[__ Prayer __] "we're not putting up with him!"

[Christ_empowered]

ok. I'll soon be 37. long time pariah. committed all kinds of sins and such before Jesus saved (is saving, will save) me. I became genuinely saved a bit over 8 years ago. I'm also labeled as "Schizophrenic," and...yeah. long, long backstory.

OK. So, I moved to my hometown area about 10 years ago, now. My parents and I are now getting along quite well. I'm also healthy, which is definitely a mighty act of God (long story) and my parents are mostly retired, and they got big promotions and such (another mighty act of God; workplace politics plus small town politics almost derailed both of their careers on numerous occasions over the years).

I have -1- conviction on my record. started as a felony, ended up with a serious misdemeanor. did probation, completed successfully. been off probation for over 4 years now. and....

people are openly taunting me with "he has a FELONY" and "he's a convicted FELON," both in the small southern city I live in and the small southern town my parents live in, and...

things seem to be getting more and more intense. people are openly laughing about "warrants" and "they're going to put him away." I'd been going to a locally owned chain gas station+convenience store for gas and occasional snacks and stuff, and...

-their level of contempt- has reached an all time high. I don't think I'll go there anymore. so, today, I was pre-paying for gas with my card and...it said the chip wouldn't read. I asked if I could swipe, clerk said no. again. then it said declined, and I was puzzled, and...then, it went thru?

this is definitely not the 1st time. people are openly hateful, and that's OK I guess, but...

I suspect my mail has been messed with, at times. I mean, I can't prove it or anything, but...yeah. yeah. People openly yell out "they should have fired his parents from ( ) !!!" and "who do they think they are to get him probation?!?!" and junk like that. meanwhile...

I have -a lot- of enemies. I see now...8 years into my walk with Jesus, now reconciled to my (loving, kind, gracious, long suffering) parents...

this is what happens when a "weakling, doesn't know his place in society." ugh. truth? The Lord's mercy on me throughout, plus my parents...

that's about all that kept me from ending up as a statistic of some sort (dead from drugs, dead from diseases, suicide, etc.). and now...

yeah. yeah. I keep reminding myself : "fret not because of evil-doers" and also "he whom The Son has set free is set free, indeed..."

its just creepy. really, really creepy. when I first moved in, there was excrement on my front porch area, one day. animals are almost never even near my building, much less my front door. I cleaned up, sanitized, etc., but...yeah. yeah. a bit over a month ago, there was no water in my place. odd. so, I called the HOA. first, the lady was all "no one else in your building is complaining," and then she asked my unit #, and she said "the water is off -for a purpose- ," and then I tried to be nice and such, she just repeated it, almost angrily: "the water is off -for a purpose- ," and that was that. thankfully, the water was back on about an hour later, but...????? really???

not to sound super paranoid, but a couple of time...I think people have followed me, while i was driving. it wasn't...my imagination, and it doesn't sit well with me. it was worse when I first moved home...one dude straight up aggressively followed me, into my hometown, and he finally drove off...with kids in the backseat? not exactly good parenting? but, anyway...

I feel safe(ish), I mean I haven't been beat up or anything, but its getting intensely creepy. Please pray for my parents and for me, too. Thanks.

 

[Ziggy]

I will pray for you.

Maybe you still feel a lot of guilt about things in the past that you haven't let go of yet.
And when someone says something or something is done that appears suspicious,
you are subconsciously attracting that to yourself?

People can be mean no doubt about that.
And some people go out of their way to make you question yourself, your salvation.
And if it happens often enough you begin to feel everyone is doing it, whether that's true or not.
Like "thinking" people are following you in their car.
It's quite possible it is just a coincidence or not.

How to overcome these challenges...
Pray, Believe that the Lord has your back.
Trust Him to guide you.
And when people say or do mean things, then understand that you are being tested to see how well YOUR fruit is growing.
Are you controlling your responses to their accusations or are you biting back?
Are you able to control your anger when they say or do something wrong?
Do they know that by "antagonizing" you that it draws a negative response?

Like drawing a thorn out of your finger. Once you identify your reactions to what other people say or do, then you have better control over those reactions.
I believe eventually when they can no longer get the response they are looking for,
and your responses have matured and you have better control of them,
then they will get bored and eventually find another one to provoke.

