How do i forgive my wife for being a prostitute?

[Seeking the truth]

We have now been married for 7 months. I met her at a bar and we started dating. She is a very good looking girl and 26 years old. Im 25 and hansome. I feel for her very quickly and we got married in 4 months. When we were dating i asked her what she did for work and she said she worked at a massage parlor and answered the phone. I grew up in arkansas and was never familar with these places and what goes on there. Later i after we got married i found out the truth by lieing to her because i had my doubts after being told the truth about the place she worked by a friend.She told me she did massage and she came clean "I think" about what she did why we were together $500 for sex, twice and she said she took her clothes off 30 plus times for $150. She quit working there after i found out and were still together but im so hurt by what she did to me.Im having trouble forgiving her and sometimes i just want to leave her but i love her and knew she was mixed up. Ive done some horrible things to i had sex with a stripper on my bach party night and after i found out what she had done i went to a massage place and had sex and got back at her. I need to move on but still think about it sometimes i mean i used to take back and forth to work and pick her up at this place everyday and trusted her. The horrible thing is she didnt stop working there after we got married it took me finding out the truth for her to stop. How do i forgive her or find the strength to move on?

Additional Details
If she really loved me dont you think she would have quit especally after we got married?

 

[heather]

Would you like my opinion? I'm assuming you would since you've asked it here...

You can't forgive her by yourself. You need Christ to forgive her for you. I would spend a lot of time in prayer asking the Lord to give you the strength and the desire to forgive her. Ask for His forgiving and healing power.

Does she know about your little trysts? If not, (and even so) you need to also ask God to give the strength to ask for forgiveness yourself, both from Him and from your wife.

Also, I would seek out a good, Spirit-led, Christian marriage counselor and start seeing him/her on a regular basis. My biggest thing is that counseling isn't just for troubled marriages or for troubled people. Having an outside perspective on the situation is extremely helpful. And if she is unwilling to go with you, you can always go it alone. It's better than nothing at all.

I hope that helps. If you have more questions, please always feel free to ask.

Heather.

 

[Fembot]

I don't think it means she doesn't/didn't love you. People make stupid mistakes. Think about what else she does that you like. Also, you aren't perfect either. To prevent these mistakes from occurring again, I'd suggest the counseling from a Pastor etc. Praying together and perhaps being completely transparent. Hope your ill feelings go away. God teaches us to forgive. However, if she does anything remotely close to this again, it means she has no care for your well being or your heart. I don't get how she could live a double life like that. I'd say it's time to move on if she does this again. Your physical and mental health is more important than someone's lack of self control.

God Bless

 

[Nick]

I can't give any more adivce apart from what's already been suggested. But I will be praying for you, your wife and the marraige. .

 

[Caroline H]

Additional Details
If she really loved me dont you think she would have quit especally after we got married?

If you really loved her, would you have had sex with that stripper at your bachelor party? It seems to me that your relationship has had serious issues from the get go. Are you both Christians? If so, then I would suggest talking to your pastor or a Christian counselor. The Holy Spirit is more than able to restore your marriage and make it what it should be, if you both are willing to listen to Him and put God first in your lives rather than yourselves. But if you're not Christians then I don't know what to tell you. It isn't in our nature to overcome such hurt and brokenness, but with Christ all things are possible, and in Him there is hope.

 

[Lewis]

Ok where should I start, well I cheated on both of my wives, but the second wife really caught hell, cheated on her ungodly, and guess what I could not stop, because I tried over and over again, I wouldn't sometimes even come home for 2 days or so. My wife knew what I was doing out there, we have not been with each other for 2 years but she has forgiven me, and she could only do it because of Jesus, otherwise she would hate me. And God has cured me of hunting down women, now I can't even see myself doing that anymore, it is repulsive to me now. Even when I see other men do that now it is repulsive to me. So I am saying all that, to say this. I was caught up in the grips of women addiction, and God removed the propensity I had to pursue them, and some would pursue me and I would let them have their way also. And God did the impossible He removed it, I thought I was going to die that way because I had been that way since I was a kid. My wife has forgiven me, it took a act of the Lord to heal Joyce and me. It can be done you can forgive her, and when you do, don't you ever, never ever, never bring it up again, even if you get angry with her. Some people will hold on to it, and if you are one of those, go get a divorce lawyer now, because your marriage won't last, because you will always hold that over her head. One more thing you see, with us men we think that if we do it, is more ok, than if a women goes out there. Now if the woman goes out there, we fly off into a rage and some men will get violent. But now when we go out there we expect them to take it. But when they do it, we are ready to kill them. When a women does it she knocks down the mans ego, and if family and friends find out, he more than likely will leave you. But when we do it we want our women to take it.

