[__ Prayer __] I feel like God's bad example.

[Mathias]

I've lived a hard life. I don't smile as much as other Christians. I don't feel the need to fake it either. There was a point in my life when I was radiant of God's love, now I'm just hardened with life's torment. My dad committed suicide 4 years ago and it's been very hard on me. My sister has attempted suicide 4 times, and now I'm just sick of her trying to get attention. My mom and stepdad are awesome Christians. I haven't had a girlfriend since I've become Christian, what's up with that? My road to sexual purity has been bumpy. It seems like happiness comes naturally to everyone else, but I've been through some crap and see things as they are. I was saved by God in jail. Maybe God sees me as a lesser Christian and so he tests my faith more than other Christians to see if I bail out. I'm never going to, more like endure this life. That's all that life feels like, is endurance. Why am I constantly tested and tormented? Why won't Satan ever, ever leave me alone? Why doesn't God comfort me? Why do I question if I'm worthy of heaven if I've already given my life to Christ? Why do other Christians instantly think they're better than me, gain from my misfortune, and seek their own glory?

 

[WIP]

Take heart. Remember this life is but a drop in the ocean compared to the eternity of life with God. Consider the troubles that Paul lived through after his transformation. Perhaps it would be better to try and concentrate more on being content with life today rather than dwelling on the troubles of life that might have been. Seek Jesus and dwell on the peace and comfort that comes from Him.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matt 11:28-30 KJV

May God grant you His peace. Amen.

 

[Mathias]

Thank you for your comforting words and scripture. I've come to the assumption that such questioning, or any questioning that dishonors God is most likely the works of Satan. It is human nature to question things, but my faith has never been in question this badly. It has never crossed my mind to stop believing, but mainly what it takes to go to Heaven, and that I'm not Heaven-worthy. I've helped bring one of my best friend's to Christ, and pray for many others who don't know Him. But I know God's Kingdom isn't inherited by works alone. My friend told me the other day there are different "crowns" to be had in Heaven, is this true? Will there be a level of dissatisfaction I have to endure in Heaven if it turned out I had not done everything wished of me by God? If God wants so much from all of us, why aren't we all doing it? Why don't I know exactly what to do? If we all have a unique purpose in life, why are we all reading the same instructions for life? This is the questioning I'm talking about. Does this dishonor God because it questions my faith? Please help me, my waters have been clouded with these questions. For what reason I don't know, but I know it's a test.

 

[theLords]

I've lived a hard life. I don't smile as much as other Christians. I don't feel the need to fake it either. There was a point in my life when I was radiant of God's love, now I'm just hardened with life's torment. My dad committed suicide 4 years ago and it's been very hard on me. My sister has attempted suicide 4 times, and now I'm just sick of her trying to get attention. My mom and stepdad are awesome Christians. I haven't had a girlfriend since I've become Christian, what's up with that? My road to sexual purity has been bumpy. It seems like happiness comes naturally to everyone else, but I've been through some crap and see things as they are. I was saved by God in jail. Maybe God sees me as a lesser Christian and so he tests my faith more than other Christians to see if I bail out. I'm never going to, more like endure this life. That's all that life feels like, is endurance. Why am I constantly tested and tormented? Why won't Satan ever, ever leave me alone? Why doesn't God comfort me? Why do I question if I'm worthy of heaven if I've already given my life to Christ? Why do other Christians instantly think they're better than me, gain from my misfortune, and seek their own glory?

I'm sorry to read of your tragedy, bear with me I'd like to address it all:

"I've lived a hard life. I don't smile as much as other Christians. I don't feel the need to fake it either. There was a point in my life when I was radiant of God's love, now I'm just hardened with life's torment."

Have you ever heard the expression: sadness and happiness come and go, but the Joy of the Lord always remains. Joy is not so much an expression done through smiling, but more of an understanding of the heart. You can have the Joy of the Lord while being down-trodden. David sure did.

You said: "I haven't had a girlfriend since I've become Christian, what's up with that?"

