Have You Been Married Before ?

[Lewis]

Who here thinks that it is wrong to marry more than one time ?

 

[tim-from-pa]

Who here thinks that it is wrong to marry more than one time ?

Well, I technically do not favor divorce nor does God, but in practice I have Christian friends (including our teacher and Pastor) who I accept and they know I don't hold that against them.

I know that if that ever happened to me, I would not remarry, I would be too hurt. That for certain is a safe scriptural position. But I do not make the issue of divorce a salvation issue. BTW, my wife and I will celebrate our 21st anniversary 9/13.

 

[Guest]

Who here thinks that it is wrong to marry more than one time ?

I suppose it would all depend on the reasons why one has the occassion to be married more than once.

 

[Lewis]

Yes it does depend' and Jesus did not condemn the woman at the well and she had slept with 5 men. Because when you have sex with someone you marry them. Because sex was designed for marriage. But anyway you may remarry for adultery' death' non conversion' cruelty' and wife beating' because God is not a cruel God' and He does not expect you to be happy without a husband or wife' if the first marriage did not work out. We are wired to have a the opposite sex' as a companion. Paul said it is better to marry than to burn. And even though God hates divorce' in some cases it is justified. I am in my second marriage' and my first ceremonial wife' had good reasons to divorce me. Because if it was the other way around' I would have divorced her. I did not even come home most nights. And God does not expect people to keep putting up with that kind of garbage.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Well, I am one to believe that God enters all things and works His will into our lives. To that end, I guess even though I am almost 50 years old, I have to grapple with the thought "where was God when these two people married?" In other words, if God hates divorce so much, why did He join two incompatible people to begin with? I definitely have to come to terms with this because the implication is that if He joined them, then reconciliation is possible in some form.

The only other thing I can think of to bypass the sin of divorce and remarriage is the admission on the part of the couple that God really did not join them. Perhaps they were young, foolish, maybe even pig-headed and did not listen to their parents (who often have an intuitive insight as to a good mate for their children).

An analogy is if someone hears an invitation to accept Jesus. They go to the altar, they "ask Him in" and so forth because they were emotionally moved, but in reality they are not saved. Maybe the same goes with marriage. At the judgment someday we may hear the Lord say, "They went through the ceremony, but I did not really join them. They were rebellious."

If one really believes that this was the case, I can live with remarriage more easily if one repents of the first marriage and felt lead by God to marry a second person, but then that is an admission that everything the first couple did together was bogus, and the children may as well be illegitimate. That's very difficult to accept, too.

I'm not sure which is worse---- the so-called sin of remarrying, or the couples' admission I just pointed out. In any case, it's a tragedy worse than death IMO. It's all so sad and a hell on earth.

 

[Lewis]

Tim a lot of times people get married' and that is not even who God wanted them to marry. People marry without God even putting them together' most of the times it is a disaster' and then sometimes it works out.

 

[antitox]

Well I don't think that God determines the marriage for us, or negate our choice. and I'm not saying that He doesn't have someone in mind for us that would be good, but He does respect our decisions - our free will to make choices, He permits it as such, and it's a done deal.

As in all of life's journeys, He lets us find out for ourselves, just as a parent does once the child is of age. He will speak to our innermost being, but it doesn't mean that we will listen to Him. 98% out of 100, we choose what we want, and life's hard knocks eventually get our attention.

Sometime back I decided to start dating a lady whom I really liked (she was a believer), yet I felt deep down something wasn't quite right (compatibility-wise) and on my way home I took a quiet moment to listen with my heart, and I heard go thru my head, "No - no." It sounded emphatic; it puzzled me because I thought, "surely that's not God....He's never said anything quite that way."
Well, turns out after a couple few months of going out, that it became plain that this lady and I had some differences that wouldn't work in the long run, and discontinued the dating process.
I thank Him for His mercy, that I didn't get serious about her and make a mistake.

It's hard for humans to really listen to God when there are things we desire, and our judgment gets clouded. He speaks, but the listener isn't listening when there are other things that have our attention. We can reason it away so easily. I think that happens alot to young people.

