A Christian and an atheist in love, in need of potential advice?

[FreshFTG]

hey all i'm obviously rather new here and i'm an atheist (friendly atheist interwebs greetings :waving ). i'm in a relationship with an amazing Christian girl and we are deeply in love. we get along amazingly well even when it comes to our differing views, we're both completely accepting and understanding about the others beliefs or lack of them and there is no judgement passed either way in fact her level of acceptance is part of the reason i find her so beautiful. she is a devout Christian and there is of course the unfortunate problem that the bible says not to be in relationships with unbelievers =\ i've read the corinthians passages from Paul on the subject (both 2 Corinthians 6:14 and 1st Corinthians 7:14). i know that this is a struggle for her as she tries to come to terms with our relationship and i think she may feel guilty by being with me... i came here hoping to find out if there was any Christian or biblical way to resolve the contrast. i think it may be the best way for her to find peace with our relationship and i don't believe that she will leave me because of it. i love this girl and i would do anything for her, but unfortunately i am an atheist and i cannot believe in God. and of course i have no intention of converting her to atheism. i'm mostly looking for positive answers here as i think the bible already gives me enough stern negativity on the subject ;) if there are Christians here who have been/are in/married in the same situation and found peace with the contrasting ideas that would really help

 

[Mike]

Hello, and welcome to CFnet! :waving

It sounds like you truly do love this girl and have her welfare in mind. We've had others in your same position post similar threads. The problem is the wrong person is seeking the advice. I hope she is seeking it from other Christians as well. Not that it's wrong for you to be here. It's good that you are. But this is her salvation that is at stake here. She's the one who follows Christ and will be compromising her commitment to the Lord, assuming this is heading toward marriage. There are practical and spiritual implications that will create more than the common stresses that come with marriage. How will you raise your children? How will her spiritual growth be impacted by a non-supportive partner?

A Christian response is not going to make you happy, I'm afraid. She would be counseled not to continue in this relationship unless you came to a point of accepting the One True faith. If you were seeking or open to it, I could understand her staying in the relationship, but not getting married until you do accept the Lord. If you're not seeking and have no intention to, I'm sorry to say, she would be well advised to back off.

I know this isn't easy to hear for you or her. It takes a tremendously strong individual to put the other person's spiritual welfare before his own deep emotions. But you have to consider it from a uninvolved Christian perspective. Her salvation and her spiritual walk are much more important than any relationship here in the now. Again, not what you wanted to hear, but it can't be avoided.

 

[FreshFTG]

Hello, and welcome to CFnet! :waving

It sounds like you truly do love this girl and have her welfare in mind. We've had others in your same position post similar threads. The problem is the wrong person is seeking the advice. I hope she is seeking it from other Christians as well. Not that it's wrong for you to be here. It's good that you are. But this is her salvation that is at stake here. She's the one who follows Christ and will be compromising her commitment to the Lord, assuming this is heading toward marriage. There are practical and spiritual implications that will create more than the common stresses that come with marriage. How will you raise your children? How will her spiritual growth be impacted by a non-supportive partner?

A Christian response is not going to make you happy, I'm afraid. She would be counseled not to continue in this relationship unless you came to a point of accepting the One True faith. If you were seeking or open to it, I could understand her staying in the relationship, but not getting married until you do accept the Lord. If you're not seeking and have no intention to, I'm sorry to say, she would be well advised to back off.

I know this isn't easy to hear for you or her. It takes a tremendously strong individual to put the other person's spiritual welfare before his own deep emotions. But you have to consider it from a uninvolved Christian perspective. Her salvation and her spiritual walk are much more important than any relationship here in the now. Again, not what you wanted to hear, but it can't be avoided.

hey there mike thanks for being the first to respond you are probably dead right that it is not me who should be seeking the advice ;) but i want to be able to help if i can and atheist reasoning is probably not the way to do so but even so i am interested to see other Christians points of view. and i may end up posting something similar in an atheist board as well. not that i think we're incapable of resolving it ourselves i'm just also interested in talking about it.

but yes this is heading towards marriage if either of us can help it. i of course have no intention of diverting her away from her religion, and most likely no power to do so either. at the moment we're talking about it very openly and we have come to no disagreements. i understand that God comes first for her and it doesn't impact me or my love for her, nor does it impact her ability to love me.

