Bad Dad

[Mike]

As a parent, do you ever have those times when you can sit back and revel in your kids' self pity?

So my son Joshua says he wants to go to Meijer for something; it turns out a PS3 game. Okay fine - I'm running dangerously low on Diet Coke ed!, so off we go. We split ways heading into the store. On my way to the check out, I meet him and say, "Well, did you find your game?"

"No. I don't have enough money."

*silence*

I'm checking out. "Couldn't you just loan me $10?"

"Yeah. I could... but I won't. Earn it, then come back."

"REALLY? YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME BORROW $10?"

"No. But, see if the manager will."

I let him wallow in self pity, and I have to say, I enjoyed every minute of it. The ride home was quiet (nice) except for his occasional muttering about how bad a father I was.

Have you ever had those moments when you just took sheer joy out of your kid's self pity. I'm not embarrassed to say I sure did!

 

[jasoncran]

lol.

if i had a kid, i would use my bjj knowledge on them in horseplay.

 

[reba]

My baby will be 44 in a few weeks........ So happy it is you and not me......

 

[Danus]

As a parent, do you ever have those times when you can sit back and revel in your kids' self pity?

Have you ever had those moments when you just took sheer joy out of your kid's self pity. I'm not embarrassed to say I sure did!

Good story, and yes I have. Especially when I know they are learning something with it, even if the lesson is not clear at the moment for them.

At my house the highest paying job is scooping the back yard. I have over $10 worth out there now if you'd like to send him on down.

 

[handy]

Love it!


Reminds me of just the other day at my house when my teen daughter was getting ready for school. She came flying out of her room in her blouse and jammie bottom's:

"Mom! Where are my jeans!?!"

"Don't know."

"Didn't you WASH them!?!!!"

"I did if they were in the laundry basket. Were they in the laundry basket?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, did you put them in the laundry basket?"

"I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where are some CLEAN PANTS? I HAVE TO GET READY!!!!!!

"I washed everything that was in the laundry basket."

"Well, what AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!?!?!"

"I guess you'll just have to wear some of the dirty pants that are lying around on your bedroom floor."

(Sound FX: stomp, stomp, stomp. Slam. And from behind bedroom door mutter, mutter, bang, bang.)

I will say that when she got home from school later that day, the first thing she did was pick up all her pants and put them in the washing machine.

 

[pjt]

Love it!


Reminds me of just the other day at my house when my teen daughter was getting ready for school. She came flying out of her room in her blouse and jammie bottom's:

"Mom! Where are my jeans!?!"

"Don't know."

"Didn't you WASH them!?!!!"

"I did if they were in the laundry basket. Were they in the laundry basket?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW!?!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, did you put them in the laundry basket?"

"I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where are some CLEAN PANTS? I HAVE TO GET READY!!!!!!

"I washed everything that was in the laundry basket."

"Well, what AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!?!?!?!"

"I guess you'll just have to wear some of the dirty pants that are lying around on your bedroom floor."

(Sound FX: stomp, stomp, stomp. Slam. And from behind bedroom door mutter, mutter, bang, bang.)

I will say that when she got home from school later that day, the first thing she did was pick up all her pants and put them in the washing machine.

I`ve had moments like Handy`s where I have to remind my son if he wants clean clothes they have to be in the laundry hamper. If not, I have no pity for him having to wear something dirty. But I think the "meanest" thing I have been accused of lately is taking away my son`s game when he did not put it up when I told him to. He would prefer going without food and wearing dirty clothes than that. But actually I don`t enjoy being seen as the mean parent. I`m very sensitive so it hurts me when my children are upset with me, but a line does have to be drawn despite mine or my children`s feelings.

As for how to get $10. I have offered my son $10 if he can get one of his classmates to give their school uniform to him once they graduate. I will pass it on to my daughter who will be starting school this next school year and I save $100.

 

[handy]

:bigfrown Well, I'm definitely on the "bad mom" list now...

This morning was total meltdown, again because my daughter couldn't find a certain hoodie to wear over her shirt and cami. A shirt and cami that can only be worn with one of her hoodies. So, it snowed last night, I woke her up early so that we could leave early, then went to get dressed, only to come back in and find her still in bed. I finally got her up and told her what time we needed to leave. Went out to clear the snow out of the drive and off the car...came back in with 5 minutes to spare just to find her dressed in everything but a hoodie, and sitting at the computer on Facebook.

I get after her to get off Facebook (something she's not allowed on in the morning anyway) and get a hoodie on and she comes up with "Well, you didn't wash it!"

