Marriage Survey

[Mike]

My wife and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary on June 7th. The girl can persevere! LOL We decided to serve as marriage mentors at our church for couples in crisis. To do this, we need to attend some workshops, and we we're filling out an on line survey designed to help us take a deep look at our marriage first.

This is a long multiple choice survey with hundreds of questions, and we complete them separately without discussing them. I think when I complete it and click submit, there will be alarms going off somewhere and a social worker will be dispatched to our house. I hate multiple choice, because the answers rarely fit. I wish I could give an explanation for each one. Questions like...

Have you ever had a drinking problem? I spent 4 years at Central Michigan University 30 years ago. Nuff said. This millenium? No.

Do you ever stress about money? I live in modern day America. Nuff said.

Have your parents ever had an alcohol problem? IMHO, my dad has always drank more scotch than he should. This is about me, right?

Do you ever feel stress about your kids? We have kids 20, 17, and 14. Next question, please!

Do you ever get angry with your kids? We have kids 20, 17, and 14. Next question, please!!

I think I should just be able to skip this survey and say, look. We've been married for 25 years. She hasn't maimed me, and I haven't killed her. Nuff said.

With this small sample of questions, who thinks they wouldn't be inviting suspicion?

 

[Eugene]

I think I should just be able to skip this survey and say, look. We've been married for 25 years. She hasn't maimed me, and I haven't killed her. Nuff said.

Brother Mike, I've now been married for fifty-nine years and our answer changes from a declaration of survival to the question of how & why!

 

[Mike]

Brother Mike, I've now been married for fifty-nine years and our answer changes from a declaration of survival to the question of how & why!

Now, that girl can REALLY persevere! Epic survival! Ha ha!

 

[JohnDB]

Yeah...like some survey with multiple guess answers are going to tell someone who you and your wife really are...as if you don't fit our perfect "model" you are worthless as a counselor or mentor.

My ex wife loves those questions... Of course she has failed them all at some point for whatever ability they are testing for. Good parenting skills, marriage skills or decent human being skills. Good reason she is an ex.

Suffice it to say even if you formally don't become a marriage counselor doesn't mean that you won't be one. I have a class with tons of freshly married couples. I tell them straight up what their attitudes will result in if they don't fix them. I do know what mistakes look like as I have made them. I now know what a great marriage looks like as I have one now. And I can tell that often the things I tell these couples has had an effect.

Divorce is one of the worst things that we can go through. It hurts so bad and there is no pain killer for it. For years it hurts. If it doesn't then you have a serious problem.

 

[Mike]

JohnDB unless someone is the Hollywood type that goes thru marriages like underwear, even the most amicable divorces have to be painful. This survey is created by a company from a Christian perspective specifically for churches that have mentor programs. I'm sure they have experience to see the difference between common life mud puddles and marriages in turmoil.

Obviously, I don't really expect a social worker to show up on our doorstep, but this survey is brutal. I'm only half way through it, and I don't want to live with myself!

 

[GodsGrace]

JohnDB unless someone is the Hollywood type that goes thru marriages like underwear, even the most amicable divorces have to be painful. This survey is created by a company from a Christian perspective specifically for churches that have mentor programs. I'm sure they have experience to see the difference between common life mud puddles and marriages in turmoil.

Obviously, I don't really expect a social worker to show up on our doorstep, but this survey is brutal. I'm only half way through it, and I don't want to live with myself!

Hi Mike,
Take my advice.
Answer YES to everything!
It'll show them how much experience you have. LOL.
After all, isn't this what they need?
If you're toooo perfect, you won't be able to explain the problems the pre-canas might experience when the honeymoon is over. (about a month after the wedding).
The most important job you'll have is to explain what marriage is. Since they won't know. Heck. A lot of experienced married couples don't know what marriage is!
Many young couples think being married is like dating, except you get to wear a SECOND diamond ring.
But never forget to compliment them on the fact that they ARE getting married (rare these days) and that they're showing up for pre-cana. This is a good start.
Whatever you do, don't volunteer to give free advice if they have problems AFTER...
Best to leave that up to people who get PAID for their services.
1. Paid for advice is always respected more.
2. You get to keep a couple of friends.

Mike -- I hope you know I'm just kidding. () (maybe not).

Wondering

 

[Mike]

Ha! Humor is rarely wasted on me. Love it! Get paid, baby!

We're starting with pre-marriage mentoring, but we will be going through extensive training to mentor couples in crisis. In that program, we'll meet with a couple every week for 6 months. The bad news is, not surprisingly, couples who have reached the point of seeking help are usually in a train wreck. Serious trouble. The good news is that when you have two people who are willing to commit to such a schedule, they are both committed to restoration.

Neither of us are trained professionals, so they will likely need that too. We will be there to walk with them and encourage them in the love of Christ. I figure by the time they've had to put up with me every week for 6 months, they will cling to each other out of desperation.

 

[GodsGrace]

Ha! Humor is rarely wasted on me. Love it! Get paid, baby!

We're starting with pre-marriage mentoring, but we will be going through extensive training to mentor couples in crisis. In that program, we'll meet with a couple every week for 6 months. The bad news is, not surprisingly, couples who have reached the point of seeking help are usually in a train wreck. Serious trouble. The good news is that when you have two people who are willing to commit to such a schedule, they are both committed to restoration.

Neither of us are trained professionals, so they will likely need that too. We will be there to walk with them and encourage them in the love of Christ. I figure by the time they've had to put up with me every week for 6 months, they will cling to each other out of desperation.

Very good!

But seriously (just for a moment)
I like the good news you stated above. If the couple is there, they're serious about wanting to be together. Even though one might be a little forced by the other, it still shows sincere interest.

You and your wife might actually turn out to be better than a professional. Sometimes it's just a matter of having a third (and unbiased) party listen and give a good word every now and then. If the problem is very specific, it might require a professional.

I'll be praying for you.
And for the couples!

Wondering