Hello,
So I’ve been struggling with this and it’s really hurting me to a point where I feel like giving up. So I asked Jesus to save me and I pray and am fearful of Disappointing him when I know I mess up. I’ve had a deep void in my life and now I feel whole. I feel like a ton of stress has been lifted and I can breath again. But here’s my issue I want a close relationship with god more than anything and keep getting these thoughts and dreams that won’t go away of preaching and teaching the gospel.(which excites me) I read the Bible everyday since I told god I give him everything. but I get these thoughts of doubt every so often that makes me feel like I can’t be saved. For instance does god really exist or was this an elaborate scheme which if you do research you’ll know the odds of it being a scheme is just rediculous(I know it’s not) and not to mention I can’t even form a mental picture of heaven. But getting these doubts are making me question my salvation or if I even truly believe or if I’m just defective and doomed to hell. On the other hand I have been changed by getting saved. And I now have a fire to do anything I can for god and ask that he uses me for a purpose. Im really excited about it but this situation has really been a burden and at this point I’m not sure what to do. It’s like a split personality one side that believes wholeheartedly and another side that comes in while I’m praying or singing or whatever and says this is not real. I’ve asked god to help with my unbelief but it just won’t go away.
So I’ve been struggling with this and it’s really hurting me to a point where I feel like giving up. So I asked Jesus to save me and I pray and am fearful of Disappointing him when I know I mess up. I’ve had a deep void in my life and now I feel whole. I feel like a ton of stress has been lifted and I can breath again. But here’s my issue I want a close relationship with god more than anything and keep getting these thoughts and dreams that won’t go away of preaching and teaching the gospel.(which excites me) I read the Bible everyday since I told god I give him everything. but I get these thoughts of doubt every so often that makes me feel like I can’t be saved. For instance does god really exist or was this an elaborate scheme which if you do research you’ll know the odds of it being a scheme is just rediculous(I know it’s not) and not to mention I can’t even form a mental picture of heaven. But getting these doubts are making me question my salvation or if I even truly believe or if I’m just defective and doomed to hell. On the other hand I have been changed by getting saved. And I now have a fire to do anything I can for god and ask that he uses me for a purpose. Im really excited about it but this situation has really been a burden and at this point I’m not sure what to do. It’s like a split personality one side that believes wholeheartedly and another side that comes in while I’m praying or singing or whatever and says this is not real. I’ve asked god to help with my unbelief but it just won’t go away.