Christ_empowered
Member
I'm 38. Labeled with Schizophrenia. Long suffering, very supportive parents. They started out with very little money, now upper class. I'm the only off spring. OK...
So, basically, I would ordinarily -not- be in society. I would also ordinarily -not- be alive. And...nearly 10 years after truly coming to my senses and coming to Jesus...
I live in a modest (but nice!) place, have my own vehicle, wear decent clothes (nothing flashy, lol), and I'm healthy without any standard medical treatment for my myriad health problems (HIV+, never treated...I think that was the root of a lot of it...the + came in 18 years ago...no treatment offered, shrinks always wanted more $$$, never ending...). And so...
I came to my senses while on bond for a criminal case involving a former shrink. I know, right? How crazy. I ended up with a serious misdemeanor (misdemeanors come in degrees of severity, mine is in the most serious category--just barely -not- a felony) and probation, no jail time. I've been off of probation for over 5 years, no arrests or anything. and now...
I hope to start volunteering again soon. I kind of doubt anyone will hire me now...age, labels, and the misdemeanor that I'm stuck with. I mean...from the employers' perspectives: why bother? I get it, I do. Thankfully, I have a decent, modest, surprisingly comfortable and good life thanks to Jesus and a very, very, very close 2nd to my long suffering and kind parents.
"They're not allowed to help him!" "they owe (private mental hospital) money!" "we're gonna get him committed!" "he's on (any number of draconian mental health things)!" on and on and on.
I think I may actually be much better off here than anywhere else. At 38, its kind of late to get into the rat race. My parents are close by. The place I live in is owned, outright, by family.
I did engage in criminal stuff and drugs and such in my younger years. Honestly? Now that I've repented, been forgiven, moved forward and am learning to -accept His forgiveness- ...
wow. A brain scan at 23 showed such severe brain damage -- mostly from psych "Treatment" -- that I apparently should not have been alive (No, really). The nurses at the psych ward laughed and laughed. true story. and now...
People have tried to kick my door in, more than once. My dad got me a little security system. The cops have been out once, called me once, because alarms were triggered. I'm in this awkward position where I act as if "oh, something must have triggered it? false alarm?," but I"m pretty sure...
yup. yup. its intense.
the hatred is intense and it doesn't seem to be -going away- . I can't claim to be sinless or blameless, just...spared and forgiven, in Christ. And, honestly? It creeps me out! And I don't know.....what to do about it. I've tried telling my counselor, and he tries to brush it off as "the illness." Oddly enough, the prescriber I had before my current one (clinic...they don't pay much, so people come in, build up their resumes, and go out to make more $$$) did think there was harassment. Funny, because I was also being tormented and harassed at the clinic. I moved home to my general hometown area a bit over 10 years ago. it was truly, truly never ending...
so I finally figured I'm close enough to my dad to tell him. maybe its a coincidence, maybe not, but...now they've largely stopped letting people yell at me and taunt me openly, in the lobby....and some people have been replaced (including one extra-snarky receptionist), but...
I think its the nature of the beast, honestly. Seriously. I don't think I was going to do much with my life, anyway, pre-mental health stuff...
but I don't really know, honestly. I've apparently been labeled since elementary school, for things like walking to school (no, really) and talking too much in class and...
on and on. So, with all the brain damage and such...I'm now surprisingly normal and healthy and smart, and other physical changes...
so, God -is- Good, God -is- Love. My parents are amazing and kind and I don't want to worry them, especially since they're now in their mid-60s. mama's thankfully retired and dad's nearing full retirement. its just...
I don't want to live in fear. I remind myself: "...perfect love casteth out all fear..." and in Christ...I'm much more normal, less fearful, better able to just do my life, now, with less...weirdness and such. Praise God!
But the junk never ends. "he had an ( ) addiction," stuff like that...and I haven't had any drug problems in well over 10 years (more like 15). When I volunteered the last time, people started heckling me. It was just volunteer stuff, I just wanted to help and also be less reclusive, and...yeah. I walked out, done.
I dunno. It just...never ends. I'm socially...close to dead, I think. lol. I was doing a car pick up order from a department store...and this snotty early 20-something kid tosses it and walks off saying "he should be in the -state hospital- ," junk like that. I didn't react...I mean, I really am not well liked, but wow...
its kind of frightening. I keep a low profile, no drugs or drink and I really...would like to just build a small social network, go to church, all that...
but its -intense- . and also...creepy, I think that's what gets to me. Neighbors openly talking about labels from private hospitals from over 15 years ago (that couple moved recently, thank goodness), and...
yeah. OK. Now that I'm wrapping this up, I want to offer up a simple "Praise!" to The Lord, because everything changed when He moved on my heart and I got truly saved. What happens around me is nothing compared to: jail, state hospital (they're often worse than prisons, from what I've heard), being stuck in poverty with stigma attached, group homes (some in my area were shut down down recently and the owners criminally charged), on and on. So...Jesus is amazing and merciful and I thank Him. I also sincerely thank my parents, of course. Its just...
I'm concerned about what happens if anything happens to my parents. What happens if I end up moving and the junk follows, like when I lived out of state for a couple of years before moving home? and again: the creepy factor. "he made poor life choices...needs to pay his own way...talked too much in class..." all that. I mean...really?
Sorry to ramble on and on and on. I think the conflict, sometimes probably spiritual warfare-level , I encounter takes on -this form- because of the heavy involvement of the mental health industry. This just in: they don't really help, and much of what they offer is decidedly -not- of God. ugh.
ok. Thanks!