You're in torment, brother. God can only provide you with your future wife once you are complete, healed, and rooted in His foundation. Providing you with a girlfriend now will only add to your problems.

My road to sexual purity has been bumpy.

Forgive and forget. If your "falls" in terms of sexual purity are enough for you to feel guilt and remorse, then your heart gives witness to a repented state of being. Once you can sin without feeling guilt, you have a serious red flag.

It seems like happiness comes naturally to everyone else, but I've been through some crap and see things as they are.

You've had it rough, and I'm sorry that you're hurting so bad, but it's not good to compare ourselves to others. It's all a matter of perspective but I know if you sat and thought about you'd realize not everything is as it appears. I had a best friend in HS who was worthy of being envied. She had such an awesome relationship with her mom and free life. After, she graduated I found out that she was bulimic and had to have surgery to repair the damage to the esophagus and had been kicked out of her home for a year. Our entire year of HS no one could have ever guessed the misery she was going through, she gave the appearance that she was perfectly happy.

Maybe God sees me as a lesser Christian and so he tests my faith more than other Christians to see if I bail out.

No, this is a lie that Satan is trying to get you to believe. In the eyes of God we are all equal. And I would say that you are in an advantage over Christians who grow up in Christian homes. The Bible says "He who is forgiven much, loveth much" (Luke 7:47 paraphrased). It's easier for those who understands the awfulness of their sin to see how awful it is, then it is for one born in a Christian home to recognize their sin (how can they, they have to be good!)

God only tests us for one reasons--to expose to us what is in our hearts. Sometimes we think we are not very strong, so God tests us to expose to us that we are indeed stronger than we think. Sometimes we think we are strong, but God's test proves to us that we are not so strong.

Think about the tests you've been through and determine what God wants to say to you through them. Once you've learned the lesson the testing will stop.

Why am I constantly tested and tormented? Why won't Satan ever, ever leave me alone?

If you're being tormented then there may be an open door the enemy is using to get in. What happens is when we are broken and in pain, we sometimes respond in sinful ways. Like sinful anger or bitterness. Having those things in our hearts allows the enemy a place to torment us. Ask the Lord to close all the doors that you may have unintentionally opened in your pain, and then ask Him to heal you so that the devil can never have access through the pain of the loss of your father through suicide again. God will certainly give you grace through the healing journey.

Why doesn't God comfort me?

This is a lie God does comfort His hurting children. There can be many reasons, perhaps He tries but you won't allow Him. In some areas of my heart, I am inconsolable. It's been a struggle. I would ask the same question "Why won't you comfort me" until He revealed to me that He was trying but I wasn't letting Him. Or it good be that He is comforting you but in your pain and darkness you can't see it. There can be many reasons you know know it, but He certainly wants to comfort you.

Why do I question if I'm worthy of heaven if I've already given my life to Christ?

I am going to reply because you have little to no self-esteem. You don't believe you have any worth so why would you be worthy of Heaven? None of us our worthy of the Lord's heaven. We all get in through the grace and love of God. Heal the way you see yourself and this issue may go away. (If your self worth is the root of the issue that is).

Why do other Christians instantly think they're better than me, gain from my misfortune, and seek their own glory?

Because they are broken, just like you are, and trying to make themselves feel better by hurting you. The abused abuse until someone breaks the cycle. That is why the Lord calls us to forgive and bless, to break the cycle.

 

[handy]

When reading your posts I was reminded of this:

View attachment 2105

It's a plant that is growing out of a solid rock.

In the parable of the seeds Jesus spoke of the seeds that were scattered amongst the rocks and birds came and took the seeds away.

Somehow, the seed to this plant wasn't lost. It not only grew, it bloomed. It didn't have the great soil, it wasn't lovingly tilled and watered. But, it grew.

I think of your story and how the gospel came to you "among the rocks" so to speak. You see everyone in the church and assume that they have it so easy...and yeah, some of them do have it pretty easy. And, they might be able to yield a great harvest for the master.

