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[__ Prayer __] (very) good, some bad

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part venting, part...yeah, yet another prayer request. :)

yesterday, my parents made -awesome- gyros with left over lamb from Easter. and...let me know that they're taking me with them on a nice lil vacay in the not so distant future. yay! such good people. i mean...not just because of stuff and trips, but they're...just really, really good people, in general. please keep them up in prayer, too. :)

so, yeah...stuffed from the (tasty) gyros, I fell asleep in what I thought would be a quick "I ate too much" nap...and woke up, about 6 hours later. bummer. not terrible...brewed some coffee, etc...

-taunting- i was -inside- my place, loud (not quite yelling, but...close...) taunting, junk from my psych past, graphic stuff about my gay days, etc....

at 3 AM. blah. 'perfect love casteth out all fear...' ok, so I managed to rest my bones around 5 AM. At 6.30, I was awakened, to more of it, too loud for not even 7 AM. blah :-(

i may have to somehow get a Ring. thing is...this is a bunch of apartment/small condo buildings, all clustered together. its nice, its usually quiet, I like my place. i don't know if...its OK, for me to have a Ring, because then it'd be video-ing lots of people, and I think there's some random state laws that do not allow that, but...

-sigh- I may just have to man up, get the Ring, and then if that's a problem, the hoa can deal with my parents? sound reasonable?

overall, I'm asking for what I need to bear up under it. I -will say- that even when I'm not truly frightened, I get...creeped out...when people I do.not.know make snide comments and act ridiculous. I live in a small, southern city, close to my small, southern hometown. so...yeah. yeah. but its creepy, in this ominous, 'what's going on?' sort of way...

thanks, as always. :)
 
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ugh. more 'he has a FELONY!,' etc. to be fair, I do seem to be stuck with a Class A misdemeanor, which=kissing close to a felony, but not actually a felony (the next 'step up' would be a low level felony). ok. so, as rumors and lies go, that one is not...totally meritless, I suppose (?), but still inaccurate. ok.....

what's crazy to me, now, is how '...conformed unto the ways of this world...' I was -until- my genuine repentance and conversion, a tad over 8 years ago. as in...society creates: 'losers,' 'winners,' average joes and janes...criminals, 'mental patients,' etc. not that I was sinless or blameless, just...I remember, now that The Lord has willed to return some memories from the heavy handed, involuntary shock 'treatments,' being labeled as a 'loser' and 'weakling' as early as 7th, definitely by 8th grade. and...once again: 'the personal is political,' in worldly terms...

my school to prison pipeline journey was narrowly averted thru my parents' education, upward mobility, and their decisions to protect me, and also...

Romans 8:28 . not to ramble and rehash, but part of the reason I don't have anything worse than the class A misdemeanor is because I had very real, very serious -physical- health maladies, part my own sins and sinful lifestyle, part what the mental health industry does to 'riff raff,' etc., and...

blah blah blah. I ramble on this to make -this point- : His work in my life is -not- sitting well with some people. I have my back bedroom window open, I've had it open all day, fans going, no ac or heat. got up, went into the back bedroom, some people with rougher country accents were talking loudly, obnoxious put downs, blah blah blah...

and yesterday, when I went over to my parents' house, I came out to my vehicle, after dinner....

neighbor man was talking to whoever was about to jet off in their car, they started making comments, loudly, it was funny, to them. blah. on the plus side, The Lord has brought me far enough that I'm far less sensitive to it, less fearful about it, not angry, just...

whaaa? like I've written before, add it up, there's this creepy sense of deliberate attempts at oppression, which is why I suspect it has a lot to do with the mental health people. truth? psychology, psychiatry are really just about social control (macrolevel) and slavery (microlevel). con game, they play nice until they've got you, then it's...-shudder- ...just avoid them, OK? thing is...

there's also a strong -religious- element to mental health, inc. I'm not the only person to see this, Dr.Thomas Szasz (myth of mental illness, myth of psychotherapy, etc.) writes on it. keep in mind; he was a secular, atheist, right wing libertarian non-practicing Jew...and a psychiatrist. so, I don't like his politics, but I am 110% in agreement with his writing on "mental illness" and psychiatry, etc. moving on...

so, basically, on the broad road...psychiatry and psychology serve as the #1 false religion. they've even infiltrated churches, ministries, and...schools, the economy ('personality tests' as part of the job application process, for instance), and...

