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What do I say to her?

W

Whiteshield

Member
We met when we were in high school, but she's 2 years younger than me. Now that we both graduated, I think she's been giving me the go sign since last year. But I'm kind of a shy person at heart. Do I just say 'Can I be your boyfriend to her?' or something more romantic?

Suggestions please. Never really had a girlfriend before. I'm 22 years old.
 
Replace "Mary" with the name of her: "Mary, would you go out with me? I like you a lot and I think you're the most beautiful person in the world." or something haha.
Do this at a cute place, like I don't know, um perhaps a restaurant? Or a place where you'd both be really happy, like a theme park? Not sure what you two would like doing together, so that just depends.
Also make sure you don't ask her at the wrong moment, since it could turn into a very awkward moment or if she'd be really mad at you and then you asking her out, that wouldn't work out.

Just some advice coming from me hahaha, not that I have any experience with it or anything, but it just seems nice to me (:

-Josh
 
Whiteshield said:
We met when we were in high school, but she's 2 years younger than me. Now that we both graduated, I think she's been giving me the go sign since last year. But I'm kind of a shy person at heart. Do I just say 'Can I be your boyfriend to her?' or something more romantic?

Suggestions please. Never really had a girlfriend before. I'm 22 years old.
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Is it at the point where it's appropriate to talk about "boyfriend?" Maybe just indicating that you'd like to spend time with her, talking, having coffee, just ordinary things to see how the two of you get along. Just be friends and let the boyfriend thing happen later if it's going to. Being boyfriend and girlfriend isn't usually something couples tell themselve anyway, it's something that just develops over time and both of you know it.

Good luck, finding the right woman to be with is one of the great joys in life.
 
Good for you! If the coffee hangout happens, don't worry about trying to be smooth and cool. Every guy tries that. Be different. Be yourself. When you pick her up/meet her (either way), confidently look her straight in the eye, and say, "Peanut butter makes me gassy." She will be stunned into silence, or laugh so hard she'll wet herself. Either way, she'll be putty in your hands!

Seriously though, just relax and be yourself. One of the bigger struggles as a guy is not to let your aspirations for this meeting get in your way of just having a good time with someone you care about. Take the romantic inclinations out of the equation, and just be two friends hanging out. You will definitely have more fun, not to mention let her see what you're really like rather than what you're like when you're trying to impress a girl.

Trust me, that second one is not attractive. It just isn't. When we try to impress members of the opposite sex, our brains typically go out the window, and no one wants to see that. :o
 
If you wish your friend to be 'putty in your hand,' then by all means let her know that
"Peanut butter makes me gassy."
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(Thanks, Matthew G!)

From a female perspective, if a guy made a statement like that on the occasion of a first 'date,' most likely it would be the ONLY date. I don't want to know what causes various bodily adversities.

Instead, keep in mind that she's going to be a bit apprehensive about meeting with you. So just relax. After you've asked how she is doing, let her know you're glad she accepted the invitation for coffee.

Topics to discuss that are on fairly neutral ground: music, books, movies ... what she likes to do in her spare time ... what you like to do in your spare time. If she has pets, you can ask what they are like, but please don't follow that up by discussing each & every pet you've ever had. (That's a guarantee there won't be a 2nd date)

When in conversation, look her in her eyes & pay attention. Listen to what she has to say. The odds are in your favor that she'll look you in your eyes & listen to what you are saying. She'll also be aware of whether you're fiddling with the coffee cup, idly stirring the coffee, or shredding the napkin. Those 3 activities will tell her you are distracted & not fully listening to her. Also, if you are looking around frequently, she's going to feel as though you're merely spending time with her so you can scope out other women in the vicinity.

So just relax, try to naturally smile, and don't be concerned if you laugh at something she says. Treat her as if she's worth a billion dollars, and she'll treat you equally well. When we each feel important to someone, we each typically make that person feel important.

Be blessed .... and enjoy your coffee with her!
 
Just be polite, and tell her how you feel. I find it interesting, that I experience more men who are willing to be shot at (by joining the Army), than to tell a female how you feel.