 

[Fembot]

That was a great post Lewis. It's nice to hear that it is possible to overcome temptation from the enemy and live life with faith in Christ.

 

[follower of Christ]

We have now been married for 7 months. I met her at a bar and we started dating. She is a very good looking girl and 26 years old. Im 25 and hansome. I feel for her very quickly and we got married in 4 months. When we were dating i asked her what she did for work and she said she worked at a massage parlor and answered the phone. I grew up in arkansas and was never familar with these places and what goes on there. Later i after we got married i found out the truth by lieing to her because i had my doubts after being told the truth about the place she worked by a friend.She told me she did massage and she came clean "I think" about what she did why we were together $500 for sex, twice and she said she took her clothes off 30 plus times for $150. She quit working there after i found out and were still together but im so hurt by what she did to me.Im having trouble forgiving her and sometimes i just want to leave her but i love her and knew she was mixed up. Ive done some horrible things to i had sex with a stripper on my bach party night and after i found out what she had done i went to a massage place and had sex and got back at her. I need to move on but still think about it sometimes i mean i used to take back and forth to work and pick her up at this place everyday and trusted her. The horrible thing is she didnt stop working there after we got married it took me finding out the truth for her to stop. How do i forgive her or find the strength to move on?

Additional Details
If she really loved me dont you think she would have quit especally after we got married?

When you say you fell for her, can it be assumed that you were simply taken in by her looks ?
Im not trying to be judgmental but guy, you say you had SEX with someone else at your bachelor party ???
That certainly does NOT sound like a man who has fallen madly in love with a woman...kwim ?

HOW did you expect your marriage to start off on the right foot EVEN IF your wife had been perfect if YOU are cheating before it even starts ???

Honestly, if you both want this marriage to work you need FAR more help than this forum can offer.
you BOTH need to get into marriage counseling NOW...not next month or next year. Call someone and seek professional help NOW.
*IF* you are both serious about your marriage, then I assume next time I read one of your posts it will mention that youve started counseling....kwim ?

God bless

 

[Relic]

.


P.S.

Christians counseling.... NOT secular counseling.

Too many secular counselors are way too liberal and give poor advice in regard to allowing people do whatever they think they want or come to agreement, no matter how full of sin it is. These types of secular counselors you need to run from, they give advice that is totally out of line with biblical pricipals, and IF you want to save your marriage, you need Christian counseling from a TRUSTED counselor.

Also, IF you refuse to live by biblical principals, you might run into more and more problems. Biblical marraige counseling will steer you into the will of God for your marriage.



.

 

[JoJo]

Ok where should I start, well I cheated on both of my wives, but the second wife really caught hell, cheated on her ungodly, and guess what I could not stop, because I tried over and over again, I wouldn't sometimes even come home for 2 days or so. My wife knew what I was doing out there, we have not been with each other for 2 years but she has forgiven me, and she could only do it because of Jesus, otherwise she would hate me. And God has cured me of hunting down women, now I can't even see myself doing that anymore, it is repulsive to me now. Even when I see other men do that now it is repulsive to me. So I am saying all that, to say this. I was caught up in the grips of women addiction, and God removed the propensity I had to pursue them, and some would pursue me and I would let them have their way also. And God did the impossible He removed it, I thought I was going to die that way because I had been that way since I was a kid. My wife has forgiven me, it took a act of the Lord to heal Joyce and me. It can be done you can forgive her, and when you do, don't you ever, never ever, never bring it up again, even if you get angry with her. Some people will hold on to it, and if you are one of those, go get a divorce lawyer now, because your marriage won't last, because you will always hold that over her head. One more thing you see, with us men we think that if we do it, is more ok, than if a women goes out there. Now if the woman goes out there, we fly off into a rage and some men will get violent. But now when we go out there we expect them to take it. But when they do it, we are ready to kill them. When a women does it she knocks down the mans ego, and if family and friends find out, he more than likely will leave you. But when we do it we want our women to take it.

Great post, Lewis. Lots of wisdom and repentance. Praise God for healing you of this destructive and harmful addiction! But I want to comment on the sentence I underlined. I just want to say that it also hurts a woman's ego when a man cheats. She feels like she is not good enough, not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not young enough. Cheating is probably the most damaging thing for a relationship (except for abuse). It makes everyone sick. Thank the Lord He healed you!

 

[Relic]

.


seeking the truth,


I forgot to mention, that when you do go for marriage counseling and look to find a "Christian counselor", that there must be caution used there also. Because, some churches will hire outside counselors that are secular or "new age" liberal counselors. I've seen in a Catholic church in my area that had leased office space to a counselor who was into new age stuff. she was deep into oriental phylosophies. Beware of these types, they are not biblical and can be misleading. Biblical based counseling is crucial.

