Christ_empowered
Member
I was the ultimate loser in HS. In fact, I was so low on the totem pole that I wasn't even considered a "loser;" I was considered a "weakling."
I'm 30 now. By the grace of God, I'm physically healthy, increasingly normal, and smart enough to finish a degree at Liberty online.
Truth is, people like me don't go far in life. Its a combination of factors, many of them beyond my control. Now, for the first time ever, I can do stuff and I now have a very close knit, supportive, protective family behind me. Very few "weaklings" get this (OK, with Jesus in the mix, probably more than I think...).
I'm 30. Too old for the sins of youth. I've been forgiven my sins, especially the sins of my (squandered, stolen) youth. I actually *feel* forgiven, and its amazing, really. Now that I can feel that, I'm better able to extend compassion and forgiveness to others. I'm not perfect at it, but I've been praying "God, please lavish your blessings upon all my enemies. Bless them above and beyond what they want or need," and...I've mellowed out. Prayer isn't therapy, but its done more for my development in all aspects of life than any therapist, counselor, medication cocktail, etc. ever did.
Did I mention that I was losing hair in HS?!?! Probably stress plus questionable nutrition. I now have crazy thick, shiny hair that I have to get cut frequently because it grows very quickly. I know, sounds...minor, especially for a dude over the age of 25 or so. Deal is, I was laughed at so much for my hair, and now I can tell that all the ridicule I endured is one reason God did this for me. "All he has going for him is that pretty hair," and "he has too much hair" and "I can tell he's queer by his hair color." LOL. Oh, and my skin. I had premature aging at a young age in the face, probably stress, bad nutrition, and later "poor life choices." I aged like Lindsay Lohan, basically. I now have clear, supple, wrinkle free skin. I'm not freakishly well-preserved, but I keep hearing that I look 27, so...yeah...that's a good thing (generally, good skin=good health).
I actually get to grow up now. Sometimes, I wonder: why wait until I'm 30 for me to grow up, Lord? To do this for me? Then I realized...I'm "too old." Because I was too pretty and too low on the totem pole, I was objectified. Now I've aged out of all that, so men around here don't respect me (at ALL), but they also can't objectify me. Also, I'm now definitely, beyond a doubt, too old for the sins of youth. And my family moved up the totem pole, forgave me (God is good!), and they now support my "recovery" (that's mental health speak. I think of it as transformation).
30. I remember being 15 and wondering: where will I be at age 30? Seriously. I still remember that, despite all the electroshock. And now...
...I'm blessed to have come this far. I'm also blessed to be "too old" and to be healthy and to have been called out of an existence not worth living. You know how The Bible speaks of "life, and that more abundantly" ? Yeah...here's the thing: this is the first time I've ever had a life. Period.
Praise God!
I'm 30 now. By the grace of God, I'm physically healthy, increasingly normal, and smart enough to finish a degree at Liberty online.
Truth is, people like me don't go far in life. Its a combination of factors, many of them beyond my control. Now, for the first time ever, I can do stuff and I now have a very close knit, supportive, protective family behind me. Very few "weaklings" get this (OK, with Jesus in the mix, probably more than I think...).
I'm 30. Too old for the sins of youth. I've been forgiven my sins, especially the sins of my (squandered, stolen) youth. I actually *feel* forgiven, and its amazing, really. Now that I can feel that, I'm better able to extend compassion and forgiveness to others. I'm not perfect at it, but I've been praying "God, please lavish your blessings upon all my enemies. Bless them above and beyond what they want or need," and...I've mellowed out. Prayer isn't therapy, but its done more for my development in all aspects of life than any therapist, counselor, medication cocktail, etc. ever did.
Did I mention that I was losing hair in HS?!?! Probably stress plus questionable nutrition. I now have crazy thick, shiny hair that I have to get cut frequently because it grows very quickly. I know, sounds...minor, especially for a dude over the age of 25 or so. Deal is, I was laughed at so much for my hair, and now I can tell that all the ridicule I endured is one reason God did this for me. "All he has going for him is that pretty hair," and "he has too much hair" and "I can tell he's queer by his hair color." LOL. Oh, and my skin. I had premature aging at a young age in the face, probably stress, bad nutrition, and later "poor life choices." I aged like Lindsay Lohan, basically. I now have clear, supple, wrinkle free skin. I'm not freakishly well-preserved, but I keep hearing that I look 27, so...yeah...that's a good thing (generally, good skin=good health).
I actually get to grow up now. Sometimes, I wonder: why wait until I'm 30 for me to grow up, Lord? To do this for me? Then I realized...I'm "too old." Because I was too pretty and too low on the totem pole, I was objectified. Now I've aged out of all that, so men around here don't respect me (at ALL), but they also can't objectify me. Also, I'm now definitely, beyond a doubt, too old for the sins of youth. And my family moved up the totem pole, forgave me (God is good!), and they now support my "recovery" (that's mental health speak. I think of it as transformation).
30. I remember being 15 and wondering: where will I be at age 30? Seriously. I still remember that, despite all the electroshock. And now...
...I'm blessed to have come this far. I'm also blessed to be "too old" and to be healthy and to have been called out of an existence not worth living. You know how The Bible speaks of "life, and that more abundantly" ? Yeah...here's the thing: this is the first time I've ever had a life. Period.
Praise God!
