Christ_empowered
Member
I post a lot. I still tend to complain a lot. :-(
Truth? I got truly saved nearly 10 years ago. Had Jesus not seen fit to spare me, I would not have even been alive, then. In my case, it was largely psychiatry...prescribed too many meds, too much (involuntary) shock, on and on...
but, honestly: so, what? I mean in this sense...we -all- come to The Cross with our particular backstories and trauma-drama, and..."washed and made clean...," right? Right...
It'd be easier if I wasn't so obviously an outcast. -But- in Christ, I'm a forgiven and redeemed individual who happens to be an outcast in this corner of a fallen world. so, there's that. Oh and because of God blessing my parents and me and then us as a "family unit" (dorky humor), I find...
life with the label of "Schizophrenia," etc. is not only bearable, its often...pleasant, simple, quiet and good. I don't just mean -stuff- although, again: material world, God who became Flesh for us....there's a definite material, in the here and now aspect to God's work in many, many believers' lives (just getting that out there...). Its just...
I've only now -- over 15 years after an HIV+ diagnosis and the first round of involuntary shock and whatever else (I had a brain scan...some kind of operation? -eek- !), and nearly 15 years after the 2nd place destroyed what was left of me -- "recovered." Honestly?
I get frustrated with the mental (ill) health industry. I'm apparently "recovered" and/or in never ending "recovery..." truth? Apparently, there are a lot of people who have survived the rough end of psychiatry who are still "in the system" as people "...in recovery...," and..
let your -yes- mean -yes- and your -no- mean -no-. Scripture emphasizes plain talk, honesty, concern for the well-being of the other person (one's neighbor). the world? not so much. that's probably why "antipsychiatry" fails...
psychiatry, etc. are only as evil as the world allows them to be. which is...actually...pretty intensely evil, at times. :-( blah.
so, yeah: spared. time to...-live- ? Not that my simple, uneventful life now is -bad-, just...frustrating, at times. Apparently I had lung cancer? Its common, in HIV+ cases, to see cancers at younger ages and/or uncommon, even rare cancers. So...me having cancer around age 23 (I'm 38 now, btw) would line up with the rapid decline of an HIV+ individual without any treatment except the psych junk. what's odd about my situation...
I mean "odd" in that I feel almost as if I"m in a movie, or some surreal TV show...
is that -people I do not know- openly talk about it, in a taunting sort of way...
and not just in my small hometown. I'm in a small city, a southern sort of McCity, you know? Any small city, USA...with southern accents and lots of BBQ places.
I do like it here, though. My place....well, the place my family provides for me...is nice and modest and safe and nice! did I mention I have house plants and a view? ...
and I think maybe that's part of the "issue" in the surrounding area, McCity / Any City, USA. It isn't southern culture or american culture, its just...the lil corner of a fallen world that I have to contend with, good and bad, this side of eternity. And so...
ugh. I don't know what to do? No local friends. Family is -so- supportive, but I can't lean too heavily on them for more and more and more social interaction and everything else. They're good and kind, have me over for meals and such, but...
to whatever extent possible, I'd like to do...something? But I couldn't even volunteer at a local non profit without being heckled. I mean...it was intense, and probably deliberate. A mix of the way outcasts are treated + the way psych "trouble makers," in particular, are treated = Nooooo! lol. Seriously. Some dude was all "his daddy makes xyz a year and he thinks he's -special- !," and...
ugh. I was freshly showered and wearing some higher quality than usual clothes and I brought the man on the shift ahead of me a big soda and....
its just rough, sometimes. I'd like to at least volunteer, but I don't know if anyone will have me, and then if they do...how long will it last? how long will -I- last at a volunteer gig if that happens, each time?
"he needs to KNOW his place!" was a common refrain. now its "he's a convicted FELON!" (I'm actually not, but that's OK...social non-entity, no one cares to listen, anyway...), and...
on and on and on. but I'm "...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus," just like the rest of us.
no drugs. no drinking. made healthy. made smart. reconciled to my parents, by His grace. less tormented and less frustrated, just...
I can't chill out at this (rather nice) place 24/7 , indefinitely. but what to -do- ?
thanks.