the way i would like to raise my children is to introduce them to a wide range of religions and let them decide for themselves. of course what age you do this is a difficult question but i'd want them to go to church and experience it with their mom, and i'd encourage them to ask questions about different religions and atheism. if they decided to become Christian i would hold no objection you could say it would be confusing to the kids but i think if thought out properly it's very doable. if my kids did become Christian i would be very supportive and understanding of their decision as i am of my girl's decision to be Christian. just because i do not take part in her beliefs it does not mean i cannot be supportive of them.

as i said i unfortunately cannot believe in God anymore. i've long since been overcome by my reasoning to the point that if i said i believed in God (or could believe), i would be lying. and that to me is much much worse.

may i ask what you think of this verse?
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

it seems to indicate that the matter is not completely set in stone and that there is perhaps some leeway?

to me one of the beautiful things about our relationship is that we love each other despite our contradicting world views that we can be so accepting and supportive of each others beliefs (or lack of them). it seems to me that this is what we need in the world rather than further division. to me it's like a bastion of hope that we can all get along if we just try and have a little understanding, that intolerance really doesn't get us anywhere.

i have more to say but this is long so i'm going to shut up for a bit xD btw mike i like your avatar ;)

 

[Igor]

Hi FFTG;

I feel for ya man. You’re in love enough to be more concerned about her feelings and well being than your own. I understand and admire what you are saying about all of us understanding and being supportive of each other from a human point of view. It sounds like you are far ahead of most Christians I’ve known on this subject!

The problem is clearer when we understand that God is not human, and does not operate under human understanding. What seems logical and good to us is not always what God sees that way. He has given those who choose to follow him a set of instructions on how to live for Him, and deviating from those instructions separates us from Him. You already know about the scripture telling us not to marry unbelievers. As much as you do not want to hurt her spiritual relationship with God, no amount of good will on your part can change the fact that God has said this, and her violating it will separate her from God to one extent or another (and the more knowingly and willingly she violates scripture, the larger this separation will be!) Once the novelty of being married to you wears off (and it will, for both of you, no matter how much you think it wont right now), she will resent this separation and she will know that it was her disobedience of this scripture that is, at least in part, causing it.

The scripture you cited by Paul doesn’t really justify your situation, although it seems to on the surface. Paul is speaking of those who are already married and one of them has either just become a Christian, or has just learned that they should not have married a non-Christian (or perhaps even they got married knowing of the prohibition but did it anyway, and now the Christian spouse feels convicted and wants to repent and rectify the situation). In this case, Paul advises that they should not divorce their non-Christian spouse over this matter. While God does not want Christians to be married to non-Christians, He also does not want us getting divorced (with the exception of divorce being an option if the spouse is guilty of adultery or fornication). Unfortunately, in these verses Paul was in no way saying that it is ok for a Christian to knowingly marry a non-Christian, nor is he hinting at any leeway. He also in no way says these people will not suffer consequences for their actions.

Personally, I don’t know of anywhere in scripture that marrying a non-Christian is permitted for Christians, or even of any “loopholes†that could be used to justify it when read within their context and not mis-interpreted. Sure, it is done all the time. But every Christian I have known in this situation for any significant amount of time has had big problems with it. There is no escaping the fact that it will harm your girlfriend’s relationship with God. Should she, knowing this, choose to marry you anyway, then she is also guilty of giving her relationship with you a higher priority than her relationship with God, which is another violation of scripture.

Sorry, man, I wish I could tell you it was ok. I’m pretty big on rejecting Christian rules and regulations that only come from man’s traditions and not from scripture. But this prohibition is one that is clearly from scripture.

 

[FreshFTG]

Hi FFTG;

I feel for ya man. You’re in love enough to be more concerned about her feelings and well being than your own. I understand and admire what you are saying about all of us understanding and being supportive of each other from a human point of view. It sounds like you are far ahead of most Christians I’ve known on this subject!

The problem is clearer when we understand that God is not human, and does not operate under human understanding. What seems logical and good to us is not always what God sees that way. He has given those who choose to follow him a set of instructions on how to live for Him, and deviating from those instructions separates us from Him. You already know about the scripture telling us not to marry unbelievers. As much as you do not want to hurt her spiritual relationship with God, no amount of good will on your part can change the fact that God has said this, and her violating it will separate her from God to one extent or another (and the more knowingly and willingly she violates scripture, the larger this separation will be!) Once the novelty of being married to you wears off (and it will, for both of you, no matter how much you think it wont right now), she will resent this separation and she will know that it was her disobedience of this scripture that is, at least in part, causing it.

