[__ Prayer __] die to self, love

[Christ_empowered]

I need more of these things in my life. I think too much about the past and myself. I'm getting a bit better. Sometimes, when I think about the past, I close my eyes and view Christ on the cross. Sounds morbid, I guess, but my cousin (Born Again, does missions work, good guy) told me: "stay focused on Christ, and Him crucified." So I do. Other times, when I'm going through it, I'll whisper under my breath: "Lord Jesus, be with me."

So...yeah...self-denial. That's a rough one. Part of my psychosis has involved being locked inside myself, which isn't fun. I also spend too much time alone (I'm a pariah around here, so that's to be expected. Thankfully, I now live with my family, so I get at least a little bit of social interaction).

L-o-v-e...that's a big deal for me and other Christians. Love for your enemies. Love you God. Proper self-love, even. Before I was called to repentance (believe me, it took a miracle), I thought of God as either an angry, pagan tyrant, complete with thunder bolts, or as my buddy. Reminds me of what CS Lewis wrote about modern day people wanting God to be a semi-senile, benevolent grandfather in the sky.

Anyway, I need love. I mean genuine, Christian, human love and connection. I've been ostracized and put through it, and Christ has seen fit to bless me. That's love. I also would like prayer to make friends--solid, Born Again Christian friends. Of course, it all starts at home.. I'm happy to report that my relationship with my parents--strained for years, largely because of my own (heinous) sins--is warming up. The icy distance between us has warmed; there's genuine affection, for the first time in years.

So, I praise God for His goodness towards me, my family, and His other children. I can't quite conceive of Heaven...I know this doesn't sound very Christian, but I rarely think of the hereafter...but I like to think that every conversion, every good thing Christ does for His people, is a sort of small foretaste of Heaven. Heaven where we will be healed and made whole, Heaven where the past will be wiped away, along with the dirt and grime of a fallen world, Heaven where time no longer binds us.

And...I pray for self-denial, whatever it takes to die to self a bit everyday. I also pray for more genuine, Christian love for God, others (especially my enemies), self. I also pray for friends and some meaningful social interaction, despite my extremely low social standing (and the whole thing with me "not knowing my place in society").

Thanks.

 

[AirDancer]

The more you focus on our Lord, to read & study scripture which explains how and who we are to be in our relationship with our Lord, the more you will die to self and walk more and more in the way our Lord has deemed. You are so tremendously loved, Christ_empowered, by our Lord and by your friends here at CFnet. As brothers and sisters in our Lord's family, we pray for one another because we want to pray for each other. Through our relationship with our Lord, we care about each other. And should we each never meet another in person, our hearts will continue to care.

Daily, as we grow and mature in our relationship with our Lord, our commitment to Him deepens. And as we learn further to serve our Lord, our desire to please ourselves diminishes.

You are part of our family, Christ_empowered ... and you are well loved! You continue in my prayers, my friend!

 

[GrannyJ]

In the short time I've known you, you have already grown in many ways. Jesus is really working in your life. He will give you abundant life as you walk with him and learn of him. "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10

 

[Angel]

Hey Christ_empowered
Meditating on Scripture and prayer really helps. Thank and Praise God aloud.
You are going to make it through- and no matter what happens in this life, you will always matter to God, and he is preparing a place for you in his kingdom.

I will pray.

 

[Claudya]

Somewhere I heard that when you want people to give something (love, acknowledgement, attention, care, and all that good stuff) give it to them first. Because that way you will bring those things into your life and many people out there will treat you the way you treat them, so you will get love and connection in return for loving them.

The self-denial in my understanding is pretty much the idea that yourself and your ego aren't the most important things in the world. It's still fine to take care of yourself, keep your body nourished, healthy, clean and warm and your soul uplifted and in peace. You may even treat yourself to some luxury and fun now and then. But you are now part of something greater than yourself, something eternal. So your self, your ego, your past, and so on aren't the focus of your life anymore.
It's okay to take care of those things if you must, but they aren't the center. If it helps you, look at the stars at night, or the endless ocean or some real big mountains to realise how insignificant you are.
Dying to oneself is actually quite a pleasant experience, believe me.