Christ_empowered
Member
ugh. yes, me, yet again. and...yeah. more pariah stuff. 
Let me start by praising The Lord for His mercy and Goodness. Its like this: ordinarily, I would have gone to prison, a good while back. And..ordinarily...I'd still be there. true story. :-(
so, the long-term, untreated HIV+ was rough (did I Mention that I've been made healthy, despite no treatment? and...being spared antiretrovirals is a blessing, in and of itself, it seems...)...and having -obvious- brain damage was rough, too...
and being estranged from my (loving, kind, long suffering) parents may have actually been...the worst part, I think. My parents aren't big on heavy emo talk, which...now that I'm in Christ and I realize how toxic and manipulative a lot of the counseling and psych-everything is...probably a good thing. point there is...
they probably will never come out and say 'we forgive you,' but...they never let me go homeless or deal with un-buffered poverty...when things got -intense- and they had the means they sprang for an up and coming good ole boy lawyer...
and now? well...I just came back from another dinner at their place. tad bit unusual, because Wednesday is usually their night, mostly for fish (something about iodine levels? I keep telling them to take a supplement), also for their own time, with the puppies and such...and..and...
yeah, Cinco de Mayo. good meal, a lil bit of a Columbo rerun (fun fact: I'm not a big Columbo fan, but its always good to see my parents). and...here I am, now, typing this, from a modest but comfortable place my parents have seen fit to provide for me...
love and forgiveness are sometimes best expressed in words, sometimes...actions really do speak louder than words, I think. something like that, anyway.
so, yeah. yesterday, I was pre-paying for gas, I walked out, some dude yelled out "he's got a WARRANT!," and...I did not freak out. at all. and...it isn't just because people all over this area have yelled out similar things since I moved home (going on 10 years ago, btw), its...
The Lord at work in my life. So, I Praise Him for His Goodness. I don't do drugs, I don't even drink. By some act of God, I'm healthy and smart and remarkably normal and...
'welcome to the real world,' I guess. yet again. truth? I never really mattered to this community, or really society at large. pretty child, precocious youngster...then middle school, a somewhat modified version of the school to prison pipeline. true story. my parents were -the only people- who protected me from a hostile world...
and now, thanks to Jesus, we're a family again. parents are healthy, doing much better financially than I think anyone really ever expected (they're on the well to do end of things, now...mama once commented how she never thought that would happen...), and...and...
the talk of warrants and jail and prison and felonies and...blah blah blah...its pretty much static from my little corner of a fallen world, isn't it? true story: today, I overheard a neighbor calling me "manipulative," as in "Dr.(former shrink) say's he's manipulative," and...again: happens. former patients, 'psychiatric survivors,' etc. report stuff like that, and for most of them...
ugh. much, much worse than what I go thru. The Lord has seen fit to bring what looks an awful lot like deliverance, to me and my parents, and...and...
what to make of the warrants and jail and prison talk? seems to wax and wane. blah. truth? despite...all kinds of junk and 'the way the world works,' I only have the -1- conviction, that's a serious misdemeanor (I came close to getting the felony I was charged with...but I ended up with the reduced charge, by the grace of God). and I haven't been arrested in over 8 years, now.
rambling...did I mention I saw my counselor today? I've told him, in the past, about this...he chalks it up to either "Schizoaffective disorder" or "obsessive traits" that somehow fuel the crazy? But...its real? I Mean...really. I do like him as a person, though.
ok. part rambling, part prayer request...did I mention that my dad talked to me about maybe joining him in taking up kayaking? -minor miracle- God is Good!
ok. as always...thanks. seriously. support, replies, prayers, just...for being good Christians, towards me, as The Lord works in my heart+life.
Let me start by praising The Lord for His mercy and Goodness. Its like this: ordinarily, I would have gone to prison, a good while back. And..ordinarily...I'd still be there. true story. :-(
so, the long-term, untreated HIV+ was rough (did I Mention that I've been made healthy, despite no treatment? and...being spared antiretrovirals is a blessing, in and of itself, it seems...)...and having -obvious- brain damage was rough, too...
and being estranged from my (loving, kind, long suffering) parents may have actually been...the worst part, I think. My parents aren't big on heavy emo talk, which...now that I'm in Christ and I realize how toxic and manipulative a lot of the counseling and psych-everything is...probably a good thing. point there is...
they probably will never come out and say 'we forgive you,' but...they never let me go homeless or deal with un-buffered poverty...when things got -intense- and they had the means they sprang for an up and coming good ole boy lawyer...
and now? well...I just came back from another dinner at their place. tad bit unusual, because Wednesday is usually their night, mostly for fish (something about iodine levels? I keep telling them to take a supplement), also for their own time, with the puppies and such...and..and...
yeah, Cinco de Mayo. good meal, a lil bit of a Columbo rerun (fun fact: I'm not a big Columbo fan, but its always good to see my parents). and...here I am, now, typing this, from a modest but comfortable place my parents have seen fit to provide for me...
love and forgiveness are sometimes best expressed in words, sometimes...actions really do speak louder than words, I think. something like that, anyway.
so, yeah. yesterday, I was pre-paying for gas, I walked out, some dude yelled out "he's got a WARRANT!," and...I did not freak out. at all. and...it isn't just because people all over this area have yelled out similar things since I moved home (going on 10 years ago, btw), its...
The Lord at work in my life. So, I Praise Him for His Goodness. I don't do drugs, I don't even drink. By some act of God, I'm healthy and smart and remarkably normal and...
'welcome to the real world,' I guess. yet again. truth? I never really mattered to this community, or really society at large. pretty child, precocious youngster...then middle school, a somewhat modified version of the school to prison pipeline. true story. my parents were -the only people- who protected me from a hostile world...
and now, thanks to Jesus, we're a family again. parents are healthy, doing much better financially than I think anyone really ever expected (they're on the well to do end of things, now...mama once commented how she never thought that would happen...), and...and...
the talk of warrants and jail and prison and felonies and...blah blah blah...its pretty much static from my little corner of a fallen world, isn't it? true story: today, I overheard a neighbor calling me "manipulative," as in "Dr.(former shrink) say's he's manipulative," and...again: happens. former patients, 'psychiatric survivors,' etc. report stuff like that, and for most of them...
ugh. much, much worse than what I go thru. The Lord has seen fit to bring what looks an awful lot like deliverance, to me and my parents, and...and...
what to make of the warrants and jail and prison talk? seems to wax and wane. blah. truth? despite...all kinds of junk and 'the way the world works,' I only have the -1- conviction, that's a serious misdemeanor (I came close to getting the felony I was charged with...but I ended up with the reduced charge, by the grace of God). and I haven't been arrested in over 8 years, now.
rambling...did I mention I saw my counselor today? I've told him, in the past, about this...he chalks it up to either "Schizoaffective disorder" or "obsessive traits" that somehow fuel the crazy? But...its real? I Mean...really. I do like him as a person, though.
ok. part rambling, part prayer request...did I mention that my dad talked to me about maybe joining him in taking up kayaking? -minor miracle- God is Good!
ok. as always...thanks. seriously. support, replies, prayers, just...for being good Christians, towards me, as The Lord works in my heart+life.