The scripture you cited by Paul doesn’t really justify your situation, although it seems to on the surface. Paul is speaking of those who are already married and one of them has either just become a Christian, or has just learned that they should not have married a non-Christian (or perhaps even they got married knowing of the prohibition but did it anyway, and now the Christian spouse feels convicted and wants to repent and rectify the situation). In this case, Paul advises that they should not divorce their non-Christian spouse over this matter. While God does not want Christians to be married to non-Christians, He also does not want us getting divorced (with the exception of divorce being an option if the spouse is guilty of adultery or fornication). Unfortunately, in these verses Paul was in no way saying that it is ok for a Christian to knowingly marry a non-Christian, nor is he hinting at any leeway. He also in no way says these people will not suffer consequences for their actions.

Personally, I don’t know of anywhere in scripture that marrying a non-Christian is permitted for Christians, or even of any “loopholes†that could be used to justify it when read within their context and not mis-interpreted. Sure, it is done all the time. But every Christian I have known in this situation for any significant amount of time has had big problems with it. There is no escaping the fact that it will harm your girlfriend’s relationship with God. Should she, knowing this, choose to marry you anyway, then she is also guilty of giving her relationship with you a higher priority than her relationship with God, which is another violation of scripture.

Sorry, man, I wish I could tell you it was ok. I’m pretty big on rejecting Christian rules and regulations that only come from man’s traditions and not from scripture. But this prohibition is one that is clearly from scripture.

hey igor thanks for the reply i also appreciate the tone of the response ^^

what you're saying does seem to make sense (from a christian pov). except for the bit about the Christian and the atheist marrying anyways despite knowing about Pauls passage ;) trust me to hone in on that it seems like it is open to some interpretation, i'm also assuming that the consequences if any for marrying me woudn't be hell (for her i mean, i don't care about me i'm already going to hell for committing the unforgivable sin i suppose). but i understand what you're saying about her feeling bad about diverting from the bible. and that sucks.

honestly i find it frustrating that religion would be so against loving someone that's a little different from you (someone that just merely needed a little more convincing). the exact words i said to her were that i think it would be a tragic day when religion tore apart two people in love. i also feel it's a little contradictory that God is proclaimed to be all loving and yet here i am being clearly discriminated against by having my girl forbidden to marry me. i won't profess to know the bible better than anyone here but it seems a strange contrast. and if there is a God who created me and foresaw my atheism and then had us fall in love but did not want us to be together it seems like a pointless act of sorrow =\ that is of course if you believe that God has that level of interaction in our lives.

thankfully neither of us have the ability or desire to end the relationship and neither of us have the intention of ever leaving each other. i suppose if that means we stay together and never marry it's a strange solution but a solution none the less ;) but i don't have the selflessness required to leave her so she can remain on a righteous religious path. i'm selfish enough that i would allow her to deviate somewhat on religion so she can be with me. i know that i'm willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her, except her. i know it causes her worry but i will do what i can to ease it for her, whatever that may be.

thank you for the reply igor it made me think a little

 

[theLords]

Sorry, Fresh, the Scriptures aren't open to interpretation. Igor was right when he said those specific passages are addressing those already married.

My , don't try to use the Scriptures to support your relationship. If you twist the Scriptures so that they say what you need them to say, and then do this to convince your girlfriend that it's okay to be together because the Scripture says so, she might resent you in the future when God convicts her heart of the Truth.

 

[JohnEboy1983]

I agree with the other posts. I want to add that the real issue is her though, and not you. I say this because you are not a Christian and she is, so she is held accountable and you arent. Its going to be her decision to either obey God's word and the Holy Spirits conviction or go against it. She knows whats required of her and If true faithfulness play in on her part, you can be sure she will end the relationship and seek out a Christian man as hard as it may be to come to terms with or accept.

thankfully neither of us have the ability or desire to end the relationship and neither of us have the intention of ever leaving each other. i suppose if that means we stay together and never marry it's a strange solution but a solution none the less

This may seem like a solution but imagine this longterm. There will be no physical intimacy, no children, no living together, etc. You will basically remain boyfriend and girlfriend your whole lives and both of you will not have your needs met causing issues. If she breaks on one of these things, she will be living in sin and constantly convicted by the Holy Spirit causing her to be restless, untill she just blows off that conviction or deals with it. I just cant see it happening. Another thing is it really does her no good to constantly be in a relationship with someone where it will lead nowhere. If you want to remain an atheist, that is your decision, but are you really ok with being in a relationship that will go nowhere?

