Advice concerning foster son

[launa]

Hi, I was hoping for advice concerning a young man that I have taken into my care over the last 12 months named Sean, & I ask that yiu pray for him.

For context, I have raised with my late husband 4 children, the youngest a son, who have all left the nest, so this isn't my first wrangle with a teenage boy.

I'll preface this by saying that Sean is a kind, generous, charitable, & keenly intelligent boy for his age. The causes he fights for are just & his values, though they don't align with mine necessarily, are well motivated & despite his disadvantages, he's often in the upper half of the class gifted a God given mind.

However, being a socially conservative house hold, the promiscuous sexual activity with both sexes, alchohol & drug indulgences, anarchist communist politics, street activities, & late nights are difficult & have been somewhat of a culture shock - reinforced by his continued association with social circles before I fostered him.

Finding beer bottle caps, cigarette butts, condoms, & more in the laundry have never been issues I've faced. I have spoken to him about my concerns & though he, out of respect, has assured that he isn't sexually active or consuming drugs or alchohol in my house, I know he is elsewhere

Lastly, I want to say that he is good at heart & that he does respect me despite his antagonism to any authority. He has described that he used to sustain himself with dumpster diving & shop lifting (& this pale & lean build would suggest he grew up underfed), trespassing on sites to squat for shelter, & can even point out different graffiti tags locally. He even has a self made anti policing tattoo. However, he respects my authority in my house & is thankful as this is the longest he's stayed in one place since he turned 10 (he is currently 16).

I suppose I came here to ask what advice is there for a caring & bright but rough & tough young man. I strongly feel God has called me to foster care, & I to enjoy this experience much of the time, but never have I ever had such a contrast of lifestyle .

Thank you for your answers & God bless you

 

[hawkman]

However, being a socially conservative house hold, the promiscuous sexual activity with both sexes, alchohol & drug indulgences, anarchist communist politics, street activities, & late nights are difficult & have been somewhat of a culture shock - reinforced by his continued association with social circles before I fostered him.

No curfew for a teenager living in your house ?

 

[launa]

No curfew for a teenager living in your house ?

I have brought it up before but doesn't really understand the consequence of it. This is on the context that hes run away from other homes

 

[journeyman]

God bless you Iauna.
All parents can do at that age is explain why the beer, sex before marriage and other stuff is wrong and wait for a repentant heart. Hope it doesn't get too rough.

 

[GodsGrace]

Hi, I was hoping for advice concerning a young man that I have taken into my care over the last 12 months named Sean, & I ask that yiu pray for him.

For context, I have raised with my late husband 4 children, the youngest a son, who have all left the nest, so this isn't my first wrangle with a teenage boy.

I'll preface this by saying that Sean is a kind, generous, charitable, & keenly intelligent boy for his age. The causes he fights for are just & his values, though they don't align with mine necessarily, are well motivated & despite his disadvantages, he's often in the upper half of the class gifted a God given mind.

However, being a socially conservative house hold, the promiscuous sexual activity with both sexes, alchohol & drug indulgences, anarchist communist politics, street activities, & late nights are difficult & have been somewhat of a culture shock - reinforced by his continued association with social circles before I fostered him.

Finding beer bottle caps, cigarette butts, condoms, & more in the laundry have never been issues I've faced. I have spoken to him about my concerns & though he, out of respect, has assured that he isn't sexually active or consuming drugs or alchohol in my house, I know he is elsewhere

Lastly, I want to say that he is good at heart & that he does respect me despite his antagonism to any authority. He has described that he used to sustain himself with dumpster diving & shop lifting (& this pale & lean build would suggest he grew up underfed), trespassing on sites to squat for shelter, & can even point out different graffiti tags locally. He even has a self made anti policing tattoo. However, he respects my authority in my house & is thankful as this is the longest he's stayed in one place since he turned 10 (he is currently 16).