So, basically, I would ordinarily -not- be in society. I would also ordinarily -not- be alive. And...nearly 10 years after truly coming to my senses and coming to Jesus...
I live in a modest (but nice!) place, have my own vehicle, wear decent clothes (nothing flashy, lol), and I'm healthy without any standard medical treatment for my myriad health problems (HIV+, never treated...I think that was the root of a lot of it...the + came in 18 years ago...no treatment offered, shrinks always wanted more $$$, never ending...). And so...
I came to my senses while on bond for a criminal case involving a former shrink. I know, right? How crazy. I ended up with a serious misdemeanor (misdemeanors come in degrees of severity, mine is in the most serious category--just barely -not- a felony) and probation, no jail time. I've been off of probation for over 5 years, no arrests or anything. and now...
I hope to start volunteering again soon. I kind of doubt anyone will hire me now...age, labels, and the misdemeanor that I'm stuck with. I mean...from the employers' perspectives: why bother? I get it, I do. Thankfully, I have a decent, modest, surprisingly comfortable and good life thanks to Jesus and a very, very, very close 2nd to my long suffering and kind parents.
"They're not allowed to help him!" "they owe (private mental hospital) money!" "we're gonna get him committed!" "he's on (any number of draconian mental health things)!" on and on and on.
I think I may actually be much better off here than anywhere else. At 38, its kind of late to get into the rat race. My parents are close by. The place I live in is owned, outright, by family.
I did engage in criminal stuff and drugs and such in my younger years. Honestly? Now that I've repented, been forgiven, moved forward and am learning to -accept His forgiveness- ...
wow. A brain scan at 23 showed such severe brain damage -- mostly from psych "Treatment" -- that I apparently should not have been alive (No, really). The nurses at the psych ward laughed and laughed. true story. and now...
People have tried to kick my door in, more than once. My dad got me a little security system. The cops have been out once, called me once, because alarms were triggered. I'm in this awkward position where I act as if "oh, something must have triggered it? false alarm?," but I"m pretty sure...
yup. yup. its intense.
the hatred is intense and it doesn't seem to be -going away- . I can't claim to be sinless or blameless, just...spared and forgiven, in Christ. And, honestly? It creeps me out! And I don't know.....what to do about it. I've tried telling my counselor, and he tries to brush it off as "the illness." Oddly enough, the prescriber I had before my current one (clinic...they don't pay much, so people come in, build up their resumes, and go out to make more $$$) did think there was harassment. Funny, because I was also being tormented and harassed at the clinic. I moved home to my general hometown area a bit over 10 years ago. it was truly, truly never ending...
so I finally figured I'm close enough to my dad to tell him. maybe its a coincidence, maybe not, but...now they've largely stopped letting people yell at me and taunt me openly, in the lobby....and some people have been replaced (including one extra-snarky receptionist), but...
I think its the nature of the beast, honestly. Seriously. I don't think I was going to do much with my life, anyway, pre-mental health stuff...
but I don't really know, honestly. I've apparently been labeled since elementary school, for things like walking to school (no, really) and talking too much in class and...
on and on. So, with all the brain damage and such...I'm now surprisingly normal and healthy and smart, and other physical changes...
so, God -is- Good, God -is- Love. My parents are amazing and kind and I don't want to worry them, especially since they're now in their mid-60s. mama's thankfully retired and dad's nearing full retirement. its just...
I don't want to live in fear. I remind myself: "...perfect love casteth out all fear..." and in Christ...I'm much more normal, less fearful, better able to just do my life, now, with less...weirdness and such. Praise God!
But the junk never ends. "he had an ( ) addiction," stuff like that...and I haven't had any drug problems in well over 10 years (more like 15). When I volunteered the last time, people started heckling me. It was just volunteer stuff, I just wanted to help and also be less reclusive, and...yeah. I walked out, done.
I dunno. It just...never ends. I'm socially...close to dead, I think. lol. I was doing a car pick up order from a department store...and this snotty early 20-something kid tosses it and walks off saying "he should be in the -state hospital- ," junk like that. I didn't react...I mean, I really am not well liked, but wow...
its kind of frightening. I keep a low profile, no drugs or drink and I really...would like to just build a small social network, go to church, all that...
but its -intense- . and also...creepy, I think that's what gets to me. Neighbors openly talking about labels from private hospitals from over 15 years ago (that couple moved recently, thank goodness), and...
yeah. OK. Now that I'm wrapping this up, I want to offer up a simple "Praise!" to The Lord, because everything changed when He moved on my heart and I got truly saved. What happens around me is nothing compared to: jail, state hospital (they're often worse than prisons, from what I've heard), being stuck in poverty with stigma attached, group homes (some in my area were shut down down recently and the owners criminally charged), on and on. So...Jesus is amazing and merciful and I thank Him. I also sincerely thank my parents, of course. Its just...
I'm concerned about what happens if anything happens to my parents. What happens if I end up moving and the junk follows, like when I lived out of state for a couple of years before moving home? and again: the creepy factor. "he made poor life choices...needs to pay his own way...talked too much in class..." all that. I mean...really?
Sorry to ramble on and on and on. I think the conflict, sometimes probably spiritual warfare-level , I encounter takes on -this form- because of the heavy involvement of the mental health industry. This just in: they don't really help, and much of what they offer is decidedly -not- of God. ugh.
ok. Thanks!