 

[Igor]

Your welcome FFTG. Thank you.

What I was saying about the Christian marrying a non-Christian despite knowing the scriptures was pointing to a Christian who had knowingly sinned (we may preach against it, but the truth is we all get weak and sin from time to time) and now feels the conviction that the Holy Spirit puts in our hearts, and wants to rectify the situation. That example was strictly from me, to illustrate my point, not directly from scripture. Paul is just saying that the Christian shouldn’t divorce the non-Christian to try to make it right. Repentance from doing it again, and asking God’s forgiveness is all that is required. The non-Christian spouse did nothing wrong in marrying the Christian, so why should he be forced to suffer through a divorce if he chooses to stay with his spouse and honor their marriage? It’s sort of a two wrongs don’t make a right situation. And you’re right that the consequences for your girlfriend will not include being sent to hell for it. But there will be consequences in her life with God, and the separation from Him that she will experience when any willful and un-repented sin is in her life (if she truly is a Christian in her heart and not just in words alone) will bother her to no end.

A lot of people outside of Christianity, and a lot of Christians as well, think that God is love, only love, and that His love is the same kind of love that we humans understand. But in studying scriptures, the picture given of God also includes justice and jealousy. Many pastors do not like to preach sermons on the latter two because they are afraid of chasing people away, and many Christians do not like to think about these either. But that doesn’t change the truth of them. God created us for Him, and He will not change His character just because we would prefer Him too. Whether we think that is fair or correct really doesn’t matter to Him. Believe me, if I had my way, I would change many of God’s requirements of me too. But I can’t.

God is jealous of anything that takes priority in our (Christians) lives over Him and His desires. Fair or not (by our human standards), and whether we like it or not, this is what scripture tells us. He is also just, and His form of justice doesn’t always match ours. He has told us that he is jealous and does not want us to put anything in a place of higher importance than Him. When we violate that in any way, there are consequences for it because of His justice. It doesn’t matter to Him if we think those consequences aren’t fair by our standards.

While all this will affect your girlfriend, as an atheist none of this applies to you since you are already separated from God by your disbelief anyway. The thing God is concerned about right now regarding you is that you put your faith and trust in Him and turn your life over to Him. You also mentioned that God foresaw your atheism. There are Christians who believe that God created some of us with a predestination to such things as atheism. But I am not one who sees this in scripture or subscribes to this belief. God may know ahead of time what is going to happen, but I don’t believe he chooses the outcomes. Knowing it and purposely choosing it are different things. (Not all Christians agree with me on this, just so you know.) We all have free wills to either choose God or reject Him. God did not create or preordain you to be an atheist. He prefers that you put your faith in Him, even if you don’t believe it intellectually. His spirit, once it is in you, will change your beliefs when you allow it to. As hard as that was for me to understand when I was a new Christian, I have now seen it happen so many times that it is undeniable!

Would you mind clarifying something for me so I can better understand your position? In your first post you said “i am an atheist and i cannot believe in God.” But in your later post you said “honestly i find it frustrating that religion would be so against loving someone that's a little different from you (someone that just merely needed a little more convincing).” So are you truly an atheist that cannot bring yourself to believe in God, or are you possibly someone who is unsure, but may believe in Him someday “with a little more convincing”? There is a big difference.

However, in the Christian religion, someone who truly and consistently refuses to believe in God is not someone who is “a little different”. Someone who staunchly does not believe in God (such as an atheist, or such as someone who believes in a different god) is about as different as can be in this world! You are right that it is a tragic day when religion tears apart two people that are in love. However, the sad truth is that this is a tragedy that happens, and is approved of by God, whether we like it or not. God is jealous as I (and the scriptures) have said. He does not want his followers putting marriage relationships with non-Christians ahead of Him, as sad and tragic as that is for the people involved.