I suppose I came here to ask what advice is there for a caring & bright but rough & tough young man. I strongly feel God has called me to foster care, & I to enjoy this experience much of the time, but never have I ever had such a contrast of lifestyle .

Thank you for your answers & God bless you

I agree with post no. 4
It's the kind of situation that is difficult to understand if not being experienced.
It'll be easy for anyone here to tell you what you should do....but it may not be the correct course of action.

The problem is that you didn't raise him so he has none of your own values.
He comes to you already formed.

I think I would be happy that he shows you respect and appreciation.
Just show him by example how persons should act.
You won't be able to control what he does outside of the home.
As you surely know, no parent can even to their own children. We have to raise them the best we can
and hope that our values are absorbed.

If you invade his privacy too much it might end up that you give him an ultimatum and I doubt that would be a good idea - for HIS benefit since he seems to be doing well.

Be careful that it doesn't get worse - you have yourself and your husband to think of, and I mean safety-wise.

 

[Josef]

Hey All,
I was sixteen once, back in the olden days. I have thought about what you wrote, and would like to contribute my .02¢.
He loves and respects you. It shows in how he conducts himself around you. Think about this. He leaves condoms, cigarette butts and bottlecaps in his laundry. That are not the action to hide what he is doing. That is his subconscious, sending up smoke signals. (Cigarette smoke signals.) He is asking for direction whether he consciously knows it or not.
1. Pray for wisdom and guidance.
2. Stay calm. Don't get into a shouting match.
3. Give him a big old hug, and tell him you love him. (I am assuming you do love him. That letter has mom written all over it.) Kids his age need to hear that.
4. Sit him down, and calmly show him what you found. Note his reaction; is it calm, angry, denial, etc. Stay calm and ask the appropriate follow up question. Whatever the excuse how did they end up in his pocket? No matter what he says, bring it back to that question.
5. Once he is done with the excuses, tell him he is too big to spank, but that you still need to punish him.
6. A curfew as hawkman mentioned is just the start. Make it early to start. (I had to be home right after school. My mom worked so I had check in with a call every day.)Explain it to him. If he does this a month, you will loosen your restriction. Maybe he gets an extra hour. This way there is a goal and an incentive to try. If he falls, the time starts anew.
7. Find victims of throat cancer, and show him pictures. It couldn't happen to them either. But it did. You taught him the risk. Now show him the effects. (I used to minister to an old guy that was the victim of throat cancer. He was alive. But the whole lower part of his jaw was destroyed by it. He could not speak. In fact my partner taught him sign language.)
8. You can do the same thing with alcohol. Show him what a healthy liver looks like. Then show him him one ravaged with sirrosis. He's a smart kid. He will get it.
9. Now it may be too late if he has condoms. Make him look you straight in the face. (BTW, we are still calm) and swear he is not sexually active. Don't just listen to the answer, listen to his body language. Does he squirm. Does he cross his arms. Does his voice crack. Listen to emotion in his answer. Laughter or smiling would be inappropriate for such a serious topic. Anger or disgust with the right body language would actually be him telling you the truth. Anger from your not believing him; disgust from having to answer fooor the umpteeeeenth time. Whether he's lying or not,
I have a good exercise for him. Get a watermelon or some other good-sized piece of fruit. This is the baby he had out of wedlock, and left to him now that the mother has left him.
He has to care for it like a baby.
Time outs from his carefree life to feed, bathe, diaper changes, put it to sleep, clean up vomit, and play time. Assign each a number on a die. Every thirty minutes he has to roll the die he has to spend ten minutes taking care of his watermelon. That will get old fast. You may not stop him from having sex. But you have given him reasons to stop himself. Then it becomes his decision. You just steered him toward it.

I so hope this helps you Launa. My heart goes out to you and him. And by the way, I am giving you a great big old hug. Your post says you need one. Hang in there.

Keep walking everybody.
May God bless,
Taz
PS. Did I mention, Stay calm. Just messin with you. We need humor and fun in our lives.