Stay focused on the Lord. Learn how to perfect those good fruit the Lord has planted in you.
Pray for guidence on how to be all that you can be.


In the meantime,
My thoughts and prayers are with you
HUGS

 

[daninthelionsden]

ok. I'll soon be 37. long time pariah. committed all kinds of sins and such before Jesus saved (is saving, will save) me. I became genuinely saved a bit over 8 years ago. I'm also labeled as "Schizophrenic," and...yeah. long, long backstory.

OK. So, I moved to my hometown area about 10 years ago, now. My parents and I are now getting along quite well. I'm also healthy, which is definitely a mighty act of God (long story) and my parents are mostly retired, and they got big promotions and such (another mighty act of God; workplace politics plus small town politics almost derailed both of their careers on numerous occasions over the years).

I have -1- conviction on my record. started as a felony, ended up with a serious misdemeanor. did probation, completed successfully. been off probation for over 4 years now. and....

people are openly taunting me with "he has a FELONY" and "he's a convicted FELON," both in the small southern city I live in and the small southern town my parents live in, and...

things seem to be getting more and more intense. people are openly laughing about "warrants" and "they're going to put him away." I'd been going to a locally owned chain gas station+convenience store for gas and occasional snacks and stuff, and...

-their level of contempt- has reached an all time high. I don't think I'll go there anymore. so, today, I was pre-paying for gas with my card and...it said the chip wouldn't read. I asked if I could swipe, clerk said no. again. then it said declined, and I was puzzled, and...then, it went thru?

this is definitely not the 1st time. people are openly hateful, and that's OK I guess, but...

I suspect my mail has been messed with, at times. I mean, I can't prove it or anything, but...yeah. yeah. People openly yell out "they should have fired his parents from ( ) !!!" and "who do they think they are to get him probation?!?!" and junk like that. meanwhile...

I have -a lot- of enemies. I see now...8 years into my walk with Jesus, now reconciled to my (loving, kind, gracious, long suffering) parents...

this is what happens when a "weakling, doesn't know his place in society." ugh. truth? The Lord's mercy on me throughout, plus my parents...

that's about all that kept me from ending up as a statistic of some sort (dead from drugs, dead from diseases, suicide, etc.). and now...

yeah. yeah. I keep reminding myself : "fret not because of evil-doers" and also "he whom The Son has set free is set free, indeed..."

its just creepy. really, really creepy. when I first moved in, there was excrement on my front porch area, one day. animals are almost never even near my building, much less my front door. I cleaned up, sanitized, etc., but...yeah. yeah. a bit over a month ago, there was no water in my place. odd. so, I called the HOA. first, the lady was all "no one else in your building is complaining," and then she asked my unit #, and she said "the water is off -for a purpose- ," and then I tried to be nice and such, she just repeated it, almost angrily: "the water is off -for a purpose- ," and that was that. thankfully, the water was back on about an hour later, but...????? really???

not to sound super paranoid, but a couple of time...I think people have followed me, while i was driving. it wasn't...my imagination, and it doesn't sit well with me. it was worse when I first moved home...one dude straight up aggressively followed me, into my hometown, and he finally drove off...with kids in the backseat? not exactly good parenting? but, anyway...

I feel safe(ish), I mean I haven't been beat up or anything, but its getting intensely creepy. Please pray for my parents and for me, too. Thanks.

Make sure you filter your water. Also our bank started jacking with my account. When I called, they wanted me to list the last few items I bought. I said it was none of their business and that money in my checking account is mine not theirs. The guy kept up the hostile questioning. I told him to hang on and I'll call right back with a phone that can record how his bank treats those on disability. He hung up. We called they said we must go to the bank. We brought a camera and I made a quick video before walking in. A cop parked nearby watched. We were promptly seated. The service lady saw my camera. I could tell she was texting with someone back and forth. Long story short....no more problems.

 

[Ziggy]

Things are definately getting strange.
I suspect as time goes on we will being seeing a lot more of this kind of authoritarianism.
I didn't come here to be political,
I'm just saying..
As time goes on they will want more control, while we are given less control of our own things.
But everything here is just temporary.
Try not to hold on too tightly to things that don't last.
Where your heart is, that's where your real treasure is.