-sigh- even though my 'treatment providers' are just...well, typical mental health people...force, fraud, violence, coercion, straight up lies and rampant profiteering...

they are the 'experts' (read: high priests) and I am the 'uppity mental patient' (read: a psych slave, rattling his chains, lol), and...and...

blah blah blah. stuff happening -here- , to me -now- , lines up with psych survivors, and even...'compliant' patients of yesteryear who were destroyed, anyway...because that's how the psych industry -really works- , ok? its not about help, it never was, and it does not solve anyone's problems, ever.

ok. as always, thanks for reading, thanks for the support, thanks for the prayers. :)
 
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me, yet again. As always: thank you so much for support, encouragement, and ongoing prayers for my family for me. :)

ok. its a cool, drizzly saturday...some taunting, and...ugh. rationally, I know it doesn't amount to anything. Having a class A misdemeanor on my record is not exactly a dream come true, but...it is -not quite- a felony, so I have a whole, whole lot more freedom than if I'd been stuck with what I was originally charged with, so...-be thankful- . :) Our God is a God of mercy+grace, amen.

doesn't make it any better when people taunt me with junk about 'felony,' blah blah blah. truth? they don't care about me or my family or the truth. truth? Jesus spared -me- , an HIV+, obviously brain damaged individual...

and now I'm healthy (no standard treatment...never offered, never could pursue it), smart, and...and...

--forgiven-- I get that, now. it was harder to 'get it' when I was in poverty or living with my parents, but unforgiven, and...blah blah blah, moving on...

I dunno. when I was in and of the world, I get the sense that I was a 'weakling' (hate the term, it what was thrown at me) and now that The Lord has brought deliverance, soteria-style...

not a weakling, developing some actual character and substance...and the broad road is the same as when I was on it, till 8 years ago or so. funny thing...Scripture does warn of a time when things will 'wax worse,' and I kinda...wonder? its so...strange, for someone who leans left like I do...

in some respects, society seems to be more tolerant, less punitive and cruel. but dig deeper. families are fragmented, community bonds are often non-existent, drugs of all sorts are everywhere, and...the church? pshaw. I'll keep praying for a good one, one that will have space for me as who I am now and hopefully will challenge me to facilitate His work in my life (and the other members' lives, too, of course...), but its...

well, its like this...some churches care more about being 'progressive' than about Jesus. Others are so hardline 'conservative' that they're also neglecting The Good News, unless it fits in their 'pick yourself up by your boot straps' and all that mentality.

blah. rambling, per usual. trying to be -grateful- , not -frightened- , etc. My (our) Redeemer lives, amen. :)
 
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ugh. mental health, inc. i was -such- a rebellious fool! but...

8 years into knowing Jesus, I'm not so rebellious, far less foolish. I'm also...'in the world, but not of it,' like all Christians, and...

-sigh- antipsychiatry is kind of interesting, for when I wanna get all hopped up on (pseudo)intellectualism or whatever, but...Truth? I needed -miracles- to truly be free of all the junk. the more pills you take, the more you'll need. the more crazy talk the counselors put in you, the more pills you need and the less you see...

Jesus. Truth. anything of substance, really. ok.

by His grace, I think I'm coming to a place where...I can deal with the labels the world throws at me and I now remember enough (heavy handed involuntary shock...ugh...) that I can kinda sorta put it all into perspective, and...and...

honestly? people who even clam Christ are few and far between in mental health. there's clusters of them in the talking section, mostly counseling, not psychotherapists. I'm beginning to think...well, God can make good of their efforts, but again: best avoided.

the taunts and ridicule and...yeah, its the way the world works (true), its also...how I was treated in that 1st private, for profit hospital. 1 month of -torment-, and it wasn't just the untreated sleeping pill OD, over billing, and shock treatments. it was the psych stuff, having a camera in the room, being humiliated, other patients picking on me to curry favor with the staff (more cigarette breaks, etc.).

its all lies, and a lot of it is traumatizing, and that's the point...rip people to shreds, drug them up, control them. label, control, subtract, destroy. radical? -shrug- we live in a crazy world. sometimes, the simple truth is radical.

blah. i don't like being taunted and intimidated, i certainly don't like them dredging up things...but it is what it is, and I pray for the grace to bear up under it, in Him. at least this way, I see how satan and the world are coming at me, the particular set of wiles in play. ugh. :-(
 
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