 

[Who Me]

Does he attend church with you?
Is there a youth group at your church he can join?
I would suggest that the first is mandatory and the second optional.
But do discuss with him his behavior, that you would like him to be in by a certain time, as well as your concern that he might run away if pressed to hard.

I think it is a case of treat him as an adult, he's not but treat him as if, and talk these issues through.
He needs time to accept and reset his values, to come to know Jesus.

 

[launa]

I agree with post no. 4
It's the kind of situation that is difficult to understand if not being experienced.
It'll be easy for anyone here to tell you what you should do....but it may not be the correct course of action.

The problem is that you didn't raise him so he has none of your own values.
He comes to you already formed.

I think I would be happy that he shows you respect and appreciation.
Just show him by example how persons should act.
You won't be able to control what he does outside of the home.
As you surely know, no parent can even to their own children. We have to raise them the best we can
and hope that our values are absorbed.

If you invade his privacy too much it might end up that you give him an ultimatum and I doubt that would be a good idea - for HIS benefit since he seems to be doing well.

Be careful that it doesn't get worse - you have yourself and your husband to think of, and I mean safety-wise.

I should specify, my late husband has moved on. It's just me & this young man. I've never made anything like an ultimatum, I couldn't do that to him. Just knowing his history, it would be like using homelessness as a gun to hold him for ransom. As for his behaviour getting worse, I think it's gotten better if anything. He no longer carries a knife everywhere he goes & he doesn't always replace his clothes or gets a snack by shop lifting or dumpster diving for it. I've even become quite reliant on him keeping on top of the laundry & dishes. So this isn't a worsening problem, just one his more street punk tendencies.

Hey All,
I was sixteen once, back in the olden days. I have thought about what you wrote, and would like to contribute my .02¢.
He loves and respects you. It shows in how he conducts himself around you. Think about this. He leaves condoms, cigarette butts and bottlecaps in his laundry. That are not the action to hide what he is doing. That is his subconscious, sending up smoke signals. (Cigarette smoke signals.) He is asking for direction whether he consciously knows it or not.
1. Pray for wisdom and guidance.
2. Stay calm. Don't get into a shouting match.
3. Give him a big old hug, and tell him you love him. (I am assuming you do love him. That letter has mom written all over it.) Kids his age need to hear that.
4. Sit him down, and calmly show him what you found. Note his reaction; is it calm, angry, denial, etc. Stay calm and ask the appropriate follow up question. Whatever the excuse how did they end up in his pocket? No matter what he says, bring it back to that question.
5. Once he is done with the excuses, tell him he is too big to spank, but that you still need to punish him.
6. A curfew as hawkman mentioned is just the start. Make it early to start. (I had to be home right after school. My mom worked so I had check in with a call every day.)Explain it to him. If he does this a month, you will loosen your restriction. Maybe he gets an extra hour. This way there is a goal and an incentive to try. If he falls, the time starts anew.
7. Find victims of throat cancer, and show him pictures. It couldn't happen to them either. But it did. You taught him the risk. Now show him the effects. (I used to minister to an old guy that was the victim of throat cancer. He was alive. But the whole lower part of his jaw was destroyed by it. He could not speak. In fact my partner taught him sign language.)
8. You can do the same thing with alcohol. Show him what a healthy liver looks like. Then show him him one ravaged with sirrosis. He's a smart kid. He will get it.
9. Now it may be too late if he has condoms. Make him look you straight in the face. (BTW, we are still calm) and swear he is not sexually active. Don't just listen to the answer, listen to his body language. Does he squirm. Does he cross his arms. Does his voice crack. Listen to emotion in his answer. Laughter or smiling would be inappropriate for such a serious topic. Anger or disgust with the right body language would actually be him telling you the truth. Anger from your not believing him; disgust from having to answer fooor the umpteeeeenth time. Whether he's lying or not,
I have a good exercise for him. Get a watermelon or some other good-sized piece of fruit. This is the baby he had out of wedlock, and left to him now that the mother has left him.
He has to care for it like a baby.
Time outs from his carefree life to feed, bathe, diaper changes, put it to sleep, clean up vomit, and play time. Assign each a number on a die. Every thirty minutes he has to roll the die he has to spend ten minutes taking care of his watermelon. That will get old fast. You may not stop him from having sex. But you have given him reasons to stop himself. Then it becomes his decision. You just steered him toward it.