.

 

[jasoncran]

yes, relic , i agree and its a crying shame on that the church has gone the route of liberalism(many, but not all)

jason

 

[Lewis]

You are right Jo Jo, it hurts the woman's ego too. Well it just hurts them really bad. I want to say this though, and this is from me. It feels really good to be able to respect and love, and treat women like the special people that they are today. And only a all powerful God could have done this for me, and I really thank Him for it. God has matured me, because when I was a skirt chaser, I was very immature, and I was not a man, because having many women don't make you a man. But today I can say that I am a man.

 

[Fembot]

 

[PrimeRoot]

Many Hitlers

Greetings everyone.

Once again folks,
I suggest that you ask YOURSELF a few questions.

When referring to Adam and Eve, Jesus said,

"...they are no longer two, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together..."
Matt 19

So far the feedback has focused on defending what you think man has joined at a wedding.

No defense is needed for scripture,
but I might observe that a ton of abortion is justified
by the lie that

"a non-virgin woman is not married
unless she has a wedding."

But Paul shows us that God grants that
the child of a whore has the same
two-accountable-parents priviledge as
any child whose parents announced it to the world:
"Or do you not know
that the one who joins himself to a prostitute
is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH."
1Cor6:16

Paul has stated that a non-virgin is joined to her partners as surely as Adam and Eve.

My point here is this:
This woman was joined long before her wedding day, child or none.
Where is our defense of that?

How many kids are denied a daddy
based SOLEY on the church's lying bias in this regard?

MANY MILLIONS folks. And you mock Hitler only?

But the church FREQUENTLY blesses that which is adultery,
calling it a wedding,
and curses that which was a virgins first joining,
saying they should separate and "sin no more".

Never the less, the whore IS joined to her client,
and it is an act of God
to hold that fact as true until the death of one of the partners.
You CAN NOT forgive an act of God: it is not sin.

End the adultery folks,

but you can NOT end the (MANY) joinings unless you take up stones.

As Absalom did for Tamar. 2 Sam 13:32

Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
Malachi 2:15

 

[jasoncran]

you misdundertand that, verse it means that act of sex with any person male or female(staying on the hetero only) is a union of sort, sex was designed to be that way. Paul used it to show that when we stray from the Lord's plan that we will suffer consquenses in the flesh, std's, emotional bonding issues, and children that you will have to be a father or mother to or abort, not that kids are bad, not all they are a blessing.

I've failed here as i wasnt a virgin when i married, but God forgives and cleanses and heals. I was raised that if had any child i better be a daddy to him or her, and the church does preach that. Least mine does.

jason

 

[Lewis]

One thing is for sure, when you inter a woman, you marry each other, without the ceremony. Reason because you 2 have become one flesh, you can marry many times in one day or a week, get the picture.

 

[JohnEboy1983]

It can be done you can forgive her, and when you do, don't you ever, never ever, never bring it up again, even if you get angry with her. Some people will hold on to it, and if you are one of those, go get a divorce lawyer now, because your marriage won't last, because you will always hold that over her head.

Advice doesnt get better than this quote right here on forgiveness. You hit the nail right on the head.

 

[jasoncran]

forgiveness is a must and that road can take a while.Pray to the Lord to heal this marriage

jason

 

[Timothy]

In the end no matter how hard it is for anyone to admit, forgiveness is a choice.

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:25

God wouldn't tell us to do it if it wasn't. That's not to say it's easy, it's not. But there really is a key to it. God didn't have to forgive us and die on the cross for us to pay for it. He was motivated out of love and choose to forgive us. If you put love on the right side of the Butt (sort to speak) it becomes our motivation to forgive. Don't ever kid yourself into thinking forgiveness is a feeling or something you just cannot give. That's a dangerous road you don't want to walk and it would mean your in for some tough lessons.

God is great, and He will not give you more then you can stand up under. He will provide you His grace for the this time, if you seek it. In the end, God, His love, His sacrifice, His decision to die for your sins becomes your motivation. You forgive because He forgave. Don't focus on the act of sin against you, focus on the right side of the cross, the side where you were forgiven. And remember because HE forgave you, you CAN forgive her. Focusing on the sin leads to, well, sin. What you aim your sights on, your focus, is where you'll tend to travel in your walk with God. If on the things worthy of praise, then into God's presence, if on the things so unworthy of mentioning in a dark room, then a dark lonely room.

It's your choice, I believe in you brother! I know you can do it! My prayers are with you, you are not alone!