Thank You for sharing
Hugs

 

[Christ_empowered]

ugh. authoritarianism is just the beginning...I honestly think the USA is turning fascist, one way or another. honestly, I don't think it even matters if we end up with a Dem or GOP as Prez; its about what the elites want, right? Right. So, the Dems might soften the edges around fascism a bit more, be more politically correct...the GOP-ers would be more fire and brimstone, pulling out Bible verses and such, but...

more or less, I think fascism is fascism, and I think its coming to the USA, probably sooner, rather than later. ugh. :-(

ok. so...back to my own situation...

my only real safety net here on earth is my parents. thankfully, they are now kind to me, I'm an only off spring, and they're doing well financially. OK. so...

I was apparently supposed to be put in a homeless shelter by a private, for profit mental hospital 16 years ago. they'd done involuntary shock, I'd just tested + for HIV+, etc...

thankfully, my parents nixed it. so...now, I'm healthy and taller and normal and smart and...my parents are more on the upper middle class, maybe well to do end of things, and....

psychiatry is psychiatry is psychiatry. I don't think there's a true "escape," this side of Heaven. Which isn't to say its all doom and gloom for me and mine, here on earth, just...

"count your blessings," right? Right. The way things are going in the US, now...with everybody, all over the political spectrum talking about "the need for mental health treatment" and such...

-shrug- I don't think any of it is valid or helpful, and as a Christian I honestly think a lot of is probably straight up satanic, but...

"play the hand you're dealt." its not as if "Schizophrenia" is a dream come true or whatever, but its also not as if there was a 2nd chance in the cards for me, anyway. To be perfectly honest, now that The Lord has returned some memories from all those shock 'treatments...'

-shrug- I'm kind of thinking that being labeled with "Schizophrenia" might be the only way -- both in this fallen world in general and in my situation, in particular -- for me to really have...freedom. weird, huh? obviously, a lot of that has to do with my parents' clout and such...I can't help but notice that now that they're well to do (ish) and have decided that I "need help," I get decent "help," but when they were middle-middle class and I had obvious problems, I was punished and told to "toughen up," then over billed by "professionals," etc., and...


yeah. "real world," etc. I'm honestly beginning to suspect that I'm far, far better off labeled as "Schizophrenic" and essentially silenced...but with all the good things from The Lord and my family...than I ever would be trying to actually be in mainstream society and keep up or...yeah. yeah.

blah blah blah....I really don't think the harassment is necessarily going to -stop- any time real soon, but I do believe The Lord has a plan for me. I mean...

obviously, The Lord has plans for all Christians. It isn't that my situation is amazingly "special," just...

well, if He didn't have a plan for me, I don't think I'd even be alive, much less healthy and "extremely intelligent," all that. so, His will for me remains to be seen, but...I do pray for His will for me. and for Him to protect my parents and me. and...

I dunno. total side topic, but I do kind of wonder if the end times are coming our way sooner, rather than later. I mean, Christian time is linear, so we're always getting that much closer, but...

covid, increasing levels of extreme inequality all over the place, fascists creeping in at some nations, socialists at others...

meanwhile, Scripture says that "...the love of many shall grow cold...," and...

even people -- not just in the US, but all over the world, from what little data I've skimmed -- who do go to church and everything...

often don't really believe. secularization...even in less affluent nations, secularization is a force to be reckoned with. and the established church in the US? pshaw. losing members every year, more and more in-fighting over less and less real power...

-eek- outlook not so bright, I'm thinking. or not. I dunno. thanks for reading.

 

[Ziggy]

I get caught up a lot in the politics.
A lot of the games people play.
I spent 120 consecutive days watching the "peaceful protests" day and night.
I didn't get much sleep at all, or eat for that matter.

Sometimes you just have to step back and step out of it.
You and me, we're not going to make much of a dent in the political arena.
But we can make a dent trying to calm the storm around us and in us.

I got so depressed, what's the use, who cares??
And I went looking for some spiritual support.
I found a really awesome forum and have been there ever since.
It takes the focus off the world outside and puts more focus on who I am and what purpose am I here for.

I turned off the tv a long time ago. I have a hard time with all the things I cannot change.
The only thing I can control is me. And how I treat other people regardless how I am treated.
It's not easy. I think retaliation is built in somehow. You always want to punch back or get even.
And that's what everything has become about. People fighting people over things we really have no control over.
You can't force your neighbor to think or believe the way you want them too. All you can do is share your point of view. Whether they agree or disagree is up to them.