We are truly weak in our own right, and if we get to where we will, at least, think twice before acting, we just might hear Him the way we should. But discipline doesn't come easy, and we usually go through the path of hard knocks before we take a close enough look at our actions.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Tim a lot of times people get married' and that is not even who God wanted them to marry. People marry without God even putting them together' most of the times it is a disaster' and then sometimes it works out.

Yes, I agree. And for this reason as I get older I am getting a little more tenderhearted and understanding that people make mistakes. If God is left out of the equation and left to their own devices, it usually fails. Like anything, it is forgivable and the person can move on. This satisfies my dread as to "where was God to prevent that from happening?" it's not like He cared. The couple just did not want God into the mix.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Well, turns out after a couple few months of going out, that it became plain that this lady and I had some differences that wouldn't work in the long run, and discontinued the dating process.
I thank Him for His mercy, that I didn't get serious about her and make a mistake.

Praise God! He kept you from making that mistake. And this is the the thing I don't understand with many of His so-called children. Why he allows so many to make a mistake this serious and lets others off the hook?

Much like you, I found that God intervened in my life many, many times. Too many to count. To get slightly off the subject, I was laid off from an excellent paying telecommunications microelectronics business 3 years back. In the meantime, I got a job in a similar field but I hate it. I wish they'd hate me enough to lay me off or something. But in fact, they promoted me! I am well liked because in spite of my human, inner struggle, something divine shows outwardly and I love everyone. As the bible would say, he had an "excellent spirit". I don't know how many times I almost just walked out on them, but God prevented it. Maybe He wants me there for a reason.

To anyone else, it seems they would job hop (like going from marriage to marriage) and make a big mess of things.

I often joked that I could not screw up my life if I tried. And yet, regarding marriages I see failures happening again and again and wonder where God is for those people?

 

[antitox]

Praise God! He kept you from making that mistake. And this is the the thing I don't understand with many of His so-called children. Why he allows so many to make a mistake this serious and lets others off the hook?

Well, there's a little more to it. I had been praying that I wanted to do the right thing and I had a few doubts and wasn't sure if I was getting cold feet or not. And prayed that if this woman was not the right person for me that He would help me to see that. I think that if I am willing to pay attention to Him on this and not be anxious or led by my desire, that it would become clear to me. To me, trust and patence work well together when seeking His counsel. He actually directed me not to be in a rush to walk away either, yet talk to her about it. I did, and the answer became crystal clear as I spoke with her.

(Prov 12:25) "Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down,"

I often joked that I could not screw up my life if I tried. And yet, regarding marriages I see failures happening again and again and wonder where God is for those people?

Well my answer to that isn't favored by very many. But I always attribute these things by the way we choose to deal in our lives. We choose who we get counsel from, and when we just assume that it is God directing us by whatever means we acknowledge at that time, that doesn't mean He is necessarily saying it. Every time I look back on my life, I've come to the same conclusion; that I made lousy choices on my own, or expected God to "handle it." Neither way works. God always allows us the freedom to be the decision-maker and there is no "fix-it" in the process. It's all part of our earthly autonomous existence that requires accountability. A person's focus in this world determines his effectiveness. My father made the best life decisions that could be made, yet I didn't. But I do know that his focus was dead-on when it came to responsibility and diligence. That was why he did well in life and retired well and cares about people. I recall that his choices ALWAYS involved being aware of what he shouldn't do and focusing on what would ensure the right outcome. He would lean on God whenever he didn't know the right thing to do, yet he wasn't in a rush nor did he ignore the signs, common sense, or other lives involved in that situation.

 

[follower of Christ]

I have to admit I was worried about where this thread was going when I read the title, but its nice to see an intelligent, NONjudgmental discussion going on about remarriage here.

Sometimes mistakes are made.
I have two exwives who committed adultery against me who I ended up having to put away over it, but they made mistakes. There is no reason for me to hold anything agaisnt them or for them to feel like they cannot marry again and 'go and sin no more'....