I am finding it difficult being a parent of adult children. Our children were saved at fairly a young age and baptized. I thought they had truly committed their lives, but now that they are in their 20's it seems as though the world has gotten a hold of them. We have 3 children the oldest being 28, a son, and 2 girls, 22, and 24. Our son is planning to be married in July of next year. He is living with his financee. Our 24 year old lived with her boyfriend for about 4 years and married last year and is already getting a divorce, her husband just decided he was more interested in their neighbor and did not want to be married to our daughter anymore. Our youngest, is engaged and living with her fiancee and his family, and they are living in sin with the consent of the financee's parents. I feel like my husband and I are fighting such a battle. Our children see nothing wrong with living together. Our daughter, who is getting the divorce still does not see the harm it caused, living like they were married before they were married. Living together before marriage seems so acceptable now days. We have expressed how we feel about the marriage covenant and we pray for the children to see the truth. All 3 of them have quit going to church too. The two older ones still believe, but they are lacking the relationship. The youngest, sadly has turned away completely. Are their other parents out there dealing with this and how do you deal with this? My heart aches for them.
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Adult children/living together before marriage
- Thread starter dedebeam
- Start date
Here is my answer ..Yes ...no...yes again...oops no ...sometimes... not just now....
I hear you. The church in wanting to be looked on as loving and caring has dropped the ball. Teaching the standards of Christianity. I hope and pray the tide will turn once again and we will turn back to God, and His ways.
I have learned they will do as they please... let go on the outside as in" dont hassle them"..Accepting you really can do nothing other then pray for them. it was a release for me... Setting the standards in your home politely, quietly prayerfully is about all you can do.
joethemechanic
Member
My daughter is doing the same thing. I can't even get her to look at a bible or listen to what it has to say. She says "The Bible was written by men who wanted to control women"
She wants me to say that it's ok, and I won't. Now she hasn't talked to me since before Christmas,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I think her college did this to her. She has a sociology degree from a good private school. I thought it was a good thing for her. I just don't know
She wants me to say that it's ok, and I won't. Now she hasn't talked to me since before Christmas,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I think her college did this to her. She has a sociology degree from a good private school. I thought it was a good thing for her. I just don't know
handy
Member
The real isssue here isn't that they are living in sin.... it's that they are living outside the commandments of the Lord. They could get married tomorrow, but still be outside of the Lord's will.
This could be because Reba is so right, the Church has completely dropped the ball of holding Christians accountable in fear of "being judgemental" and therefore we are raising a generation of Christians who have utterly mixed messages of what being a Christian even means.
The best Christian parents can do is to be loving, but don't compromise on Christians standards and do one's best to help the children see the error they are living...
.... that and pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray that the Holy Spirit will convict them. Which is of course where the real battle will be won or lost.
This could be because Reba is so right, the Church has completely dropped the ball of holding Christians accountable in fear of "being judgemental" and therefore we are raising a generation of Christians who have utterly mixed messages of what being a Christian even means.
The best Christian parents can do is to be loving, but don't compromise on Christians standards and do one's best to help the children see the error they are living...
.... that and pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray that the Holy Spirit will convict them. Which is of course where the real battle will be won or lost.
Nathan Alterton
Member
As usual, handys advice and insights are spot on.
I wish I had some great experiential advice to pass along to you, but I don't - my children are all under 10. However, I can pass along some good insights from Hanna Whitall Smith about handing our burdens (like this one that you carry for your children) over to God:
"It is generally easier for us to trust the Lord for our future than it is to trust Him for our present life. We know we are helpless regarding the future, but we feel as if the present is in our own hands and must be carried on our own shoulders. Most of us have an unconfessed idea that it is enough to ask the Lord to carry ourselves without asking Him to carry our burdens, too."
"Most people ... take their burdens to [God], but they bring them away again, and are just as worried and unhappy as ever. But I take mine and leave them with Him, and come away and forget them. If the worry comes back, I take it to Him again. I do this over and over, until at last I just forget I have any worries and am at perfect rest."
As a father of eight, I can empathize with the pain their decisions are causing you, because you know what blessing could be theirs if only they would bend the knee and follow Jesus. But your children, for whatever reason, are making their own decisions for their own lives now. Love them, give them Biblical advice when you can, but ultimately you must put them in God's hands.
They are His responsibility now. You can't bear the burden for their unwise choices. Every time that worry or concern for them comes to you, hand it back to God in prayer. He is willing and able to carry your burdens.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
I wish I had some great experiential advice to pass along to you, but I don't - my children are all under 10. However, I can pass along some good insights from Hanna Whitall Smith about handing our burdens (like this one that you carry for your children) over to God:
"It is generally easier for us to trust the Lord for our future than it is to trust Him for our present life. We know we are helpless regarding the future, but we feel as if the present is in our own hands and must be carried on our own shoulders. Most of us have an unconfessed idea that it is enough to ask the Lord to carry ourselves without asking Him to carry our burdens, too."
"Most people ... take their burdens to [God], but they bring them away again, and are just as worried and unhappy as ever. But I take mine and leave them with Him, and come away and forget them. If the worry comes back, I take it to Him again. I do this over and over, until at last I just forget I have any worries and am at perfect rest."
As a father of eight, I can empathize with the pain their decisions are causing you, because you know what blessing could be theirs if only they would bend the knee and follow Jesus. But your children, for whatever reason, are making their own decisions for their own lives now. Love them, give them Biblical advice when you can, but ultimately you must put them in God's hands.
They are His responsibility now. You can't bear the burden for their unwise choices. Every time that worry or concern for them comes to you, hand it back to God in prayer. He is willing and able to carry your burdens.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
yes, yes yes, there is no easy way to parent kids who have turned away, I too was one of those many years ago. I think what is most important of course is to pray for them but to love them and have a relationship with them no matter what. God loves us and forgives us no matter what we do and he does not give up on us. My two adult children 28 and 25 have both lived with thier partner before marriage, turned away from God, one was a meth addict for 3 years, now clean for 10 and a married mother of three and also turning to God again. My 25 year old son and his girlfreind since they were 16 had a baby got married shortly before he was born and our now divorced. It has been heartbreaking but I believe God still has 'good plans' for all of them. It was hard to learn to have a relationship with them without God in the centre but God is faithful and hears our prayers and they do come around from the deception they have believed.
I have learned to let them Go into God's arms and have found incredible peace and have great relationships with all of them.
I have learned to let them Go into God's arms and have found incredible peace and have great relationships with all of them.
abide
Member
I can understand what you are going through. You and your husband have done your best. The rest is up to them. Do not allow guilt to destroy you. As a matter of fact you have nothing to be guilty of. If your daughter's fiancee's parents are Christian this is sad, and even if not, they should know that as Christians you and your husband would not agree with what they are doing. The devil is busy. Keep praying that they will return to God. The world out there is tough, and sometimes the peer pressure is great. Many young people tend to follow the crowd. God is able.. Will keep your family in my prayers.