I haven't been to a church since I was 18. I am now 56.
I don't believe church is in a building, rather it's in the people themselves.
And a lot of christian people do not attend church. Because a lot of churches have now become a business.
And not for Christ's sake that's for sure.

No, God is in your heart and in your mind and in your soul.
Like a tree it needs watering and pruning and fertilizer while it grows and bares fruit.
And there is only one place to get that kind of nourishment.
And that is privately in prayer and in the bible with the Lord himself.
And as time goes on He brings others to help you grow, help you succeed in being who and what your true potential is.

And that my friend is to overcome the world and everything that brings you down,
through peace and joy and love.

We are here in this time and place for a reason. Every one of us.
And we may not ever know what kind of impression we have left on others for good or bad.
So we strive to leave the best impression Jesus has given us to give others.

Your gonna be alright

Know that you are Loved
HUGS

 

[daninthelionsden]

Things were in a quick downward spiral from peeps when I went on disability. I felt forced to make a video and post it on youtube. Once I did that, the trouble makers backed off significantly. They became much more covert. I grimace repeatedly throughout the video. I had never made one and hated making this one. It was years ago. It is titled ......Marks life part 1 of 100.

 

[Ziggy]

Thank You for sharing. I watched the video.

Prayers for comfort and Peace.
I am not in a position to give any words of advice from a personal point of view,
Up until 4 - 5 years ago I didn't even realize that such trials and tribulations existed.
I lived a relatively quiet life. You could say almost in a bubble.

There is a reason you are here. A reason you made the video.
You are capable of empathy of which many who have never experienced are able to give.
By sharing your story, many who have experienced the same will not feel so isolated as if they are somehow
alone in their struggles.

I'm sure many here have heard of the Qanon Conspiracy Cult.
Back in December of 2017 I stumbled across Q and the anons (anonymous people) who would post on a forum leaving what are called crumbs for people to investigate independently.
The movement was called The Great Awakening. And many people started researching and digging into these crumbs.
The closer people got to exposing certain people or places, the louder the cries of Conspiracy theory raged.
So much so, that anyone mentioning Q or Qanon was censored and deleted from You Tube and other platforms.
People are still following crumbs and digging up a lot of things that so called "authorities" would rather have remain hidden.
The coersion and bribery run deep through all factions government and private industries.
And even now people that subscribe to Q or follow those that do, are considered domestic terrorists.
Because they challenge the narrative of those who try to cover up such things.

I say this because I want you to understand that I hear the truth in your words.
I have not experienced any first hand, but I have watched others uncover and expose such things.
And my hope is that one day people will no longer have to hide, and somehow justice will prevail.
I am sorry that you had to experience and are still experiencing these things.
And I pray for God's Grace to give you rest and an end to the struggle you face both internally and externally.

I realize the video was 9 years ago. And perhaps some things have changed since then.
And perhaps they have not.
What I can offer is the hope and consolation that people like yourself and through reaching out with videos such as yours, that others will also be able to find a path to healing.

I don't know if this helped, but it's from my heart.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
God Bless You Brother
Hugs

 

[Marianne333]

ok. I'll soon be 37. long time pariah. committed all kinds of sins and such before Jesus saved (is saving, will save) me. I became genuinely saved a bit over 8 years ago. I'm also labeled as "Schizophrenic," and...yeah. long, long backstory.

OK. So, I moved to my hometown area about 10 years ago, now. My parents and I are now getting along quite well. I'm also healthy, which is definitely a mighty act of God (long story) and my parents are mostly retired, and they got big promotions and such (another mighty act of God; workplace politics plus small town politics almost derailed both of their careers on numerous occasions over the years).

I have -1- conviction on my record. started as a felony, ended up with a serious misdemeanor. did probation, completed successfully. been off probation for over 4 years now. and....

people are openly taunting me with "he has a FELONY" and "he's a convicted FELON," both in the small southern city I live in and the small southern town my parents live in, and...

things seem to be getting more and more intense. people are openly laughing about "warrants" and "they're going to put him away." I'd been going to a locally owned chain gas station+convenience store for gas and occasional snacks and stuff, and...

-their level of contempt- has reached an all time high. I don't think I'll go there anymore. so, today, I was pre-paying for gas with my card and...it said the chip wouldn't read. I asked if I could swipe, clerk said no. again. then it said declined, and I was puzzled, and...then, it went thru?

this is definitely not the 1st time. people are openly hateful, and that's OK I guess, but...