Or not.

Take for example those Christians who think they are better than you. Jesus spoke about this. He said:

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’

But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.†Luke 18:9-14

You know you're not heaven worthy, you do much better than a lot of people who think that they are so righteous, God's just gotta love them. You recognize that you're nothing of the sort, and in that you are far closer to heaven than many.

Why are some faced with such hardship in this life, when others seem to be so blessed?

I don't know, I truly don't. I think of my best friend whose 30 year marriage has been characterized by going from one crises to the next...now her husband is 55 years old, the family business is being sold and he'll be out of a job, they will have no house (sold with the business) and once all the bills and taxes are paid, they'll have very little to show for it and nothing to help them buy another house or tide them over until he gets a new job.

Yet, she's a lot like that plant growing out of the rock. She's not only grown, she's blossomed into a woman of strong, consistent faith.

God isn't dishonored by any question that is asked honestly of Him. When He walked this earth, He was constantly approached by those who were asking Him a myriad of things. Sometimes the answers He gave bore very little relation to the question, but that was because He was able to look deep into the heart and answer the real questions. Oh, He could be rough...especially with stuck up religious types and hypocrites. But, He turned no honest questioner away.

I have all faith that you will pass through this...test...period of depression and despair, whatever it is. You're not the first of God's children to do so and you won't be the last. But, God does know what you're going through, and has His purposes for you. Keep the faith, and He will bring you through it.

 

[Mathias]

Thank you both so much for your words of wisdom and understanding. I've really taken them to heart and want you to know I have been shown the issues in my heart that need healing. I've had peace overcome me since I woke up this morning and can feel God's presence again. You don't know how much it meant for you two to sit down, try to understand where I'm coming from, and help me resolve my issues. God spoke through you two about an issue I had not addressed, and that was that I've had a hard time trusting women, and it has skewed my view of them. I have had two girlfriends whom both cheated on me for another guy, and so I have deep, deep wounds from that, which need healing. So the responses coming from two obviously intelligent women with good heads on their shoulders was very refreshing. Thank you.

 

[Gazelle]

My apologies in advance if this post is too long for the site. It contains good basic information though, that can be referred to again and again.

(((Mathias)))) Part of your sadness is, I think, that you are still in mourning. Perhaps even depressed. We all mourn in different ways, some good some not. It sounds as though you are stuffing your feelings, and you sister is acting out on them. Please take her suicidal gestures as real, and not "just for attention" but as a cry for help. Maybe you both can go to counseling to work through your grief?

Your post have a lot of what is called "cognitive distortions" within it. At the end of the post I will give the 10 basic cognitive distortions, and what to do about them. Go over your thoughts and see how you can begin to feel better by stopping the negative thinking and changing to more positive?

God does not think of you as any lesser a person, and not a lesser Christian. We are, as believers, all on the same path. Someone who is in 9th grade is not a better student than a 3rd grader, just farther along the path. That's the way we are as Christians.

Please know that life won't always feel so bad. Tell your sister this too, if you can. That you are in a dark hole and God is there. It could be a physical symptom of depression that is keeping you from "sensing" His presence...but don't doubt in the dark what you knew to be true in the light. :heart

One way to feel better about yourself is to help others. Altruism increases what some call "self esteem."

Here are the basics on cognitive distortions, so you can identify them, and then a little bit of how to change it.

Here are the basic distortions. They aren't a "therapy" to use and then forget... but habits of thinking that we need to "check' ourselves on for "life." Following this is a list of how to "untwist" such thinking.

Good wishes!

1) ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

2) OVER-GENERALIZATION

3) MENTAL FILTER

4) DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE

5) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS:

6) MAGNIFICATION (CASTASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION

7) EMOTIONAL REASONING

8) SHOULD STATEMENTS

9) LABELING AND MISLABELING

10) PERSONALIZATION


Explanations:

1) You see things in black or white categories. If your effort or performance falls short of "perfect" you see yourself as a total failure. This "either-or" thinking habit may result in self-recrimination or anxiety.

