Son Questioning His Salvation

[Mike]

Our son was home from college for Thanksgiving. At church this Sunday, our pastor asked everyone to bow their heads, close their eyes, and then he asked anyone who is unsure of their salvation to briefly raise their hands. It was to be a private moment of honesty. Well, our son raised his hand. I know because my wife peeked. She told me late Sunday night, after she questioned him about it, and after he got upset that she looked, and after he left to go back to school.

I told her I agreed with him. It was good for him to respond honestly, and she shouldn't have "cheated". We need to do a better job of fostering an atmosphere of honesty at home, so he will be more open to sharing his feelings. Regardless, she couldn't unsee what she saw, and I couldn't unhear what she told me.

I texted him during the day yesterday and called him on my way home from work. We had a good conversation. He said he still believes but worries about his fate a little. Without going into the details of my counsel to him, I emphasized the need to spend time with the Lord and listen to music, watch on line videos that edify the Lord and strengthen his confidence in His promise. This kind of thing will happen when you fill your head with secular nonsense, especially in his phase of life.

Two questions to other parents. Would you have peeked? Also, have you dealt with young adult children who have gone thru similar seasons of life, and have they since returned to their faith roots?

 

[Jethro Bodine]

I would not have peeked.

 

[smaller]

My wife and I raised 5 children to adulthood. Their capacity to understand and to question grows over time. Each of them, just like us, had to take their own paths to understandings. And that often involves stepping out of the molds of parents, particularly if the faith of the parents is not practical for them to employ in real life.

We told them just like my parents told me. The essence of Christianity is to love your neighbors as yourself as Jesus Loves you. This is the Golden Rule that IS practical to follow. The other side of the coin was that they personally had to learn to say NO to unrighteousness, which is a much more difficult prospect that can only be learned the hard way, by failures to do so and the real penalties that arrive in one's lap for not doing so. We taught them about the "spirit of disobedience" and about how law internally creates the impetus to first think contrary, then to speak contrary and finally to act contrary. And they were warned about this reality and the real need to control and govern their own hearts as this would lead their actions.

The two basics above were fairly easy to instill from an early age with a lot of practical applications.

 

[reba]

I would have peeked or noticed and then done every thing i could to keep my mouth shut.. not an easy task..

 

[Mike]

Good stuff. While I would never peek, I guess some good came of it, because it ended up with him being honest with us about what he is going thru. I knew before, but I know now more than ever that I can't miss opportunities to stay connected with this. Not easy with a 20 year old son, but he's more open than many others his age. I do believe it's not uncommon for kids in his phase of life to veer off course. James Dobson has always talked about this. Many times they end up returning to their roots. I shared this with him with the caution that he can't use this as a license to drift. Being a believer means never to be complacent with where you are. Life always takes you further or closer to Him, and he should be aware of where he's at.

smaller I know about your faith walk enough to know you don't believe loving your neighbor is not the end all. Christ gave it a close second to loving the Lord. My advice to him in part was to first be honest with himself about where his faith is. If he honestly does believe, then he can be certain of his salvation. Some church institutions will cause him to doubt this, and of course evil will always promote this doubt. But the cross was sufficient. His love for Christ should compel him to live the life, but his salvation doesn't depend on what he does and doesn't do. I realize I'm opening myself up to criticism here by saying that, but I'm not going to engage in debate in this thread anyway. My point is I hate seeing believers, and especially my son, sucked down into doubt about their salvation when the Lord will not attach conditions to His promise. Faith alone. We can be secure in that.

 

[smaller]

smaller I know about your faith walk enough to know you don't believe loving your neighbor is not the end all.

It's probably the only reasonable measure to employ, and that largely for our own collective good and the good of keeping our own hearts. But of course this does not mean letting loose of sound judgments either. I have taught my kids to recognize that people do have evil and wickedness within. All of us do. Holy Spirit reconnoitering and assistance is mandatory because of this wild card.

Christ gave it a close second to loving the Lord.

They are intimately linked. We can't claim we love God on one hand and hate others on the other. 1 John 4:20. If anything our love for God is secondary to His Love for us. 1 John 4:10. We are, perhaps seeking His reflection in ourselves.

My advice to him in part was to first be honest with himself about where his faith is. If he honestly does believe, then he can be certain of his salvation. Some church institutions will cause him to doubt this, and of course evil will always promote this doubt.

We have taken the doubt chip off the table in our house and will not allow it back in. Salvation is a settled issue, that we believe God in Christ actually get's the job done, regardless of what this present life brings. This is a sure anchor for the soul in all storms.

But the cross was sufficient. His love for Christ should compel him to live the life, but his salvation doesn't depend on what he does and doesn't do. I realize I'm opening myself up to criticism here by saying that, but I'm not going to engage in debate in this thread anyway. My point is I hate seeing believers, and especially my son, sucked down into doubt about their salvation when the Lord will not attach conditions to His promise. Faith alone. We can be secure in that.

Indeed. There are innumerable traps to engage in if we perceive it any other way. Eventually we'll doubt ourselves, and fall in the process, because we inherently KNOW we are not capable of saving ourselves. That much is certain and common sense. As a family, we have examined this matter most intimately. There are many sects that deceive in this arena using potential condemnation masked under the guise of works, meaning typically to obtain money for their players and religious systems. At least 2 of my children, while in college, were taken behind closed doors and had their salvation (politely of course) threatened if they did not financially support a certain national christian college association. Since we had already covered this ground at home, they were not deceived and recognized it as using a threat to obtain cash. I've seen this myself many many times. And not only just for money. Sometimes sects will use certain (false postures) that they have, then use those postures and the attendant salvation threats as a way to hold on to their flocks and to make more pseudo sheep, by using these various "hooks and threats." Christianity is vicious in this direction.

We recognize that there is always a lurker, waiting to question and to potentially destroy the salvation of another. Religious organizations generally hate the "just me and Jesus" stance, but that's really a better place to stand than taking other people's word to the contrary.

 

[Mike]

smaller I agree with everything you said, and you were right in saying it better than I did. Our love for the Lord and our neighbors are intimately connected. It's always good to hear from Godly parents who have been down the road I'm on. Thanks for your responses.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

He said he still believes but worries about his fate a little.

I was like this, too, about three years into my salvation. I ultimately found peace about the matter through the scriptures that tell us how we can know we are saved. Obviously, God wants us to have the full assurance of our faith so that we can know that we really have, and are continuing in the faith that saves. The experience steered me into a whole new understanding of the will of God for the believer and what really matters.