[__ Praise __] "recovering," apparently

[Christ_empowered]

yes...yes, indeed. It's -me-, yet again.

OK. So, the mental health people say I'm "recovering" quite well, and have "made tremendous progress," etc. Its not that I dislike the mental health people, its just...wow. heavy, involuntary shock...heavy drugging...addiction to prescription uppers and downers from "reputable psychiatrists,"...all before 25? OK...

not that I was sinless, blameless, etc., just...wow. wow. blah.

but, hey...Jesus saves! Why not me? Why not...anyone, really? Interesting (to me, anyway) how my "recovery" didn't begin until He knocked at my heart's door, nearly 8 years ago, now. I lean Calvinist, when I stop to think about such things...more because of my own "salvation experience," which I generally date from that moment, onwards. not that I"m a huge RC Sproul fan at this point or anything, just...yeah. rambling...

my new life...my real life, in Christ...goes on, and He has seen fit to bless my parents + me, mightily. With "recovery," I'm finding...the taunts, the bullying, are easier to bear up under. His work, not mine. truth? sin, satan, self, and the world ripped old me to shreds...and then the hits kept coming. happens, I see that now (file this one under "welcome to the real world"). all that sets me apart is...

Jesus. His Love, His mercy, His forgiveness...

His work in however much time I have left, here on earth. "...it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me..."

perhaps -not so surprisingly- , those who cared about me then, as best they could (family, mostly) are pleased with His work, as He has seen fit to "...put off the old, put on the new...," and bless me with (more...and more...) "a heart of flesh, not of stone..."

I also have the whole stigma, wretched pre-conversion existence, etc. thing to deal with, in the context of an especially authoritarian, harsh, unthinking...often, straight up mean-spirited and hypocritical...(southern, but could happen anywhere) community. oh well. By His grace...

I'm being made increasingly...whole. flawed, lingering sins and sin patterns, sho nuff, but...-whole- , nonetheless.

so...my real, true Praise to The Lord is not about "recovery from severe mental illness," per se...not knocking it, but a lot of "those people" are godless and cruel (I know this...trust me on this one...), but rather for His overall work in my life...

my Redeemer lives.

 

[Michael74]

OK. So, the mental health people say I'm "recovering" quite well, and have "made tremendous progress," etc.

The Lord is healing you. All glory to God and God alone.

my Redeemer lives.

Yes He does.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I agree. The Lord is healing me. Not just me, of course; I don't have stats or anything, but people are healed by The Lord. It happens. It's obviously a -big deal- for me, my family, etc....because I am me, 24/7, and they have seen the worst...now, I'm --normalish--.

not to rehash...but, a bit before my spiritual awakening (as the shrinks call it...ugh...) which was and is truly The Lord having mercy on me and calling me to Him...

I said that Jesus had healed me. truth? At 28, I was already old. Not able to work, sickly, barely patched up from...my existence. and yet...

according to worldly wisdom, I really wasn't supposed to be alive. shouldn't have been alive 5 years prior, age 23, when I had a so called 'psychotic episode' (something tells me, now that I stop to think about it, that brain damage+ health problems + poverty and oppression can easily= any number of mental health labels. am i right?) and a brain scan showed that my neurons were fried and done. done. other than that, i was fully expected to be dead within 6 months or so, which explains the intensity of the cruelty poured out on me (and my family...ugh...I love my parents!). moving on...

so...yeah. Jesus, in His good timing, called yet another wretch unto Him...and it was -me- ! big deal for me. no one else was all that impressed, honestly. and now...

long, seemingly dramatic story (?) that, again, really doesn't impress anyone, except some Christians...

and then, what impresses them (better word...looking...) is not me, but rather The Lord's work in my life. That's...actually...right along the lines of the way it should be, I see now.

so...healing. a born again relative (good man, gave up lucrative career for ministry...my only problem with him is that he insists on voting GOP, lol) calls it a 'healing journey.' The Lord takes some of His children on healing journeys. It isn't that its just me-me-me-, etc., its just...

well, my older Christian friend...she took pity on me when I was a broken shell of a 24 year old, now we have a bond in Christ, etc...she's forever telling me: "you're special." funny, that...because one thing my naysayers repeat, almost on loop (seriously) is "you're nothing -special-" , etc. thing is...

ugh. well (cue coming of age movie sound track), now, I don't think I want to be 'special,' per se...but again, that development, like so many others, is His work, not mine. I'm not saying I want to actively pursue mediocrity, its just...

-sigh- This...healing journey...is part of His work in my life, and I'm trying to "get my eyes fixed on Christ, and Him Crucified," not so much on my past, self-(whatever...), pop sociology, pop psychology, etc...

worldly wisdom ultimately falls short, anyway. "hold every thought captive to Christ," right? Right. Not there yet, but...like any other believer, the '...heart of flesh, not of stone...' is a promise that sees only partial fulfillment, this side of eternity. and so...

"special" I do think my testimony, as He continues His work in my life, Romans 8:28 --style, is "special," I do. Me? I pray to be made...well, I was going to write 'whole,' yet again, but it dawns on me...

