Advice-Opting out of Christmas gifts

[lclark1234]

My husband and I have decided this will be the last Christmas we give and receive Christmas gifts. We hope to have children soon and would like Christmas to be about giving to Jesus. (We do plan on celebrating individuals with gifts on birthdays.) I know not everyone agrees with this, and this is fine since it's not a Biblical issue at all, it is just how we are feeling led.

My question relates to our many nieces and nephews. We live far away and only see them about 2 times a year. We want them to know that we love and care about them, but we don't want to do this through gifts on Christmas. Age ranges are from 0 and 6. Any ideas on what we can "give them" without actually giving them anything? My husband's family are not Christians but mine are. I thought about writing each one a card, but I'm not sure how that would be perceived. Thoughts?

 

[theLords]

This is a tough situation, but only because you are dealing with children and presents. (Never get between a child and his present! ;))

Have you asked their parents?

What about a gift of a Children's picture Bible?

 

[Free]

My husband and I have decided this will be the last Christmas we give and receive Christmas gifts. We hope to have children soon and would like Christmas to be about giving to Jesus. (We do plan on celebrating individuals with gifts on birthdays.) I know not everyone agrees with this, and this is fine since it's not a Biblical issue at all, it is just how we are feeling led.

My question relates to our many nieces and nephews. We live far away and only see them about 2 times a year. We want them to know that we love and care about them, but we don't want to do this through gifts on Christmas. Age ranges are from 0 and 6. Any ideas on what we can "give them" without actually giving them anything? My husband's family are not Christians but mine are. I thought about writing each one a card, but I'm not sure how that would be perceived. Thoughts?

For the last two Christmas's my wife and I have given everyone donations to Gospel for Asia on their behalf--tools, animals, water purification, clothes, vocational training, etc. We will be doing this again this year and every year we can going forward.

Christmas Gift Catalog - Gospel for Asia

 

[coffeeelover]

My husband and I have decided this will be the last Christmas we give and receive Christmas gifts. We hope to have children soon and would like Christmas to be about giving to Jesus. (We do plan on celebrating individuals with gifts on birthdays.) I know not everyone agrees with this, and this is fine since it's not a Biblical issue at all, it is just how we are feeling led.

My question relates to our many nieces and nephews. We live far away and only see them about 2 times a year. We want them to know that we love and care about them, but we don't want to do this through gifts on Christmas. Age ranges are from 0 and 6. Any ideas on what we can "give them" without actually giving them anything? My husband's family are not Christians but mine are. I thought about writing each one a card, but I'm not sure how that would be perceived. Thoughts?

You should tell them the truth. Unless there is some reason you can't tell them the truth.

 

[Mike]

lclark,

I feel your pain. We celebrate Christmas, but we are very low key about it. Our children make things for family. We'll get simple gifts as the families come together for Christmas, and this is always a source of tension. My parents (the grandparents of the clan) are completely out of whack with gifts. We're talking piles of expensive, big gifts. We've told them for a long time they need to stop this and that we're concerned that our children look forward to going over there than any part of the holiday.

This year, we insisted... Do your thing with the gifts and we'll come over after you're through. It's not going over well, and it will get worse when the rest of the family gets into town.

They're preparation to celebrate the Birth of Christ involves living in malls from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Of course, we're the token Jesus Freaks in the family, so this might force them to call Child Protective Services on us. :gah

 

[theLords]

They're preparation to celebrate the Birth of Christ involves living in malls from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Of course, we're the token Jesus Freaks in the family, so this might force them to call Child Protective Services on us. :gah

Aw, Mike, I'm sorry you're in a tough situation, but we both know that man may not be singing your praises but the Lord is certainly pleased

I'm sensing a growing patter among the brethren in this thread in reference to Christmas and the commercialism of Christmas. My family is celebrating in the same manner; small low key gifts with an emphasis on Christ. It was the same way last year for us.

Seems Christ is moving within the hearts of the Body and having many of us change our perspective on Christmas.

 

[Danus]

My husband and I have decided this will be the last Christmas we give and receive Christmas gifts. We hope to have children soon and would like Christmas to be about giving to Jesus. (We do plan on celebrating individuals with gifts on birthdays.) I know not everyone agrees with this, and this is fine since it's not a Biblical issue at all, it is just how we are feeling led.

