Your thoughts on some of my issues

[Thehardway]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

 

[crossnote]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

Welcome Thehardway,

Patience may be the key here. Jesus picked an array of Disciples who ran the gamut when it came to different personality dispositions. He has a way of smoothing the edges, yet keeping our personalities intact.

 

[WIP]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

There are times when God can take the most stubborn opponent and change him/her in ways beyond description. I think of Saul (Paul) and his conversion from one very determined persecutor of Christians into the most devout and successful evangelist that ever lived.

Keep asking, seeking, knocking, and of course praying and answers will come. This is a promise from Jesus Himself.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."
Matthew 7:7-8 NKJV

 

[Bethel]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

The greatest Christian who ever lived, wrote most of the New Testament.
This is the apostle Paul.
Prior to being turned into that person by God's Grace and Love and patience and time, his name was Saul and he was a famous Pharisee who was was helping to round up Christians so that they could be murdered.
He hated the very idea of Jesus, and spit on the idea that Christ was the Messiah.
I have no idea how many Christians Saul helped to round up, but, he stated that he considered himself the "chief of sinners" for being that person before he met the Love of God as the Risen Christ and was transformed into PAUL the apostle.

Why did God choose such a person? Because God loves to show you His mercy, and its always the worst sinners who make the best Christians.
That is the power of God's Grace, that is God's unconditional love, which causes this to happen.
God's Grace is able to take the darkest heart and transform it into the brightest Light for His Glory.

Its quite possible that the worst type of natural sinner, who was a whore, demon possessed, shows the most love for Jesus, out of the entire New Testament. Why? Because when you are forgiven so much, you love so much in return.
Its the goodness of God that leads us to love Him more and more.
Paul was the same. He was forgiven so very much, that this empowered His love for Jesus to cause Him to become the Greatest Christian.

Let me ask you some questions......, that i am not wanting you to reply to in public, here.
Ive a pm box if you ever want to talk about whatever. Feel free.
So, This is just for yourself.....
Do you believe in forgiveness?
Do you believe that forgiveness is real love being shown?
Do you believe that when Jesus looked down from the Cross into the hate filled eyes of those who were enjoying watching Him suffer and slowly choke and die.... and yet Jesus LOVED THEM ALL, and prayed for them from the Cross, that this is God's amazing love??
Do you think that forgiveness is important for healing inner pain and silent mental wounds??
Do you believe that when you forgive someone, you are releasing them from bondage and condemnation and misery?
Do you believe that forgiving someone is freeing them?
Do you believe that its God's will for you to forgive? ?

If you do, then forgive yourself, as this is God's will for you to do it.
Forgive yourself, for everything you hold against yourself, ..... as God has already forgiven you all of it.
How to do this best? = ASAP,.......... and say it out loud.
Forgiving yourself is mental health , and its God's will for you and for us all.

 

[Tessa]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

Welcone to the forum Thehardway and thank you for sharing all these struggles with us.
I'm sorry you ate having such a hard time, it must be very frustrating for you.
I would ask you to talk to God. Tell Him all you have told us and ask Him to help you. You sound as if you are repenting so ask The Father for forgiveness and believe He has done so.
If you feel you are lukewarm you need to ask for love in your heart, you need The help of The Holy Spirit and a deeper faith.
I would also ask for help to stop looking inward as you may have a fear of rejection. I say this because you of not trusting people to the extent that you do.
Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have our weaknesses. We all struggle.
God is good and nothing impossible for Him.
Read about the life of Christ and grow closer and closer to Him. He loves you.
God bless you.

 

[Thehardway]

I am going to digest all this and talk to him about it. I felt like airing this out would help me. It's a situation where I know the answer but for some reason i keep straying from the daily walk and I always naturally revert back to behaving the same. I do feel like Paul spoke the most about wanting to be good so badly but being unable to.. I am thankful for the insight guys. I guess this is just where the rubber meets the road . And I'm tired of being at war with myself

 

[Tessa]

You reminded me of Paul. The Holy Spirit will get you there. Paul was victorious in the end. God knows that not one of us is perfect.
Stay with us
God Bless.

 

[Adoration]

These responses made me weep with JOY... THIS is what being CHRISTIAN is all about... WOW. Good job everyone.

 

[for_his_glory]

Hi Thehardway and welcome to CF

Been in your shoes before many years ago as my world was crashing in on me and I learned a valuable lesson of submitting all to God. Sometimes we have to hit that emotional rock bottom and just say enough is enough as Satan loves to keep us suppressed. Where else can one go when they are down, but to look up and give it all to Jesus and I mean all as in pouring your whole heart out to Him in prayer.

