Guys who talk about sex too soon/much...

[Fembot]

A guy I only knew a few days brought up the fact that he doesn't want his wife to perform a certain act. I didn't want to have this conversation with him so I let him finish. Then he asked me an inappropriate question and I said he didn't deserve to know the answer but someday I would have that conversation with someone I have known long enough and am truly interested in. I listened to what he had to say-I haven't been with someone in 9 years-blah, blah, blah and then told him that he was "a bit too fleshy" for me tonight and ended the conversation.

What do you think about people who talk about sex within days of meeting? Mentioning what it's like and commenting on what they don't like (as if mentioning the negative aspects makes the conversation more worthy than gloating about it). These topics are not Christian worthy conversations to me. It makes me want to just walk away and never speak to that person again. Am I too strict about this?

 

[Dave Slayer]

I wouldn't say you are too strict about it at all. I can understand not wanting to talk to someone again after a discussion like that after only knowing someone for a few days.

I am a guy, and I will admit it is often easy to talk "fleshy" with the opposite sex. I don't believe it is right, but it is hard for some men. I can only speak for myself on the matter so I don't know how weak other guys are with stuff like this. There are times where I am very strong but there are also times where I am very weak. But when we are weak, He is strong.

So my answer is no, guys should not talk about sex so soon. It is very innapropriate. It happens, and I am sure I have failed at that a time or two in my life. I feel very bad everytime I slip up. I can't take back the past, but I can work on the present and future. Sometimes the flesh is just very hard to keep under control. All the more reason to pray and put my mind on spiritual things.

This post reminds me of a song that I like. It is how I often feel in my walk with the Lord. I will share them with you all. The song is called "I'm Sorry" by a band called "Undish".

I'm sorry on my behalf and of many others for weakness, betrayal and evil. I'm sorry for sinful thoughts, for my words and deeds. I dare to ask for the order in the world and the paradise for all. Forgive me Lord if it's the pride that actuates me. But my thoughts are clouded with what the world offers to me. I'm sorry for my soul and my world for what I praise and what I hate. I'm sorry for being torn between the Word and the Mind for the lack of faith in your masterpiece.

 

[Photosmith]

IMHO, guys who talk about sex within days of meeting a woman are very likely living for the flesh and not the spirit. If the topic came up by some kind of side conversation, or as a result of sex being a topic in you were studying together as part of a bible study or something, then OK, I could see how it might be brought up, especially if the guy was an older guy who's divorced and as such it was rightly part of his life. Other than that, I don't see a lot of good reasons for a guy to be talking to a woman about sex shortly after meeting her.

 

[Blazin Bones]

My thinking would be that this is a discernment issue. Usually you can tell where a person's motives are when certain topics are brought up. Sex is one of them. If a person is flirty with another person from the get go and thenbrings up sex pretty quikly, then i'd say that there is something wrong going on. However, so people can genuinely have mature conversatons about sex. If someone is not comfortable talking about the topic then the they should say so and the topic should be dropped by both people.

 

[Fembot]

Yeah, this wasn't a mature conversation. I find it a sign of lack of control. But I guess it's not a reason to write them off completely.

 

[Dave Slayer]

Yeah, this wasn't a mature conversation. I find it a sign of lack of control. But I guess it's not a reason to write them off completely.

I agree. A conversation like that is very immature. Has this person apologized? If not, he should. Guys need better self control. Everyone makes mistakes. I will admit to falling short at times with the opposite sex. I am certainly not perfect. Self control is a struggle that can be extremely difficult to deal with at times for us males. There are times where we are strong and times where we are weak. But when we are weak, He is strong. I think a lot of people forget that.

Anyways, I hope this person has made an effort to make this right. I would forgive him and pray for him. But if he keeps talking about such things, then I would suggest to cease from speaking with him.

 

[Sparkey]

If I understand what you mean by "a certain act" - that it is an intimacy that this guy (who has been divorced for more than 9 years?) was speaking to a young, single Christian Female about -- then no, you were not "too strict" by walking away.

Do you think he'd speak that way to me? Or would he speak that way to you in front of me? Why would he speak in that manner to you in front of God? I'm a grandpa type and don't put up with that kind of foolishness for the most part. My reply would be "It isn't my business and I don't want to know." If he insisted on trying to continue the "fleshly" conversation I too would walk away from it. Let all things be judged by two or three witnesses, would be my thought. He'd be 'marked' and if it happened again, there you go.

Oh! It's perfectly okay to ask the Lord for his forgiveness of this. But lewd conversations are not something I'd condone. When I was young and involved in the "game" of dating, I thought of it as a mating dance. I'd take two steps forward, then when there was an objection, one step back.

Removing yourself from THAT dance floor is perfectly acceptable.

 

[Dave Slayer]

If I understand what you mean by "a certain act" - that it is an intimacy that this guy (who has been divorced for more than 9 years?) was speaking to a young, single Christian Female about -- then no, you were not "too strict" by walking away.

Do you think he'd speak that way to me? Or would he speak that way to you in front of me? Why would he speak in that manner to you in front of God? I'm a grandpa type and don't put up with that kind of foolishness for the most part. My reply would be "It isn't my business and I don't want to know." If he insisted on trying to continue the "fleshly" conversation I too would walk away from it. Let all things be judged by two or three witnesses, would be my thought. He'd be 'marked' and if it happened again, there you go.