I so hope this helps you Launa. My heart goes out to you and him. And by the way, I am giving you a great big old hug. Your post says you need one. Hang in there.

Keep walking everybody.
May God bless,
Taz
PS. Did I mention, Stay calm. Just messin with you. We need humor and fun in our lives.

Thank you so much for your constructive message.

I don't think the sexual activity point will be as much as a sticking point as suggested. He never said he intended to abstain, only that he wouldn't bring anyone to his bed under my roof.

As for the raising a watermelon idea, it's creative but when he was younger & his mother (who has passed safely by an overdose) was inebriated, he was charged with caring fir his younger brothers (who he's still in contact with & are with other families) so I don't know if it will have that same impact.

Likewise, he lost his mother to an overdose so it's not as if he doesn't know the consequences of recreational substances. He's not coming home intoxicated nearly as much as I first took him, & he's no longer looking hungover every Saturday morning. On this too, I'm confident he's not getting worse.

Does he attend church with you?
Is there a youth group at your church he can join?
I would suggest that the first is mandatory and the second optional.
But do discuss with him his behavior, that you would like him to be in by a certain time, as well as your concern that he might run away if pressed to hard.

I think it is a case of treat him as an adult, he's not but treat him as if, and talk these issues through.
He needs time to accept and reset his values, to come to know Jesus.

He has a couple of times but he is not a Christian. He actually has a pretty noticeable negative emotional response to any serious religious commitment as I suspect he associates liturgy & ritual to some of his many traumas he refuses to speak about (his late mother was a (?) Luciferian Thelemite (?) but I never dug for details).

However, yes, we have very respectful & equal means of speaking. I genuinely love him & his history & intelligence makes him genuinely engaging to talk to on adult terms. God bless him, I'd say the lad grew up too fast if anything.

God bless you all for.your advice, I'll let you know how things are going

 

[launa]

GodsGrace Josef Who Me

So last night I had a word with him, considering the help you've all offered. Sean's reaction was unexpected.

When I showed him what I've found, demonstrating that he was he was still consuming drugs, alcohol, & was still sexually active. He said that if there was an impression that he was hiding his activities from me, he apologises, & clarified that his understanding was just that he'd abstain under my roof.

He was also distraught that he felt that I didn't entirely trust him. He gave me a big hug & expressed how sorry he was for whatever gave me the impression he didnt respect me enough that he would keep anything from me.

He even offered to install something called Google Family Link if I wanted to know the location of his phone if I suspected that his location didn't corroborate with where he texted where I am & just text him if I need him back earlier that night. He also outlined the circumstances which he ran away from his past foster home & assured that if he was going to do that, he wouldn't be talking to me about.

We agreed to continue this talk later as it was late but he even offered to show me some of the things that he does. He's sent me invitations to anarcho-communist reading groups, punk shows, LGBTQI+ socials, & enviro meetings. He even asked if I'd like to meet some of his more regular sexual partners. This was in response to suggesting he comes to mass.

I'll need to pray long & hard on what to do next. He's evidently not repentant of any if his activities that I disapprove of but is more than happy to speak with me about them. In that way, I feel blessed this young man feels owed to me but he has a lot of behaviours which ties him to his past - I feel lost where to go from here.

 

[Who Me]

He's sent me invitations to anarcho-communist reading groups, punk shows, LGBTQI+ socials, & enviro meetings. He even asked if I'd like to meet some of his more regular sexual partners. This was in response to suggesting he comes to mass.

