T
theuscfan04
Guest
Here's a post from a little over a year ago from me that I posted elsewhere, but the update is not good. Im feeling really bad and like I'll never get over this and that its not fair to me, or my wife if I cant feel Im In Love with her anymore and the feeling that I had I known the truth before we married I wouldnt have married her.I just cant help but feel that I want more than what I have, based on the fact that ever since I found out the # and graphic details, I am not In Love with my wife, even though I do and sure I always will love her. Can someone please help me!!
post from little over year ago:
My wife and I have been married for 7 years and I am dealing with some issues that I just found out about my wifes past a week ago. I knew she had a rough child hood(I'll tell a little bit), as she was molested by her step grandfather when she was 9 and when she told her mother, her mother (who has been divorced now 5x's) said she was lying and continued to make her go over to there house in which it continued to happen. Her mother informed her when she was around that same tender age, of how good sex was and that its important to experience many different men as there all different and she would tell her about how to give Oral to a guy and about her experiences with her boyfriends,..etc. My wife lost her virginity when she was 12 and I knew she had many partners and did almost every drug (cocaine, heroin, crack..etc)imaginable and got pregnant and had an abortion at 14, then tried to overdose shortly after. Her parents never told her they loved her and after when she told her father one late night coming home high, how many guys shes been with and the drugs she'd done, he just said simply, "dont do it again". She eventually became pregnant again and married at 17, then had a daughter just before she turned 18. This changed her life completely and made her realize that she would never let her children do nor experience what she did. She left and divorced her brief husband of 2 months after he beat her up while their daughter was an infant and I met her about a month later. We dated for 18 months then married.
The other night I was walking in the kitchen as she was on the phone with her best friend and I heard her say that "I quit counting after 100 and how she didnt remember half their names". She realized I had entered the room and changed the subject immediately. After she got off the phone I confronted her and asked what she was talking about, even though I knew deep down what it was. She broke down and I got furious and told her that, that was worse than some prostitutes are and that she should have told me that before we married, because if she had I probably couldnt have married her. She got so upset and cried for a good while and I stewed and tried to figure out how I could live with someone, or even make love again to my wife knowing how many men and how much she had disgraced her body, I felt so sick to my stomach, but I went and talked with her and told her I was sorry for what I said and told her we could get trough this. SHe then said that she had been having nighmares of the bad things from her past and she needed to tell someone and thats why she was telling her friend and didnt want me to know. She said that she intentionally dated bad guys (I guess because of what she experienced as a kid) and they would force her too have sex with their friends, for drugs, or just whatever and if she didnt they would hurt her, or kill her family. She said one time a guy she dated made her have sex with his friend because it was his Bday. She of course was tested before she had her first child for any diseases and is fine, but I just couldnt here anymore of it, to know that my wife was basically a prostitute. I was not perfect by any means and have been with my share of partners as well, some of which I hardly knew names, but nothing to that extreme. She is such a sweet, kind, beautiful woman and I just told her that I couldnt believe that "My Wife" could have been that disgusting and disgraceful to her body. She said that she didnt believe it happened either and that it was like she was living a double life and hardly remembers most of it, but that its all she was taught by her mother, to be a whor*,(in which we dropped all contact with a year ago, for her trying break us apart) and this was a way to get attention and affection that she needed, by doing bad things and her parents never tried helping her at all.
We have both been re-baptized and she now is such a prude, wearing long skirts and never anything revealing and she dresses her daughter the same. She homeschools our kids and she has said that she went through all she has for a reason and that she is sure that our kids will never have to experience what she had to because of what she went through, but at times she hears a voice telling her, "how can you teach your children to abstain and be good, when you were so awful".
My wife and I a year agao re-devoted our lives and marriage to God and have had the best year of our lives togther and I know because of how good we have been doing, this is why satan made her dream these dreams of her past, to try and shake our marriage and devotion to each other. However, I feel almost cheated because she didnt tell me this before we were married and cant get images out of my head, and wonder if I can ever truly look at her the same again and I feel guilty inside because the way I feel. I keep feeling as though I have two choices,
1)Leave, because its not fair to her for me to not look at her the same as before, because of what I know now?
2)Stay and let this eat me up inside and live a marriage of constant images and never look at her the same as before?