It wouldn't hurt to say something like "Hey, you are a really special person to me. So I would like to take you out and show you that." The asking her out part can come later. Just take it one step at a time, you know? Why jump into it so quickly?

Go on a real date (NOT a movie...Go to a place where you can talk.)...heck, go on multiple dates. If you feel like this woman is still special, and you would like to move forward with a serious relationship in mind, then ask her out.

Remember, a majority of communication is listening. Speak with truth, and honesty. If you are truthful about your feelings, and you listen to what she has to say about it, then the romance will follow. Be genuine, protective, and caring. Show her why you are a man that she can feel security with for the future.
 
There's no more coffee. :sad

They'll let you fill them up with money, attention and goodness, and then play innocent at the last second.
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^

That.

I think this has something to do with the other people gossiping about me at church all the time. :sad

This Sunday I think I'm going to confront the ones gossiping. They went too far this time. Even when the gossip spreader was in the mission field, she kept gossiping about me. I know this to be fact because my mom kept asking my dad how she treated me and I heard her speaking about me literally behind my back. The other one doesn't like me too and he was the one following me up on my Christian life in the early days... He was smiling and chuckling about how I looked like I was going to commit suicide that day the girl I liked said she just wanted to be friends. Of course, he didn't think I heard him. Now the entire day I feel numb and when its time to go to sleep, all the feelings come back.
 
I believe that the most important "go sign" you should get is God's. If you're planning to take this relationship seriously, you need God's approval and blessing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to discourage anyone. I'm just, in fact, encouraging you to seek out God's will before you make a move. Just think about it: if all your steps are guided and blessed by the Lord, you don't have to worry about things like "Will she reject me?" or "Will this relationship succeed?". God bless!
 
Edward said:
That's true. Bait. To spend money. you see it all the time on the daytimes judges shows. They'll let you fill them up with money, attention and goodness, and then play innocent at the last second. Another good reason to hold back and be mysterious. Make her come to you. If it's about the money, she wont. Be strong my young friend.
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Now that the thread has been risen from the dead anyway I'd like to adress this.

That's why I hate chivaleric behaviour in guys. It's like they invest something and expect a payoff. If the girl has to reject them because she's really not attracted he will feel cheated, althought the girl never asked for flowers or for getting her dinner paid, and might actually feel awkward about it (I always do. I hate getting flowers. Why would I want to have dying plant parts in my room? I have many beautiful alive plants, and I prefere them by far. And why would a guy think such an unimaginative gift is worth anything? What's so bad about everyone paying for their own dinner?)

Honestly I have agreed to dates without being aware it's a date, so I guess often it's not "playing innocent" but really having a misconception about what's going on, or being to shy to openly turn down someone.

Though I doubt daytime judges shows are a reliably source of information.
 
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Claudya said:
Now that the thread has been risen from the dead anyway I'd like to adress this.

That's why I hate chivaleric behaviour in guys. It's like they invest something and expect a payoff. If the girl has to reject them because she's really not attracted he will feel cheated, althought the girl never asked for flowers or for getting her dinner paid, and might actually feel awkward about it (I always do. I hate getting flowers. Why would I want to have dying plant parts in my room? I have many beautiful alive plants, and I prefere them by far. And why would a guy think such an unimaginative gift is worth anything? What's so bad about everyone paying for their own dinner?)

Honestly I have agreed to dates without being aware it's a date, so I guess often it's not "playing innocent" but really having a misconception about what's going on, or being to shy to openly turn down someone.

Though I doubt daytime judges shows are a reliably source of information.
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You hopeless un-romantic, you. :lol

Men and women pursuing each other is not a bad thing. We ARE human after all.
 
I'm not un-romantic. :rollingpin
I just have different ideas of romantic-ness (romanticism? romance? what's the right word?) Maybe that's why I'm single. :biggrin2
I'd be okay with chivaleric stuff if it is two-sided. Like, it's fine if a guy pays for my dinner, if for the second date I invite him and pay for his dinner.
I'm not opposed to bringing gifts to a date, but it shouldn't be something unimaginative like flowers, but something more personal or unique. Usually you've been talking to a person a few times before the first date, so you have an idea of what they may like (one pretty cool gift I got from a guy I was dating was the first book of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series, after we'd been talking about intelligent comedy literature two days before and I'd admitted I'd never read the Hitchhiker's guide books before but would love to. So that was a non-standard and very individual date gift no more expensive than flowers would be. He also wrote a personal dedication into the book). Also, gifts should be a mutual thing. That means it should be okay if I give presents to my date as well.