You said "I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer" There you have answered yourself what you need to do and that is to give it all to the Lord. Pour your heart out to Him and let Him make the changes that need changing within you that will bring your joy and peace of mind back to you. Remember, the devil comes to kill, steal and destroy, but Jesus came to give life and to give it abundantly, John 10:10.

You are in my prayers and only a PM if you ever want to talk privately.

 

[Truthfrees]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

thanks for your profound honesty - wow - God bless you

HERE IS SOME TRUE STATEMEMTS ABOUT YOU
God is your light and salvation

Apart from Him you can do nothing

God in you is your only hope

The work God started in you He will complete

praying for you to have a profound revelation and experience with God - you are in the perfect position to be done with yourself and lean entirely on God for everything because we don't wrestle flesh and blood - even our own - God is God over all flesh and nothing is impossible for Him - offer yourself to God as a living sacrifice and watch how He can do something with you when all you can do is in your best self ability fail - this is how God gets all the glory

praying for you - God bless you

 

[Sister]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

I will remember you in my prayers, brother. Welcome! (Brother or sister?) It is good to acknowledge areas of weakness, because this is how growth happens in our spiritual walks. He loves you deeply and I agree that you can bring Him anything. He is there willing to forgive and to help show you the right direction.

 

[Adoration]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

Oh my goodness... I am SO sorry for the length of my post... I started writing this in my on line journal and well... it took on a life of it's own... Perhaps this can be seen as part of my testimony... I am so deeply touched by the responses on this thread... My heart is filled with JOY.

There is so much in this sharing that I can relate to... Our struggles are not exactly the same... but oh so similar... You have spoken about these issues being deeply ingrained in you... YES... YES.... they are.... and only GOD can perform the open heart surgery needed to heal you and make you whole. Until you are able to FEEL that GOD loves you... it is going to be rough going.

Let me tell you about this process of making one whole... I am at present time... 58 years old... and it is only in this last year that I have "felt" like a child of God... The key for me was ACCEPTING and BELIEVING that I am truly loved by GOD... not just the kind of love that comes from reading ... FOR God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son... That is a general love... which I always felt EXCLUDED from... because I could NOT feel Him... I could not remotely believe that He could like me... let alone LOVE me... and so in my 20 years as a Christian.... I EXISTED... but I SUFFERED so deeply.... I suffered from the effects of all kinds of child-hood trauma... I was abandoned by my father at age 14... ( my highschool year )... He just walked out the door without even saying good bye to me.... and he left me with a mentally ill and alcoholic mother. It was hell on earth.

You seem to be suffering with SEVERE trust issues... and let me tell you.... it's not a picnic... I trust NO ONE... I have NEVER been able to have or hold onto deep intimate relationships with anyone. I have ONE friend... and I have no idea how that even happened... She has been my friend for over 10 years.... I call her the anomaly. She has been what I have needed... and God has been so gracious to allow us to hold each other up when each was failing.

I too am anti-social ( I live alone.. and I keep to myself )... I used to feel awfully guilty about this fact.... however... there are several Christians who hurt me so badly that I could not function in a church setting.

When I moved to where I am living 7 years ago... I broke down... and gave up on CHRISTIANS... which led the way for me to MEET the REAL JESUS.... the one who LAVISHES me with HIS LOVE... the one who SINGS over me ... the one who PROMISES to turn my mourning into JOY... and the one who PROMISES to finish within me... what HE has begun. Most importantly... the ONE who PROMISES that I am SECURE in my SALVATION. That one was the kicker for me.

I stayed NUMB for 6 years.... and when I say numb... I mean I went into a state of such DEEP DESPAIR.... to the point of feeling NUMB... I felt detached from EVERYTHING... and I began to sink into the darkest of places... The despair I was used to ... but the numbness was new to me... and I began to question whether or not I would even make it to survive. After suffering for 45 years with severe chronic depression... I came very close to ending it all...

Last Spring... when covid hit... something began to happen within me... It's like I started to wake up... I can't explain it with words... but I refer to it as my soul coming out of a long coma-type sleep. What has occured in these last 14ish months is something that I still fail to understand.

I have been HEALED....God did something that I cannot explain... the deep wounds within my heart and the piercings of my soul have been nurtured. I liken it to a healing balm.... Somehow... unbeknownst to me... God did some extremely deep work within me... a work that ONLY HE can do... and I have come to see that HE is GOOD.... that HE is for me....