That is very encouraging, he's talking to you and willing to involve you in his life.
May I suggest you accept some of his invites to some of his meetings.
I'd suggest the reading, environmental meetings and maybe listen to a recording of his favourite punk group.
If he has a ' girlfriend ' be willing to meet her.
Your feeling your way into sharing his life, as you do this you'll have opertunities to talk about what he believes and to ask what evidence he has for his believes.

Sites likecoldcasechristianity, wintery Knight and answers in genesis are full of articles about the accuracy and reliability of scripture based on facts, articles about lgtb etc etc.


Take your time he has a long way to go.

 

[GodsGrace]

GodsGrace Josef Who Me

So last night I had a word with him, considering the help you've all offered. Sean's reaction was unexpected.

When I showed him what I've found, demonstrating that he was he was still consuming drugs, alcohol, & was still sexually active. He said that if there was an impression that he was hiding his activities from me, he apologises, & clarified that his understanding was just that he'd abstain under my roof.

He was also distraught that he felt that I didn't entirely trust him. He gave me a big hug & expressed how sorry he was for whatever gave me the impression he didnt respect me enough that he would keep anything from me.

He even offered to install something called Google Family Link if I wanted to know the location of his phone if I suspected that his location didn't corroborate with where he texted where I am & just text him if I need him back earlier that night. He also outlined the circumstances which he ran away from his past foster home & assured that if he was going to do that, he wouldn't be talking to me about.

We agreed to continue this talk later as it was late but he even offered to show me some of the things that he does. He's sent me invitations to anarcho-communist reading groups, punk shows, LGBTQI+ socials, & enviro meetings. He even asked if I'd like to meet some of his more regular sexual partners. This was in response to suggesting he comes to mass.

I'll need to pray long & hard on what to do next. He's evidently not repentant of any if his activities that I disapprove of but is more than happy to speak with me about them. In that way, I feel blessed this young man feels owed to me but he has a lot of behaviours which ties him to his past - I feel lost where to go from here.

HI L
I mostly agree with Who Me .

I don't know that I'd worry about what to do next.
It seems like things are coming along.
If you push too hard it might make him withdraw.

Just be friendly and loving to him but stern, make him understand you have limits.
He's going to do what he wants to outside the home anyway.
There's just so much you could control.

God is with you.
Be encouraged.

 

[hawkman]

I'll need to pray long & hard on what to do next. He's evidently not repentant of any if his activities that I disapprove of but is more than happy to speak with me about them. In that way, I feel blessed this young man feels owed to me but he has a lot of behaviours which ties him to his past - I feel lost where to go from here.

Offer to sit down with him and read the bible together . Does he have a bible of his own ?

 

[launa]

That is very encouraging, he's talking to you and willing to involve you in his life.
May I suggest you accept some of his invites to some of his meetings.
I'd suggest the reading, environmental meetings and maybe listen to a recording of his favourite punk group.
If he has a ' girlfriend ' be willing to meet her.
Your feeling your way into sharing his life, as you do this you'll have opertunities to talk about what he believes and to ask what evidence he has for his believes.

Sites likecoldcasechristianity, wintery Knight and answers in genesis are full of articles about the accuracy and reliability of scripture based on facts, articles about lgtb etc etc.


Take your time he has a long way to go.

Thank you so much for your input.

I have said that I'm happy to come to some of these events just to see what they're like. I'm trepidatious though, I know his social circles enough to know I'll be out of my depth. I know one of these friends helped unionise his workplace & another tried to have him join thr youth wing of the Communist Party which founded the mutual aid network he helps with.

As for any of his more regular sexual partners, I'm discouraged that it's spoken in the multiple & I am aware they're not a female. That he's not likely heterosexual has not come up

I hear quite a lot of the music he listens to, it will be very difficult to get into, it's a very acquired taste.