You mention not having the selflessness to leave her so she can remain on a righteous path. That’s understandable. It’s not really your place, as an atheist, to leave her so she can follow God. You have no creed or belief system that requires this! It is your girlfriend’s place to make her own decisions as to how she will follow, or fail to follow God and whether or not that involves having to leave you. Forcing her into following God by leaving her is not what God is looking for from you. He is looking for her to follow him on her own free will. Sadly, that may mean that God requires her to leave you. But it may not. It could be that through her, you will see how much having God in your life could mean to you, and just how much truth there actually is in Christianity when you allow the Holy Spirit to show it to you. (Yeah, I know, fat chance you say! But I’ve been surprised by what God can do in a person’s life too many times to ignore the possibility!) So it could actually be God’s will for the two of you to be in each others lives right now. But (per the scripture) just not in a marriage situation (which includes common law marriage, living together as a husband and wife just without a legal marriage, or any other similar commitment, or actively moving toward these things) until and if you turn your life over to God as she has done. Who knows, maybe this will happen. I’ve seen it before!

 

[JohnEboy1983]

It could be that through her, you will see how much having God in your life could mean to you, and just how much truth there actually is in Christianity when you allow the Holy Spirit to show it to you. (Yeah, I know, fat chance you say! But I’ve been surprised by what God can do in a person’s life too many times to ignore the possibility!) So it could actually be God’s will for the two of you to be in each others lives right now.

Very true. There is a song by Paul Wright, called Life after death and it talks about a man named Jim who didnt see a need to believe and he was in love with a redhead who was a devout christian. Later on in the song it indicates he was a Christian who was walking with and talking with Jesus all the time and had two children. Definitely the most resisting people can come to know Christ, Amen! Give this song a listen if you can find it. Its great.

 

[handy]

Fresh, welcome to the forum!

I wanted to weigh in on this because I can give some personal insight.

First, Igor is a wise man, and you should listen to him. He's giving some good insight here, as are the others. It is correct, the passage which speaks of the Christian staying if the non-Christian spouse wants it, is speaking far more of the issue that arises if one converts to Christianity rather than one marrying a non-Christian.

Igor said, "It could be that through her, you will see how much having God in your life could mean to you, and just how much truth there actually is in Christianity when you allow the Holy Spirit to show it to you. (Yeah, I know, fat chance you say! But I’ve been surprised by what God can do in a person’s life too many times to ignore the possibility!) So it could actually be God’s will for the two of you to be in each others lives right now."

I agree! My brother came to know the Lord through his relationship with a Christian girl. They've been married 30 years now. And, believe me, he wasn't about to fall for any religious twaddle before he met her. God used her to bring him about. It can happen and does happen all the time.

Now, as for being unequally yoked: It isn't as easy as it sounds. My husband wasn't an atheist when I met him, he believed that Jesus was God, but there were many, many areas where he was just way "out there" when it came to religion. So much so that my entire family exhorted me not to marry him.

I did anyway, because he did believe in Jesus Christ. However, we were nonetheless "unequally yoked" for a large part of our early marriage. And it was hard, very, very hard at times. I will say that God drew my husband closer and closer and now he is a man of God that I am equally yoked with, but it took years and it caused some issues that we are still dealing with the ramifications of.

I truly don't see how it would have worked out if my husband were an atheist. I truly don't, and I'm a pretty fair-minded person.

You see, as a Christian, we believe in a God of love, not One who just wants to suck all the joy out of live, but rather One who wants us to be joy-filled in this life. And, He commands certain things because, in the end, no matter how much we might think otherwise, He knows that it will bring us the most peace and joy. Being unequally yoked in a marriage is not the pathway to peace and joy. Trust me on this.

No matter how much you might think it won't, the disparity in your beliefs about God are going to impact each other. If you continue to remain a staunch atheist, then she will either lose her faith, or leave you (if not in actuality through divorce, then emotionally, which can be just as devastating).

But on the other hand, I do hope that the impact will be that you will know God better. You are obviously deeply in love with this girl, her relationship with God makes her the beautiful woman that you love. Since the two of you are so much in love, spend some time exploring Christianity. Perhaps in time, you two can become one. But, if you truly reject God, then both of you will be better in the long run to separate, as horrible as that sounds.

I'd love for you to talk your girl-friend into coming to the forum as well. I promise that I won't try to split the two of you up! ;) Truly, I'd like to share with her some of the issues I faced with then boyfriend, now hubby of 12 years and how I coped with it. She might find it helpful.

 

[FreshFTG]

Sorry, Fresh, the Scriptures aren't open to interpretation. Igor was right when he said those specific passages are addressing those already married.

