a while.

Still, prayer never hurt anybody, now did it? This is small, southern town. If they could, they'd send me to a state mental hospital. That's not an option now in 2016, so this talk of prison kinda gets to me, because that's where low status "losers" often end up (I almost did).

--sigh-- A lot of the fear is gone now. It doesn't help that I don't know anyone in this community well enough to hang out and my parents are pretty much solitary; they work, then they come home and hang out with each other. I feel as if I"m living in a (comfortable) bubble. Point is, I can't do a reality check with anybody living around here, so that's kinda rough.

Please pray for my freedom+safety. Thanks :)
 
Christ_empowered said:
I was just outside, having a cigarette, and the neighbors are joyously talking about me "going to prison."

--sigh-- Of course, they always talk about me having a "public defender" and "gettin' a felony," etc. They've been talking about me going to prison for over 4 years now. Wait...more like 5, basically since I came home.

I'm blessed. When I got in trouble, my dad hired a lawyer. I've been on probation for a (serious) misdemeanor for 3 years now, out of the 5 given me.

I'm less afraid now than when they did this in years past. They've clearly been drinking. People talking about "warrants" and such kinda gets old after a while.

Still, prayer never hurt anybody, now did it? This is small, southern town. If they could, they'd send me to a state mental hospital. That's not an option now in 2016, so this talk of prison kinda gets to me, because that's where low status "losers" often end up (I almost did).

--sigh-- A lot of the fear is gone now. It doesn't help that I don't know anyone in this community well enough to hang out and my parents are pretty much solitary; they work, then they come home and hang out with each other. I feel as if I"m living in a (comfortable) bubble. Point is, I can't do a reality check with anybody living around here, so that's kinda rough.

Please pray for my freedom+safety. Thanks :)
Click to expand...
You're not alone. We 3. My wife, my son and myself are basically in a social bubble ourselves. With 3 very large corporations, the corrupt police, corrupt city employees, corrupt neighbors/informants, corrupt family, friends, co-workers....you name it....we now stick to ourselves for safety's sake. We plan to leave the US and revoke our citizenship. Our son desperately needs medical care that we can't get safely here in America. We have no choice but to leave. The establishment makes me feel like a criminal...yet I've done nothing wrong except I'm a serious financial threat to them. Just walk in the Lord and you'll be safe til your probation is up. Be careful of snares. Be careful of everyone outside the ones you trust.
 
daninthelionsden said:
You're not alone. We 3. My wife, my son and myself are basically in a social bubble ourselves. With 3 very large corporations, the corrupt police, corrupt city employees, corrupt neighbors/informants, corrupt family, friends, co-workers....you name it....we now stick to ourselves for safety's sake. We plan to leave the US and revoke our citizenship. Our son desperately needs medical care that we can't get safely here in America. We have no choice but to leave. The establishment makes me feel like a criminal...yet I've done nothing wrong except I'm a serious financial threat to them. Just walk in the Lord and you'll be safe til your probation is up. Be careful of snares. Be careful of everyone outside the ones you trust.
Click to expand...
Hi DanITLD

Where do you plan to go for the medical care?
IYDM
 
sorry about your situation, DanITLD. I --am-- glad you're getting ready to go to New Zealand. That's exciting.

I think people just love hassling me (a) and (b) nobody talks to me about the case or whatever, so everybody assumes I had a public defender and somehow got probation. On a felony. Once, some woman over at this one set of neighbor's place yelled out at me, "The judge took pity on you, f@ggot!!!" Super special. Ahhh, The South. OK. I guess this could happen in any Small Town, USA.

What's scary is that now I'm wondering what would have happened if I'd had a public defender, or if my dad had gone for a less skilled attorney. As is, I got slammed with 5 years probation. Not bad...I live comfortably, the officer pretty much leaves me alone...but that's the state maximum for probation (weird laws down here). At the sentencing hearing, the lady judge said "You have a skilled attorney," and looked at me like...I would --destroy-- you if it wasn't for your attorney. "Uppity mental patients" don't do well in the US. Maybe I"m blessed that its the South?

Anyway, I'm blessed. I'm healthy, smart enough for my goals, and alive, which is a miracle all by itself. I'm also blessed that they shut down the state hospital and sold most of it off to make condos or something. If it was still open for business, I'd probably be there, and not just for a little while.

Thanks for the responses and the prayers. Its just that being low status and stigmatized is no fun. But, I have it better than most low status and stigmatized people. My people are now high(er) status, and they take care of me, protect me, etc. I think I've recovered enough to "get it," to a point; when you're poor and "Schizophrenic," its a double, triple whammy; when you have "genteel" people behind you and you're "Schizophrenic," you get more space to do whatever, and that makes people in this town (who remember me as a "loser" from a "rinky dink middle class" family) angry, and they perceive this as "uppity."

just thinking out loud, I guess. Funny how heavy shock treatments make you a stranger to your past. I'm blessed that The Lord has been restoring me, gradually. I even remember things now that I haven't thought of in over 10 years.

:) Thanks again. Please keep the prayers coming.
 
thanks for the prayers and replies, everyone.

This is crazy. Its like...I need psych drugs, but I think psychiatry itself is often abused and used as a form of social control. That's what alot of this is about; I'm considered an "uppity mental patient," plus the stigma of all my intensive "treatment" (especially the heavy shock "treatments..." that's highly stigmatized).

When you're low status and stigmatized and have a psych history, plus angry ex-shrinks, one would think the state hospital would be where'd the community would aim to put you. Thing is, I had one psych evaluation. See, here a doctor who wants you committed has to have you evaluated. Then you're held for 72 hours. Then there's more stuff. If its really bad, they can have a commitment trial (yes, really), and you can get a lawyer to defend you if can afford one. That's called a "judicial commitment."

