[__ Prayer __] ugh. spiritual oppression, yet again :-(

[Christ_empowered]

I went into a convenience store I don't usually go into (decent enough, safe enough, small-ish chain, etc.), and...

wow. wow. I don't really know...what, exactly, is going on around me, but...wow. I got in, got my goods, paid, got out and all, but...

its just getting intense, that's all. "he's nothing special" and "a couple of years in prison would be good for him," etc. ugh. :-(

i have -1- conviction on my record. started as a felony carrying -15 years- in prison! by God's grace, my parents were able and willing to get an attorney, and a (surprisingly skilled) attorney was willing to represent me, and...

3 years, suspended to 5 years probation on a high level (class A where I live, lol) misdemeanor. I ended up doing 3 years probation, the rest was covered by "compliance credits" (apparently, don't mess up=each month counts for 45 days or something...thankful, of course...), and...

yeah. got off probation nearly 5 years ago, no arrests or anything since. I think I have a seat belt violation. lol.

-creepy- and..."the way the world works..." more than a little bit disconcerting. the psych people regard me as a "trouble maker" and/or "too intelligent, Schizophrenic," that kinda thing. so, a) eyes fixed on Christ (working on that... and b) be extra super thankful for my loving, kind, generous, and fairly recently upper middle class to well to do parents....

not because I live large and in charge (neither do they; they like good stuff, but they're frugal), but because its 21st century America. being poor is basically a crime, in and of itself. so is being "Schizophrenic," or whatever. so...

The Lord blessed my parents with higher status and such, and now He has changed me enough to be part of the family, thank God.

its just...so crazy, to walk into a decent convenience store and have people I do.not.know saying things like that, and its just...wow. wow.

I do pray that The Lord spares me (and, really, my parents) yet again. No drugs, no drink, not even any crazy and/or fun prescriptions....

the -creepy- factor is off the charts. ugh. Thanks, y'all.

 

[Truthfrees]

I went into a convenience store I don't usually go into (decent enough, safe enough, small-ish chain, etc.), and...

wow. wow. I don't really know...what, exactly, is going on around me, but...wow. I got in, got my goods, paid, got out and all, but...

its just getting intense, that's all. "he's nothing special" and "a couple of years in prison would be good for him," etc. ugh. :-(

i have -1- conviction on my record. started as a felony carrying -15 years- in prison! by God's grace, my parents were able and willing to get an attorney, and a (surprisingly skilled) attorney was willing to represent me, and...

3 years, suspended to 5 years probation on a high level (class A where I live, lol) misdemeanor. I ended up doing 3 years probation, the rest was covered by "compliance credits" (apparently, don't mess up=each month counts for 45 days or something...thankful, of course...), and...

yeah. got off probation nearly 5 years ago, no arrests or anything since. I think I have a seat belt violation. lol.

-creepy- and..."the way the world works..." more than a little bit disconcerting. the psych people regard me as a "trouble maker" and/or "too intelligent, Schizophrenic," that kinda thing. so, a) eyes fixed on Christ (working on that... and b) be extra super thankful for my loving, kind, generous, and fairly recently upper middle class to well to do parents....

not because I live large and in charge (neither do they; they like good stuff, but they're frugal), but because its 21st century America. being poor is basically a crime, in and of itself. so is being "Schizophrenic," or whatever. so...

The Lord blessed my parents with higher status and such, and now He has changed me enough to be part of the family, thank God.

its just...so crazy, to walk into a decent convenience store and have people I do.not.know saying things like that, and its just...wow. wow.