My , don't try to use the Scriptures to support your relationship. If you twist the Scriptures so that they say what you need them to say, and then do this to convince your girlfriend that it's okay to be together because the Scripture says so, she might resent you in the future when God convicts her heart of the Truth.

fair enough i think i'll concede to that. attempting to find loopholes and fiddling verses isn't the way to go about it. the bigger picture is still pretty clear, and most likely clear to her. even though to me the rule makes no sense at all as it ultimately leads to a more intolerant world. thanks thelords

 

[FreshFTG]

I agree with the other posts. I want to add that the real issue is her though, and not you. I say this because you are not a Christian and she is, so she is held accountable and you arent. Its going to be her decision to either obey God's word and the Holy Spirits conviction or go against it. She knows whats required of her and If true faithfulness play in on her part, you can be sure she will end the relationship and seek out a Christian man as hard as it may be to come to terms with or accept.




This may seem like a solution but imagine this longterm. There will be no physical intimacy, no children, no living together, etc. You will basically remain boyfriend and girlfriend your whole lives and both of you will not have your needs met causing issues. If she breaks on one of these things, she will be living in sin and constantly convicted by the Holy Spirit causing her to be restless, untill she just blows off that conviction or deals with it. I just cant see it happening. Another thing is it really does her no good to constantly be in a relationship with someone where it will lead nowhere. If you want to remain an atheist, that is your decision, but are you really ok with being in a relationship that will go nowhere?

you're right that it's not a long term solution but it seems that she is still willing to marry me, we both believe we can find a way through this and that there is some recourse.

 

[FreshFTG]

Your welcome FFTG. Thank you.[/FONT][/SIZE]

(sorry to cut the quote short the message wouldn't post from being too long)

Hey Igor thanks again for the reply, i do appreciate the insight.

i'm aware of the jealousy of God and the (in)justices of particularly the old testament, in my opinion this is another one that can be added to the list (religious discrimination). but i know that God comes first for her and i'm only a close 2nd and i'm perfectly ok with that. i think she can still keep God at that number one spot overall even by being with me. it may be a sin of some level but it's by far not the worst, and on some level i think it's passable. i've done some snooping around on the interwebs and i found many happy atheist/christian married couples and yes they have their problems like any couple but they're a certain testament to the idea that it can work. whether or not you think the bible is open to interpretation, the fact is that people do interpret it in different ways. some christians don't even think that the bible is the literal word of God but rather something metaphorical (although i don't think my girl is one of them). so i think to say that she will or will not feel guilt for being with me after being given the time to make peace with it can only be left to her.

i'm going to skip most of the theology points not because i don't appreciate them but because if i start debating with you about that we'll get sidetracked ;) i'm all for the debate of course but not in this thread

i purposefully down played the "needing a little bit of convincing" bit but merely to demonstrate that no, we aren't that different. so to clarify i'm a strict atheist. i used to be very moderate christian until about 14 when i slowly realised that i just didn't believe in any of it. since then i've asked questions and done my research and personally found no answers in favour of religion. but i'm completely satisfied that other people have. for me there is only one thing that could ever sway me and that would be if God did something that was completely and forever unprovable by science, that everybody saw or heard and still convinced me i wasn't being delusional or hallucinating (which is the first thing i'd check if i started hearing strange voices!). and i think we all know that just isn't going to happen anytime soon ;) although that being said that would only be "a little bit" in terms of God's power. if He wanted to convince me, it really wouldn't be all that difficult. just to sidetrack a little even if God were to speak with everyone then after the fact there'd be people all over the world claiming that it was their God or Allah or whoever and would probably result in some huge disagreement anyways so no i don't think there is any real possibility that i will ever be religious again. which is only unfortunate in the context of it complicating my relationship (but i'll get to a more positive point about that when i reply to handy)

but the idea that we're completely different because we have differing views on something just isn't right. i of course understand that your religion plays a massive and vital role in your lives but it doesn't change who you are as a person. if you were a buddhist or a hindu you wouldn't be a completely different igor ;) you would have some different views on how the world works and faith and worship would play a different role in your life but you wouldn't be a fundamentally different person because of it. if that were true i don't think we'd even be able to tolerate a person of another faith, let alone love them with all your heart.

but yeah as i said the possibility of her converting me to christianity is unfortunately (in the context of the relationship) an impossibility.

(just so you all know she has read this thread and unfortunately i think it made things even worse... but nothing anybody said here is something she could not have been told elsewhere)

 

[FreshFTG]

Fresh, welcome to the forum!