I suspect my mail has been messed with, at times. I mean, I can't prove it or anything, but...yeah. yeah. People openly yell out "they should have fired his parents from ( ) !!!" and "who do they think they are to get him probation?!?!" and junk like that. meanwhile...

I have -a lot- of enemies. I see now...8 years into my walk with Jesus, now reconciled to my (loving, kind, gracious, long suffering) parents...

this is what happens when a "weakling, doesn't know his place in society." ugh. truth? The Lord's mercy on me throughout, plus my parents...

that's about all that kept me from ending up as a statistic of some sort (dead from drugs, dead from diseases, suicide, etc.). and now...

yeah. yeah. I keep reminding myself : "fret not because of evil-doers" and also "he whom The Son has set free is set free, indeed..."

its just creepy. really, really creepy. when I first moved in, there was excrement on my front porch area, one day. animals are almost never even near my building, much less my front door. I cleaned up, sanitized, etc., but...yeah. yeah. a bit over a month ago, there was no water in my place. odd. so, I called the HOA. first, the lady was all "no one else in your building is complaining," and then she asked my unit #, and she said "the water is off -for a purpose- ," and then I tried to be nice and such, she just repeated it, almost angrily: "the water is off -for a purpose- ," and that was that. thankfully, the water was back on about an hour later, but...????? really???

not to sound super paranoid, but a couple of time...I think people have followed me, while i was driving. it wasn't...my imagination, and it doesn't sit well with me. it was worse when I first moved home...one dude straight up aggressively followed me, into my hometown, and he finally drove off...with kids in the backseat? not exactly good parenting? but, anyway...

I feel safe(ish), I mean I haven't been beat up or anything, but its getting intensely creepy. Please pray for my parents and for me, too. Thanks.

You are continuously in my prayers. Stay strong!

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks so much for the replies and prayers. ugh. I'm...doing much, much better than even 6 months ago. The Lord is behind it all, of course. My (loving, long suffering, kind) parents are (thankfully...) healthy, doing well, and kind to me. "Love covers a multitude of sins." and of course...--forgiveness-- is a huge factor in my so-called "recovery."

Obviously, His ways are higher than my ways, so I'm not even going to pretend to -know- the Mind of God. Having said that, I'm overly-analytical, by nature, and...I dunno. With all this junk and crazy talk surrounding me as I am making a more earnest effort to draw nigh unto Him, I can't help but....you guessed it....over-analyze.

The best I can come up with is that the crazy talk is just...well, it is, in fact, "how the world works." One thing I appreciate about having somehow come to truly know Jesus (did I mention I lean Calvinist? I really think it was more His doing than mine) is that Scripture tells me that I am now (as with all other believers...) "...in the world, but not of it...," which is an -amazing- blessing, all by itself. thing about that is...

I was doped to the gills by shrinks starting at 18 years old, involuntary shock, involuntary brain operations (no, really...why? still don't know, lol), so...

I'm wondering if this is to help me in to develop -real- gratitude and genuine reverence for The Lord, and also...

I was in such a haze for so long, obviously The Lord saw fit to spare me, so did my parents, so now...

"...wise as serpents, innocent as doves..." as in: this is what the majority of people around me (again, goes for any Christian) and really the social systems (legal, "mental health," etc.) are really like. Scripture somewhere indicates that The Lord currently permits the enemy to pretty much run the show, so...

-shudder- I'm getting better, by His grace, at "...putting aside what is behind, and press forward...," but it is important to realize that the world -- both individual lost souls and the systems -- are filled with lies. maybe that's why He has seen fit to return some memories and also "flesh out" some of the ones I thought I had, already? its like...I think because of the shock "treatments," I could remember very basic outlines of things, but the memories lacked substance, and now...