He's a lot better read than I am. Politics, economics, history, science - he's good at linking articles & recalling facts & figures. A fortnight ago, he got very excited after reading on the convergent evolution of afrotherian mammal phylogeny (?) which needless to say, I have no idea whatsoever. I think letting the worms out of the can concerning matters of faith might lead to a conversation I'm not achedemically prepared for.

Thank you again for your in put & your prayers.

 

[launa]

Offer to sit down with him and read the bible together . Does he have a bible of his own ?

Thanks hawkman, I'm planning on what the best way to do this is again BUT it's complicated for reasons I'm actuallyhesitent to find out about.

He's surprisingly bookish in world religion in general but when he takes things seriously, there's something suggesting he might have been subject to ritual trauma.

The issue I don't think is simply scriptural ignorance as he'll jokingly quote religious ideas. If he's amazed he'll say 'kadosh Adonai Elohim', if he's feeling greatful he'll say 'Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim', if he's reluctantly accepting he'll say 'So mote it be', when he's permissive he'll say 'Do what thou wilt', he greets people with 'namaste', when he makes a mistake he'll say 'mea maxima culpa', & even the other day when he was nervous about something he said 'so I will walk through the shadow in the valley of death'.

However, if you sit him down, he's actually rather resistant. Not dismissive or disrespectful but fearful. I think he has traumatic experiences with religious engagement.

I don't know much about his mother other than she was a sex worker, she died of an overdose, & she was a Luciferian Thelemite who served as a priestess of some gnostic church. I'm thankful that Christ has given me command over the forces of the enemy but I respect the satanic dangers in occult.

If you talk about God, he's actually scared. I recall an instance just months after I took him in where he came home drunk & under the influence of something else. I prayed God would help him see the error in this behaviour & he said something along the lines of "gods aren't real but if they are we're doomed. They're not some parental abstract to make requests from, they're the monsters in the shadows & the malicious voice in your head. If hell is real it's to burn our flesh free of these vile creatures."

He's never mentioned that again & didn't recall it. I've tried to sit him down on talking about the Good News, he looked shellshocked, as if I triggered some memory, & 'just had to go' & I suspect that his mother dabbled in something very evil if an authority sits him down to talk about God, some trauma is triggered & he runs away - one of the few times he does.

Despite being a rather happy-go-lucky fella, his therapist has diagnosed him with complex PTSD & that was the one time time I saw it.

If you have any suggestions to get over this hump I'm very keen to see some resources for that. After what he's been through, he deserves to know the salvation of Jesus.

 

[hawkman]

I think letting the worms out of the can concerning matters of faith might lead to a conversation I'm not achedemically prepared for.

The Holy Spirit is ready to help you .

He's never mentioned that again & didn't recall it. I've tried to sit him down on talking about the Good News, he looked shellshocked, as if I triggered some memory, & 'just had to go' & I suspect that his mother dabbled in something very evil if an authority sits him down to talk about God, some trauma is triggered & he runs away - one of the few times he does.

You don't have to talk about the good news , but that does not mean the good news will not find it's way into the conversation at sometime . This where the leading of the Holy Spirit comes into play . You could ask him if he has any questions for you about your Faith in God .

Does anyone at your church know what the situation is that you face with your foster son ? They could at least be in prayer for you and your son .

Why don't you tell him you are out of your comfort zone as much as he is but you would like to talk to him about why he feels the need to run from just words .

There is a prayer section on this forum , please post there so we will be sure to pray for both you and your son .

Prayer Requests, Praises & Testimonies

We'd love share our praise, prayers and Testimonies with you! Moderated by: hawkman

christianforums.net

 

[launa]

The Holy Spirit is ready to help you .

You don't have to talk about the good news , but that does not mean the good news will not find it's way into the conversation at sometime . This where the leading of the Holy Spirit comes into play . You could ask him if he has any questions for you about your Faith in God .

Does anyone at your church know what the situation is that you face with your foster son ? They could at least be in prayer for you and your son .

