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Blond joke

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The blind veteran walked into the Pub, just north of London and after ordering a Pint asked the woman behind the bar if she had heard the One about the two blonds driving to Hollywood. He could feel her presence as she leaned over the bar into his face and he heard the scuffle and felt the presence of others as they gathered around him.

The lass inquired, "I'm a two meeter, 220 kilogram blonde and surrounding you are 4 more Blondes of at least 200 k, are you sure you want to tell a blonde joke?"

He answered, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
 
Thanks for the Like Kenny but Sssshhh! Do not tell that Irish Blonde I married that I told that story, she, really, was a Bandido Mama in the past and she might pay me back for that one! :crying
 
Kenny_ms said:
My lips a sealed. :)
Click to expand...
Whew! I need to learn to think before placing foot in mouth. Thanks Kenny, our secret.

For that I'll give you one from my days on stage.

We all know about those rascales, the Traveling Salesmen... Well one broke down by my brother, Elbert's place one day. Elbert stood there and watched him, about two hundred yards... out there on the State Road, as he tried to restart his pick-up. After a while he walked up and asked if Elbert had a Flat-tip Screwdriver he could borrow and Elbert told him, "Sure, come on out here to the toll shed and I've got one you can keep.

It was another hundred and fifty yards out to the shed and on the way out the young salesman asked my brother if he knew anything about that Three Legged Hog he had seen out in the field on the way from the highway.

Elbert told him, "Why certainly I do, son! That black and white hog is my favorite piece of live stock on the whole hunderd and fifty acres." Elbert continued, "Why last Summer my youngest boy was swimming... out back in that Stock pond, right there behind the house, His legs got all twisted up in them green vines that grow there every year, you know?"

After wiping a tear from his left eye on this shirt sleeve, Elbert continued, "My wife and I were in to the Feed Store for a sack of Chicken Feed and the only one that saw Brad drown were that hog. He leaps into the pond, swims out to my boy, chews them vines off, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, you can still see th' teeth marks, pulled him up on the shore and then bounced up and down on the boy's chest until he pumped all the water out... SAVED his life!"

The salesman sputtered a bit but finally began, "What does that," when Elbert cut him off with, "Now Son... now son,, this is an important truth and you haff to be patient and let me finish, a thing like this cain't be rushed."

Elbert started again, "Now son, just last week I was hookin' my Seven Bit Plow up to my tractor when I messed up... bad! Jus' like an old fool I left the diesel runnin' with th' gear-box in Neutral and jus' as I slid th' third pin into my Three Point Hitch th' Gear Shift bounced into Reverse, backed up against that Seven Bit planted into th' ground since last Fall and stalled that diesel motor... with the back left tractor wheel... right in th' middle a my chest... I could not breath."

The salesman said, "But," band Elbert shouted, "Patience, that hog is the only one that saw that! He came over to the Seven Bit, climbed up the Super Structure until he stood on top, jumped over onto that Steel Seat, where she like to have slid off and broke her neck. When she was stable, she began to butt, with her head, that gear shift, over and over and over, 'til she knocked that lever back into Neutral and the tractor rolled off my chest... SAVED MY LIFE."

The young salesman screamed, "WHAT DOES THATY HAVE TO DO WITH THAT HOG HAVING THREE LEGS?" Elbert pulled his Bull Durham Cap down over his eyes, lifted his head just long enough to spit the 'baccy to the side, stuffed his hands into both pants pockets, pulled his right toes through the Sandy Loam, lookjjed at the youngster and said, "SON, now... son, you wouldn't eat a hog like that more than one Ham at a time," he looked him in the eye, "would you?"

'Member, I never lie!
 
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