Nothing wrong with pursuing each other. But one-sidedness isn't good, and guys thinking of chivalery as an investment into hopefully getting laid (or married - and then laid) isn't good either.
 
Claudya said:
I'm not un-romantic. :rollingpin
I just have different ideas of romantic-ness (romanticism? romance? what's the right word?) Maybe that's why I'm single. :biggrin2

Oh, I think some people just enjoy being single. Nothing wrong with that. Though, my son, when he was young, was adamant that he'd never marry. Today, he's married with two kids, and the happiest husband and father I can imagine.


I'd be okay with chivaleric stuff if it is two-sided. Like, it's fine if a guy pays for my dinner, if for the second date I invite him and pay for his dinner.
I'm not opposed to bringing gifts to a date, but it shouldn't be something unimaginative like flowers, but something more personal or unique. Usually you've been talking to a person a few times before the first date, so you have an idea of what they may like (one pretty cool gift I got from a guy I was dating was the first book of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series, after we'd been talking about intelligent comedy literature two days before and I'd admitted I'd never read the Hitchhiker's guide books before but would love to. So that was a non-standard and very individual date gift no more expensive than flowers would be. He also wrote a personal dedication into the book). Also, gifts should be a mutual thing. That means it should be okay if I give presents to my date as well.

Nothing wrong with pursuing each other. But one-sidedness isn't good, and guys thinking of chivalery as an investment into hopefully getting laid (or married - and then laid) isn't good either.
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Yikes, that eliminates about 90% of what young men think about!!

Seriously, young men are usually just clumsy about pursuing women.
 
Hm maybe I'll just wait another ten years then. :lol

Thinking about getting laid is fine. I'd be worried if a guy who is dating me does NOT think about that at all. Sex is one important pillar of a happy marriage.
But thinking like: if I give her flowers and pay for her dinner and treat her like a princess she must in return have sex with me because I invested so much into her, is really a weird approach. That's like considering girls materialistic and one-dimensional beings, almost like machines.
It's probably a remnant of days when women needed a man to financially support and aprovide for her, so all the gifts and dinner invitations were proof of his financial fitness. But nowadays women can provide for themselves and even for their entire families if necessary, so a guy would be wise to acknowledge times have changed.
 
Sex belongs in marriage.



ADDED ...Just a general reminder from the old lady.... Not directed at any one member ......
 
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I agree you didn't I need to be more clear ... i know others do not know what are my thoughts... Sorry Claudya i did not mean to be offensive. ...


You too Mike S
 
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Claudya said:
I'm not un-romantic. :rollingpin
I just have different ideas of romantic-ness (romanticism? romance? what's the right word?) Maybe that's why I'm single. :biggrin2
I'd be okay with chivaleric stuff if it is two-sided. Like, it's fine if a guy pays for my dinner, if for the second date I invite him and pay for his dinner.
I'm not opposed to bringing gifts to a date, but it shouldn't be something unimaginative like flowers, but something more personal or unique. Usually you've been talking to a person a few times before the first date, so you have an idea of what they may like (one pretty cool gift I got from a guy I was dating was the first book of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series, after we'd been talking about intelligent comedy literature two days before and I'd admitted I'd never read the Hitchhiker's guide books before but would love to. So that was a non-standard and very individual date gift no more expensive than flowers would be. He also wrote a personal dedication into the book). Also, gifts should be a mutual thing. That means it should be okay if I give presents to my date as well.

Nothing wrong with pursuing each other. But one-sidedness isn't good, and guys thinking of chivalery as an investment into hopefully getting laid (or married - and then laid) isn't good either.
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phht, when one gets married that arguing over who pays is gone its a shared checking account. the time spent is more important.
 
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