-shudder- He spared me and my parents -big time- , let's put it that way. I was an ingrate, I was angry...I also pretty much didn't have a chance, even before mental health, inc. got involved. as in...apparently, when I was a teenager, professors at the university I went to falsely accused me of plagiarism, in an effort to have me expelled. I left voluntarily, so then I was labeled a "college drop out," etc., and the vendetta carried over when I tried to take classes at local tech schools and such. -ugh- so ridiculous...not that I was sinless or blameless, just...no real chance, I'm afraid. couldn't join the military, no one in my area would have hired me out of high school, on and on....

so, now...in Christ, I am "....more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus," like all of us believers. But I get pounded with shame and intimidation tactics, basically all the time, every day. having more of these memories helps me see: I was lost soul with no real hope of doing much of anything with my life, and The Lord first spared my parents and me, and now...

a bit over 8 years into coming to truly know Jesus, it looks an awful like deliverance. Thing about that is...

my parents love me and are good to me. I love them and do my best to be good to them, too. anyone else in this community? nope. not so much. Move? where? ugh. the mental health industry involvement makes things rough, because...look, I know some Christians are gung ho about talk and pills and such, but...its an evil industry. the world as a whole is fallen and marred by sin, some evil individuals, some pockets of evil, and...

yeah...the mental health industry is pretty much demonic, and that is becoming more and more abundantly clear to me, as Jesus moves in my life and my parents' lives. ugh. it is what it is...

OK, as always: thank you all for reading, replies, support, and ongoing prayer.

 

[Christ_empowered]

me, yet again.

pumping gas the other day, some very tan lady driving a nice suv was talking smack about and kinda sorta to me (I was pumping away from her, we were the only customers, and she was obviously bullying but doing it where I couldn't see her, because...that's how most people around here bully me...its loads of fun, lol). and...

so, i get taunted with "you've got a FELONY!," etc. truth? my (loving, long suffering, gracious) parents had been fairly recently promoted when things hit the fan, and The Lord moved on their heats, so I ended up with a lawyer...and bonded out, and then I got saved, while on bond. Charges originally carried 15 years, I ended up with a very serious misdemeanor (as in one step below a felony, lol) and walked with a suspended sentence, probation. I've been off of probation for nearly 5 years, now. and...

so, its getting creepy. last night, walking out of my vehicle down to my place, someone yelled out the name of the law firm that represented me...

to taunt me, because "he's so delusional, he thinks he had a good lawyer!" and also "he's severely narcissistic with delusions of grandiosity, he had a public defender!," etc. -ugh- frustrating...

ok, so bullying is OK, I guess, except...well, its not really OK, at all, is it? I mean, I can accept it, because of The Lord's work in my life and my parents' lives, but...

oh man, it grates on me. and the way people openly taunt me with "oh, he's on a life time court order," etc. I mean...ok, 1st off: a court order is when someone is ordered by a judge to outpatient treatment...it almost always means massive doses of some flavor antipsychotic, delivered via long acting injection (the kind that last anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months, depending on the drug).

thankfully, I was spared all that. Not that I mind taking what I need, but...-power- , etc. Plus, its so obviously about power and punishment...kind of reinforces my antipsychiatry leanings when the locals taunt me with that junk, you know? and so...

i dunno. I think I'm kind of learning to settle into life with "Schizophrenia," because...between my own wretched existence before Jesus saved (is saving, will save) me and "the way the world works," it does seem to be...my lot in life. Thanks, Edward for that astute observation, a while back. Is it...an actual brain disease? I doubt it. Is it even a lifelong state of distress? I don't think it has to be, know. Does the world care? not at all.

OK. so, at this point, its also dawning on me that The Lord moves in mysterious ways, His wonders to achieve (that should be " ", but I don't know how well I quoted). is Schizophrenia a bona fide brain disease? no. would my parents be having me over for dinner (just had another good one, btw, at their place) after my wretched existence if I didn't have the label? -shrug- I really don't know, honestly. I mean...

they're wonderful people...but I'd pushed too, too far. They were actually the ones who decided that I had "developed Schizophrenia," a bit after I got truly saved...

and now it appears that The Lord has seen to work mightily in our lives, and in mine even with the "Schizophrenia" label plus all the lies and jibber jabber round town. so, there's that...as always; God is Good! People? aside from mama and dad, I'm not terribly impressed. LOL.

ugh. I am frustrated. I actually called the clinic to complain about the taunts and bullying. can't deal with it, just...I can't, sorry. I did for as long as I did, and now...done. done. I wasn't aggressive or angry, just...done, you know?

sad thing: mental health "experts" are forever talking about the need for "treatment" for apparently everybody (and their mama!), but most of them...don't work with "severe mental illness." medicaid payouts are too low for most shrinks, and even the ones who accept them openly whine about it. -ugh-

rambling...as always, thanks for the prayers and support. please keep my parents and me up in prayer. Thanks!