OK. So, my ex-shrink wanted me in a hospital for 72 hours, a detention order. So, I get a call from the clinic and they have me come in and I talked my way out of being committed. I think I was too lucid for commitment or something. I dunno. The psychiatrist was older, started practicing in the 70s, and I think he approaches things differently, less controlling, more psychosocial, less drug-centered. And then, all Hell broke loose, because "mental patients" are supposed to march off the local hospital when told to do so. Period. End of discussion.

then the ex-shrink filed criminal charges, dad got me a lawyer, on and on it goes. Basically, I'm considered "uppity" and people who used to call me "trailer park f@ggot," etc. are now angry because I come from what is (now) considered a "good family" (read: not rich, not middle-middle class), so I get more leeway. Is the whole country this class-conscious?

Rambling...thanks again. Its kinda scary, when you realize that I grew up here, lived here since age 2, and now I can never become a member of this community. Period. End of discussion.

--sigh-- :)
 
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How much longer does your parole continue? If you can look forward to that instead of back to the past it should become easier partner. It's much like your testimonies of deliverance: they sometimes radiate the glory of God. Where did the depression go during those moments? The past is Satan's way of condemnation; his very method of keeping us from excelling in our walk. Now he can't affect our destiny, but he sure can tempt us in the way. All the things you're suffering such as loneliness, anticipation, and your future even take from the peace you can be enjoying. Like David: restore unto me the joy of thy salvation huh? Psa 51:12.
 
thanks (yet again), Eugene.

Things are better today. I think its a small southern town thing. I'll call it SSS--Small Southern (town) Syndrome. Rumors, rumors, rumors; all the time rumors.

I'm doing well on probation. I'm blessed. Mine is easy breezy, as probation goes. Pay monthly, talk to the assigned officer every 3 months. Not a big deal. I will be done in 2 years.

Here's what I thought about recently: before I got saved, I was more wretched than your average Joe. Who knows why, every wretch has a backstory. In America, very few people care.

Anyway, I was wretched and all, but I guess people could "handle" me, or something. I dunno. Its the south, small town, plus I think that's how the people on the broad road roll, especially when, like me, you're stigmatized, low status, etc.

I got saved and a couple years into my walk with The Lord, all these things have been added unto me, this big one being increasingly levels of normalcy. I do have the mental illness issues, but those are fairly well controlled with the prescribe treatments. Point is...The Lord changed me for the better, in big big ways. The Lord's work doesn't sit well with the world in general, and when its an especially wretched person, all the more reason to get upset (or so it seems).

I'm hoping to one day move, but that may not be what The Lord has for me. I'd like to be close to my parents from now on, especially since I think one big reason I've been blessed is to facilitate The Lord's work in their lives. Maybe we'll end up all 3 going to the same church? I dunno. The guy my dad likes is only recently out of rehab, so I don't think that place is an option right now.

rambling...thanks again. People are cruel to me. Guess what? That's how society works. Thank God I'm in the world, but not of it.

:)
 
I'd pray for neighbors so lost that they'd speak loudly enough about you and speak a lie as well, so that you'd hear them from your own property.
How empty their life must be to make up a horrible fiction about a young person they do not know. Otherwise if they did know you they'd know what you shared with us here.
I pray for you. I'd suggest you pray for them. In fact, if they go that far again why not walk to your property line as close to theirs as you can go without crossing and tell them you're going to do just that?
It may change their heart.
God be with you and your family.
 
me again. I realize now that this community had a field day with me until Jesus saved me, and now...well, I imagine a lot of them will move on to other, more vulnerable targets. Others will keep on giving me a hassle (like, say, the neighbor dudes), and maybe some will stop and think about their behavior. Maybe not (?).

Doesn't really matter. The Lord has made good of this stuff already. When the guy my dad hired made the deal initially, it was for 18 months probation. The ex-shrink demanded the maximum, so I got 5 years probation (!!!), which is the max under state law. This is how "uppity mental patients" do in the legal system. I'm blessed I didn't go to jail and/or prison (down here, some misdemeanors can be punished with a couple years incarceration...gotta love The Bible Belt, lol).

It doesn't matter what they think of me. Unlike what pop-psychology says, my self-concept isn't the big issue, either. Its all about God. He's seen fit to save me and forgive me and re-create me. I have Jesus living in my heart, which is huge. I'm learning to pray the psychobabble stuff out of my mind and pray more, which helps a lot...God has blessed and I think is blessing me for all that prayer.

--sigh-- I'm realizing now that the world soundly rejected me, and Jesus saved me, anyway. He loves the least of these. I had a counselor, he did some missionary work in Malawi. He said he'd seen people there healed, sometimes rapidly. My healing+transformation has taken longer, but then I existed in various states of serious sin and ill health for a long time, relatively speaking; it makes sense that God's work in my life would be more gradual than in some other peoples' lives.

Thanks for the prayers. People around here don't respect me, and may never respect me. People I've never spoken a word to in my life have opinions about my mental health, my personality, my life, everything. This is what happens a) when you make shrinks mad and b) when you're an outcast; seen, but not heard. Spoken about, but rarely spoken to.

ugh. My people love me and take good care of me. I don't know if I'll ever have a j-o-b. It'd be nice, but it'd also have to be a secure job, because I need to make sure I can cover mental health treatment before I jump off disability. Kinda rambling...

Thanks again for the prayers and replies. :)
 
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