HE LOVES me... and HE is not remotely DISPLEASED with me. I am right where I am supposed to be and HE is PLEASED with HIS work within me. I am now filled with such JOY.... I can't remember one second of suffering... This JOY just grows... and I nurture it with GRATITUDE and THANKSGIVING. Just when I think I can't possibly feel more JOY.... it comes again and washes over me. I am FOREVER changed from this experience.

You will probably always have trust issues with people... ....that is a sad reality for those of us who have experienced child-hood trauma...but my purpose in writing this long novelette (LOL) is to TELL you that IT is possible to completely trust CHRIST. This is what HE wants from you... Your heart and your trust... HE will work on the behaviours and short-comings if you let HIM... He is not in a hurry... nor should you be... HE wants you to simply give your life to HIM completely... and allow HIM to heal your broken places. I start each day with this... I love you FATHER... I love you JESUS... I love you HOLY SPIRIT... Have your way with me... Short and sweet... LOL

I listen to Christian radio daily.... I read the bible... I do devotionals... and I WORSHIP.

I have been looking for a place that I can share my giftings... which is writing and encouraging others... and I think this forum might just be it.

God's got your back... He's got your back... He is aware of your sins... of your shortcomings... of your fears... and of your weaknesses.... ALL you have to do is surrender them all unto HIM...

You did not break over night... and NOT everyone receives spectacular healings with stars and fireworks... I find that most of us are stuck plucking away... one baby step at a time.

I have rambled on here.... Your post really touched my heart.... and the responses you have gotten have been truly what GOD would have us say to a broken and hurting soul.


Tenderly.... Addy ( short form for Adoration )

 

[Sister]

Oh my goodness... I am SO sorry for the length of my post... I started writing this in my on line journal and well... it took on a life of it's own... Perhaps this can be seen as part of my testimony... I am so deeply touched by the responses on this thread... My heart is filled with JOY.

There is so much in this sharing that I can relate to... Our struggles are not exactly the same... but oh so similar... You have spoken about these issues being deeply ingrained in you... YES... YES.... they are.... and only GOD can perform the open heart surgery needed to heal you and make you whole. Until you are able to FEEL that GOD loves you... it is going to be rough going.

Let me tell you about this process of making one whole... I am at present time... 58 years old... and it is only in this last year that I have "felt" like a child of God... The key for me was ACCEPTING and BELIEVING that I am truly loved by GOD... not just the kind of love that comes from reading ... FOR God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son... That is a general love... which I always felt EXCLUDED from... because I could NOT feel Him... I could not remotely believe that He could like me... let alone LOVE me... and so in my 20 years as a Christian.... I EXISTED... but I SUFFERED so deeply.... I suffered from the effects of all kinds of child-hood trauma... I was abandoned by my father at age 14... ( my highschool year )... He just walked out the door without even saying good bye to me.... and he left me with a mentally ill and alcoholic mother. It was hell on earth.

You seem to be suffering with SEVERE trust issues... and let me tell you.... it's not a picnic... I trust NO ONE... I have NEVER been able to have or hold onto deep intimate relationships with anyone. I have ONE friend... and I have no idea how that even happened... She has been my friend for over 10 years.... I call her the anomaly. She has been what I have needed... and God has been so gracious to allow us to hold each other up when each was failing.

I too am anti-social ( I live alone.. and I keep to myself )... I used to feel awfully guilty about this fact.... however... there are several Christians who hurt me so badly that I could not function in a church setting.

When I moved to where I am living 7 years ago... I broke down... and gave up on CHRISTIANS... which led the way for me to MEET the REAL JESUS.... the one who LAVISHES me with HIS LOVE... the one who SINGS over me ... the one who PROMISES to turn my mourning into JOY... and the one who PROMISES to finish within me... what HE has begun. Most importantly... the ONE who PROMISES that I am SECURE in my SALVATION. That one was the kicker for me.

I stayed NUMB for 6 years.... and when I say numb... I mean I went into a state of such DEEP DESPAIR.... to the point of feeling NUMB... I felt detached from EVERYTHING... and I began to sink into the darkest of places... The despair I was used to ... but the numbness was new to me... and I began to question whether or not I would even make it to survive. After suffering for 45 years with severe chronic depression... I came very close to ending it all...

Last Spring... when covid hit... something began to happen within me... It's like I started to wake up... I can't explain it with words... but I refer to it as my soul coming out of a long coma-type sleep. What has occured in these last 14ish months is something that I still fail to understand.