Truth? I got truly saved nearly 10 years ago. Had Jesus not seen fit to spare me, I would not have even been alive, then. In my case, it was largely psychiatry...prescribed too many meds, too much (involuntary) shock, on and on...
but, honestly: so, what? I mean in this sense...we -all- come to The Cross with our particular backstories and trauma-drama, and..."washed and made clean...," right? Right...
It'd be easier if I wasn't so obviously an outcast. -But- in Christ, I'm a forgiven and redeemed individual who happens to be an outcast in this corner of a fallen world. so, there's that. Oh and because of God blessing my parents and me and then us as a "family unit" (dorky humor), I find...
life with the label of "Schizophrenia," etc. is not only bearable, its often...pleasant, simple, quiet and good. I don't just mean -stuff- although, again: material world, God who became Flesh for us....there's a definite material, in the here and now aspect to God's work in many, many believers' lives (just getting that out there...). Its just...
I've only now -- over 15 years after an HIV+ diagnosis and the first round of involuntary shock and whatever else (I had a brain scan...some kind of operation? -eek- !), and nearly 15 years after the 2nd place destroyed what was left of me -- "recovered." Honestly?
I get frustrated with the mental (ill) health industry. I'm apparently "recovered" and/or in never ending "recovery..." truth? Apparently, there are a lot of people who have survived the rough end of psychiatry who are still "in the system" as people "...in recovery...," and..
let your -yes- mean -yes- and your -no- mean -no-. Scripture emphasizes plain talk, honesty, concern for the well-being of the other person (one's neighbor). the world? not so much. that's probably why "antipsychiatry" fails...
psychiatry, etc. are only as evil as the world allows them to be. which is...actually...pretty intensely evil, at times. :-( blah.
so, yeah: spared. time to...-live- ? Not that my simple, uneventful life now is -bad-, just...frustrating, at times. Apparently I had lung cancer? Its common, in HIV+ cases, to see cancers at younger ages and/or uncommon, even rare cancers. So...me having cancer around age 23 (I'm 38 now, btw) would line up with the rapid decline of an HIV+ individual without any treatment except the psych junk. what's odd about my situation...
I mean "odd" in that I feel almost as if I"m in a movie, or some surreal TV show...
is that -people I do not know- openly talk about it, in a taunting sort of way...
and not just in my small hometown. I'm in a small city, a southern sort of McCity, you know? Any small city, USA...with southern accents and lots of BBQ places.
I do like it here, though. My place....well, the place my family provides for me...is nice and modest and safe and nice! did I mention I have house plants and a view? ...
and I think maybe that's part of the "issue" in the surrounding area, McCity / Any City, USA. It isn't southern culture or american culture, its just...the lil corner of a fallen world that I have to contend with, good and bad, this side of eternity. And so...
ugh. I don't know what to do? No local friends. Family is -so- supportive, but I can't lean too heavily on them for more and more and more social interaction and everything else. They're good and kind, have me over for meals and such, but...
to whatever extent possible, I'd like to do...something? But I couldn't even volunteer at a local non profit without being heckled. I mean...it was intense, and probably deliberate. A mix of the way outcasts are treated + the way psych "trouble makers," in particular, are treated = Nooooo! lol. Seriously. Some dude was all "his daddy makes xyz a year and he thinks he's -special- !," and...
ugh. I was freshly showered and wearing some higher quality than usual clothes and I brought the man on the shift ahead of me a big soda and....
its just rough, sometimes. I'd like to at least volunteer, but I don't know if anyone will have me, and then if they do...how long will it last? how long will -I- last at a volunteer gig if that happens, each time?
"he needs to KNOW his place!" was a common refrain. now its "he's a convicted FELON!" (I'm actually not, but that's OK...social non-entity, no one cares to listen, anyway...), and...
on and on and on. but I'm "...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus," just like the rest of us.
no drugs. no drinking. made healthy. made smart. reconciled to my parents, by His grace. less tormented and less frustrated, just...
I can't chill out at this (rather nice) place 24/7 , indefinitely. but what to -do- ?
thanks.