My question relates to our many nieces and nephews. We live far away and only see them about 2 times a year. We want them to know that we love and care about them, but we don't want to do this through gifts on Christmas. Age ranges are from 0 and 6. Any ideas on what we can "give them" without actually giving them anything? My husband's family are not Christians but mine are. I thought about writing each one a card, but I'm not sure how that would be perceived. Thoughts?

I understand where your coming from on this, but I'm just going to give my honest feedback...don't not give a gift on Christmas. Especially to kids and your own kids you plan on having someday.

You can still keep the flame and purpose for Christ at Christmas, but don't deny a child a gift during this time. Your just going to take the fun right out of it and the message your sending is that Christians are stuffy, boring prudes. ;)

In my family all the kids get one gift $20 limit from an extended family member/couple. We get the adults a gag usually, but it's optional and if you want to get someone something extra nice it's to be done outside any extended family function.

Christmas for Christians is about Christ, but is not just about Christ. I know, I know....how dare I say it, but come on... Who does not like getting a gift? What child has been ruined for getting a gift, and experiencing the excitement and anticipation of getting a little something? Kid's are not hard to buy for. Go to the store, look at the toys. They are all marked for age appropriateness. ..........come on. .....COME ON! Get those babies a gift!

 

[PouringRain]

I agree with cofeelover that you should just be honest about it. You should not feel obligated to give gifts to every niece and nephew. I realize that this can be difficult to suddenly stop doing if you have been giving them gifts all along. Your idea of giving them cards is a nice idea. You could include special, personalized messages to each of them in the card. Another thing you could consider doing is giving a group gift. Something small. Such as, purchase a Christian book for each family, and write a nice message inside. Or a christian DVD. Even if you decide to do this, I would still let them all know about your decision to no longer give gifts.

I have a friend who does not want any gifts for her children's birthdays. Anytime she sends an invitation she writes "no gifts please" inside of it. I always feel horrible, because for me, giving a gift is proper etiquette. So, I always struggle with respecting her wishes, but still wanting to give something. One thing I have done that I feel is a compromise of my own need to give and her desire not to be given to, is that I know she homeschools her children and I know how much curriculum and things can run, so I give gifts that relate to that only. That way I know that they are things which are needed and useful for education, rather than just more toys or junk.

But my last paragraph does bring up a point to consider-- even though you all do not want to give nor receive gifts, others may feel a need within themself to give. (And receive? I suppose they may feel that need also. LOL I never feel the need to recieve, but I always feel the need to give!) One of my pastors made the comment the last time it was pastor's appreciation Sunday, that he has never liked to get gifts and it makes him feel funny, but he said that one time someone told him that he needs to allow people to give to him, because that is their blessing to give. If he tells people not to give him anything, then he is taking away their blessing of being able to give. So, he was told that he needs to allow people to give-- for them!-- not for himself.

Just something else to consider, because even though you and your husband may not want to give nor receive gifts, there are others who may feel a need to give your future children gifts. You will need to consider how you will also handle that when it comes.

 

[Danus]

For the last two Christmas's my wife and I have given everyone donations to Gospel for Asia on their behalf--tools, animals, water purification, clothes, vocational training, etc. We will be doing this again this year and every year we can going forward.

Christmas Gift Catalog - Gospel for Asia

YES Free! I'm looking into this for the first time this year.

One thing we pass on to our kids at Christmas is the joy of giving. We participate also in "Adopting a family". We have a lot of intercity and rural poor where I am. Groups of people from local churches will adopt a family. We buy gifts, and food and take them to them. It's usually a delicate situation. It takes time to prepare the families for our groups, but it always ends very positive emotionally for all involved.

Giving freely with a loving heart is a good thing. How we receive it is quite another.

 

[lclark1234]

Wow - thanks for all the great advice everyone! A couple of responses:

We do plan on being completely honest with both sides of our family and we hope it may be a witness to my husband's side. As for how it will be perceived, I have no idea. It's more than possible that my husband's family will look at us as stuffy, but as long as we're living our life for the Lord and are filled with joy I'm hopeful they will see that instead. And if we're feeling led to go this way the only other choice is disobedience.

We actually are giving a children's Bible to the oldest on my husband's side and will plan to give Bibles to the other children for birthdays when they get older.

My fear with giving to our nieces and nephews, even if it is a Christian book/dvd/etc is that our own children (Lord willing) will wonder why we don't give them anything. Neat idea with giving to charities - I think my family would be all for that, but I'm not sure how my husband's family would feel. We will ask them.