I have been HEALED....God did something that I cannot explain... the deep wounds within my heart and the piercings of my soul have been nurtured. I liken it to a healing balm.... Somehow... unbeknownst to me... God did some extremely deep work within me... a work that ONLY HE can do... and I have come to see that HE is GOOD.... that HE is for me....

HE LOVES me... and HE is not remotely DISPLEASED with me. I am right where I am supposed to be and HE is PLEASED with HIS work within me. I am now filled with such JOY.... I can't remember one second of suffering... This JOY just grows... and I nurture it with GRATITUDE and THANKSGIVING. Just when I think I can't possibly feel more JOY.... it comes again and washes over me. I am FOREVER changed from this experience.

You will probably always have trust issues with people... ....that is a sad reality for those of us who have experienced child-hood trauma...but my purpose in writing this long novelette (LOL) is to TELL you that IT is possible to completely trust CHRIST. This is what HE wants from you... Your heart and your trust... HE will work on the behaviours and short-comings if you let HIM... He is not in a hurry... nor should you be... HE wants you to simply give your life to HIM completely... and allow HIM to heal your broken places. I start each day with this... I love you FATHER... I love you JESUS... I love you HOLY SPIRIT... Have your way with me... Short and sweet... LOL

I listen to Christian radio daily.... I read the bible... I do devotionals... and I WORSHIP.

I have been looking for a place that I can share my giftings... which is writing and encouraging others... and I think this forum might just be it.

God's got your back... He's got your back... He is aware of your sins... of your shortcomings... of your fears... and of your weaknesses.... ALL you have to do is surrender them all unto HIM...

You did not break over night... and NOT everyone receives spectacular healings with stars and fireworks... I find that most of us are stuck plucking away... one baby step at a time.

I have rambled on here.... Your post really touched my heart.... and the responses you have gotten have been truly what GOD would have us say to a broken and hurting soul.


Tenderly.... Addy ( short form for Adoration )

So that is where Addy is from. Cool. Thanks for sharing your testimony. It speaks a lot to me too, because I've had things from my childhood. It effects so many aspects in life, but God is the Healer and Restorer.

 

[Adoration]

So that is where Addy is from. Cool. Thanks for sharing your testimony. It speaks a lot to me too, because I've had things from my childhood. It effects so many aspects in life, but God is the Healer and Restorer.

YEP... ADDY is the short form nick name for Adoration... LOL

Editing this... I have to THANK you for telling me about this place... I feel like I am HOME.

 

[Sister]

YEP... ADDY is the short form nick name for Adoration... LOL

Editing this... I have to THANK you for telling me about this place... I feel like I am HOME.

Forums can be frustrating sometimes. This one really is a breath of fresh air.

 

[Thehardway]

Thanks for all of your input it's appreciated

 

[evenifigoalone]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

Well, change doesn't happen overnight. Start by getting into the scriptures and studying them daily, and praying. It'll feel like a chore at first, but it'll become something you look forward to with time and you'll find yourself changing bit by bit as God shows you more things.

 

[tagacc]

Don’t think too much about your problem, just observe your behaviour as an outsider as much as you can, after practicing this you’ll see behaviours changing naturally and you’ll get happy. Don’t be frustrated or angry with yourself.

 

[1pet2_9]

I'm a lukewarm Christian who struges with judgment towards others, trust, Self conscious issues and a whole heap of pride. In other words I'm a mess. I'm thankful to be aware of these issues but they are deeply ingrained in me. I don't like being around people and am afraid of committment which has hurt me. I don't attend church regularly and am somewhat antisocial. Easily annoyed as well . I'm sure I know that most of these things would be resolved for the most part if I was doing my due diligence by studying the word and daily prayer and regular church sttendance. Also making more of an attempt to just be kind without fear of getting taken advantage of. Also when I don't respect someone or feel like I can't stand there behavior I tend to show it in my body language which makes it even harder for me to act kind . Sorry for the story but lately it's been eating at me more and more.. Just going to leave this here and if you have insights ease share. Thank you.

Attending church regularly is an easy one (unless you're health-bound). Scripture says to honor the sabbath, "iron sharpens iron...", and "break bread together," so attend church you should.

I hear people's objections to attending church all the time, and usually I just say one thing: the church is God's house. The people in it may or may not have their issues, but in the end you are going to God's house--as are they. I don't care if the preacher is a hypocrite, or if their worship is all wrong--you are going to worship GOD, and that is 100% on you. If you have an issue with one church, find another. If there is no other, go to that one.

 

[D-D-W]

Thehardway , Do you have someone to mentor/disciple you one on one? If not, find such a person as soon as you can.