Why don't you tell him you are out of your comfort zone as much as he is but you would like to talk to him about why he feels the need to run from just words .

There is a prayer section on this forum , please post there so we will be sure to pray for both you and your son .

Prayer Requests, Praises & Testimonies

We'd love share our praise, prayers and Testimonies with you! Moderated by: hawkman

christianforums.net

Thanks so much for linking that board, I'll make a post there later.

There are others at the church are well aware of the situation but Sean is often subject to rather judgemental critiques from people who won't hear how much of what he's gone through. Our pastor actually has a very high opinion of him & they often cross paths as both anarchist mutual aid networks & charitable community missions support the homeless & struggling.

We are aware that we're not entirely comfortable with eachother but I suspect that's why he's been so cooperative, he appreciates having a home & fears scaring me off.

Thank you again for your suggestions.

 

[Who Me]

you have any suggestions to get over this hump I'm very keen to see some resources for that. After what he's been through, he deserves to know the salvation of Jesus

Time, open communication, possible establish some code words for you both to signal displeasure or uncertainty.
Certainly consistent love and standards.

Re code words, our daughter has speech delay, communication can be difficult, we used traffic lights to indicate behaviour.
Green all is well
Amber behaviour not acceptable needs adjusting.
Red bad behaviour take time out to cool down.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes it made things worse!

A day idea, leave him or send him a little note:-

" Just thought I'd tell you, that you are loved! "

Sometimes these cute little, occasional, message hit home.

 

[Anaphora]

Hi sister.

Tough love !!.

Teen boot camp may be the answer. Discipline is missing from many people.

If some one really cares about person. Then some tough love is needed.

I have brother who is narcissist. I rarely see him. I keep distance. Hes not going to change. Narcissist create toxic environment.

I hope this helps.

 

[launa]

Hi sister.

Tough love !!.

Teen boot camp may be the answer. Discipline is missing from many people.

If some one really cares about person. Then some tough love is needed.

I have brother who is narcissist. I rarely see him. I keep distance. Hes not going to change. Narcissist create toxic environment.

I hope this helps.

Thanks for your input Anaphora

The issue is that hes run away from other foster homes & many of his behaviours & views were from he was homeless & depending on the social circles of the street. So my fear is the straightforward discipline that I used for my other children would counter-intuitively reinforce the wrong path.

 

[Anaphora]

Hi sister. I understand your concern.
Back in school days. Several teens were picking on me. I told the assistant principal, and the situation was solved immediately.

Proverbs 22:15 . Although rebellion is woven into a young man's heart, tough discipline can make him into man.

29:15. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

22:15 . Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

I have 3 brothers set in their ways. There not going to change. Now it's too late for correction. Thier using church as false pretenses to cover up thier dead works. They don't take God seriously. There adults and accountable for themselves. They are not repenting.
I'm not judging anyone.

It is concerning your foster son ran away from homes in the past.

When I was teenager. I hid behind my dad. I never wanted to face consequences or face bully. I was running from my self. I let someone else face it for me. Running from my own fear, and problems

Jesus was the answer. Philippians 4:13. I can do all things through christ which strengthens me.

Christian people get strength and protection from Jesus. Faith is absolutely essential.

By praying and repenting of sins, Jesus can solve any problem. He hears our prayers.

I lived with narcissist several years. Toxic environment. In 2018, case worker helped me move out. I went through emotional and psychological abuse. Jesus helped me get out of that situation. I didn't run away as Christian. It was time to walk away from toxic person.

My advice. I would sit down with him. He's going to have to face himself, and his issues.

If you decide on boot camp, he's supervised by drill sergeants. My brothers are running from Jesus and themselves. Your son still has chance. He's young.

In meantime. Pray to God. Ask Jesus for help. Pray for guidance. Jesus can help you solve this.

My mentor, pastor Arnold murray, once told his students. NEVER RUN AWAY !!
Face it head on.

I hope this helps you.