We'll continue to pray for the right way to handle this (and we'll add prayer for the rest of you that are struggling with this also!).

 

[Evidence_of_Grace]

This is a very interesting thread. I did not grow up celebrating Christmas, because of a legalistic Christian denomination, so my feelings about Christmas, Santa Claus, gift giving, etc, are varied and not set in stone.

Kudos to you for following, what I am sure is, the Holy Spirit in your choice to not make a big deal of gift giving. I personally enjoy giving gifts but the part I don't like is feeling stressed out because I think people are expecting me to buy them something simply because it is Christmas.

I don't have much else to say except keep allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you and be encouraged if you encounter resistance, that probably means you are pleasing God.

 

[lamplady]

My husband and I have decided this will be the last Christmas we give and receive Christmas gifts. We hope to have children soon and would like Christmas to be about giving to Jesus. (We do plan on celebrating individuals with gifts on birthdays.) I know not everyone agrees with this, and this is fine since it's not a Biblical issue at all, it is just how we are feeling led.

My question relates to our many nieces and nephews. We live far away and only see them about 2 times a year. We want them to know that we love and care about them, but we don't want to do this through gifts on Christmas. Age ranges are from 0 and 6. Any ideas on what we can "give them" without actually giving them anything? My husband's family are not Christians but mine are. I thought about writing each one a card, but I'm not sure how that would be perceived. Thoughts?

If you're not against giving then maybe you could give just before Christmas or just after. Cheating a little bit but maybe that's one way round it. Or you could regularly give, 'presents' at any other time of year if you're feeling strongly about doing it now.

Methinks you'd change your mind if ever you have children ... ...

 

[Julie]

What about a gift of a Children's picture Bible?

But what about next year?

I would explain it to them. You know just explain it but don't say it as in "this is the only right way to do it". Or you could donate to charitable organizations in their name. There's ones that give animals to people in third world countries and there's Compassion International.

 

[farouk]

It's hard to opt out.

Lots of ppl find it hard to opt out, even if they wanted to.

Lots of ppl don't want to, either.

But it's an individual thing, I guess.

 

[farouk]

I agree with cofeelover that you should just be honest about it. You should not feel obligated to give gifts to every niece and nephew. I realize that this can be difficult to suddenly stop doing if you have been giving them gifts all along. Your idea of giving them cards is a nice idea. You could include special, personalized messages to each of them in the card. Another thing you could consider doing is giving a group gift. Something small. Such as, purchase a Christian book for each family, and write a nice message inside. Or a christian DVD. Even if you decide to do this, I would still let them all know about your decision to no longer give gifts.

I have a friend who does not want any gifts for her children's birthdays. Anytime she sends an invitation she writes "no gifts please" inside of it. I always feel horrible, because for me, giving a gift is proper etiquette. So, I always struggle with respecting her wishes, but still wanting to give something. One thing I have done that I feel is a compromise of my own need to give and her desire not to be given to, is that I know she homeschools her children and I know how much curriculum and things can run, so I give gifts that relate to that only. That way I know that they are things which are needed and useful for education, rather than just more toys or junk.

But my last paragraph does bring up a point to consider-- even though you all do not want to give nor receive gifts, others may feel a need within themself to give. (And receive? I suppose they may feel that need also. LOL I never feel the need to recieve, but I always feel the need to give!) One of my pastors made the comment the last time it was pastor's appreciation Sunday, that he has never liked to get gifts and it makes him feel funny, but he said that one time someone told him that he needs to allow people to give to him, because that is their blessing to give. If he tells people not to give him anything, then he is taking away their blessing of being able to give. So, he was told that he needs to allow people to give-- for them!-- not for himself.

Just something else to consider, because even though you and your husband may not want to give nor receive gifts, there are others who may feel a need to give your future children gifts. You will need to consider how you will also handle that when it comes.

PouringRain:

In terms of nieces and nephews -especially some of the older ones - I guess it can sometimes be like if a lady is invited to a shower for a bride she hardly knows (as happens sometimes) and if it's before the end of the month with its pay check, it can be a bit expensive.......

 

[Chris]

this is a good thing buy them an oxfam pig.

what you do is buy a pig or something like it for a poor place and give it to your family as a present. everyone wins then.

Oxfam Unwrapped | Buy a gift