His -perfect will- may or may not involve total and complete resolution of the schizophrenia, etc. "My grace is sufficient for thee," a hard verse. but, it could, obviously. "...a spirit of power, a spirit of love, a spirit of a --sound mind--..." again, I'm thinking that these see full fruition in Heaven, not on earth, and that...is what it is, I guess. tragicomic nature of human life, as sin stained creatures in a fallen world. -sigh- CS Lewis writes something to the effect that moments of joy, miracles...are but a small, small foretaste of what Heaven holds for Christians. so...

ok. I am now physically healthy. I'd like to drop lbs and tone up, but...healthy. eyes are bright. that's a big deal, because part of my 'treatment' inpatient, 15ish years ago, involved leaving me dead eyed, severely brain damaged, over medicated, and incredibly traumatized. again: not to rehash, but it wasn't until I got out of the hospital and dropped the prescribed drugs that I knew what sheer, -primal- terror really was...I mean, to the core my being, shredded and ripped apart -terror- . and now...

ugh. i went out with a parent today, got some stuff done. i had a taste of it, the sense of disintegration, etc...whatever it is that holds one's mind together, the way one, anyone, can get thru each day, filtering out junk, absorbing what needs absorbing, without...distress, even straight up madness...

well, now, 15ish years later, there's still this sort of taste of...non-sense. and terror. but no where near as intense and truly overwhelming as in years past.

"meds" ? i dunno. I take my 'atypical.' it seems i kinda lucked out...I do fairly well with a standard dose, its thought to be one of the less toxic drugs in the class, so...OK. beats a hospital, any hospital. that...goes without saying...

rambling....The Lord has seen fit to bless my parents and me, and I -am- increasingly grateful. Lately, I even have more energy, better ability to concentrate, my sleep is...not perfect, but I can get what I need without horror-movie style nightmares, etc., no sedatives...

rambling. God -is- Good. Truly Good (hence the caps...that and I'm ripping off CS Lewis, yet again). '...take up the plow and look forward...,' and '...put aside what is behind and press forward...' and...

forgive 70x7.

getting there, by His grace....

 

[Michael74]

God -is- Good.

Amen.

 

[Truthfrees]

yes...yes, indeed. It's -me-, yet again.

OK. So, the mental health people say I'm "recovering" quite well, and have "made tremendous progress," etc. Its not that I dislike the mental health people, its just...wow. heavy, involuntary shock...heavy drugging...addiction to prescription uppers and downers from "reputable psychiatrists,"...all before 25? OK...

not that I was sinless, blameless, etc., just...wow. wow. blah.

but, hey...Jesus saves! Why not me? Why not...anyone, really? Interesting (to me, anyway) how my "recovery" didn't begin until He knocked at my heart's door, nearly 8 years ago, now. I lean Calvinist, when I stop to think about such things...more because of my own "salvation experience," which I generally date from that moment, onwards. not that I"m a huge RC Sproul fan at this point or anything, just...yeah. rambling...

my new life...my real life, in Christ...goes on, and He has seen fit to bless my parents + me, mightily. With "recovery," I'm finding...the taunts, the bullying, are easier to bear up under. His work, not mine. truth? sin, satan, self, and the world ripped old me to shreds...and then the hits kept coming. happens, I see that now (file this one under "welcome to the real world"). all that sets me apart is...

Jesus. His Love, His mercy, His forgiveness...

His work in however much time I have left, here on earth. "...it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me..."

perhaps -not so surprisingly- , those who cared about me then, as best they could (family, mostly) are pleased with His work, as He has seen fit to "...put off the old, put on the new...," and bless me with (more...and more...) "a heart of flesh, not of stone..."

I also have the whole stigma, wretched pre-conversion existence, etc. thing to deal with, in the context of an especially authoritarian, harsh, unthinking...often, straight up mean-spirited and hypocritical...(southern, but could happen anywhere) community. oh well. By His grace...

I'm being made increasingly...whole. flawed, lingering sins and sin patterns, sho nuff, but...-whole- , nonetheless.

so...my real, true Praise to The Lord is not about "recovery from severe mental illness," per se...not knocking it, but a lot of "those people" are godless and cruel (I know this...trust me on this one...), but rather for His overall work in my life...

my Redeemer lives.

praising God with you

 

[Couppy]

rambling....The Lord has seen fit to bless my parents and me, and I -am- increasingly grateful. Lately, I even have more energy, better ability to concentrate, my sleep is...not perfect, but I can get what I need without horror-movie style nightmares, etc., no sedatives...

rambling. God -is- Good. Truly Good (hence the caps...that and I'm ripping off CS Lewis, yet again). '...take up the plow and look forward...,' and '...put aside what is behind and press forward...' and...

forgive 70x7.

getting there, by His grace....

You are doing great. I was in a village several years ago with a group of Christians who were there to preach the gospel. I met two women in a house and prayed for their healing. I cannot remember what their illnesses were. God told me that one would be healed immediately but the other woman's healing was going to be a gradual process.

Keep holding on to God for wholesomeness. He has a way of doing things. What do you want him to do? Do you want to be completely off medication etc. Then, have a honest chat about that with him. He is a good listener. Remember Matthew 7:7.

Mediating on the word of God helps put me back to sleep whenever I am wide awake during the night. It might not work for everyone but it worth a try. Reading and studying the bible before sleep might help. Some people read novels but I doubt whether studying the word of God will lead to nightmares. It has not done that for me so far.