I truly Love my wife more than anything, but honestly think had she told me about this before we married, I probably would not have married her. I feel that our marriage up till now for some reason has been based almost on a lie, for some reason and again feel cheated. Cheated in the since that my wife shared herself with so many men and cheated because she didnt inform me of this before we feel in love and married.
Please help me rid my mind of these horrific images and thoughts and
save my marriage!
post from little over year ago:
My wife and I have been married for 7 years and I am dealing with some issues that I just found out about my wifes past a week ago. I knew she had a rough child hood(I'll tell a little bit), as she was molested by her step grandfather when she was 9 and when she told her mother, her mother (who has been divorced now 5x's) said she was lying and continued to make her go over to there house in which it continued to happen. Her mother informed her when she was around that same tender age, of how good sex was and that its important to experience many different men as there all different and she would tell her about how to give Oral to a guy and about her experiences with her boyfriends,..etc. My wife lost her virginity when she was 12 and I knew she had many partners and did almost every drug (cocaine, heroin, crack..etc)imaginable and got pregnant and had an abortion at 14, then tried to overdose shortly after. Her parents never told her they loved her and after when she told her father one late night coming home high, how many guys shes been with and the drugs she'd done, he just said simply, "dont do it again". She eventually became pregnant again and married at 17, then had a daughter just before she turned 18. This changed her life completely and made her realize that she would never let her children do nor experience what she did. She left and divorced her brief husband of 2 months after he beat her up while their daughter was an infant and I met her about a month later. We dated for 18 months then married.
The other night I was walking in the kitchen as she was on the phone with her best friend and I heard her say that "I quit counting after 100 and how she didnt remember half their names". She realized I had entered the room and changed the subject immediately. After she got off the phone I confronted her and asked what she was talking about, even though I knew deep down what it was. She broke down and I got furious and told her that, that was worse than some prostitutes are and that she should have told me that before we married, because if she had I probably couldnt have married her. She got so upset and cried for a good while and I stewed and tried to figure out how I could live with someone, or even make love again to my wife knowing how many men and how much she had disgraced her body, I felt so sick to my stomach, but I went and talked with her and told her I was sorry for what I said and told her we could get trough this. SHe then said that she had been having nighmares of the bad things from her past and she needed to tell someone and thats why she was telling her friend and didnt want me to know. She said that she intentionally dated bad guys (I guess because of what she experienced as a kid) and they would force her too have sex with their friends, for drugs, or just whatever and if she didnt they would hurt her, or kill her family. She said one time a guy she dated made her have sex with his friend because it was his Bday. She of course was tested before she had her first child for any diseases and is fine, but I just couldnt here anymore of it, to know that my wife was basically a prostitute. I was not perfect by any means and have been with my share of partners as well, some of which I hardly knew names, but nothing to that extreme. She is such a sweet, kind, beautiful woman and I just told her that I couldnt believe that "My Wife" could have been that disgusting and disgraceful to her body. She said that she didnt believe it happened either and that it was like she was living a double life and hardly remembers most of it, but that its all she was taught by her mother, to be a whor*,(in which we dropped all contact with a year ago, for her trying break us apart) and this was a way to get attention and affection that she needed, by doing bad things and her parents never tried helping her at all.
We have both been re-baptized and she now is such a prude, wearing long skirts and never anything revealing and she dresses her daughter the same. She homeschools our kids and she has said that she went through all she has for a reason and that she is sure that our kids will never have to experience what she had to because of what she went through, but at times she hears a voice telling her, "how can you teach your children to abstain and be good, when you were so awful".
My wife and I a year agao re-devoted our lives and marriage to God and have had the best year of our lives togther and I know because of how good we have been doing, this is why satan made her dream these dreams of her past, to try and shake our marriage and devotion to each other. However, I feel almost cheated because she didnt tell me this before we were married and cant get images out of my head, and wonder if I can ever truly look at her the same again and I feel guilty inside because the way I feel. I keep feeling as though I have two choices,
1)Leave, because its not fair to her for me to not look at her the same as before, because of what I know now?
2)Stay and let this eat me up inside and live a marriage of constant images and never look at her the same as before?
I truly Love my wife more than anything, but honestly think had she told me about this before we married, I probably would not have married her. I feel that our marriage up till now for some reason has been based almost on a lie, for some reason and again feel cheated. Cheated in the since that my wife shared herself with so many men and cheated because she didnt inform me of this before we feel in love and married.
Please help me rid my mind of these horrific images and thoughts and
save my marriage!