I was like :o because I told her last night to make sure she had clothes for the morning and she had washed her pants, cami and shirt. But, because she couldn't find the hoodie last night, and didn't bother to ask me where it was (which I'm not sure I know anyway) she just blew it off. So, there she is this morning; we're needing to leave, she isn't dressed appropriately and still hasn't done her hair or make-up. And, she is shouting at me at the top of her lungs because instead of allowing her to put on make up, I'm making her either find a hoodie or change her clothes. All of this is my fault of course.

It got really ugly before it got better and I did wind up having to drive the kids all the way to school because we missed the bus, missed it so closely that we could see it pull away from the bus stop. Truly I could have caught up to the bus at the next stop, but she was so upset that I decided to just drive everybody in and take her to the church so she could wash her face before going to class.

So, me, bad mom that I am, told her that I will no longer to ANY of her laundry. I'm putting a laundry basket in her room and she is now responsible to do all of her laundry until her birthday in July.

grrrrrr....teenagers! One thing I have always told my kids, told them when they were just tiny tots, is that it isn't my job as their mom to do their laundry or clean their rooms, or pick up their stuff or even cook dinner for them. Sure, I do these things, but I believe that my job as a mom is to raise capable, independent and functioning adults who follow through on responsibilities. When they were little, I was chief cook and bottle washer of course. But, as much as I love my darling princess, I'll be dipped if I let a healthy 13 year old young woman tell me it's my fault that she didn't have her clothing in order for school.

 

[cleanfreak]

:bigfrown Well, I'm definitely on the "bad mom" list now...

This morning was total meltdown, again because my daughter couldn't find a certain hoodie to wear over her shirt and cami. A shirt and cami that can only be worn with one of her hoodies. So, it snowed last night, I woke her up early so that we could leave early, then went to get dressed, only to come back in and find her still in bed. I finally got her up and told her what time we needed to leave. Went out to clear the snow out of the drive and off the car...came back in with 5 minutes to spare just to find her dressed in everything but a hoodie, and sitting at the computer on Facebook.

I get after her to get off Facebook (something she's not allowed on in the morning anyway) and get a hoodie on and she comes up with "Well, you didn't wash it!"

I was like :o because I told her last night to make sure she had clothes for the morning and she had washed her pants, cami and shirt. But, because she couldn't find the hoodie last night, and didn't bother to ask me where it was (which I'm not sure I know anyway) she just blew it off. So, there she is this morning; we're needing to leave, she isn't dressed appropriately and still hasn't done her hair or make-up. And, she is shouting at me at the top of her lungs because instead of allowing her to put on make up, I'm making her either find a hoodie or change her clothes. All of this is my fault of course.

It got really ugly before it got better and I did wind up having to drive the kids all the way to school because we missed the bus, missed it so closely that we could see it pull away from the bus stop. Truly I could have caught up to the bus at the next stop, but she was so upset that I decided to just drive everybody in and take her to the church so she could wash her face before going to class.

So, me, bad mom that I am, told her that I will no longer to ANY of her laundry. I'm putting a laundry basket in her room and she is now responsible to do all of her laundry until her birthday in July.

grrrrrr....teenagers! One thing I have always told my kids, told them when they were just tiny tots, is that it isn't my job as their mom to do their laundry or clean their rooms, or pick up their stuff or even cook dinner for them. Sure, I do these things, but I believe that my job as a mom is to raise capable, independent and functioning adults who follow through on responsibilities. When they were little, I was chief cook and bottle washer of course. But, as much as I love my darling princess, I'll be dipped if I let a healthy 13 year old young woman tell me it's my fault that she didn't have her clothing in order for school.

That is too funny. A really bad mom would make her walk to the local laundry mat, of course after mowing lawns to get the money needed to wash her own clothes. :biglol

 

[Mike]

Handy, GOOD ON YOU!!

I finally put a stop to this about 6 months ago. Our 12 year-old and 15 year-old are to do their own laundry. I've even gone so far as to sift through clothing in the laundry room and wash our 9 year-old's clothes along with ours and leave their clothing unwashed. Yeah... I do the laundry at our house. Some time before that, I simply made the rule that clothing would only be washed if it made its way to the laundry room. But two things happened. It either wouldn't make it down until something needed to be washed yesterday, or they'd pull the old - change 4 times a day routine.

So, it was time for life lessons. If they want it washed, they do it. If that means doing 4x the work because they're changing throughout the day, they have that much more work for themselves.

I'm sure I didn't appreciate the way my parents wrapped their lives around my schedule (driving to sports, picking up friends, driving to friends' houses...), but I'm a parent now, and it's my prerogative to be a hypocrite. To that end, I never missed turning in homework, blew off any of my responsibilities, or took my parents for granted.

