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hischild71

hischild71

Member
Hi all,

I had posted over a year ago in this forum here: http://www.christianforums.net/showthread.php?t=44688&highlight=

ALOT has transpired and I have found out alot more about his activities. I originally posted about if separation/divorce was acceptable in this situation. I also didn't know about his infidelities back then. Now I do. So here is the nutshell version of current events:

Basically my husband had been accused of 4 robberies. He has since been convicted on all 4 including a new one: he has stolen from my mom while we lived with her to the tune of $31,000. She is 73 and now in financial straits. Also, he ran off to Canada right before he was to be sentenced in NJ (he was already sentenced in PA). I had no idea where he was. He went to work one day and never came back. I also found out he had two affairs while we were married (and while I was standing by his side during all of this). So yes, alot has happened since I first posted. And throw in the past six years we've been together where he has been emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive.

He has now been in a Canadian jail for 7 months. He said he has "found God" and that he has changed his ways. He wants to stay together and make things work.

We have talked alot during the 7 months after we got back in touch. I am VERY hurt about the cheating, probably more so than anything else. I don't feel I can EVER trust him again. I don't feel I can allow him back into my life because of what he's done to me and my family. I feel I need to protect us all. We have no kids together so there is no need for communication in that respect.

My decision: I had decided to officially separate not that long ago (physically we are separated by I mean marriage-wise). I had to step back and look at everything. I have made peace with the Lord regarding separation/divorce so I'm good with that.

My question is pretty simple: Should I give him another chance? Or am I setting myself up for another disaster?
 
As a Christian, it is okay (and expected) of you to forgive people. You should forgive him...However; God does NOT expect you to stay in contact with people like this. Do what you have to do to clear your heart. Any grudges you may have had, you need to let go and forgive. Clearly, he was not honoring you through your marriage. He slept with other people, and probably did other horrible things. God will not judge you for making a decision to remove this person from your family chain...For good.

Those who are poison to our life need to be removed from it. Who knows what kind of trouble you could get yourself in if you got back with him.

Make the intelligent choice, and stay away from this person. Pray to God, and ask for his guidance/protection. Don't sell yourself short either. There are plenty of men who would treat your properly given the chance.

Best of luck to you.
 
Unless our Lord directs you otherwise, I would not give your husband another chance. Trust has been broken in any number of ways, and that trust will be incredibly difficult to rebuild, if ever. You know his faults and his falsehoods. Do you believe you could ever fully and faithfully be wife to him, in accordance with our Lord's Word?

Again, I preface this with unless our Lord directs you otherwise , for He knows the heart of each of us, and if your husband has truly and steadfastly committed his life to our Lord, then our Lord will direct you to the proper position you should take. And if He opens the door for you to leave your marriage, no other door will open for you.

My prayers are with you, hischild71.
 
Run for the hills and don't look back.

Stay very close to the Lord.
But do this for yourself. Pray for him everyday until every ounce of bitterness is gone from your heart. When you can pray for him and mean it, you will be free.
Until this happens closely guard your heart, in other words don't get involved with another man. You will not be thinking clearly, poor judgment can occur. Not only could you hurt yourself but also the man.

Sorry this sounds so bossy but I speak from the heart.

May God Bless You and Keep You
 
Deborah13 said:
Run for the hills and don't look back.

Stay very close to the Lord.
But do this for yourself. Pray for him everyday until every ounce of bitterness is gone from your heart. When you can pray for him and mean it, you will be free.
Until this happens closely guard your heart, in other words don't get involved with another man. You will not be thinking clearly, poor judgment can occur. Not only could you hurt yourself but also the man.

Sorry this sounds so bossy but I speak from the heart.

May God Bless You and Keep You
Click to expand...

This doesn't sound bossy at all! I agree with every word you said. I think I have the same thoughts everyone that replied has. I guess I just needed confirmation. I have to protect myself and my family from him. In my opinion, he needs to do his time and get on his own two feet and be strong in the Lord before we can even think about being together. And even then, I think I'm just way too scared and SCARRED to ever let him in again. I will continue to pray. The Lord has seen me through some pretty dark days since September and I've come very far in my relationship with Him and also to the point of recognizing my husband for whom he truly is. I have forgiven him and I have tried to encourage him to grow in his relationship with the Lord. I don't hate him, I just don't think it's safe for him to be in my life anymore :sad
 
kiwidan said:
Some people do find the lord when they are inside. Its quite amazing really. So if he has found the lord like he says, then he should be working on that relationship first and not putting pressure on a broken relationship when he has "Just found God".

I agree that should be his priority.

I also have just found God and i have not changed all my ways. Just some. Good things take time. Just like good cheese. :). At the moment in bree cheese but im starting to turn blue. lol.

That is wonderful news!

I hope things work out for you and you stay strong and do what you feel is right. Always remember there are always people to talk to and you are never on your own.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I have a feeling they will :)
 
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