how open can you be in discussing sexual desires w fiance?

[actsfourtwelve]

Simple question really,

What is the extent to which you can discuss sexual activity desires fantasy's with your wife or husband to be? I think it would be silly to think being prude about it is required, i mean this is obviously someone you intend to be intimate and completely open w physically, how much is too much as far as talking about it goes?

Thanks.

 

[Ramsey]

I think it really depends on the situation. Assuming you are waiting for marriage, I would say it might be better to wait till you are married, and comfortable with each other physically. You have your entire life to talk about that kind of thing. A little bit of talk about sex may not be too bad prior, but I would do it closer to your wedding day because too much talking about it may lead to a lot of temptation.

 

[Aaron the Tall]

I agree with Ramsey. I've been married 7 years - and I don't think talking in depth about our future sexual relationship would have served any purpose but to frustrate us. I don't think there's any purpose in planning if you can't act it out. Pre-marriage fantasy's are only that - fantasy. Talking about it now would only be theory. You will be better equipped to talk about it when it is reality. We were both virgins when we were married - and we have learned as we went. You have your whole married life together to explore this area. Keep the subject where God designed it.

 

[actsfourtwelve]

if the act of sex is reserved for marriage and sacred to it, which i belive it is, isnt it necessary and important for each of you to understand the extent of the others sexual attraction to you? maybe not in explicit terms, but I feel as though in some cases part of the foundation you are building includes the reassurance and comfort knowing that "I see how beautiful God made you, and it drives me crazy"

 

[Blazin Bones]

It is important to talk about your attraction to your spouse to be, that is a very assuring thing to many people, and a very loving thing. However there are many ways to talk about your attraction without naming off the parts you like.

In some regards it is very important to know where your spouse to be stands on some sexual issues, such as, annal or oral sex. However, again, these things can be discussed without having to talk about what it will be like and why you will enjoy it with your spouse to be.

 

[GodspromisesRyes]

Simple question really,

What is the extent to which you can discuss sexual activity desires fantasy's with your wife or husband to be? I think it would be silly to think being prude about it is required, i mean this is obviously someone you intend to be intimate and completely open w physically, how much is too much as far as talking about it goes?

Thanks.

i do not think it is something to talk about with a fiance. I also think it will be most helpful to cut out all fantasising and instead focus on the rest of the relationship and when the marriage happens, be thankful to have whatever and however it is because of your love for your spouse.

reality is NEVER the same as fantasy and fantasy can cause you ALOT of problems and really isnt of Christ and can be hard to stop. You can even become(when you begin to have sex) unable to enjoy being with your SPOUSE without having fantasy in your mind which really takes away from the unity between the two of you

 

[Dude named Louis]

I think it is important to discuss. Why wouldn't you want to discuss something like this with your fiance? It is a beautiful part of marriage and should not be viewed as taboo when in the context of a loving marriage.

 

[GodspromisesRyes]

i feel i should add that i agree that this is mostly a topic that is ok to have with a spouse but i dont think it is with a fiance. The reason being that while you are planning on marriage, you are not married yet and thinking of others this way, even your fiance with lust in any way is a sin and this kind of talk before marriage breeds it. I hope your marriage goes as planned, but often people are engaged and do not actually end up fulfilling the marriage part. many things can happen to break up a relationship during engagement before the marriage happens and these are things that are to be shared with only a spouse. but i also would still as i said before- discourage fantasing.

 

[heather]

It is important to talk about your attraction to your spouse to be, that is a very assuring thing to many people, and a very loving thing. However there are many ways to talk about your attraction without naming off the parts you like.

In some regards it is very important to know where your spouse to be stands on some sexual issues, such as, annal or oral sex. However, again, these things can be discussed without having to talk about what it will be like and why you will enjoy it with your spouse to be.

I agree with Timothy here. My husband and I discussed things that I knew he thought was ok, but I did not. His parents live an alternative lifestyle and do things sexually that are not ok for a christian couple. Those things were important to me to let him know would be OUT in our marriage, such as inviting another person/couple to join us in our marriage bed. These were things that coming from a non-christian background, he had never been taught were against the Will of God for a marriage. He is a christian now and was before we married, but not for long before we married. Also, he had been with another woman before we had started dating, and we had to discuss these things before I could marry him.

 

[handy]

To what purpose is the discussion?

If the purpose for the discussion is to stimulate desire and feed one's fantasies, well, that's not so good in a fiance relationship. There is already enough pressure not to jump the gun.

However, if the purpose of the discussion is to understand your future partner's needs and desires, and whether or not they are compatible with your own, now I think that's a pretty important discussion to have. As Heather pointed out, there are such a vast difference in attitudes about sexuality this day and age, it's not wise to keep each other in the dark as to what one's sexual expectations are going to be.

 

[Dude named Louis]

To what purpose is the discussion?

If the purpose for the discussion is to stimulate desire and feed one's fantasies, well, that's not so good in a fiance relationship. There is already enough pressure not to jump the gun.

However, if the purpose of the discussion is to understand your future partner's needs and desires, and whether or not they are compatible with your own, now I think that's a pretty important discussion to have. As Heather pointed out, there are such a vast difference in attitudes about sexuality this day and age, it's not wise to keep each other in the dark as to what one's sexual expectations are going to be.

Well said.