Oh! It's perfectly okay to ask the Lord for his forgiveness of this. But lewd conversations are not something I'd condone. When I was young and involved in the "game" of dating, I thought of it as a mating dance. I'd take two steps forward, then when there was an objection, one step back.

Removing yourself from THAT dance floor is perfectly acceptable.

Great advice!

I hope this guy has straightened out.

God Bless you!

 

[Fembot]

If I understand what you mean by "a certain act" - that it is an intimacy that this guy (who has been divorced for more than 9 years?) was speaking to a young, single Christian Female about -- then no, you were not "too strict" by walking away.

Do you think he'd speak that way to me? Or would he speak that way to you in front of me? Why would he speak in that manner to you in front of God? I'm a grandpa type and don't put up with that kind of foolishness for the most part. My reply would be "It isn't my business and I don't want to know." If he insisted on trying to continue the "fleshly" conversation I too would walk away from it. Let all things be judged by two or three witnesses, would be my thought. He'd be 'marked' and if it happened again, there you go.

Oh! It's perfectly okay to ask the Lord for his forgiveness of this. But lewd conversations are not something I'd condone. When I was young and involved in the "game" of dating, I thought of it as a mating dance. I'd take two steps forward, then when there was an objection, one step back.

Removing yourself from THAT dance floor is perfectly acceptable.

Great advice. Thanks...

{quote] When I was young and involved in the "game" of dating, I thought of it as a mating dance. I'd take two steps forward, then when there was an objection, one step back.[/quote]

LOL, so you've been guilty of this at some point or another?

 

[savvykate]

Wow, I really wish I had your courage to speak up! I just got out of high school, am packing for college as we speak, have never had a boyfriend at all or even a sweetheart aside from very secret crushes, and I'm no way ready for intimacy, talking about sex or whatever with guys, even if I was close to a particular guy, but I've gotten in a lot of weird convos like that with guys, even adults. Usually it's friends or random guys making jokes or commenting about girls bodies, but I have had an adult teacher of mine sit down and kind of lecture me for about an hour regarding his ex-girlfriend and what she um, liked and didn't whatever, which was so uncomfortable. He actually asked me "what do you like guys to do?" which I had no answer for, of course. I just told him I really didn't know but he laughed at me like I was joking. Usually, I say nothing at all because I'm too embarrassed. I just look away and pretend this is not even happening, lol, because what am I supposed to say, anyway? It's very uncomfortable and not what I'm into talking about at all. :naughty I've never dared tell somebody they were too fleshy for me at the time though, I usually just tell my sister and we end up laughing away our humiliation or pretending it doesn't matter. Why do guys talk about that stuff anyway? It's not like flirting, it's really offensive!

 

[Fembot]

But everyone makes mistakes. A teacher should not be speaking with you that way. A mistake is for someone who may not know better. A teacher? Come on...

 

[Caroline H]

Fembot is right, a teacher should definitely know that is crossing the line. You have a right to tell anybody that it is inappropriate to talk to you that way. When I was a teenager I was really shy and non-confrontational. I thought that it would be rude to tell someone they were offending me, but now I see how wrong I was. On the contrary, it is extremely rude for someone to put you in that position in the first place, and you have every right to tell them that you don't want to talk that way. The only thing that will come of you standing up for yourself like that is that people will respect you more. I think that in this day and age a lot of people don't even think twice about talking about sex with others...it just doesn't even occur to them that someone may be offended. But that doesn't give them the excuse to make you uncomfortable. By letting them know that you find it embarrassing and offensive, they may learn something .... maybe manners? Honestly, and I say this from personal experience, by not speaking up about it you may very well wind up in situations that have gotten out of your control and you might not know how to get out of it.

 

[savvykate]

Fembot is right, a teacher should definitely know that is crossing the line. You have a right to tell anybody that it is inappropriate to talk to you that way. When I was a teenager I was really shy and non-confrontational. I thought that it would be rude to tell someone they were offending me, but now I see how wrong I was. On the contrary, it is extremely rude for someone to put you in that position in the first place, and you have every right to tell them that you don't want to talk that way. The only thing that will come of you standing up for yourself like that is that people will respect you more. I think that in this day and age a lot of people don't even think twice about talking about sex with others...it just doesn't even occur to them that someone may be offended. But that doesn't give them the excuse to make you uncomfortable. By letting them know that you find it embarrassing and offensive, they may learn something .... maybe manners? Honestly, and I say this from personal experience, by not speaking up about it you may very well wind up in situations that have gotten out of your control and you might not know how to get out of it.

Yeah, he was kind of a creepy teacher in general, he made a lot of inappropriate jokes and also reacted really angrily if somebody didn't behave in class, I mean more than is normal. I'm glad I don't have to deal with him anymore.

I'm really shy and non-confrontational too, like you described. I want to be liked and I'm afraid if I speak up I'll offend, but really it isn't wise to sit and listen the way I do now. I feel like that is sacrificing my mental purity, like what I hear affects the way I think about the world and other people. It doesn't inspire lust but it's crude and not how I want to perceive others. I will try to speak up or at least leave the conversation next time that occurs. I'm also going to try asking God for some courage and guidance, so I feel covered when I am trying to cope with embarrassing sitches like that.

 

[Caroline H]

I'm also going to try asking God for some courage and guidance, so I feel covered when I am trying to cope with embarrassing sitches like that.

Excellent decision, God will surely give you courage when you need it if you ask Him to and trust Him with the outcome of those situations. You never know, your speaking up or leaving an inappropriate conversation may just be enough for the Holy Spirit to convict someone that what they're doing is wrong...