I wanted to weigh in on this because I can give some personal insight.

First, Igor is a wise man, and you should listen to him. He's giving some good insight here, as are the others. It is correct, the passage which speaks of the Christian staying if the non-Christian spouse wants it, is speaking far more of the issue that arises if one converts to Christianity rather than one marrying a non-Christian.

Igor said, "It could be that through her, you will see how much having God in your life could mean to you, and just how much truth there actually is in Christianity when you allow the Holy Spirit to show it to you. (Yeah, I know, fat chance you say! But I’ve been surprised by what God can do in a person’s life too many times to ignore the possibility!) So it could actually be God’s will for the two of you to be in each others lives right now."

I agree! My brother came to know the Lord through his relationship with a Christian girl. They've been married 30 years now. And, believe me, he wasn't about to fall for any religious twaddle before he met her. God used her to bring him about. It can happen and does happen all the time.

Now, as for being unequally yoked: It isn't as easy as it sounds. My husband wasn't an atheist when I met him, he believed that Jesus was God, but there were many, many areas where he was just way "out there" when it came to religion. So much so that my entire family exhorted me not to marry him.

I did anyway, because he did believe in Jesus Christ. However, we were nonetheless "unequally yoked" for a large part of our early marriage. And it was hard, very, very hard at times. I will say that God drew my husband closer and closer and now he is a man of God that I am equally yoked with, but it took years and it caused some issues that we are still dealing with the ramifications of.

I truly don't see how it would have worked out if my husband were an atheist. I truly don't, and I'm a pretty fair-minded person.

You see, as a Christian, we believe in a God of love, not One who just wants to suck all the joy out of live, but rather One who wants us to be joy-filled in this life. And, He commands certain things because, in the end, no matter how much we might think otherwise, He knows that it will bring us the most peace and joy. Being unequally yoked in a marriage is not the pathway to peace and joy. Trust me on this.

No matter how much you might think it won't, the disparity in your beliefs about God are going to impact each other. If you continue to remain a staunch atheist, then she will either lose her faith, or leave you (if not in actuality through divorce, then emotionally, which can be just as devastating).

But on the other hand, I do hope that the impact will be that you will know God better. You are obviously deeply in love with this girl, her relationship with God makes her the beautiful woman that you love. Since the two of you are so much in love, spend some time exploring Christianity. Perhaps in time, you two can become one. But, if you truly reject God, then both of you will be better in the long run to separate, as horrible as that sounds.

I'd love for you to talk your girl-friend into coming to the forum as well. I promise that I won't try to split the two of you up! ;) Truly, I'd like to share with her some of the issues I faced with then boyfriend, now hubby of 12 years and how I coped with it. She might find it helpful.

hi there handy thank you for the post.

as you may have gathered from my previous post to igor (who i agree is well read) that there is no possibility of me converting to a christian. as much as you may have seen it happen in other people, i cannot be one of them. someone asking me to believe in God is the same as me asking you to believe in Odin ;) and i'm sure you can see how the possibility of that is zero

what i would like to share with you though is how i feel religion actually played a part in me falling in love with jan in the first place. as strange as it seems but without our differing views of religion i would have been able to see how accepting and understanding she was nor would i have been so challenged to change my mostly negative attitude to christians. it's strange but religion is actually part of the reason why i love her. a small part, but an important one none the less. and while i realise the challenges ahead of us are huge i think that if we can find a way through this particular challenge that there will be nothing that could compare. the other challenges don't even get a chance to arise if we don't get through this one...

i know how scared she's feeling right now (we've talked about it again since she read this thread) and i know how difficult this is for her (all of your insight has helped me with that) but i will fight for her with everything i have. i owe myself that much as well as her.