 

[Tessa]

CE I am praying that God takes all these things away from you. Then you can seriously get on with your life unhampered.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks so much, Tessa !

 

[Christ_empowered]

did stuff with dad today. -awesome- ! at one point, we were fishing, near my place. and...

I had fun. even when some dude in a boat a ways off was yelling junk my way. dad probably didn't hear it, because he uses new fangled hearing aids (the new computerized ones...) and I think he's been going without them, lately, while he takes some serious meds for some ear infection troubles (oral steroids? I mean...that must be a horrible ear infection...). moving on...

"there is now, then, no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus..." I brought that one up in an email to my born again cousin. its just...crazy, how cruel this world is....and I think perhaps, maybe God is allowing some of this junk to come my way so...

I will draw nigh unto Him and in the spirit, take seriously the command of "hold every thought captive to Christ." in my case, that means reject the psychobabble and pep talks to feel better, and instead pray more, read more Scripture, and...wait for it, wait for it...by His grace, -do better- , even when I don't feel so awesome. or...something like that, anyway.

it does get rough, with people yelling about "he's got a felony!" and/or "delusions of grandiosity!," etc., but then again...

it isn't just how the "mental health experts" feel about me, its pretty much the labels and lies floating around about me in my little corner of a fallen world. ok. so...what, now?

pre-Jesus, my friends weren't real friends. thankfully, Jesus spared me, spared my parents, and...I think, now, He has seen fit to bring deliverance for all 3 of us. they're healthy, doing well financially (NOT rich, but comfortable enough to do what they want and have some much-needed breathing room, at long last), and...

dad said he'll see about truly, fully retiring in a year or less. he said it so..calmly, matter of fact, while doing the financial stuff on his computer, and....

that's a wrap, folks. lol. seriously. I'm thankful. upwardly mobile, high pressure, cut throat white collar work environment, and...

they were both -excellent- employees. mama had a harder run than dad. her colleagues were mean spirited as could be, and had great fun derailing her career while playing buddy-buddy. ugh. thankfully, she got a big promotion and raises about 10 years before she called it a day and retired, at long last.

dad...had a somewhat smoother run of things. somewhat less pretentious colleagues, a bit less of the cloak and dagger office politics, and....still -not easy- , to put it mildly. by His grace...

dad, too, first got a big raise and then big promotions, and now...I'm pretty much sure he's ready to head to the house, call it a day. not to knock capitalism or anything -- I'm progressive, not a true commie (LOL) -- but it is kinda sad, how after decades of hard work, plus the education, and all that...

once he's gone, he'll be replaced. "welcome to the real world," retirement edition.

ok. me? i was driven out of the dorms. turns out, I was "supposed to shut up in middle school" and also targeted for juvenile detention and expulsion in high school. not that I'm a victim, now....just, as with so many other believers, Jesus saw fit to first spare an unrepentant wretch and then bring me to genuine repentance....


and now, with my good health and sound mind, I kinda see...the world never had much of anything for me, anyway. ugh. thankfully, Jesus cares for "the least of these" and "...the things that aren't," unlike...well, the world, sadly including a lot of church people.

i'm honestly beginning to suspect that not only were the "bad apples" I encountered in the mental health world pretty much...fairly typical, "just doing their jobs," etc...I'm also beginning to suspect that the whole thing is a dead end. the only truly honest, Born Again counselor I've ever had just told me "You never had a chance. You need a miracle." and now...

10 years after that, over 8 years into knowing Jesus...I can receive that, not as a victim in never ending treatments, periodic confinements in hospitals, etc., but...

as a child of The most High God, like all of us, thankfully spared then saved and forgiven, "washed and made clean...," and also...

made, by His grace, into "...more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus."

ok. as always, thanks for reading. and...of course, I do appreciate replies and prayers for my parents and me.

 

[Prycejosh1987]

I feel safe(ish), I mean I haven't been beat up or anything, but its getting intensely creepy. Please pray for my parents and for me, too. Thanks.

If there is not concern using logic than its paranoia. You have to be patient and assess whether something is bad or not. Breathe in and out, and pray on it. God bless you.

 

[Truthfrees]

praying