Cam,
I hope you don't leave the board. Your post reminded me of Acts 17.
18 Then certain philosophers of the Epicureans, and of the Stoicks, encountered him. And some said, What will this babbler say? other some, He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods: because he preached unto them Jesus, and the resurrection.
19 And they took him, and brought him unto Areopagus, saying, May we know what this new doctrine, whereof thou speakest, is?
20 For thou bringest certain strange things to our ears: we would know therefore what these things mean.
21 (For all the Athenians and strangers which were there spent their time in nothing else, but either to tell, or to hear some new thing.)
22 Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars' hill, and said, Ye men of Athens, I perceive that in all things ye are too superstitious.
23 For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you.
24 God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands;
25 Neither is worshipped with men's hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things;
26 And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation;
27 That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:
28 For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.
29 Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man's device.
30 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
31 Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.
The Bereans earlier in this chapter searched the Scriptures when Paul spoke to them to see if Christ was truly the Messiah. I think it is important to our faith to search Scriptures, even if Paul is speaking.
: Maybe if you could answer ALone's question then he, and others, could guide you some.
Faith is rooted in the Living Word, Jesus, and He will guide you if you keep searching...in faith. It may be through other believers, or by anything really...down to our worst trial. Consider verse 27 here...If we are seeking Him, we are actually desperately groping for Him in utter darkness, but He is nearer than we think and we are bound to find Him being so close. Salvation is not a new fad, or philosophy, but rather Truth. It will not waiver, though we may. I realize that Paul is speaking about idols in the verses following, but what he is saying is that we have life because of God, our Father and Lifegiver, and He can not be fashioned by man's device...even those that exist only in our minds (which knowing we don't have the answers are generally guesses, lies, and deceit, unless they are God's Truth alone). Please do not let a few early doubts keep you from walking with your Father. Do not feel as if He must measure up to your thoughts, or understanding, but step in faith and trust Him with your life. Trust Him with your education and sanctification, because it is a relational process and you are just getting to know Him. Take your time, and see if He is not able to guide you with His Holy Spirit and Word. If God is real, then aren't His thoughts and plans far above our own, and aren't we hasty if we walk away without truly trying to know Him...to grope after Him? He can actually strengthen your faith during times of doubt, if you don't give up searching, trusting, and resting in Him. Those who seek Him, do it desperately, because they know He is very near. I am not saying check your mind at the door, but what I am saying is reach beyond it and see through eyes of faith...those questions may be answered, and those answers once found will be a Truth that you posess in your own heart with deep conviction. It must be in His way, and in His time, and through much more guidance by the Spirit, the church, and the Word than you have had so far I think. I have been a believer since about three, and at 36 I still feel as if I am just starting to know Him, and to trust Him...I imagine at 86 I will feel just the same way...maybe I will feel that way for all eternity even.
I would encourage you to read C.S. Lewis's books, if you haven't already. I don't usually suggest commentary, but he was a brother who searched. Please don't search for only a short time, and then reject, but first be satisfied that you have searched the way Paul explains, like groping for Him. Lewis said that our reach must exceed our grasp, it's humbling to think we can't know it all, but comforting to know that God does...this is faith. I hope this encourages you. The Lord bless you.
