I was on a rant about gossip within the church last night because a young lady I know is being victimized by it.
First, she was victimized by a 21-year-old youth leader in her church's youth group. She was 14, he was 21 and he sexually abused her two years ago.
Her parents, once they found out, brought charges against him. They also went to their church's pastor and youth minister and gave them the facts. However, the pastor and youth minister decided that...I don't know, that perhaps my friend and her husband were lying, or that their daughter was lying...anyway the 21-year-old, (who is now 23) is still there, still working with the high school kids. They (the pastor and youth minister) know that the police brought charges against him and that he has been to court now about 4 times on this case, but, not once has either of them even went to court to see for themselves what evidence the police has gathered against him.
They left the church, but the police and the DA told them not to speak about the case. So, although the pastor, youth minister and the guy know the full story about what happened, nobody else in the church does.
But, just because no one else in the church didn't have any facts, sure didn't stop them from talking about her. Who knows how many times stories and assumptions were spread around. But, her mother found out yesterday that the church's Ladies Community Bible Study group are praying for her daughter
and the baby!!!!! Yep, the current story is that they left the church because her 14 year old daughter got knocked up! Not once, in the entire two years, has anyone from that church, the church that my friend and her husband were married in, dedicated their kids in, were faithful members for over 30 years, not once has anyone called them to ask for their side of the story, or to see if what they have apparently been hearing is true.
The case has ground it's slow way through the court system, and the latest court date was day before yesterday. In it, he accepted a plea bargain that will enable him to plead guilty to misdemeanor charges instead of risking a trial on the felony offenses. Currently, the date for his sentencing is December 2. He is facing a minimum of 30 days in jail, 5 years probation, and court mandated counseling. Due to the plea bargain though, he will not have to register as a sexual offender.
After the guy sexually messed with her, he threatened her and told her that if she told anyone he and his buddies would make her pay. Once she did go to her parents and the police were brought in, his buddies started playing mind games with her, driving by her school, showing up in restaurants where she happened to be eating, trying to "friend" her on Facebook, that sort of thing. It stopped when the police started making noises that they could open themselves up for charges as well, but the girl went through about 4 months of hell before it stopped.
But then the girl started losing friends. All the kids from the youth group started alienating her, even though she didn't tell anyone what was going on. She stopped being invited over to sleepovers, to parties, to friend's. Her parents also started noticing that, at church, they would get the sense that people were talking about them...conversations would stop when they would walk up, they would get funny looks, you know what I mean.
I'm not going to go into everything this poor girl has been through for the past two years, but it has been really rough on her...and her church, the one she started going to as a baby, the one where she grew up, the one where she was baptized, the one where she committed her life to Christ at...threw her under the bus. She is on the out. She's the one who was forced out of the fellowship. He's still there, still working with the high school kids, even though the pastor and youth minister know the full story.
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And, just when they started to think they are at the end of the tunnel, just when he accepted the plea bargain and will now finally face some punishment for what he did to a 14 year old girl...it comes out that all this time, all these horrible stories about her, including her leaving the church because she got pregnant, are circulating around.
Sure, once the guy is convicted and sentenced, maybe then people will begin to think that it was him and not her. But, who knows what all has been said and to whom and what people believe now. People have an amazing capacity to ignore facts and believe what they want to. So, even though this guy will spend some time in jail and be on probation for at least 5 years, her life will always remain altered because of this...and it will always remain true that her church attacked her instead of supporting her when she needed her church family the most. Her church, instead of reaching out to her in love, when it was clear that something was terribly wrong, just gossiped about her and spread lies, to the point that even now, two years later, lies are still circulating.
So, this is what gossip does...gossip makes it almost impossible for something to truly get laid to rest.
I will say that they are going to a new church, and she has new friends and an awesome boyfriend who has done her a world of good. She is getting some professional counseling and is really doing a lot better. She has done so well this past 8 months, really started to put it all behind her. I hope that this latest lie to jump up and slap her in the face won't set her back. I really hope it wont.
Most of the time, I dismiss myself from the conversation, but again I have to admit I tend to stay within earshot to hear what I can.
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