 

[stovebolts]

Too funny! I'll tell ya, girls are way worse than boys! It made me think of our daughter back when she was still under our roof! Dora and Mike, ha ha ha, it's your turn, I've made it through to the other side

well... we do still have one son at home who's 12, but so far he's been a pretty good kid. We had a stray dog on the property about 5 am this morning and our two other dogs had a fit and woke everybody up. Couldn't get rid of the stray and couldn't keep our dogs shut up (I wanted to let our big dog out, but knew the wife wouldn't buy into that ) Anyway, nobody got any sleep after 5am...

Long story short, our son was a bit grouchy this morning and did not want to get out of bed for school and got a bit testy with his mouth, but all in all it went well

neener neener neener

 

[Glowstique]

Handy, your daughter doesnt know how lucky she is that you do her laundry. Me and my sisters have to do everything around the house. We have to wash and fold all the clothes, put them away, clean up the living room and bathroom, wash the dishes, wipe off the counters...blah blah blah. The list goes on. We dont get an allowence, and if the housework isnt done to my moms liking, we get grounded, and she yells about everything. She cant just tell you to do something, she has to freak out. For the longest time, my mom was getting payed for the babysitting that we were doing. I mean, she was the babysitter, but she didnt watch the kids. We fed them, potty trained some of them(no joke) and all that good stuff. And of course if i mention any of this to her, she starts yelling and you get grounded. xD Yeah. Your daughter is lucky.

Um lol. Just noticed the +18 rule. OOOPSY.
I dont have kids but ive been babysitting forever. Does that count??? xD

 

[handy]

Glow, I might try to let my kids know that they're lucky but they'll probably beg to differ....

I do make them clean house too, OH HORRIBLE ME!!!!! As a matter of fact, they are doing housework today...and as I am typing this my daughter is freaking out.

I freak out too. I have to confess it. I try to stay calm and do a very good job of it....as long as the kids are polite, respectful, and do as I say without arguing.

But, when they start in with the whining and being disrespectful...such as my daughter just did with the WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!!!! (being asked to do the dishes, first time this week she's been asked to do them) then I start to simmer. And, if they keep it up...yep, I turn from being the cool, collected, wise woman of Ola to being a screaming meemie.

Sometimes, there really are times when a woman can just be lazy. But, just like I tell my kids...it's not really the mom's job to clean the house, do the laundry or cook the meals. Her real job is to see to it that her children become responsible adults and the only way to do that is to make them take on responsibilities.

Your mom may very well be lazy, or she also might be a lot like me, figure that her time of doing all the housework by herself is done, (back when you and your sisters were little) and now it's time to teach you kids to take on responsibilities and learn how to keep a house clean.

 

[Glowstique]

I wouldnt mind the house work if she wasnt so quick to get angry. I mean, she gets mad about really stupid stuff. The other day she was storming the house, asking me where id put her keys. I said, I gave them to you. She didnt remember so she assumed that i had lost them. So she starts going through the house, "Someone help me find my keys glow(*cough* not my real name ) lost them! If she was trying to make me feel bad, it didnt work. So she walks up to me again and asks what I did with them. So again I said, I gave them to you. She said, if you gave them to me, they would be in my red coat pocket or my grey jacket pocket. Sure enough, they were in the jacket. So then she grounded me. :/ It took everything in me not to say, Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. That would have just got me in more trouble. She does stuff like this all the time. I dont think shes a bad mom, i just dont think she realizes how grouchy she can be. She grew up in a really bad home. My grandma got divorced 5 times while my mom lived with her, and all but her first husband were alcoholics, so I dont have it as bad as she did. I like being around my mom when shes not yelling or mad about something, but like I said, she gets mad easy.

 

[handy]

I don't know how old your mom is, but she might be around my age (49). And, if she is, she very well could be starting in on menopause, which probably made even Mother Teresa turn into a banshee in the blink of an eye. Or her upbringing might have just been so frustrating to her that she has never learned how to handle frustration.

It does sound as if she is unfair at times, and super-sensitive and defensive. Believe it or not, the best thing to do is to just put up with the bad, and tell her often how much you love her. Hugs are nice too.

I know I've been unfair to my kids and to my husband at times as well, and believe me, I feel really bad about it. I'm sure she does as well.

 

[Glowstique]

Shes only 37, so its probly just her upbringing. Me and my mom probly have the best relatinship compared to my mom and my sisters, but we but heads a lot too. Were very alike in the sense that we are both very opinionated. xD

 

[Mike]

Just a reminder: To post here, you have got to be (or have been) married or a parent.