I do pray that The Lord spares me (and, really, my parents) yet again. No drugs, no drink, not even any crazy and/or fun prescriptions....

the -creepy- factor is off the charts. ugh. Thanks, y'all.

praying

 

[Christ_empowered]

ugh. the more I type out what's going on around me (keep in mind; by God's grace and thanks to His work in blessing my parents as well...I have a quiet, modest, surprisingly comfortable, decided UN-dramatic life, overall...), the more it dawns on me...

its pretty much both the small town my parents live in (my hometown) and also the small city I now live in (maybe 10 miles apart?), and I was a pariah in the small town in which my parents both worked, back in the day. so....

ugh. now...my story is but one of many of The Lord's saving grace and (agape) Love. 'twas grace that saved a wretch like me. thing is...

-sigh- not to rehash (I know, yet again...LOL) but my backstory was -especially- dark and really...sad, all around. mostly for my parents and for me, too. :-(

maybe -that- explains the big time backlash? I didn't really get it till recently, but both of my parents were big time targeted for termination. not all -because- of me, per se (part their own enemies and part me being ripped to shreds by psychiatry...and they were the only people keeping me off the streets, out of prison, etc.), but...I definitely made matters 100x worse. and...

now? I think its gone from "welcome to the real world" (people would constantly taunt me with that, for years...still happens, occasionally...) to "this is how evil the world -really- is, dude..."

as in: I've been (miraculously) saved for a bit over 8 years ago, now. My parents and I have reconciled. They're good to me, I am good to them, too. They're doing much better financially than I think anyone ever thought possible (retired, upper middle class to maybe well to do), and...

"God's work in this world is -always- met with opposition." true, that. :-(

and...now, I think I wish I could move, but I really cannot. I need my parents nearby and they're fully rooted in this area. By God's grace, they were even able to pay off their own mortgage, in full...this after years upon years of frugality, my messes, and life happening. so....

i dunno. Its...beginning to dawn on me, or maybe...I can finally truly get it, and stand upon it...

I really was not only an especially wretched, unrepentant sinner...I was also a rebel, a fool, and a weakling. -ugh-

now? the most...the best...my little corner of a fallen and often hostile world will give me is "developed Schizophrenia, people have money...," and even then...

-ugh- I'm honestly sometimes...more bordering upon afraid...not really "paranoid," more just...aware and therefore wary...

of what's going on around me. it is what it is, I guess. all this talk of "warrants" and "serve the warrant" and all the talk of FBI this and that, etc...

don't know what to make of it. taunting someone labeled with "Schizophrenia" ? the ultimate outcome of a long time pariah's life? -shrug-

i was most definitely -not- supposed to live this long. i was most definitely -not- expected to be made healthy with all my myriad untreated -physical- health problems. my parents were fairly recent arrivals to the respectable white collar segment of the middle-class when I was expected to have 2 years to live, max. that was 16 years ago.

so...i dunno. this isn't to rehash too much or pity party, I mean...its just a cruel, fallen world we all live in, isn't it? and Jesus spared me, spared my parents...brought me to my senses, now I've had over 8 years Knowing Him, and...

I dunno. I really....really dunno, lol. to further complicate matters, I was deliberately electroshocked back to the stone age in my early 20s, involuntarily. God is Good! I am now surprisingly intelligent (not a huge believer in IQ, but my IQ now is "high," my IQ then was "bright," so...????), and...

what is this all about, really? oh, and...the HIV+ thing. Never offered treatment, never could pursue it...16 years after the initial + and 0 standard treatment...

The Lord has willed to make me remarkably healthy. No one deserves a death from HIV, but that's pretty much what the mix of my own sins and "the way the world works" had me slated for, it seems. now...

no treatment. healthy. today, some dudes were openly talking about "he's on his azt (older medication for HIV)" and stuff like that. ugh. darned if you do, darned if you don't. that's the "real world" for you, isn't it?

ok. rambling...

please keep my parents and me up in prayer. thanks

 

[Edward]

A wise man once said...

There are no failures in life, only learning opportunities.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

I do pray that The Lord spares me (and, really, my parents) yet again. No drugs, no drink, not even any crazy and/or fun prescriptions....

The Lord will spare you, but the most important thing for you is change. Work on change and train yourself to become a better person and greater human being.