[__ Prayer __] "he's going to jail!"

[Christ_empowered]

OK. So --those-- neighbors are at it, again. Something about me going to jail and my "Schizophrenia." Great.

I --did-- get in legal trouble 4 years ago. My dad hired an attorney and now I have a misdemeanor. I'm fresh off probation, 2 years early (it was a --serious-- misdemeanor, but still: not a felony).

I don't get it. This time around, I didn't freak out, didn't react all that much, really. I'm law abiding, etc., so I just...don't...get it. Its a small, southern town, so rumors and straight up lies float around like crazy. This same set of neighbors often yells out about my "public defender" and such, so...they either have been misinformed or they've made a lot of assumptions.

OK. So, I Praise God (!!!!) because I'm free, I'm safe, I"m healthy. I'm even comfortable, living with my loving, kind parents. I don't have a Felony conviction which, in my situation, would have been The End. It gets rough enough with people assuming I have a felony and then acting all crazy because I"m free and safe and living here with my people. Ugh.

I also ask that you pray with me for my freedom+safety, and for my parents+me to be protected from our enemies. See, the thing is...its The South: they lock low status people up all the time. I was spared, even though I'm a "mental patient," because my dad hired that attorney, so the whole "mental patient" issue actually came to work in my favor (Praise God!) instead of against me like it would have with a public defender. God is good! My people love me, too, clearly.

I'm also just plain confused. This is the one and only arrest+conviction (aside from a traffic ticket I forgot to pay...) on my record, so its not as if I"m some kind of menace to society or anything. And yet...people are --forever-- yelling about "prison," "jail," warrants," etc. I think its because my former psychiatrists have a --serious-- problem with me. That's another thing...when you're a "mental patient," the shrinks have a problem with you...well, God help you.

I ask that you keep my family+me up in prayer, and also Praise God with me for His goodness. Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

Prayers for you and your family are put before our Father near daily at His throne of grace.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks, eugene. I'm hoping+praying that this is just southern, small town rumors. I've had shock "Treatment" (1,000,000th time mentioning it, I know), so my memory of big chunks of my life is...hazy, to say the least. This sort of stuff throws me off balance a bit, although I handled it much better this time around.

Thanks again for your prayers+replies+ongoing support.

 

[Pegasus]

thanks, eugene. I'm hoping+praying that this is just southern, small town rumors. I've had shock "Treatment" (1,000,000th time mentioning it, I know), so my memory of big chunks of my life is...hazy, to say the least. This sort of stuff throws me off balance a bit, although I handled it much better this time around.

Thanks again for your prayers+replies+ongoing support.

You hang in there prayers up for you and family.

Pray for those who persecute you.

You've made such great progress. Continue to endure.

God Bless.

 

[KevinK]

We're praying for you.

 

[Christ_empowered]

thanks for the replies+prayers, everyone.

I think I'm starting to "get it." I was on that Long, Black Train until 4 years ago, when a miracle happened and I got genuinely saved. And now...

well, the townies want me to "know my place in society." I would go on and on about the downsides of 21st century southern culture (I have before...) and/or what small towns put people thru, but the thing is...its just The World (or...society).

I'm blessed all over. God has blessed my people with more resources and status. They're not rich, but they're apparently considered "well-to-do," for around here. I dunno. I'm happy for them, and for me its been great because I get more of a buffer between this angry, hostile community and me, especially now that my parents seem to have more or less forgiven me (?) and have warmed up to me.

Life is often un-fair. When I was born, the parents were working class, well-educated, bohemian intellectuals in a rented duplex. Now, they're "well-to-do," well-educated, sophisticated intellectuals in a nice house (which they let me live in, Praise God!).

Its weird. I read that there's some research that shows the social class you're born into is a very strong predictor of the social class you will spend most of your life in. I would guess this is particularly true in The South, because of cultural factors.

So...I look back, now that more memories have been returned unto me after all that shock and such, and I see that...well, I was considered "uppity" as early as high school, because I was in those Honors and Gifted classes. I lived in a socially isolated bubble, so I didn't "get" that the "riff raff" generally went into normal classes around 9th grade. Ooops. I also didn't know (really, not until now) that only kids from "good families" are supposed to graduate HS a year early. I just wanted to get out cuz everyone was making my life a living hell.

Then I went to college and I see...I wasn't considered "good enough" there, either. And the mental health ppl? Oh, man oh man. "Good enough" for drugs, even the not so great ones (Klonopin, Adderall, etc.), not "good enough" for compassion or...well, not even "good enough" for transparency and honesty. ugh.

Point is...now, I've been voted "Schizophrenic" by the community. I do have some mental problems. I've been blessed with disability, which has been a godsend for my parents+me. My actual diagnosis is "Bipolar I," not that there's really that big a difference. Its just that "Bipolar I" doesn't usually=involuntary "treatment", whereas Schizophrenia and Schizoaffective often=involuntary injections, hospitalizations, etc. Not surprisingly...from what I understand, people with more severe problems are often labeled with "Bipolar I" when they/we are white and come from "good families," while many others are labeled with "Schizophrenia" when they're non-white, not well-educated, don't have parents like mine, etc. There are no brain scans, blood tests, etc. in psychiatry, so...yeah. Think about it for a minute.

I'm rambling. When I was in and of the world, I wanted a life like out of one of the many books I'd read. I messed up. mental health, inc. punished me mightily, and got the community involved, too. That happens. Until fairly recently, I imagine I'd be in a state hospital right now. In a lot of ways, I'm blessed that The Lord didn't move this way in my life until fairly recently. The state --had-- a big ole state hospital until a couple years ago, when they shut most of it down and sold it off to a real estate developer for mega-million$$$. Still, if I were female, I'd almost certainly be in some kind of facility at this point, because...well..."that's the way the world works," I guess.

God is good! Somehow, I'm physically healthy, normal, bright eyed, and I'm even smart enough for my goals (school, maybe getting a j-o-b somewhere, almost certainly not around here...).

But the world is...cold. harsh. unforgiving. It gets worse and more oppressive the lower status you are, the more stigmatized you are, the worse you mess up, the more powerful people come after you, etc. So...yeah. The Lord has done a mighty work in my life, and now my people are housing me, protecting me, etc., and this...doesn't sit well with people around here.

That's why I get worried. Its America...we lock people up all the time, especially in The South. I've been spared because my parents got me that lawyer and Jesus moved mightily in the situation, and now I'm off probation 2 years early (thank God!). The Lord even saw fit to spare me a Felony, which a really, really, really big deal in my situation. Things are rough enough with people yelling at me about "you got a FELONY!" and complaining about "the judge took pity on you" and "your public defender got you probation!," etc. I don't want to think about the fall out from an --actual-- felony in my situation. God is good!

But yeah. Plus, I'm starting to comprehend that spiritual warfare is very, very real. Just a couple days after I got genuinely saved, some dude across the street from my little apt. yelled out "somebody's gonna shoot that faggot!," and i was back with mama and daddy, asap. And now...

Probation has been over since mid-december, but I didn't know till early January. The paralegal for the guy my dad hired got a signed form letter confirming that probation is over, so...that's good. I wouldn't have gotten one, otherwise. :-(

Ugh. Rambling. God is good! God has moved mightily in my life! Thing is...His work in my life doesn't sit well with a lot of people (and they never liked me, anyway). --sigh--

Thanks again.