Likewise, childeye.
For I am not ever comfortable saying I don't sin, nor am I very comfortable saying I do sin. I believe there are semantics at work here in my brain.
Yes. I think we could reconcile that by attempting to define the 'I'. Our identity is comprised of 2 major parts -
" our nature + our consciousness = 'I' ".
When we were unregenerate ie in our flesh(self-nature), there was no need for the above distinction, since there was no conflict within ourselves. Every work/act was credited to us alone, since it was
I alone(self-nature+consciousness) doing it.
But when we are regenerated, our conscious part(soul) is caused to be born from above in the spirit(God-nature) and is no longer in the flesh(self-nature). Now the "I" is defined as "God-nature(spirit) + our consciousness". Now, the distinction becomes very clear given the conflict between our God-nature(spirit) that is a part of the "I"(inner man) - and the self-nature(flesh) that we carry on as a decaying burden(outer man) along with its influences.
Before regeneration, I could simply say "I did this.." or "I did that.." and I wouldn't be needed to be any more specific. But after regeneration, whenever I have acted according to the flesh(outer-man), the factors in play are -
" our consciousness(part of the regenerated 'I') + flesh(sin nature, no longer part of the 'I' which has now been regenerated "
So, I'd say - it is no longer "I"(now spirit+consciousness) that does it but sin(corrupted flesh) in me (Rom 7:17).
On the other hand, whenever I have acted according to the spirit(inner-man), the factors in play are just the regenerated "I" (spirit+consciousness) - so, I could simply say "I did this.." or "I did that..." but in order to contrast this with these very same statements I made while in the flesh, I'd add -
"I[spirit+consciousness] did this, and yet not I(the unregenerate 'I'[flesh+consciousness]) but the grace of God(spirit+Holy Spirit) working in me (1 Cor 15:10).
After reading, perhaps you might return here and comment on your experience of crucifying the flesh.
I believe God has pretty much the same pattern in His dealing with man which He expresses in various ways.
Firstly, the semantics of "I crucifying my flesh" -
If I had been born at a time when the air was pure, I could simply have 'breathed' in and out of my lungs to stay alive. Now however, a toxic pollutant has contaminated the atmosphere. I can no longer simply breathe through my lungs without dying away slowly. And yet, I must breathe too. Initially, it doesn't seem a big deal and I go on with my own breathing whereby these toxins continue damaging my lungs. I am continuously commanded to get myself attached to a ventilator/respirator that can provide purified air(after filtering out the toxins) and that can pump my damaged lungs to sustain me. But I still am gasping and running short of breath all by myself - until I fall nearly unconscious without any strength.
At that time, a good doctor carries me into the hospital emergency ward - and gets me connected to the ventilator. I am barely conscious and can perceive what's happening around me, but merely as an inactive spectator. The doctor efficiently starts the ventilator, not waiting for any approval signatures from the patient or kin - And pure air that I never knew even existed, rushes into my lungs and I feel truly alive.
After a few days of the initial newfound elation, and in spite of the doctor's declaration - that whosoever is connected to the ventilator shall live - I think I'm healthy enough now to be off the ventilator and I get off it. I think I'm doing great for a start while actually I'm only running on reserves in me - and by the time I go too far, I am gasping terribly. The ventilator not only revived me then, it also changed me - I could no longer stay out in the toxic air and feel normal. I had tasted pure air and now I'd come off it into this? But when I'm again devoid of any strength, the doctor again carries me back into the ward and gets me connected to the ventilator again. And so on till the truth breaks into my hard skull that I cannot live apart from the ventilator - ever.
So, when I am asked to stop my own breathing, it's not so much as what I should be or should not be 'doing' rather than accepting what is 'being done' to me. My crucifying my flesh would "be done" in me by the Spirit of God in me - If I accept that, I would not be striving and struggling in my flesh
to not strive and struggle in my flesh.
Semantics out of the way, I can now share a single thread of the crucifying-my-flesh experience.
While unregenerate, I still was legalistically religious(not godly though) - the difference being where the focus was - whether on what
I was doing unto God - or on what was being done
to God. I always took the Biblical teachings quite seriously - and clucked my tongue at the pharisees' vanity in trying to get praised in public. So, at the end of every charitable act of mine, I'd never announce it and I'd turn down the praise of others who learn of it quite graciously while attributing all the glory to God(because it's the right thing to do). And I'd go home, get into bed and relive those moments - especially the ones where I 'rejected' all temptation and 'gave up' all the glory to God. And I was not in the least bit aware that this was the greatest sin of 'self-pride' that C.S.Lewis so aptly described in his "Mere Christianity". When being regenerated, my horror at what 'evil I had done' was surprisingly superseded by my horror at what was 'being done to grieve God'.
Well, after my being regenerated, the urge to behave so does come up - but so does the thought reminding me of where that road leads to. And when I feel lost, not knowing how to do good without corrupting it with my own selfish(of the self) intents - there is that thought which pops up and says, "focus on the Object of the action and it will remind you of who the real Subject of the action is". That thought triggers the thought process to identify WHY I'm actually wanting to do whatever I'm doing - and if the thoughts lead me to a genuinely loving(focusing outward) deed, it would also lead me to the conclusion that I wouldn't have ended up there without God putting such love in me during that time - and if the thoughts lead me to pointing out my own interests(lust of the flesh, lust of the eye, pride of life), then there's also the accompanying thought that leads me to hate where I am and to pray for deliverance - which again God is faithful to do(since it was He who brought me to that point) - until I find myself able to do those good deeds in the right way.
In conclusion, God receives all the glory - not by force or by command, but by making me perceive the knowledge of His glorious nature. And in that, I am changed bit-by-bit - until I am fully conformed to the image of His Son, in which hope I live.
