Daydreaming child....or something more?

[Nikki]

My 7 year old daughter, Kailey has always had a tendency to "daydream". She can't stay focused on anything. She's a VERY smart child (reading and drawing are her strengths), but it doesn't always show because of this. Last year, her teacher would tell me how Kailey would literally find a spot on the wall and just stare at it. She would have to call her name about 7 times to get her to "snap out of it and come back to earth". She does this at home too. TV is the worst. If the tv is on, she'll become so fixated on it that it's all I can do to get her to hear me when I call her. TV doesn't get turned on anymore until EVERYTHING is done.

She's been faking throwing up lately. She'll come out of the bathroom saying she threw up. At first I thought it was drainage from her allergies, but then my hubby and I started realizing she was lying. So we would tell her not to flush it so we could see how much she threw up. Last night, she said she threw up the milk my hubby gave her. He went in the bathroom and the toilet water was cloudy. The thing is, she had ate an entire can of spaghetti-o's right before that milk....like 5 minutes before. There wasn't a speck of red in that water.

She finally admitted last night that she's been lying and she never really throws up. She just spit the milk in the toilet. She cried and cried saying she's having trouble in school.

I just got home from talking with her teacher and Kailey does the same things in school (even faking to throw up. The teacher caught onto that though and just tells Kailey that if she's not running a fever, then she can't leave). The teacher said that Kailey daydreams all the time and can't stay focused. Even when the teacher tries to work one on one with her, it doesn't help. Kailey is very good and fast at reading, but sometimes she'll start reading and a picture in the book will grab her attention and she'll read the same sentence over and over again. I just say to her "Kailey. Kailey. Kailey....what are you doing"? She just looks clueless and then will finally laugh, shake her head and say "Oh!" It was never this bad. It seems to be getting worse as time goes on. The teacher really didn't have any advice and my husband and I are at a loss.

She is very well behaved in school and gets along great with others. She's friendly, funny and extremely caring. It's not like she's out of control or misbehaving. She just can't stay focused on anything.

Any advice? My hubby and I are very concerned and don't know if we should take her to the doctors or what. We don't want her having to be put on medication, but we also don't want her crying every night and being stressed out because she can't focused. We don't know WHAT to do.

I'm afraid that medication would alter her personality.

 

[Quath]

That is pretty tough. My youngest step-daughter had a hard time focusing. We use to joke that she was acting ADD. Sometimes we wondered. However, she seems to be focusing more and more as time goes on, so it may just be a developmental thing for her.

For your daughter it is hard to say. There are many possibilities with the most minor being that she is just going through a phase. The worst is that she needs some medical help or she is dealing with some serious trauma. The lying could be a way to get attention or to refocus it away from something else. See if she is being bullied, picked on or anything else odd such as unwanted attention from an adult.

The safest thing may be to just take her to a doctor. Maybe they can help out. Better to be safe than sorry.

Hope it works out.

Quath

 

[Nikki]

I called the doctor this morning and she has an appointment Oct 18th.

 

[mstrohm]

Nikki,

I am a Christian School Elementary principal who was looking through forums for some ideas and to get a pulse on parenting issues before I wrote a new blog entry today. I came across your comments and joined the group to be able to encourage you.

Our children are always "speaking" to us, with or without words. I would encourage you to confirm your love and devotion to your daughter in an obvious way while making clear your disappointment with her deception. Girls often exhibit "symptoms" when they are under pressure. It is vital that you find out what is making her uncomfortable.

Daydreaming and distractibility are two symptoms of ADD and ADHD, but remember that dozens of reasons will also cause daydreaming and distractibility. Girls who are bullied socially will have problems. Certain learning styles do well with certain types of teachers - if this doesn't match well children can mimic ADD symptoms. When there is discourse at home, a change in family structure (sibling leaving, new born, etc.) change in sleeping patterns and even food allergies. Some children can have emotional instabilities, either from outside pressures or due to innate reasons. Some children who are over scheduled and do not have enough "down" time show typical ADD symptoms.

If I was you I would ask some very pointed questions about how "comfortable" she feels with students and adults and ask if anyone makes her feel uncomfortable. Let her know up front that if anyone does you desire to help her, not to blame her!

If you are clear there, then purposely look at some of the items in the list above.

I teach a seminar where a short book is given to each participant. You can download it (no obligation!) from the following link (you will have to cut and paste since I am new.)

colossians2.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=27&Itemid=35

One last word. My youngest, a daughter is officially diagnosed with ADD. When we met with the doctor my wife and I explained our feelings and preferences and we were able to work with the doctor to come out with a non medicine regiment. She sees a counselor who is giving her strategies and organizational techniques and we have her receiving extra services which have all helped.

May God's grace and peace be with you in your important job as parent,
Mark Strohm, Jr.