[__ Prayer __] what I need to bear up under it

[Christ_empowered]

1 Corinthians 10:13

every Christian comes to The Cross with grit and grime. I had...a lot. Thankfully, Jesus moved on my heart a tad over 8 years ago, and I got genuinely, truly saved. and now...

"he's got warrants" and "he'll be in prison" and "he really should have just killed himself," etc. etc. etc. In my case, the grit and grime involves a lot of pysc junk. Let me tell you...nothing godly about the mental health industry. I get OK, decent enough care, now, but...that alone took mighty acts of God. Its not as if they're just giving out humane mental health care to people like me, lol.

16 years ago now, I was supposed to be put in a homeless shelter...by the 'experts' at a private, for profit mental hospital. think about -that- the next time you hear people saying that the disturbed people on the streets should "be in treatment." odds are fairly good...they've already been in treatment. ugh.

OK, so my parents thankfully nixed it. I was tail end of 20, then, and I'd also gotten the HIV+ test result at that hospital. not treatment offered, no referral, and...yeah. By His grace, I am somehow healthy and normal...despite no standard treatment for HIV+. honestly, when I look at it from a Romans 8:28 perspective...awesome. I've read that the newer meds are less toxic, fewer long term problems, etc., but...it would appear I somehow don't need them, Praise God.

and now...my long suffering, loving, wonderful parents have reconciled with me, maybe moved towards full forgiveness? I mean...to whatever extent possible. I dunno.

and...people openly taunt me all over this area (small city, cluster of small towns around). "what is he doing here? he didn't -deserve- probation!," that one happened today, when I was pumping gas. I let it roll off of me, but...I've been off probation for 4 years, now. and I was sentenced over 7 years ago. true story. and...by the grace of God, I ended up with a very serious misdemeanor, not a felony. I mean, no one will hire me (no one would, anyway), but...yeah. not quite a felony.

and now...the taunting and bullying and such is intensifying. one particularly vocal set of neighbors at my parents place is moving, thank goodness. It seems they got a good deal, so good for them, too. and...

I dunno. I moved back to this general area 10 years ago, now...already wasted life, estranged from my parents, "dirty old flamer" is what the locals would call me, among other things. happens.

so, now...people openly call me a "welfare bum." true story: it happened today when I went to buy an iced coffee from a convenience store. the clerk was talking to some man, who yelled out "he has a warrant!," she was rambling about "living off the government," blah blah blah...

and then she got in the booth area and I got my drink. awesome.

i dunno. at one point, I thought I could live and be seen, but not heard and everything would be OK. I'm beginning to think...ugh..."not the way the world works," I suppose. :-(

i don't...know what to do, honestly. I do pray. I pray often. I try to be kind to my parents and hope The Lord will spare me (and them, too), yet again. sometimes, I think its all just rumors and deliberate bullying...

but who knows? and...I don't think anyone cares about me around here, except for my parents.

so...once again...please pray. thanks!

 

[Tessa]

Hi CE
Have you got a favourite hymn? Next time something like this happens you could try silently singing it in your mind. If you concentrate on the words it could help you to ignore everything else. Worth a try anyhow.
Praying for you.

 

[Truthfrees]

praying

 

[Christ_empowered]

-more frustration-

i mean...it may be yet another example of "welcome to the real world!" and/or "this is what poor people go through!," but...

I've been saved 8 years now. got saved in poverty, facing serious trouble. now? I'm not living large, but my life is far, far better, at all levels. and...

its also becoming abundantly clear that The Lord has seen fit to bring deliverance to my (loving, gracious, long suffering) parents, too. as in "they were supposed to fire (my dad's name) from (place of employment) !!!" on and on and on.

not that it was just the mental health industry in on this. nope. i was labeled before I even took my first "medication," probably because...why not? psychology has infiltrated the public school system. standardized testing, behavior modification, etc. i was not wanted in honors, small town politics, etc., and...

yeah. yeah. lesson learned, I guess (?), in the sense that Jesus spared me, has seen to save me and bring deliverance, and now...

whaaaa? so ridiculous. whole situation, honestly. please keep those prayers coming. thank you all.

 

[daninthelionsden]

When I had people, even family, turning on me I wanted to say "I can't save you people. So don't base your behavior on me or what you think of me. Base your behavior on Christ and what He did for you. If you declare me the least among you, then it is clear that it is imperative you watch your behavior for your own good, not because of me but because of His command because only He can save you."

 

[Christ_empowered]

more frustration. i have 2 locks to the front door. the back is not an entry way. the same key does both locks. so, i was over at my parents' place -- great meal! -- came home, and...

the bottom lock was -already- unlocked. no lie. its one of those that you can turn up, to lock, from the inside. thing about that is...

not making this up, i -always- turn the lock up, to lock it, before I step outside. then i lock the top lock, and lock the bottom lock with a key, just to make sure. i also...again, not making this up...

grab the knob (where the bottom lock is) and pull it in and rotate it a little bit, to make sure its securely locked. takes a second, but not obnoxious like slamming it.

ok. when i went over to my parents' place, some neighbor out back was talking out, in a -really menacing- tone, about "serving the warrant" and "you were too promiscuous" and "you got too old."

I'm 36. I was on the fringes of the gay community in an urban area in my late teens. i moved back to that urban area at 23, trying to go back to school. and...

blah blah blah, I Praise God for sparing me and saving me...

and I'm kinda sorta...more than a little bit...nervous, I guess. nothing seems to be missing from my apartment. I don't know...who goes in there, what their problem with me is. i wish I could just --move-- , but...

?? oh man oh man. I pray for The Lord's protection for my parents and for me. thanks.

 

[daninthelionsden]

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