 

[Alabaster]

hey all i'm obviously rather new here and i'm an atheist (friendly atheist interwebs greetings :waving ). i'm in a relationship with an amazing Christian girl and we are deeply in love. we get along amazingly well even when it comes to our differing views, we're both completely accepting and understanding about the others beliefs or lack of them and there is no judgement passed either way in fact her level of acceptance is part of the reason i find her so beautiful. she is a devout Christian and there is of course the unfortunate problem that the bible says not to be in relationships with unbelievers =\ i've read the corinthians passages from Paul on the subject (both 2 Corinthians 6:14 and 1st Corinthians 7:14). i know that this is a struggle for her as she tries to come to terms with our relationship and i think she may feel guilty by being with me... i came here hoping to find out if there was any Christian or biblical way to resolve the contrast. i think it may be the best way for her to find peace with our relationship and i don't believe that she will leave me because of it. i love this girl and i would do anything for her, but unfortunately i am an atheist and i cannot believe in God. and of course i have no intention of converting her to atheism. i'm mostly looking for positive answers here as i think the bible already gives me enough stern negativity on the subject ;) if there are Christians here who have been/are in/married in the same situation and found peace with the contrasting ideas that would really help

There is no peace to be found in this area. Your girlfriend will find no peace as long as she is disobedient and rebellious to how God wants her to live.

Of course you find her beautiful, as it is the beauty of Christ you see in her, but she has gone against God in pursuing a relationship with an unbeliever. God will continue to quicken her conscience about this until she complies with His word. In her compromie, she has actually demoted God from first place, and He is grieved.

If you love her, let her go. There can only be failure and heartbreak if you both continue.

 

[theLords]

fair enough i think i'll concede to that. attempting to find loopholes and fiddling verses isn't the way to go about it. the bigger picture is still pretty clear, and most likely clear to her. even though to me the rule makes no sense at all as it ultimately leads to a more intolerant world. thanks thelords

Your welcome Fresh. I hope it helps. I know if that was me, and my boyfriend did that, I would feel betrayed and lied to, and I know from what you have said that you would not do that to her intentionally in the least bit.

I know it's hard to understand, but the purpose is to bless us as Christians.

There is a thread somewhere on this board that a father made asking for help. He is a CHristian married to an agnostic. His son was about 12/13 and was going to church with him and considered himself a Christian, until he up and decided that he was an atheist and didn't want to go to church anymore.

That father was DEVASTATED. It's not a big deal for you, but I can imagine you understand just why this is such a painful circumstance for us Christians to go through.

If you and your girl got married and this happened to her babies, she would also be devastated. No Christian wants their babies who they love the most to reject Christ and choose the world. It is the most heart breaking thing any parent can go through.

 

[Alabaster]

"Disobedience to God's authority, whether direct or spiritual, moves a person out of spiritual light and into spiritual darkness where the enemy has legal access."

John Bevere

 

[FreshFTG]

Your welcome Fresh. I hope it helps. I know if that was me, and my boyfriend did that, I would feel betrayed and lied to, and I know from what you have said that you would not do that to her intentionally in the least bit.

I know it's hard to understand, but the purpose is to bless us as Christians.

There is a thread somewhere on this board that a father made asking for help. He is a CHristian married to an agnostic. His son was about 12/13 and was going to church with him and considered himself a Christian, until he up and decided that he was an atheist and didn't want to go to church anymore.

That father was DEVASTATED. It's not a big deal for you, but I can imagine you understand just why this is such a painful circumstance for us Christians to go through.

If you and your girl got married and this happened to her babies, she would also be devastated. No Christian wants their babies who they love the most to reject Christ and choose the world. It is the most heart breaking thing any parent can go through.

hey again thelords

you're right that i don't want to inadvertently hurt her while trying to help her and i've already told her that i won't keep trying to reason it to being ok. i know this is something that she needs to come to terms with herself and i can merely be as supportive as i can along the way. but i also said that i wouldn't stop fighting for her... and at this point i can't :S

i know that i can't speak for her but if she can show even half the amount of understanding for our kids as she can for me then i think she'd be ok. that's of course assuming our kids don't decide to be christian ;) but if she ever told me that she would be devastated if our kids weren't christian then... i suppose i'd have to make an exception =\ but i'm sure you'd agree that it's better for someone (anyone, my kids or elsewise) to decide to become a christian or an atheist or a buddhist or whatever rather than to be indoctrinated into one? i think that's the upbringing i'd want to give my kids even if jan were an atheist. and i'd be 100% supportive of whatever they chose.

 

[theLords]

Let's keep this civil on all sides please.

Any more off topic posts will be deleted.

Remember: criticize the post and not the person posting.

Please take this as an official unofficial warning. I don't want to give anyone an infraction.

 

[FreshFTG]

Let's keep this civil on all sides please.

Any more off topic posts will be deleted.

Remember: criticize the post and not the person posting.

Please take this as an official unofficial warning. I don't want to give anyone an infraction.

sorry i only saw that after posting the last one. warning heeded