Bitterness towards my dad

[nellyblissville]

HI people of God. I have had this feeling towards my dad since I grew up to start figuring things out for myself. In a nutshell, I dislike my dad because he never acted as a father nor a husband towards his family. His problems ranges from selfishness to self-centeredness. He does not cater for the family and shy away completely from his responsibilities. My mum did all the work from securing us admission to paying our school fees and everything else u an think of.

I have carried a grudge towards him for as long as I can remember. I want to forgive him but seems so difficult. I can't let go the past though I know its not right. I need help. How can I forget and forgive to move on with my life? What is the proper measure to take? thanks

 

[KathyW]

This is a tough one, Nelly, but you're on the right track in knowing that you feel like you should forgive your father. That is the Lord speaking to you and telling you to move down further the path of forgiveness One of the biggest steps for me in forgiveness was when I realized that in forgiving, I wasn't saying the behavior was OK or the other person was right, but rather I would not hold him or his actions to me. That helped. Also, many times I don't "feel" like forgiving, but I ask the Lord to help me and move forward with forgiving as a means of obedience. God honors that. The feelings of forgiveness follow the obedience. I pray the same for you.

 

[AirDancer]

Hi, Nelly ... welcome to CFnet!

It is refreshing to read of another's desire to rid toxic emotions & attitudes, although I am sorry to learn you are living with an issue like this. God won't abandon you because you hold animosity; He does, however, encourage you to turn it over to Him.

The following is something I'm sure you know, but it is such a comfort at times to remind us how to go about releasing our lives into His loving hands.

Matthew 6: 9 - 15 (NASB)

(9) Pray, then, in this way: "Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
(10) Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
(11) Give us this day our daily bread.
(12) And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

(13) And do not lead into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen."

(14) For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you.
(15) But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.




Pray as you release all the negative feelings about your father to our Lord, and ask to no longer carry those negative feelings like an albatross around your neck. Also, pray for forgiveness for holding those negative thoughts. It's a two-way street, so to speak.



And every time negative thoughts about your father surface, stand firm, knowing that you have been freed of those thoughts by our Lord. And, at the same time, say a little prayer for God to touch the heart of your father.


Blessings!

 

[djwashburn]

My father abandoned me and my mother when I was 4 years old. I remember him coming into my room and tearing everything apart in anger just before storming out of our home.
My step father beat me with boards, tried to break my arm once and verbally abused me. I do not remember him ever telling me he loved me. He did tell me I would end up in jail someday.
I had trouble forgiving them as well. One day when I was praying the lord brought up my feelings towards them. It is a subject I tried to ignore. It was to painful to think about what my fathers had done.
The lord showed me that their rejection and abuse of me was actually their rejection of Him. If they had known Him and accepted Him, they would have accepted me. Ultimately, The Lord showed me that I was not the one abandoned, but they abandoned Christ.
I hope that helps. I will pray for you.

 

[Carolyn]

Fortunately I had a loving dad. But my father-in-law was as you discribed. The first day I attended a small group Bible study God brought the verse to my mind from First John 4, "if you say you love God but hate your brother you are a liar." Suddenly I knew I was lost. There was no way that I could love that man. One lady suggested that I praise God for him and ask God to love him through me. I did this but never did love the man as I should--as God loved him. I would remember that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us. God loves the unloveable. He loved those who put Him on the cross and prayed for them.

I know now that one thing that hindered His love from being expressed through me was my self righteousness. In reality I am no better than my father-in-law was. Perhaps that selfishness that I dispised in him was also to be found in me. The thing that bugs me most about others is usually what God is trying to reveal to me about myself. So, when I read a chapter entitled " Only Imperfection is intolarant of Imperfection" from a booklet by Fenelon called "Let Go", I bought the book. Its pithy phrases cut me like a surgical knife as the Holy spirit sought to refine me. But it also brought peace.
Give your bitterness to God and ask Him to fill you with His love. Ask Him to help you see your dad through the eyes of Jesus--as someone who is scarred and deformed by the world and Satan, and who is unable to love as he should just as you are unable to love him. Yet He treasures both of you. In learning to allow God's love to fill you and flow through you, you will begin to comprehend the height and depth of His love. Read Ephesians 3:14-21.

 

[jasoncran]

HI people of God. I have had this feeling towards my dad since I grew up to start figuring things out for myself. In a nutshell, I dislike my dad because he never acted as a father nor a husband towards his family. His problems ranges from selfishness to self-centeredness. He does not cater for the family and shy away completely from his responsibilities. My mum did all the work from securing us admission to paying our school fees and everything else u an think of.

I have carried a grudge towards him for as long as I can remember. I want to forgive him but seems so difficult. I can't let go the past though I know its not right. I need help. How can I forget and forgive to move on with my life? What is the proper measure to take? thanks

give it time and you need to. it has already affected your view of the creator. i have been there.