2) You view a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. For example, you think that a friends' inconsiderate response means that there is no caring for you, even when there have been other examples of consideration.

3) You pick out single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your perception becomes distorted. For example, a person focuses on one negative comment and ignores any of more neutral or positive feedback.

4) You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or another. In this way, you maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences. For instance, you don't believe a compliment because you think it is said just to be nice.

5) You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts to support your conclusion.

a.) MIND READING You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and don't bother to check it out. "I just know he/she thought I was an idiot." even though he/she acted nicely.

b) THE FORTUNE TELLER ERROR: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel that, "I just know I am not going to get the job I want."

6) You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desireable qualities or the other person's imperfections.)

7) You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

8) You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "shouldn't" , as if you have to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also issues. The emotional result is feeling guilty.

9) This is an extreme example of over-generalization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."

10.) You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which in fact you were not primarily responsible.

*adapted from Burns


HOW TO UNTWIST YOUR THINKING:

This comes from Dr David Burns and is in his book "The Feeling Good Handbook, revised edition."

1 IDENTIFY THE DISTORTION
Write down your negative thoughts so you can see in which of the 10 cognitive distortions you're involved. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.

2 EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE
Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.

3 THE DOUBLE-STANDARD METHOD
Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same
compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.

4 THE EXPERIMENTAL TECHNIQUE
Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought. For example, if, during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you're about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or run up and down several flights of stairs. This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.

5 THINKING IN SHADES OF GRAY
Although this method might sound drab, the effects can be illuminating. Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, reevaluate things on a range from 0 to 100. When things don't work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete failure. See what you can learn from the situation.

6. THE SURVEY METHOD
Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.

7. DEFINE TERMS
When you label yourself "inferior" or "a fool" or "a loser," ask, "What is the definition of 'a fool'?" You will feel better when you see that there is no such thing as "a fool" or "a loser."

8. THE SEMANTIC METHOD
Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for "should statements." Instead of telling yourself "I shouldn't have made that mistake," you can say, "It would be better if I hadn't made that mistake."

9. RE-ATTRIBUTION
Instead of automatically assuming that you are "bad" and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.

10. COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS
List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like becoming angry when your plane is late,) a negative thought (like "No matter how hard I try, I always mess up, ") or a behavior pattern (like overeating and lying around in bed when you're depressed.) You can also use the Cost-Benefit Analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as, "I must always try to be perfect."

These methods are not something to be tried once or twice and dispensed, but are good skills to be ongoing in your life with day to day checking and adjusting. Good wishes!

 

[theLords]

Thank you both so much for your words of wisdom and understanding. I've really taken them to heart and want you to know I have been shown the issues in my heart that need healing. I've had peace overcome me since I woke up this morning and can feel God's presence again. You don't know how much it meant for you two to sit down, try to understand where I'm coming from, and help me resolve my issues. God spoke through you two about an issue I had not addressed, and that was that I've had a hard time trusting women, and it has skewed my view of them. I have had two girlfriends whom both cheated on me for another guy, and so I have deep, deep wounds from that, which need healing. So the responses coming from two obviously intelligent women with good heads on their shoulders was very refreshing. Thank you.

I'm so happy to read this! This has blessed my heart. I am happy to see that you have found the tools you need to enable you to heal and live your life to your fullest potential.

Now, the next time you feel down and out and Satan begins to send you whispers, remind yourself of what God did for you this day. Keep remembering the God's goodness ;)

God bless you, brother, Mathias!

 

[HisSheep]

Oh Man! You are just down, down, down.

I wish I knew you personally, and could get together with you and pray with you. Do you have a good church and a few folks there to become close with? Sometimes, just the intimate company and prayer of fellow Christian is more powerful than anything else... Online associations are good for intellectual fellowship, but spiritual fellowship is best had in person.

God has big arms to comfort and big ears to listen. Many a burden can be unloaded on Him!

I pray you have (or will have) a powerful prayer buddy to go before the Lord with.

-HisSheep

 

[Mathias]

Haha, I called WIP a woman on accident. I mean to say it was a blessing to have such great responses coming from an intelligent woman...and man, haha! God Bless.

-Matt

 

[Pizzaguy]

I dont' have time to read the whole thread OR to answer all of your post, but for now....

I've lived a hard life. I don't smile as much as other Christians. I don't feel the need to fake it either.

Boy, have I been THERE!

There was a point in my life when I was radiant of God's love, now I'm just hardened with life's torment.

Most of the last year, I've been so discouraged. I understand.

It seems like happiness comes naturally to everyone else, but I've been through some crap and see things as they are.

I, at one time, or at times, think like this. Not sure you and I REALLY see things as they are. Some people go thru life with rose-colored glasses, and some, like you and I, seem to go thru life with dark glasses on, so to speak. Perhaps the truth is in the middle?

Maybe God sees me as a lesser Christian and so he tests my faith more than other Christians to see if I bail out.

After 33 years with the Lord, I don't believe that.

Why do other Christians instantly think they're better than me, gain from my misfortune, and seek their own glory?

This one disturbs me. Just how are they gaining from your misfortune? I dont' think they are Christians at all.


Anyway, I very much understand your attitude. A smile does not come to my face easily on most days. I get tired of people pointing that out, too.

But remember, we all face bad stuff in life. One of my sons is paranoid schizophrenic and learning disabled as well. My brother is a skid-row bum (with a four year degree) in Michigan. I was very hurt by my former wife last year, she cost me dearly in finances and in my heart.

But I refuse to yield to all of that above. God is in control and He is still with me every day. Events of the last two months testify to that.

Eternity is the point - we are here for a very short time, but we will exist forever.



ANywya, Im tired. Good night all!

 

[Mathias]

Thanks for the replies, I'll see if I can find some time this weekend to respond with my full attention. I'll be out of town for my Sister's birthday so hopefully I'll have an hour or so available.

Pizzaguy, I generalized Christians and am referring to one of my "friends" who is naturally this way and it drives me crazy. For every smile I smile, he frowns, and for every frown I frown, he's glad of it.

 

[Pizzaguy]

I think you OVER generalized, I know there are people like that, but I don't think Christians in general are like that.


.... but someone should write a book with the title: "I feel like God's bad example" or "God's bad example" or similar. Terrific title.

 

[Mathias]

I have some great Christian friends and great Christian parents so I know how it feels to be treated in a Christian manner. So I can't stand it when one of my brothers in Christ wants to call me his best friend while he has never kept a promise to me, never kept a secret, gossips and slanders my name, awaits my failure, and is given respect with the price of my reputation. I pray to my God who is just that I will be rewarded in heaven if not on earth for not giving into these practices.

 

[Gazelle]

Of course we will be rewarded for following Christ and His principles and not the world's. But if we dwell on that fact, imo we will lose some of that reward.

Now, concerning your brother (in Christ?) can you discuss this with him? Can you share how your definition of Christianity differs from how he is acting? Perhaps he just doesn't know, or doesn't realize how he is behaving as it applies to the Christian life? If you find he really doesn't "get it" maybe he needs to be lead to Christ personally. Are you up to that task?

 

[Brokenhearted]

My mom and stepdad are awesome Christians. I haven't had a girlfriend since I've become Christian, what's up with that? My road to sexual purity has been bumpy. It seems like happiness comes naturally to everyone else, but I've been through some crap and see things as they are. I was saved by God in jail.

If you have a Mom and stepdad who are awesome Christians you have alot more than most. so many people get hung up on sex and having a girlfriend, all christian women should be your sisters, this sexualization of human relationships is a thing of the devil. One of the most common symbols of the devil's horde is the phallic symbol, sex is everything to them, they believe sex is love, but love has nothing to do with sex. Having a friend that loves you is more important than having a 'girlfriend'